As I sit here typing up this blogpost I'm watching one of my favourite men in the movie industry... He reminds me of a friend of mine... He is an extremely intelligent and down to earth guy... I've been watching some of the lectures/questions and answer times that he does around the countries and conventions... he's smart, funny, fluffy, and just cool and man I love his hands... it's no wonder that I heart Kevin Smith... and I wish I could talk more with my friend that in almost every way is like Kevin Smith...
So I sat down the other night and was thinking about the upcoming fall... it seems that I'm going to be quite a busy busy girl this autumn...
Lions will be going back into full swing as of next week... DCN meetings will be back in swing in a couple of weeks after the Suicide Awareness Walk... I'll be going to the college a couple of courses... The three of us will be leaving everyday at the same time, we'll be walking the youngest to school, then the man and I will be catching the bus, where I'll be getting off of the bus at the mall and going to the gym, the man will be heading to work... I'll be buckling down on packing up the apartment... I'll be setting up a new scouting group in the area... Plus dealing with all the medical stuff... So I really hope that I can get away from this chair that's flattening and fattening my ass...
The internet is the devil... messenger services... email... online games... networking sites... blogs...
What's funny is the fact that since I'm not even remotely Christian I don't even believe in the devil... so that's really just for you guys that are...
I have been online since 1998... that was the year that I took my student loans and bought myself a computer... December 2006 I bought my second computer... (yeah the old one had a few upgrades during the 8 years) ... I think it's time that my presence online diminished a bit... I'll still post here for those who do want to know whats going on with me... those who wish to spy on me... and for those who are bored... I'll still be a staffer on the MU* that I'm on... albeit my time there will not be as much and as pronounced... so I'm glad we got a couple new plot masters this evening...
So yes my naughty little donkeys as of Tuesday life in my house will be getting busier and in better shape... and the only ones who will suffer will be the ones that don't talk to me that often anyway... so I guess they wouldn't be suffering at all... a few may even rejoice that I am not around.
Comedic Quote for today comes from Jimmy Carr:
"When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend, and I used to think he went everywhere with me, that I could talk to him and he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up and I stopped going to church."
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
And How Was Your Friday?!
I get a call yesterday from the oldest's dad... "Have you heard from him?" to which I reply .."Um no..." he's calling from his cell phone on the bus and I can hear him mutter before he says "I'm gonna fucking kill him. He's not at home, I just got off the phone with your mother, he wasn't there when she went to pick him up."
Well that was like a splash of cold water... "So what are you telling me? You don't know where our son is?!"
Here I sat at my tiny apartment another city away with no car finding out that it's possible that no one has seen my son for at least 3 hours.
There was a system we had set up all summer. If his dad had to work he would check in with my mom at just after 1pm. But the night before he had slept at his friends house, he was supposed to call me before noon, be home by 4pm when my mom was picking him up to come.
Well I thought nothing of him not calling because sometimes he just forgets that, but I never for a million years would think that he would not be at home for when my mom got there to pick him up. He knows better then that.
So the ex tells me he'll call me back as soon as he gets home and sees if he's somewhere in their housing complex at a friends house.
Well while he's doing that.. I make my own phone call to calm my nerves...
So I'm on the phone with my friend, when he calls back... He's at home and checked around and went to the friends house. Seems the manchild left at 2pm with another of his friends... ok but now it's about 5:30pm or so.
So my mom and my ex start scouring the countryside... parks, hangouts, driving up and down the roads... he'll call me back when he finds out anything...
Thank the gods for call waiting... I go back to my friend who is getting constant updates... and here I sit... in my tiny apartment with no car... useless.
It goes back and forth between my friend and my ex... for... hours!
I text my sister - You still at the carnival? - They still can't find him. - She calls me. Friend holds... again.
Now I remember what it was like doing the telemarketing job. Sis thinks of a couple of places to check. I hang up with her, and grab my cell phone to call mom and suggest a couple of places to her to look and I get... the voice.
'We've got him. I'm bringing him there.'
She used that voice, the mother voice that no matter how old you are you feel about 3 inches tall and 10 years old. I just said ok and hung up.
That was at 8 something pm. That they had finally found him. He was three doors down at a friend of his friends, in the basement playing video games.
The ex by this point was so angry he wanted to ... and I quote "I want to smash your face into this wall so bad right now!" ... yep he said that too him.
So I went outside and was waiting on the stairs... still on the phone with the friend... the ex calls me and tells me all that happened and that mom was on her way with him.
