What Was I Thinking...?

How am I feeling today...?

Scared to death.

Yep that's the long and the short of it... well technically it's not the long... that's the short of it... I'm about to get into the long of it.

So only three people know about what's about to happen... the first because he lives with me, the second because he told me about it in the first place and therefore has signed on to be a part of my support system to get through this, right Roo? :P... and the third my sister... because even though she can be judgemental at times she's still super supportive of me...

Roo and I were talking one night and he was telling me about this course he had signed up for and how he had to work on his homework and so forth... I told him how that was cool... and the conversation kind of went from there where he sent me a link to the place he had signed up at... lo and behold next thing I know I'm signing up for this Social Psychology course offered through Wesleyan University... looking through the other courses listed I find a 12 week long course through Duke University, Introductory Human Physiology... the psych one is a 6 week course...

I've been really excited at the prospect of taking these courses... especially the Physiology one because of all the time I've spent discussing the human body with Dr Awesome...who is a Physiologist... helpful.

So last night while I'm sitting here I get an email saying that the Physiology course is open over a week early...whoo!, right?... I was sitting here watching the welcome lectures and started getting probably more nervous then scared...but still a scary prospect trying to go back  to some sort of schooling so late in the game...yep...I'm old.

The Man is very supportive ... of course... he's my Rory :)
He's even looking into a couple courses he might be interested in for the end of summer.

So yeah a bit nervous... ok... a lot nervous...

I don't like failing anything...

Kinda how I'm feeling about this venture

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow...Oh Yeah I Went There.

I've been thinking about and putting this post off for weeks now...

I've had the opinion of if I don't talk about it then maybe just maybe it won't affect me...I only fool myself for so long when I do that... and then it'll finally get to the point where I can't sleep and my depression will start to take over again... and it has started to... I've not wanted to go anywhere or really socialize with people... and generally when I start sliding down the slope of depression everything just seems to snowball... right now it's this and money that started it...and it just makes me think about all sorts of things that I should just forget about completely...


I've sort of gotten to the point where I just want to say Fuck San Francisco.
I've been there it's beautiful it smells like the ocean that I've always wanted to see and has the weather that I tend to like, and runs on the natural rhythms of  my inner clock... so you would think that would make me love San Fran... but nope.

Burton is leaving. She and The Nerd are moving. They're moving to California...now I already have mixed emotions to start with for California but now...

Anyway...

They're moving to Palo Alto (just south of San Fran), from what I've gathered from her she's excited and yet really sad that she is having to move to the other side of another country (yeah...see what I did there Bing...)
I am really really sad that she's moving. I feel as though that once she moves I'll never see her again.

I know that she says she'll be back for visits and that but... I know what tends to happen in those sorts of circumstances. Especially people who have lots of friends like she does. I know because it happened with Squasha.

They come home to visit...they're tired from the time zone jumping....then family gets first visits (as they should)...then they try to make the rounds of taking care of any business that needs to be done while home...and then they make the rounds of those they have time to see who can work around their schedules...

The last 3 maybe 4 times that Squasha has made his way back here I've not seen him unfortunately... I've gotten used to it now, but I do miss him. Even the really quick visits of getting to talk with him in a bar over a couple of drinks.

Burton has a huge social circle... actually no... she has a lot of small social circles that have a lot of friends in them... which to me is awesome... I don't have that never known how she manages to keep up with all of us to tell you the truth... I do get a bit envious at times because I"d like to know how she does it... but anyway...

So I get really sad at times when I think of her leaving...

They leave I believe it's October now... as in just a few months away... which I suppose is good... don't draw it out... but kind of bad...it's really soon...

And of course in that time there will be at least one or two trips back to Cali to find themselves an apartment and getting settled with things there...

I just feel like I'll be doing with her over the next few months what I did with Bing for that few weeks last year...

Ya got two people who love each other who have to say good bye to each other... (obviously not exactly the same but you know...)

I can sit and hope that she'll hate it out there... but to tell you the truth... I really think she's going to love it.

So to me this is saying good bye to another person who is really dear to me... but all I can hope is that it turns out for her like it has with the others...

