Thursday, July 16, 2015

July Weigh In

This is being posted late...because I forgot to post it not because I forgot to do it...oops...
As always everything is in inches.

Ankles    L 9 (-0.5) R 8.5 (-0.5)
Calves     L 16.5 (same) R 17 (+0.5)
Thighs     L 26 (+0.5) R 26 (-0.5)
Wrists      L 6.5 (same) R 6.5 (+0.25)
Forearms L 10.75 (-0.25) R 10.75 (-0.5)
Biceps     L 14 (+0.5) R 13.75 (+0.25)

Hips 45 (-0.5)
Belly 45 (+1.5)
Waist 39 (+2)
U. Bust 35.5 (-1.5)
O. Bust 44 (same)
Neck 14.5 (+0.5)

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

It's The Little Things

Sometimes I have the loveliest of admirers.

They try and it's sweet.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Sorry to Suck, Swallow and Run...But...

Doing something today that I haven't done in a long time, taking time out of my day to sit down and write up a proper blog post. It seems like since the beginning of the year I haven't really sat down and typed out the stuff that rolls around in my head. I know why part of that is and I may finally touch on that today. The long of it is...this is likely to be a pretty long blog  post that goes a bit everywhere.

Not even sure where to start...

Been taking a more proactive stance when it comes to derby. Trying to do what I can to keep the forward momentum with the league going. Offering suggestions and help when and where I can to different people and committees. So far since the restructuring people seem very open to it. Let's hope it keeps going that way. I have had a couple of issues with  a couple of the refs who seem to be on a power trip of sorts but hopefully that's getting sorted out.
Our next round of games starts again in does the next set of FM training. So that means more intake sessions. Hopefully switching up the format for that...wish me luck.

A couple of weeks ago I told the Man that I missed seeing #DD every day...then #DD called me and asked me about coming back to the farm for cherry sorting.
I love #DD, one of my best guy friends like ever...oddly enough since I don't tend to get too close with dudes until I've slept with them.
I love seeing him every day he's one of those people with the energy that just makes me want to hug them every time I'm near them. Odd reaction but there's a few people like that in my life.
Anyway... I love seeing him every day even though it's not for hangouts...but I dislike the job. I mean I hate anything that is 'work', that's why if I've said it once I've said it a million times, I wasn't built for working...I was built for being a housewife and a porn star.
There are several times a day after noon that I picture myself just walking out and going home...or just killing myself.
There's a couple things that I'm holding onto that stop me from walking out or offing myself... I love #DD and either of those would likely hurt him...I want a new tattoo... and I want to go on a vacation...
If I don't have goals...amirite?

Burton came home for two weeks... it was too short.
I understand that she enjoys being out in Cali and that she now calls that home but she doesn't understand that the reason why she's always so busy when she's back here in Canada is because everyone loves her and they want to soak up as much of her as they possibly can. We all miss her so very much while she's gone and our smiles are all just a tiny bit dimmer for her being gone.
It may bother her a bit when we (her friends and family) talk about wanting her to come back and stay here. There's hardly any jobs here, the weather fucking sucks and is either too hot or too cold, and she feels like a failure at times because of her marriage failing... and yeah all of that stuff sucks. However... she makes everyones life a little brighter, a little bit happier and just that little bit better.
It's why she has so many friends where ever she is... and her Cali friends may have missed her SOOOOOO much while she was gone...but they get her so much more than we do.
I did get to spend quite a bit of time with her and for that I'm grateful. I love Burton. She is my wifey after all.

 Pinky and I have been going to the gym together for a couple of months now (we've even made up names for the regulars, but then we had to switch our schedule and there's not as many regulars we're finding in the evenings as there was in the mornings so we're having to come up with new names for people)...I'm not exactly content with any of my results. I've been going up and down with the same five pounds and it's frustrating the fuck out of me. Trying to clock in harder now though. Last night someone lit a fire under my ass. Out of no where I was on the treadmill doing what was suppose to be our cool down after our leg day work out (which I levelled up at all the machines), I started running. I ran for a minute straight at 4mph, then after a couple of minutes of walking at 2mph again I started to run this time at 4.5 mph, then back down to 2 mph...after a couple more minutes was running at 5 mph...and then for the very last minute before the 5 minute cool down I was running at 5.5 mph.

Anyone who knows me knows that I do not ever. Mainly because I don't breathe properly, I dislike the feel of my fat jiggling while I run and I'm always concerned about my boobs and how much they bounce even in a sports bra.
But fuck it... I work out so that I can feel better...and one day I will look great naked...too myself. I put that clarifier in there because I've had people tell me that I look good naked... I just give them the stop trying to placate me look.
In the vein of working out...I wiggled my way into Burton and her big brothers weight loss challenge...have from a week ago to December to lose as much weight as I can.
My ideal goal is to be a very fit 170 to 175 pounds in the end.

I decided to 'Adult-up' (rather than man up) and used some funds that came in on fixing up my car rather than just blowing it on other shit.  I mean I did take the Boychild out for a breakfast just the two of us and splurged and bought a bunch of crap for our Borderlands 2 day and I bought dinner for Sugarbear and I. Other than that mostly stayed in my account so that I could get the car fixed.
And today my car got her bum fixed. She no longer clunkclunks over bumps and potholes... her upper strut/shock mounts needed to be replaced. She sounds good now. There's a couple of other things that the lovely mechanic has said she needs but for now she is good, this makes me a happy camper. The brakes didn't need to be done like we had thought and it wasn't that the shocks and struts needed to be done...just the mounts. So we saved a bunch of money on all of that. The mount replacement even came in under the quoted price.