Go back to friend after telling the ex to go have a stiff drink and relax now. And start to tell her what the ex just said and the phone beeps it's my mom. So I go back to the friend after talking to mom for a second. And let her know that I have to go as mom is literally pulling into my driveway.
So after hugging my mom, I grab him and hug him tight. I told him that I love him and let him know that we'll talk tomorrow (today), since he got a dose of his dad and grandma already I figured I'd let things cool down a bit before talking to him. He'd be more receptive that way.
Went over and said thanks to my mom and gave her a hug.
So after a little while and a phone for some take away, I grab the oldest and decide we're going for a walk to the store... on the way I got him talking... asking him about what my mom and his dad said to him. He shrugged and said "To not do it again." so yeah I need to talk to him still and make him understand why.
All he remembered of his dad saying was the quote above... yeah that's not helpful. He says that he understood what grandma was saying but that he didn't remember too much of it. She tends to cry a bit when shit like this happens. But I do recall her telling me she wanted to beat his ass as well, so wouldn't be surprised if that was in there.
So I think I'll give it a go a bit later.
I thank the gods every time I have to sit and talk with the kids about their actions and the consequences of them...
However, the ex had said that maybe if he's going to be like this, after I move maybe the oldest should come and live with me. Thats not exactly how I wanted that to happen but...
Well that was like a splash of cold water... "So what are you telling me? You don't know where our son is?!"
Here I sat at my tiny apartment another city away with no car finding out that it's possible that no one has seen my son for at least 3 hours.
There was a system we had set up all summer. If his dad had to work he would check in with my mom at just after 1pm. But the night before he had slept at his friends house, he was supposed to call me before noon, be home by 4pm when my mom was picking him up to come.
Well I thought nothing of him not calling because sometimes he just forgets that, but I never for a million years would think that he would not be at home for when my mom got there to pick him up. He knows better then that.
So the ex tells me he'll call me back as soon as he gets home and sees if he's somewhere in their housing complex at a friends house.
Well while he's doing that.. I make my own phone call to calm my nerves...
So I'm on the phone with my friend, when he calls back... He's at home and checked around and went to the friends house. Seems the manchild left at 2pm with another of his friends... ok but now it's about 5:30pm or so.
So my mom and my ex start scouring the countryside... parks, hangouts, driving up and down the roads... he'll call me back when he finds out anything...
Thank the gods for call waiting... I go back to my friend who is getting constant updates... and here I sit... in my tiny apartment with no car... useless.
It goes back and forth between my friend and my ex... for... hours!
I text my sister - You still at the carnival? - They still can't find him. - She calls me. Friend holds... again.
Now I remember what it was like doing the telemarketing job. Sis thinks of a couple of places to check. I hang up with her, and grab my cell phone to call mom and suggest a couple of places to her to look and I get... the voice.
'We've got him. I'm bringing him there.'
She used that voice, the mother voice that no matter how old you are you feel about 3 inches tall and 10 years old. I just said ok and hung up.
That was at 8 something pm. That they had finally found him. He was three doors down at a friend of his friends, in the basement playing video games.
The ex by this point was so angry he wanted to ... and I quote "I want to smash your face into this wall so bad right now!" ... yep he said that too him.
So I went outside and was waiting on the stairs... still on the phone with the friend... the ex calls me and tells me all that happened and that mom was on her way with him.
Go back to friend after telling the ex to go have a stiff drink and relax now. And start to tell her what the ex just said and the phone beeps it's my mom. So I go back to the friend after talking to mom for a second. And let her know that I have to go as mom is literally pulling into my driveway.
So after hugging my mom, I grab him and hug him tight. I told him that I love him and let him know that we'll talk tomorrow (today), since he got a dose of his dad and grandma already I figured I'd let things cool down a bit before talking to him. He'd be more receptive that way.
Went over and said thanks to my mom and gave her a hug.
So after a little while and a phone for some take away, I grab the oldest and decide we're going for a walk to the store... on the way I got him talking... asking him about what my mom and his dad said to him. He shrugged and said "To not do it again." so yeah I need to talk to him still and make him understand why.
All he remembered of his dad saying was the quote above... yeah that's not helpful. He says that he understood what grandma was saying but that he didn't remember too much of it. She tends to cry a bit when shit like this happens. But I do recall her telling me she wanted to beat his ass as well, so wouldn't be surprised if that was in there.
So I think I'll give it a go a bit later.
I thank the gods every time I have to sit and talk with the kids about their actions and the consequences of them...
However, the ex had said that maybe if he's going to be like this, after I move maybe the oldest should come and live with me. Thats not exactly how I wanted that to happen but...
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Hard Gay- Papa Hooo!
