Trust In Me... And I'll Trust In You...

Trust is a concept that many people talk about. Wiccan Pagans invoke the mantra of 'perfect love and perfect trust' as an example of what the relationship of coven members or of fellow Pagans should embody. Pagans are also sometimes disappointed or even terribly hurt when their own 'trust' in this belief is betrayed by someone. Many well-intentioned Pagans start up a web site, an e-zine, a community project, a coven or a campaign only to be disappointed when other Pagans do not immediately flock to support it. They are puzzled by the seeming lack of response and may even become bitter about what they perceive as a deficit of caring concern or involvement on the part of the community.
At some deeper level, they may even feel that people are perhaps more than a little jaded and unwilling to trust them. Trust does not happen 'at first sight'. Trust takes time to develop and trust does have its boundaries.

Trust comes with time. And both the amount of time that it will take to build trust and how closely that one will ultimately be trusted will vary from individual to individual and from situation to situation. If various promises of being the 'ultimate web site for Pagan whatever' has time and time again not lived up to the promises, then the newest-and-latest promise of being the 'ultimate web site for Pagan whatever' will probably not be unconditionally accepted in the first five minutes of inception either. However, if over time the web site DOES continue to produce what it has promised to produce, trust will build. And the same thing holds true for other Pagan causes, projects, individuals and groups
Trust is built through observation. One cannot insist, assume or demand that others trust him/her. In order to build trust, one must demonstrate that one is indeed trustworthy. This means showing up when one says one will show up. It means doing what one promised to do. It means understanding the boundaries of another person's 'comfort zone' and honouring the right for any individual to come around (or not to come around) in his/her own way and time.

Building trust also requires a good amount of consistency. Everyone has bad days. Everyone -no matter how committed to a principle or a cause-has times when they just don't want to show up or do something. Most trustworthy people will do it anyway because 'a promise is a promise' and even if they have not 'officially' promised anyone else or their Gods to do a thing, they have made a promise to themselves. It is called commitment. Trustworthy people take commitments seriously. Not that Nature does not have a built-in tolerance for the occasional 'Oh, I overslept' moment.

And that brings us to the most difficult aspect of trust: Sometimes one just has to take a chance and trust oneself. When no information is available from which to draw a conclusion about a person, organization or plan of action, one simply must rely on one's own experience, judgment and/or intuition. If you have generally been right about reading people or have been successful in choosing which actions to perform in past situations, you can probably trust yourself to do the right here as well. And if that little nagging voice inside of you says "Uh-uh!" don't let your head-or anyone elses head- talk you into ignoring the inner-warning-system. There IS something that you have picked on-even if you can't explain it or prove it or put your finger on it-that is trying to tell you, "Not yet. Not now." Learning to trust yourself comes from experience, too-- and most of us have at one time or another mind-talked over that 'little voice' only to find out later that 'uh-uh' really meant 'run like that monster that you always knew lived under bed was nipping at your heels'! Yep! Put another notch in your trusty life-experience belt for that one.

Anyone-whether young or old, experienced or new, solitary or coven mate, naive or jaded, skittish or brave- can begin to build a new Circle of Trust. Show up. Be consistent. Honour another persons boundaries. Walk your talk. Be trustworthy. Do what you say that are going to do even if you don't always feel like doing it. Build a Circle of Trust in your area. It's simple really. Just start with yourself.