Happy Fathers Day...??

So...

We were supposed to be going out to Marineland today... *sighs*

I had a tough night last night... couldn't sleep...and I ended up with a stomach ache...

So now my family is off at Marineland while I'm here at the house burping up sulphur...

...

So I guess this summer solstice will be spent at home... in bed trying to get my stomach to calm back down again...

*sighs*

I'm tired of not feeling well when we have big plans...

I need to get rid of some of the stress that sits in the pit of my stomach like a hot rock...

enh... I need a nap...

I haz a sad...

So...

I put my baby on a bus this morning... a bunch of strangers took him away... put him on an airplane... and flew him to the other side of the country...

*sighs*

The manchild is in Nova Scotia... it's at the Tim Horton's camp in Tatamagouche...

I know this is a great opprotunity for him... I know that ... I really do...

I was really good today and stayed as strong as I could... I did cry a bit after coming back to mom's house... took a nap as well... the others have been trying to keep me distracted ... we've been watching movies all day... one of them we actually went to the show to watch...

Night at the Museum here at the house - Night at the Museum 2 at the theatre - Bride Wars here at the house... that's so far... I think we have a few more as well that the others picked out...

I'm barely paying attention... my stomach is in knots... and my brain is just a bit off..

all sorts of shite on my mind lately... plus California on my mind... and now the manchild being so far away... yeah needless to say I haven't been a barrel of laughs...

I've obviously been sad... considering the three days of rain we've had... you know because I'm not sad when it rains... it rains because I'm sad... *grins*

so yeah... I haz a few sadz...

dunno

Wow so apparently it's been April since my last post.

Don't think I'll be doing the dreads... not because I don't want to but because I don't think I'm going to be able to afford too... odd sounding I know but...

So a metric tonne of shit has happened since my last post and of course you know me I'm not even sure were to start...

The kittens have gotten huge and demanding... the kids are older and bigger...

We have a friend who is coming to visit us this summer which I'm absolutely excited about...

But through all the good there is a bit of sad...

if you miss someone do you make the effort to send them a note and tell them such or should you just wait until the next time you see them...I've always been of the opinion that if you miss someone or just wish to say hi you should drop them a quick note telling them that...

It's me again...

Dreadlocks...

Yes that's right I said dreadlocks... I've decided that I'm going to stop wanting to do it and just do it... so... this summer I'll be getting my dreadlocks.

I know how odd am I to suddenly after months of nothing I come back and not with an update but more of an announcement...

updates... well there's too many to actually list them... so I'll go over the high lights...
had no net... it sucked...
got net back... not so much suckage anymore...

What I really have on my mind at the moment is... I've made a new friend... is it weird to be 30 yrs old and really excited about new friends... if it is oh well... I'm so used to the Bug coming home and telling me about his friends and seeing how excited he is when he makes a new friend and wants to tell me everything... all the info he's recon'd about the kid...

that's how I feel...

I'm at that point where I want to share all the cool things we have in common and how we can talk for hours and how we're so a like in so many ways it's really odd... *laughs*
It's been quite the uplifting feeling... especially with all the shit and tension I have with some of the friends that I do have on line at the moment... it's nice to start over with someone that doesn't have any idea about any of the shit that's gone on with any of the others... and it's even better that he doesn't know any of the other people that I talk too... so it really is a new start...
Not that I'm going to completely drop the friends that I have... I've not done that... not my style... it's just turned into a strange strained rapport... and I don't feel myself...

I got some news from a friend of mine that I should be uber happy about... but I'm not. I'm not hating the news... it's just the eventual change that comes with it well... I'm not sure if it'll be a good one. The last thing I want is for him to be hurt again... but... enh... we'll see. Let's just say I'm preparing for the worsts that could come...