Ok so I was up until about 7 or 8 this morning talking with a friend of mine on skype... we had a ball!
I was introduced to Hard Gay... the funniest clip of his would be the one that highlights his name there...
The two of us would sync up our youtube so that we were watching at the exact same time ... I had to take breaks between the clips because I couldn't breathe from laughing so much...
It was nice to wake up and have sore cheeks and stomach from laughing so hard... I've not done that with anyone in a really long time... told my friend that not many get to see me laugh that hard as it's not that easy to do anymore... I'm glad we had so much fun just talking and exchanging links from different sites...
They've done this with me before not the hard gay links that was new, but staying up with me keeping me company or cheering me up... especially before the HSG and my doctors appointment where we got the results... I get all nervous and worked up... it's good to have friends that are willing to sacrifice some sleep to make you feel better... From the bottom of my heart... Thank You. ; )
The 30th is a second new moon in this month... it will serve to be an interesting time for ritual... and boy oh boy do I have one planned... *grins*
I had a great albeit long weekend... I'm thankful that soccer is over... it was fun coaching and I'd do it again but I don't think the littlest wants to do soccer again... the made out pretty well... everyone at that age gets trophies but overall they had 6 wins and 7 losses... the older one isn't finished until playoffs on Sept 6th... but I just get to be mom and watch that one.
Had a good time at a bbq at moms house after all the soccer stuff...
hmm other then that nothing of importance to note ...
I was introduced to Hard Gay... the funniest clip of his would be the one that highlights his name there...
The two of us would sync up our youtube so that we were watching at the exact same time ... I had to take breaks between the clips because I couldn't breathe from laughing so much...
It was nice to wake up and have sore cheeks and stomach from laughing so hard... I've not done that with anyone in a really long time... told my friend that not many get to see me laugh that hard as it's not that easy to do anymore... I'm glad we had so much fun just talking and exchanging links from different sites...
They've done this with me before not the hard gay links that was new, but staying up with me keeping me company or cheering me up... especially before the HSG and my doctors appointment where we got the results... I get all nervous and worked up... it's good to have friends that are willing to sacrifice some sleep to make you feel better... From the bottom of my heart... Thank You. ; )
The 30th is a second new moon in this month... it will serve to be an interesting time for ritual... and boy oh boy do I have one planned... *grins*
I had a great albeit long weekend... I'm thankful that soccer is over... it was fun coaching and I'd do it again but I don't think the littlest wants to do soccer again... the made out pretty well... everyone at that age gets trophies but overall they had 6 wins and 7 losses... the older one isn't finished until playoffs on Sept 6th... but I just get to be mom and watch that one.
Had a good time at a bbq at moms house after all the soccer stuff...
hmm other then that nothing of importance to note ...
Monday, August 25, 2008
Short and Sweet Compared to The Last
So good and bad news from my doctors appointment last Thursday.
Everything is all good with the man... everything seems to be all in order with me...
BUT...
I'm not ovulating... well that can mess with shit... *laughs*
We're gonna fix that little problem right up. ; ) And then be on our way...
Everything is all good with the man... everything seems to be all in order with me...
BUT...
I'm not ovulating... well that can mess with shit... *laughs*
We're gonna fix that little problem right up. ; ) And then be on our way...
Saturday, August 23, 2008
HSG - Hella Sore 'Gina
I went for what's called an HSG procedure not last Wednesday but the one before it... I knew about what was going to happen during the procedure so I wasn't going in totally blind to what was happening.
I stayed up through the night talking with a friend of mine because I couldn't sleep, so he was nice enough to keep my company. (It's good to have friends on the other side of the world, that way when ya need to talk you're not walking someone up in the wee hours, you're just keeping them from their dinner). I got dressed and got ready to go as my ride to the hospital would be here at a quarter to seven.
Prepared with my ipod for the bus ride home off I went to go get in the car. So I checked in at the admitting at 7am as I was told that my appointment was at 7:15am by my doctors office... I got sent down to xray and was told to wait in this tiny little waiting room that had about 4 chairs in it and a bunch of storage stuff for the little coffee stand down the hall... there I sat from five after seven until a nurse in altogether too much pink came and called my name looking around as if there was a crowd of people sitting there at about twenty five after seven....