Squasha is happy, has a wife and a beautiful son and lives in Europe and still gets to play hockey ;)
Bing is happy with April and their combined kids, living in the beautiful desert.

All I can hope is that Burton and The Nerd love it in Cali together (since I already know how much The Nerd loves it out there) and that maybe...just maybe... after I find my way out of this hole that I'm in I can go and visit.

Hopefully by then the airport won't give me mind numbing anxiety/panic attacks any more.

I really heart my derby wife... and I really don't want her to go... :(

Bloody Hell...

I fucking hate money.

Yeah it's me again complaining about money...

Just got the forms in the mail saying "Hi this is your friendly neighbourhood overlords...err...government... it's time for you to renew your plates and your licence...aaaaaand if you act now (before Sept 1st) you'll get it at  this rate rather then the ass raping rate it'll be after that date...kthxbi!"

So here I sit at the moment trying to figure out how I can come up with $239 before September 1st...and still go to Red Spiral in August...and be able to feed everyone in the household...and still pay for derby...

*sighs*

We seriously need to get the fuck out of this house... these bills are eating us alive...no one's bills are as high as mine...no ones. Just looks like we're never getting out...mainly...because of money. *sigh*

And it's not just the bills... it's the wet stinky unusable basement...the mice that keep coming back every year because of the whole in the foundation... strange moth type bugs that don't ever seem to go away no matter how many times I clean the cupboards...not to mention the uncontrollable yard...

fuck life man... fuck it right in it's face...

Looks like I'm seriously fucked at the moment.

but hey...look!...it's me from happier days...
Oh ComicCon...I miss you.

Some Pics...Some Excuses...

I've been sitting here thinking that I really need to get to that post about Ottawa Comic Con and meanwhile other things have come and gone...such as Niagara Falls Comic Con, which of course also means Roo's visit, a couple of derby bouts, how I'm feeling about shit that's been going on, how I don't know how long I'll actually stay in derby, knitting as a stabilizer and the fact that today I feel like a bag of smashed assholes...

So until I can actually get enough battery power and enough patience and wherewithal to post again...

Wil Wheaton (and Anne Wheaton) - Ottawa ComicCon

Be prepared for lots of pics and possibly a bit of squee'ing... I haven't squee'd in a long time... However... meeting and talking with Wil Wheaton... you know I squee'd afterward... I immediately called Burton after my meeting with him and she couldn't understand half of what I was saying because I was squee'ing in her ear so much...thankfully when excited I tend to go on repeating myself so she got the jist of what the fuck I was talking about... don't think she's ever seen/heard me so enthusiastic about something before...

I'm going to tell this story with pics... (hence the warning...lol)

This is a Minecraft Creeper that I knitted, he's wearing a  Heart  TT shirt, which just shows  how much I was fangirling about meeting him months beforehand.

On Saturday, after already getting a photo done with Wil and Felicia  on Friday (where we asked if the lovely, funny, witty and beautiful Anne Wheaton would join us in our photo op - she did! I heart her tons too.) I stood in line to see if Wil and Anne would be willing to autograph the picture. 

I was very excited to be there.

This is Thor-girl, who the day before on Friday was  Dovahkiin -girl, she was right behind us in line, so we got to know her pretty well (The Man has pics of her in both costumes, didn't see her on Sunday so don't know if she had a third costume) She didn't mind my fan-girling because she was doing it as well.

I step up and Wil had just told the girl who was over saying hi to Felicia to give her a hard time about the fact that she wasn't going to be at Fanexpo this year. So I waited patiently and then just smiled and said Hi.

In my pocket was three D20's that we brought to give to him  and I was going to give those to him first... but then he saw what was tucked under my arm. And said...

Wil: Is that a Creeper plushie?? Me: Oh, um Yeah. 

Wil: Ooo Can I see it? Me: Well actually I knitted it for you...