I hate losing friends... just because I may not talk to them anymore doesn't mean that I don't wonder about them and how they are and hope that they're happy... I dislike having to push friends away as well... the disconnection hurts... but when you wake up and find that they are a negative influence, or a back stabber or any other of many things that they can be.... you realize that they need to be exorcised from your life or they're going to take you down... you remember all the good memories you had with them and wonder if they out weigh the bad...

it's a thin line you walk with friends... people don't realize how just one off handed comment could seriously hurt another... maybe something is said in jest but feels like a knife to the other person... we don't get rid of them if it happens once or twice in a blue moon... because we realize that they didn't mean it how you took it... it's the 'friends' we have that are constantly making you wonder why you're friends with them that need to be pushed away... if every time you have a conversation with someone they hurt your feelings and you keep pushing it off that they didn't mean... maybe...just maybe... they do mean it and you need to walk away...

it's not too often in life when you talk to someone and connect so completely with them... usually there's the times of testing the waters and the nervousness and the uncertainty... it's always a rare find when you meet someone and just totally fall into a comfort zone with them...

so yeah... no net sucked... but... it wasn't the worst thing in the world...

Trust In Me... And I'll Trust In You...

Trust is a concept that many people talk about. Wiccan Pagans invoke the mantra of 'perfect love and perfect trust' as an example of what the relationship of coven members or of fellow Pagans should embody. Pagans are also sometimes disappointed or even terribly hurt when their own 'trust' in this belief is betrayed by someone. Many well-intentioned Pagans start up a web site, an e-zine, a community project, a coven or a campaign only to be disappointed when other Pagans do not immediately flock to support it. They are puzzled by the seeming lack of response and may even become bitter about what they perceive as a deficit of caring concern or involvement on the part of the community.
At some deeper level, they may even feel that people are perhaps more than a little jaded and unwilling to trust them. Trust does not happen 'at first sight'. Trust takes time to develop and trust does have its boundaries.

Trust comes with time. And both the amount of time that it will take to build trust and how closely that one will ultimately be trusted will vary from individual to individual and from situation to situation. If various promises of being the 'ultimate web site for Pagan whatever' has time and time again not lived up to the promises, then the newest-and-latest promise of being the 'ultimate web site for Pagan whatever' will probably not be unconditionally accepted in the first five minutes of inception either. However, if over time the web site DOES continue to produce what it has promised to produce, trust will build. And the same thing holds true for other Pagan causes, projects, individuals and groups
Trust is built through observation. One cannot insist, assume or demand that others trust him/her. In order to build trust, one must demonstrate that one is indeed trustworthy. This means showing up when one says one will show up. It means doing what one promised to do. It means understanding the boundaries of another person's 'comfort zone' and honouring the right for any individual to come around (or not to come around) in his/her own way and time.

Building trust also requires a good amount of consistency. Everyone has bad days. Everyone -no matter how committed to a principle or a cause-has times when they just don't want to show up or do something. Most trustworthy people will do it anyway because 'a promise is a promise' and even if they have not 'officially' promised anyone else or their Gods to do a thing, they have made a promise to themselves. It is called commitment. Trustworthy people take commitments seriously. Not that Nature does not have a built-in tolerance for the occasional 'Oh, I overslept' moment.

And that brings us to the most difficult aspect of trust: Sometimes one just has to take a chance and trust oneself. When no information is available from which to draw a conclusion about a person, organization or plan of action, one simply must rely on one's own experience, judgment and/or intuition. If you have generally been right about reading people or have been successful in choosing which actions to perform in past situations, you can probably trust yourself to do the right here as well. And if that little nagging voice inside of you says "Uh-uh!" don't let your head-or anyone elses head- talk you into ignoring the inner-warning-system. There IS something that you have picked on-even if you can't explain it or prove it or put your finger on it-that is trying to tell you, "Not yet. Not now." Learning to trust yourself comes from experience, too-- and most of us have at one time or another mind-talked over that 'little voice' only to find out later that 'uh-uh' really meant 'run like that monster that you always knew lived under bed was nipping at your heels'! Yep! Put another notch in your trusty life-experience belt for that one.

Anyone-whether young or old, experienced or new, solitary or coven mate, naive or jaded, skittish or brave- can begin to build a new Circle of Trust. Show up. Be consistent. Honour another persons boundaries. Walk your talk. Be trustworthy. Do what you say that are going to do even if you don't always feel like doing it. Build a Circle of Trust in your area. It's simple really. Just start with yourself.