I followed her down the hall and she turns to me as we get to the changing room door "Did you take your tylenol or advil like the doctor told you?" I of course respond with "Um no, what are you talking about?" thinking too myself I only do that to my kids if their going for their shots... what have I been talked into?... she winces a little and gives me that 'there there' smile and says "oh sometimes the other doctors will tell their patients to take a tylenol or advil before hand..." I wanted so badly to ask why but she went right into telling me where the gown was that I have to put on and telling me that she'll come and get me when it's time that I still had a bit to wait... This is where I piped up with "My appointment was for 7:15?" as I look at my watch and giving her the 'what do you mean I have time?' tone ... She checks a sheet in her hand and says "Yep you're appointment is at 7:45am, the doctor should be here at anytime" *sigh*
So she goes into "There's some pain involved, there's a slight pinch and a bit of cramping... hope you brought a panty liner as there will be a bit of leakage as well.." and she disappears through the door that says 'Do Not Enter - Xray'
I stand there blinking and shaking my head, slip into the booth, disrobe and put the gown on which of course we all know opens at the back and flashes everyone behind you your ass crack... Suddenly I'm very cold and faced with the "Should I go to the bathroom now... or should I wait and let her know that I'm going so that she doesn't come back here find me gone and think I've just split?" after a few moments of the 'naked from the waist down, ass crack exposed, I can't wait much longer' pee pee dance I finally say fuckit and just go to the washroom...
After standing on the cold floor waiting after the washroom break the overly pink dressed nurse comes back and gives me a small smile and lets me know that I can come in now... as if all the stuff she had been doing was top secret shit that she'd just finally finished putting away... She leads me into the 'Do Not Enter - Xray' room... where there's of course an xray machine, a few monitors, a really hard table and a big fucking draft coming from the other door... she says to me now that it's half past seven that the doctor hasn't arrived and we're still waiting for him...
So there I sit on a chair freezing my ass off and it's then that I realize that when I had my shower this morning I completely forgot to shave the fur from my legs that of course is long enough to be seen and sharp enough to cut someone should they graze their arm against it... I hang my head as I know that there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it now... The nurse walks out saying something about going to look for the doctor after she gets me to sign the waiver stating that the procedure has been explained to me and I know what's going to happen...
Five minutes later my doctor comes in says good morning shakes my hand and asks how I am, instead of the truth I gave him a pleasant smile and the nod with the "Oh, Fine" answer that we give people when we know that they truly aren't asking because they want to know the answer.
He looks at me then looks around and says "Where's the nurse?" I chuckled and answer with "Out looking for you" he nods and starts of course suiting up in this big heavy duty lead vest dress thing, and she comes back and gets suited up in her heavy duty lead skirt and top thing that she's got and I can't help but wonder if maybe I should be donning one of those things as well or if the flimsy cotton gown has some sort of special lead woven into it to keep my other parts from being liquified by radiation or if they figure I could take it!...
First thing they say when I get up on the table is the first thing I can bet every woman hears at a pap test "Ok if I could just get you to scooch your bum down a bit" which of course is easier said then down for some reason.
So laying there with the gown on this huge machine beside me, my feet together and almost under my arse, the doc lifts the gown and goes ahead and inserts the freezing cold duck billed spreader-opener... which of course is always a good idea since muscles and tissue and shit loves to be forced open when it's trying to slam shut from the cold...good fuckin idea...
So I dunno about any other women out there but when at a pap test the doctor says ok going to feel a bit of pressure when they do the sampling from your cervix.... it hurts, it's not pressure it actually really kinda hurts... so cleaned the area after swabbing it... that didn't feel nice... tells me that now there's going to be a slight pinching... yeah slight pinching if you mean now it's going to feel like I'm shoving a hot poker into your twat... I ask the nurse for a tissue as I sometimes tear up at pap tests so after the hot poker I might just here as well...
She gives me the tissue and the doctor then says ok take a deep breath (those words are never followed by anything good) I take the deep breath and as I do I feel my entire body clench at the same moment that it feels like he's just busted his way through my cervix and into my throat... I am now not so sure I really want to be laying there doing this... as I strengthen my mind and make myself like a rock... then comes the nurses voice as she pats my shoulder to try to comfort me saying "Now you may feel some slight cramping.." I've turned to look at the monitors as I could see them from where I was as she moves the x-ray into place at my abdomen... I can see my uterus on the screen and of course a dark line going into it... which of course was a hose... Suddenly I see dark shadowy stuff coming from the dark line as he injects the dye into me... and thats when the most severe cramping of my life happened... I went from mediumly uncomfortable to oh my fucking god thats ripping me fucking open in an instant...