Wil: *gasps* It's for me? Me: Yeah *laughs* Wil: Like to keep forever?? (I love just how animated Wil gets when people have stuff for him, or when they tell him how much they love *insert his stuffs here* - he's like a kid on christmas morning)

Wil: oh my god....squish squish (as he starts squishing the creepers head and body) lmao

More squishy noises and laughing amongst us all...lol

Wil tsss'ing the creeper toward Anne (whose face is priceless at this point)

Wil takes a look at the Creeper and yes *hangs head* pulls a dog hair from it and proceeds to ask if we have a dog...colour me a little embarrassed about that, until he shrugged and said that he knows how it is...lol

Wil: Wait...does that say I heart TableTop? Me: Yeah, we love Table Top at our house, we watch them all together and have purchased games for our house solely based on how much fun they looked on Table Top and haven't been disappointed.

Think it was here that he teared up and then just went back to squishing Creeper.

More squishing and a bit of gushing...

there was a it of a pattern after that.. As I watched him look the creeper over and give him squishes while commenting about how awesome it is

Talking to him about Table Top some more...

Talking about knitting the Creeper, believe he had asked how long it took me

A few weeks, here and there...was my response...

Wil: I'm going to Tweet this right now.

Wil: Gah! Creeper going on Twitter :)

Takes picture....

Wil: What's your name on twitter? Me: *blank stare as all knowledge of Twitter is sucked from my head* I couldn't remember my twitter handle at all...At this point The Man stops taking pictures and comes over to try to help out.

This is the tweet that Wil posted. I squee'd in Burton's ear and told her how my phone was being a dick and how my service sucked so she assured me she would get the picture that he took off twitter and send it to me... She did. Later on I went scrolling back through all his tweets to get this screen capture of it. I love how when Burton texted me the picture she excitedly exclaimed "I can see your hair!!" Man we're geeks...but that's ok because we're awesome geeks.

I said something about how I thought my twitter handle was my derby name Raenbow Slash, to which Wil responded with 'You play roller derby? You are becoming more awesome by the minute!! we have a friend who does inner track reffing down in LA.'

 So while Wil was tweeting the pic I took the moment to turn to Anne and let her know that I had a personal thank you to give her from Burton... So I said  The girl you sent the Trader Joe's Cookie Butter spread is my best friend and wanted me to say thank you once again that totally made her year. She laughed and was surprised and then proceeded to tell the handler who was with them the story of how Burton ended up with the Trader Joe's spread. 

So Wil over heard that and said "Oh no way? really?"
Me "Yep there was no living with her for awhile, for when her husband and I were talking with her one evening and her phone went off saying she had a message. She looked at the two of us and said 'Oh please talk amongst yourselves my new BFF ANNE WHEATON!! just emailed me' so her hubs and I just laughed and said that we didn't rate anymore"

Everyone laughed... and Anne said to tell Burton that she was more then welcome and she was glad that she enjoyed it.
Which of course in my brain I'm totally freaking out because you know Anne just said her name, and completely remembered the whole situation that I was talking about.

I handed over our picture to be signed and while Wil was signing it Anne saw my blue nails and we sort of went girlie for a moment as she did "Oo Look!" and wiggled her fingers at me and said "Blue nails for the win!"

I'll have to tell more about the pic when I do the other post talking about the Con in general. And Yes I'm making the weirdest face in this picture ever. But whatevs... I'm hugging Wil Wheaton!! 

After Wil signed I asked if it would be alright if Anne signed the picture also, to which she said of course, I sheepishly looked over at the handler and said 'sorry didn't pay for that one' Anne shrugged and said 'bah it all goes to the same house' and Wil said 'don't worry about it'

So while Anne signed our picture I said to Wil "Well now this doesn't seem as exciting but I brought you some dice to add to your collection ." as I pulled the dice out of my pocket and grinned and said 'of course it is, and here you go I'll let you put those right into the dice bag' he moved it over so I could put the three D20's in a black cloth bag that had embroidered on it Wil Wheaton's Dice Bag (lol) 

After that I thanked them both for being there and I was really really glad that Anne came with him to Ottawa because she is just as awesome and as cool as she seems on Table Top and as awesome and as cool as Wil says she is.

And yep I totally geeked out a bit after getting a tweet back from Anne! The link in my tweet is to the pic of all of us above.

As we walked away from the autograph table The Man overheard the next guy behind us say "Well I have something for you too but I don't think I can top that" to which Wil responded with "Nothing can."

Yep... my year was made... best Mother's Day present ever...