I couldn't help but to clench my jaw and groan loudly in pain to keep from screaming, and any and all other energy I had left went into stopping myself from kicking the doctor in the head... then... the phone rings... he has a patient upstairs about to deliver a baby... thankfully the nurse tells them he'll be done soon... as I lay there groaning and they're taking pictures she pats my shoulder again and tells me 'it's all for a good reason'... I just clench further and nod.. of course thinking to myself... I'm going to find the man and kill him whoever thought up this barbaric procedure... Finally they're finished... he walks over to my head and puts a hand on my shoulder and says "I'm sorry for the pain" ... you know... that almost made me feel better.
Not too many doctors apologize for hurting you .. they usually say things like "It'll be over soon" or "it's all over now" but rarely will you ever hear one say 'I'm Sorry'...
So he leaves and goes to deliver the baby ... nurse lets me just lay there for awhile as I've just totally been violated ... so she asks "Did you bring a panty liner with you? I'm not sure if I asked you earlier" I shake my head no and said "You know I don't use them or pads so I never even thought of it" so she offered me one of the pads that the hospitals use... For any and all women who wonder what happened to the pads from the 50's or 60's I've located the mother load of them!
Some won't know what I'm talking about but others will... back when maxi pads first came out women used to wear an elastic type belt around their middles and their big and bulking pads had long flimsy ends that would get clipped to this belt in the front and back... when they came out with the adhesive that makes it nowadays so that the maxi sticks to your panties apparently the hospitals of the world all said to the companies, "we'll take all your old bulky, belt needing pads" and the companies rejoiced and upgraded for the rest of the world...
She hands me one of those pads and says "Sorry we only have these..." and shrugs as I lay there "But there'll only be a bit of leakage" right because most of the crap pumped into me came squirting out my fallopian tubes and is now floating around in my abdomen... So she helps me to sit up and thank goodness for the towel under my butt... (yeah you got the flood image right there didn't ya?)... She helps me off the table and her 'bit of leakage' was trailing down my leg and pooling on her floor... so she got me a wash cloth and sent me on my way into the bath room to get cleaned up...
So thus leads us to another problem... I could care less that I'm leaking a mixture of some sort of dye and blood all over their floor... I was too busy trying to figure out how I was going to get the pad to stay when I don't wear underwear...
I get cleaned up and go to the bathroom and as I sit there I look at this big long pad and my jeans and i think to myself "Gods I'm an idiot" ... until I finally realized ok.. I have fat thighs... and I've worn a thong before... so I stand up and take the pad and give myself a wedgie up the arse with the flimsy end piece of the pad that would have been clipped to the belt, and hold the other flimsy end in the front of me... I keep my legs together as I try so hard to wriggle into my jeans and pull them up... ok so it's positioned right still and I go to do up my pants... I zip 'em up and slip the flimsy end that was in the front through the button hole of my jeans.... eureka... now if I can keep it like that while walking I'll be happy... I made it to the bus stop and sat and waited for it to come ... all the while I'm still in extreme cramping pain... I turn on my ipod and try to lose myself in the music and hide my pain behind my big rock star glasses and get on the bus home... every bump of the bus just added to the pain that I was in... it was horrible...
I got home stripped off my shirt and went into the bedroom as it was only 9am I was going to have to try and sleep now... the man woke up and saw me standing there... he asked if I was alright and I just shook my head and laid down next to him and proceeded to cry for an hour... and continued crying as I described everything that happened to me... and as I said to him...
"I felt totally violated, except this time, I gave permission for it to be done."
For anyone who wants to see a less dramatic explanation of Hysterosalpingography (HSG)
I stayed up through the night talking with a friend of mine because I couldn't sleep, so he was nice enough to keep my company. (It's good to have friends on the other side of the world, that way when ya need to talk you're not walking someone up in the wee hours, you're just keeping them from their dinner). I got dressed and got ready to go as my ride to the hospital would be here at a quarter to seven.
Prepared with my ipod for the bus ride home off I went to go get in the car. So I checked in at the admitting at 7am as I was told that my appointment was at 7:15am by my doctors office... I got sent down to xray and was told to wait in this tiny little waiting room that had about 4 chairs in it and a bunch of storage stuff for the little coffee stand down the hall... there I sat from five after seven until a nurse in altogether too much pink came and called my name looking around as if there was a crowd of people sitting there at about twenty five after seven....
I followed her down the hall and she turns to me as we get to the changing room door "Did you take your tylenol or advil like the doctor told you?" I of course respond with "Um no, what are you talking about?" thinking too myself I only do that to my kids if their going for their shots... what have I been talked into?... she winces a little and gives me that 'there there' smile and says "oh sometimes the other doctors will tell their patients to take a tylenol or advil before hand..." I wanted so badly to ask why but she went right into telling me where the gown was that I have to put on and telling me that she'll come and get me when it's time that I still had a bit to wait... This is where I piped up with "My appointment was for 7:15?" as I look at my watch and giving her the 'what do you mean I have time?' tone ... She checks a sheet in her hand and says "Yep you're appointment is at 7:45am, the doctor should be here at anytime" *sigh*
So she goes into "There's some pain involved, there's a slight pinch and a bit of cramping... hope you brought a panty liner as there will be a bit of leakage as well.." and she disappears through the door that says 'Do Not Enter - Xray'
I stand there blinking and shaking my head, slip into the booth, disrobe and put the gown on which of course we all know opens at the back and flashes everyone behind you your ass crack... Suddenly I'm very cold and faced with the "Should I go to the bathroom now... or should I wait and let her know that I'm going so that she doesn't come back here find me gone and think I've just split?" after a few moments of the 'naked from the waist down, ass crack exposed, I can't wait much longer' pee pee dance I finally say fuckit and just go to the washroom...
After standing on the cold floor waiting after the washroom break the overly pink dressed nurse comes back and gives me a small smile and lets me know that I can come in now... as if all the stuff she had been doing was top secret shit that she'd just finally finished putting away... She leads me into the 'Do Not Enter - Xray' room... where there's of course an xray machine, a few monitors, a really hard table and a big fucking draft coming from the other door... she says to me now that it's half past seven that the doctor hasn't arrived and we're still waiting for him...
So there I sit on a chair freezing my ass off and it's then that I realize that when I had my shower this morning I completely forgot to shave the fur from my legs that of course is long enough to be seen and sharp enough to cut someone should they graze their arm against it... I hang my head as I know that there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it now... The nurse walks out saying something about going to look for the doctor after she gets me to sign the waiver stating that the procedure has been explained to me and I know what's going to happen...
Five minutes later my doctor comes in says good morning shakes my hand and asks how I am, instead of the truth I gave him a pleasant smile and the nod with the "Oh, Fine" answer that we give people when we know that they truly aren't asking because they want to know the answer.
He looks at me then looks around and says "Where's the nurse?" I chuckled and answer with "Out looking for you" he nods and starts of course suiting up in this big heavy duty lead vest dress thing, and she comes back and gets suited up in her heavy duty lead skirt and top thing that she's got and I can't help but wonder if maybe I should be donning one of those things as well or if the flimsy cotton gown has some sort of special lead woven into it to keep my other parts from being liquified by radiation or if they figure I could take it!...
First thing they say when I get up on the table is the first thing I can bet every woman hears at a pap test "Ok if I could just get you to scooch your bum down a bit" which of course is easier said then down for some reason.
So laying there with the gown on this huge machine beside me, my feet together and almost under my arse, the doc lifts the gown and goes ahead and inserts the freezing cold duck billed spreader-opener... which of course is always a good idea since muscles and tissue and shit loves to be forced open when it's trying to slam shut from the cold...good fuckin idea...
So I dunno about any other women out there but when at a pap test the doctor says ok going to feel a bit of pressure when they do the sampling from your cervix.... it hurts, it's not pressure it actually really kinda hurts... so cleaned the area after swabbing it... that didn't feel nice... tells me that now there's going to be a slight pinching... yeah slight pinching if you mean now it's going to feel like I'm shoving a hot poker into your twat... I ask the nurse for a tissue as I sometimes tear up at pap tests so after the hot poker I might just here as well...
She gives me the tissue and the doctor then says ok take a deep breath (those words are never followed by anything good) I take the deep breath and as I do I feel my entire body clench at the same moment that it feels like he's just busted his way through my cervix and into my throat... I am now not so sure I really want to be laying there doing this... as I strengthen my mind and make myself like a rock... then comes the nurses voice as she pats my shoulder to try to comfort me saying "Now you may feel some slight cramping.." I've turned to look at the monitors as I could see them from where I was as she moves the x-ray into place at my abdomen... I can see my uterus on the screen and of course a dark line going into it... which of course was a hose... Suddenly I see dark shadowy stuff coming from the dark line as he injects the dye into me... and thats when the most severe cramping of my life happened... I went from mediumly uncomfortable to oh my fucking god thats ripping me fucking open in an instant...
I couldn't help but to clench my jaw and groan loudly in pain to keep from screaming, and any and all other energy I had left went into stopping myself from kicking the doctor in the head... then... the phone rings... he has a patient upstairs about to deliver a baby... thankfully the nurse tells them he'll be done soon... as I lay there groaning and they're taking pictures she pats my shoulder again and tells me 'it's all for a good reason'... I just clench further and nod.. of course thinking to myself... I'm going to find the man and kill him whoever thought up this barbaric procedure... Finally they're finished... he walks over to my head and puts a hand on my shoulder and says "I'm sorry for the pain" ... you know... that almost made me feel better.
Not too many doctors apologize for hurting you .. they usually say things like "It'll be over soon" or "it's all over now" but rarely will you ever hear one say 'I'm Sorry'...
So he leaves and goes to deliver the baby ... nurse lets me just lay there for awhile as I've just totally been violated ... so she asks "Did you bring a panty liner with you? I'm not sure if I asked you earlier" I shake my head no and said "You know I don't use them or pads so I never even thought of it" so she offered me one of the pads that the hospitals use... For any and all women who wonder what happened to the pads from the 50's or 60's I've located the mother load of them!
Some won't know what I'm talking about but others will... back when maxi pads first came out women used to wear an elastic type belt around their middles and their big and bulking pads had long flimsy ends that would get clipped to this belt in the front and back... when they came out with the adhesive that makes it nowadays so that the maxi sticks to your panties apparently the hospitals of the world all said to the companies, "we'll take all your old bulky, belt needing pads" and the companies rejoiced and upgraded for the rest of the world...
She hands me one of those pads and says "Sorry we only have these..." and shrugs as I lay there "But there'll only be a bit of leakage" right because most of the crap pumped into me came squirting out my fallopian tubes and is now floating around in my abdomen... So she helps me to sit up and thank goodness for the towel under my butt... (yeah you got the flood image right there didn't ya?)... She helps me off the table and her 'bit of leakage' was trailing down my leg and pooling on her floor... so she got me a wash cloth and sent me on my way into the bath room to get cleaned up...
So thus leads us to another problem... I could care less that I'm leaking a mixture of some sort of dye and blood all over their floor... I was too busy trying to figure out how I was going to get the pad to stay when I don't wear underwear...
I get cleaned up and go to the bathroom and as I sit there I look at this big long pad and my jeans and i think to myself "Gods I'm an idiot" ... until I finally realized ok.. I have fat thighs... and I've worn a thong before... so I stand up and take the pad and give myself a wedgie up the arse with the flimsy end piece of the pad that would have been clipped to the belt, and hold the other flimsy end in the front of me... I keep my legs together as I try so hard to wriggle into my jeans and pull them up... ok so it's positioned right still and I go to do up my pants... I zip 'em up and slip the flimsy end that was in the front through the button hole of my jeans.... eureka... now if I can keep it like that while walking I'll be happy... I made it to the bus stop and sat and waited for it to come ... all the while I'm still in extreme cramping pain... I turn on my ipod and try to lose myself in the music and hide my pain behind my big rock star glasses and get on the bus home... every bump of the bus just added to the pain that I was in... it was horrible...
I got home stripped off my shirt and went into the bedroom as it was only 9am I was going to have to try and sleep now... the man woke up and saw me standing there... he asked if I was alright and I just shook my head and laid down next to him and proceeded to cry for an hour... and continued crying as I described everything that happened to me... and as I said to him...
"I felt totally violated, except this time, I gave permission for it to be done."
For anyone who wants to see a less dramatic explanation of Hysterosalpingography (HSG)
Friday, August 08, 2008
Waaaay Overdo
My week in review...
I'm not even sure where I left off with my last post, I've had this screen up for three days now waiting for me to fill it in.
Lemme see where to start... how about last Friday?
Friday morning was the funeral for George, was alright service at the church... I say it was alright because truthfully I don't like when a pastor rambles on and on about shit that doesn't belong at a funeral. My sister and I decided that when my mom dies, the dude is so only talking about my mom. See I went to a funeral for the mans grandma a few years back and the family was pissed because the pastor stood up there talking about sheep for like 30 mins... at George's dude rambled on and on about King David. Although, I ran into a man that I'm in Lions with. He's from a club at the most western part of our region (almost 3 hours away) Sis and I were surprised to see him, seems he's known George for 30 years. So Disney was right... It is a small world after all.
After the funeral we went back to the house, my grandma brought my aunt that I haven't seen in almost 10 years over so that she could meet my kids. Even though all of us were headed up north when we got to my grandma's we wouldn't have the kids with us.
So after a quick dip a quick lunch on the road we went... 5 hours later we show up at the man's mom's house... after meeting the new horde of cats (she's up to 25 now - thankfully she has 92 acres of land) we left and headed over to my grandma's house, which is about an hour from my mother in laws house. The roads out there give you pause for thought. That's what ya get out in cottage country though. We got to my grandma's house about 11:30 or so, seems they got there about 20 minutes before we did. Sat up listening to grandma and Dar tell us about the last few weeks with George before heading to bed.
*** Day 5 of this post being open on my desktop ***
Got home on Saturday in the afternoon, late afternoon. Swam in the pool laid in bed watching tv... passed out.
On Sunday we went to Port Colborne for their Canal Days celebration. We went for a couple of concerts they were having, left before the one we actually wanted to see... they weren't going to play until 10:30 and really... we were tired after all our walking and I wasn't feeling well.
Monday... the man and I lazed around mom's house, me doubled over in pain. Some sort of stomach ache gone bad is what it was. Finally took a nap on the couch, resting my head on his lap and was able to get rid of the pain for awhile. That evening had a soccer game to coach, we won. Thankfully, don't think the kids could take another loss.
Tuesday... We packed up and caught the bus into the city to the hotel we were going to be staying at.
**** Two Weeks Later Due to No Internet ****
I barely remember what I was saying or talking about in this post... so I'm gonna split up the old news from the new news...
So that Tuesday night while at the hotel I again had the extreme stomach pains... so the man offered up some of his Pariet which I took for the couple of days that we were at the hotel. Since then I haven't had the extreme pain like I had but have had an upset stomach every now and then.
The time away with the man was nice, it was just us, didn't have to worry about the phone, the kids ... nothing.
So we came home on the Thursday... we both passed out... and then we went to the movies to see The Mummy III and I don't care what anyone else says, I liked that movie. It was entertaining.
it was a good way to finish up some man and I time...
Then the kids came home from up north on Sunday... and I can't remember anything else right now...
Too long ago... :P
I'm not even sure where I left off with my last post, I've had this screen up for three days now waiting for me to fill it in.
Lemme see where to start... how about last Friday?
Friday morning was the funeral for George, was alright service at the church... I say it was alright because truthfully I don't like when a pastor rambles on and on about shit that doesn't belong at a funeral. My sister and I decided that when my mom dies, the dude is so only talking about my mom. See I went to a funeral for the mans grandma a few years back and the family was pissed because the pastor stood up there talking about sheep for like 30 mins... at George's dude rambled on and on about King David. Although, I ran into a man that I'm in Lions with. He's from a club at the most western part of our region (almost 3 hours away) Sis and I were surprised to see him, seems he's known George for 30 years. So Disney was right... It is a small world after all.
After the funeral we went back to the house, my grandma brought my aunt that I haven't seen in almost 10 years over so that she could meet my kids. Even though all of us were headed up north when we got to my grandma's we wouldn't have the kids with us.
So after a quick dip a quick lunch on the road we went... 5 hours later we show up at the man's mom's house... after meeting the new horde of cats (she's up to 25 now - thankfully she has 92 acres of land) we left and headed over to my grandma's house, which is about an hour from my mother in laws house. The roads out there give you pause for thought. That's what ya get out in cottage country though. We got to my grandma's house about 11:30 or so, seems they got there about 20 minutes before we did. Sat up listening to grandma and Dar tell us about the last few weeks with George before heading to bed.
*** Day 5 of this post being open on my desktop ***
Got home on Saturday in the afternoon, late afternoon. Swam in the pool laid in bed watching tv... passed out.
On Sunday we went to Port Colborne for their Canal Days celebration. We went for a couple of concerts they were having, left before the one we actually wanted to see... they weren't going to play until 10:30 and really... we were tired after all our walking and I wasn't feeling well.
Monday... the man and I lazed around mom's house, me doubled over in pain. Some sort of stomach ache gone bad is what it was. Finally took a nap on the couch, resting my head on his lap and was able to get rid of the pain for awhile. That evening had a soccer game to coach, we won. Thankfully, don't think the kids could take another loss.
Tuesday... We packed up and caught the bus into the city to the hotel we were going to be staying at.
**** Two Weeks Later Due to No Internet ****
I barely remember what I was saying or talking about in this post... so I'm gonna split up the old news from the new news...
So that Tuesday night while at the hotel I again had the extreme stomach pains... so the man offered up some of his Pariet which I took for the couple of days that we were at the hotel. Since then I haven't had the extreme pain like I had but have had an upset stomach every now and then.
The time away with the man was nice, it was just us, didn't have to worry about the phone, the kids ... nothing.
So we came home on the Thursday... we both passed out... and then we went to the movies to see The Mummy III and I don't care what anyone else says, I liked that movie. It was entertaining.
it was a good way to finish up some man and I time...
Then the kids came home from up north on Sunday... and I can't remember anything else right now...
Too long ago... :P