Ok so since I finally mentioned him in the last goes some rewinding in regards to Sugarbear (SB).
In March he lost both matriarchal and patriarchal figures of his family. However things had been over with us before that... we had gotten to this boyfriend/girlfriend point of our relationship and it seemed unwanted after the new year. Couple of fights in February where he told me straight out that I was nothing but a 'fling and a fuck' and that there was no fucking way that I would ever be meeting his children and that he would never ever love me.
Thinking (and maybe hoping) that it was because of the stress he was under with his parents both being ill and not seeming to find any resolution to his mothers illness.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt but pretty much was like ok no more exclusivity since I am not wanted in the capacity I was being put into.
We continued to stay in touch while he drove back and forth to St Catharines, Sudbury, and Angus. I would tell him that I love him, accidentally one day on the phone he said it back, he then got flustered and just hung up quickly after saying bye. I knew he meant nothing by it though, it was out of habit from all the family he had been talking on the phone, no doubt.
After the passing of his mum I tried to be there for him for whatever it was he needed. He even reached out the day his father passed and sent me a few messages asking me to call him, when I did that's when I found out about his dad.
(I was very confused as to why he didn't just send me a message to tell me about his passing like he had with his mum, but I wasn't about to question him about that especially not on the phone. I've since had a friend tell me that I may have become a touchstone for SB. Possible but he is such a hard man to figure out at times.)
When he had taken a week at home I had grown concerned about his well being (obviously!) especially when I found out that he hadn't been eating properly, was drunk in the middle of the day and not sleeping more then a few minutes to an hour at any given time.
And it was just before his birthday...
He didn't take to kindly to my trying to be helpful or supportive... at the end of the week he lashed out and yelled at me for doing the dishes, for buying him a birthday present, insinuated that I was untrustworthy and demanded his house key back.
I understand lashing out in anger (especially whilst grieving). What I think hurt the most from that encounter on the 28th of March was the insinuation that I was some how untrustworthy, a sneak or that I would some how damage his house.
I got it that he doesn't love me, I got that he doesn't want to 'be with me', I got that he needed time to himself to adjust to having to now take care of everything and everyone in his family, I even got that when hurting sometimes some people don't want anyone around them for awhile..what I didn't get was how he could accuse me of being untrustworthy, I never gave him any cause to think I would do anything untoward. I was hurt and confused and angry (oh so very angry) that someone that I trusted with all of me would think so little of me.

After that happened I had asked him if he could put out on his front porch the presents for the Boychild that I had been hiding at his place, he did...he also bagged up all the stuff I had in his bathroom (he use to let me take baths at his place to help my joints and back after derby and even when I was working last season because I don't have a tub that works properly). I'm not sure why that hurt so bad but it did, it seemed like he didn't want me in his life anymore. I was so very sad.

I didn't see him again until almost mid May... I let him know that I had missed him as my friend. I missed hanging out with him on the deck and listening to tunes. Yeah sure I missed the awesome sex as well but I really missed talking with him. His response was just a very quiet 'I just said I needed some time and space.' which I found interesting since he had been telling our friends that 'it's over' with the two of us. Which wasn't false, just he was a bit behind when I had been telling others that already. I wasn't confused about whether or not we were still 'together', I had been confused as to which level of friendship we would be at now (at that point).
The one year from our first date was like the celebration of a great year we had had together and the end of it.
The universe then said 'oh yeah you guys had a great time quietly hanging out together, having all kinds of awesome sex, fun times, and parties for the last year...well try this on for size now.'

I will always have love in my heart for Sugarbear, as I do with all my friends.However, he called me untrustworthy, creepy, unlovable, and nothing but a 'fling and a fuck'. Even in your darkest hour you don't shit on your loved ones like that.

It's in that moment that every you're amazing, awesome, beautiful, great, sexy and so forth is just wiped away in one foul swoop.
I once asked him while laying in bed together how he knew that I loved him, his answer was 'Because you put up with all of my shit.'
It's been quite a journey for our friendship this past 7 months. I'm very happy to report that we've been hanging out again, have had a few meals together. Gone to a few derby games together, he came to see my games this past season. It is still mainly one sided, as in I'm the one that does all the texting and inviting least it's something. He is my favourite after all.

There's some people I will just keep trying with. As can be seen with Sugarbear and Bing.
There comes a time where with some I will just shrug and say I tried. I'm getting to that point with Baker. Seems I was a great person to talk to, hang out with and sometimes fuck, as long as he didn't have an online girlfriend. Suddenly he gets an online girlfriend and doesn't have time for friends like me anymore. I can't be cheeky with him anymore, or joke with him, or even go out on a movie date with him and his boychild because god forbid he might be away from his phone (or she'll be thinking that he's on a date!!).
Proved it again at sushi dinner with Burton when he spent more time on his phone, and I felt I couldn't talk to him because he had his dumb bluetooth earpiece in his ear all during the dinner.
I hope he and his online insecure girlfriend are very happy and have many virtual babies together. Yes. I am bitter.
I have very few people that I allow that close to me and feel like I've been duped when one of them just drops me like a hot stone.
Again...another time that every you're amazing, awesome, understanding, magical and one of my most trusted friends, is all just wiped away in one foul swoop.

Bing is getting married. I'm waiting for my invitation to come in the mail. I think when it comes I'll invite my sexy ass wife to go with me. Sounds like it could be lots of fun.

Amazing.... Awesome... Sexy... Incredible... Magical... Goddess-like... Unique... Fantastic... Fabulous... those are some of the words that men have used to describe me... Delicious... Divine... Tight... Drenched... Soaking... Warm... Out of this World... these some of the words (with the first set as well) that have been used by men to describe my pussy... welcome to the TMI and more graphic portion to the post...

I've had lip service from many a men...and that's not a euphemism... many have told me that I'm 'fucking amazing' when it comes to the bedroom sexxors and all the playing that goes with it...

So... why the fuck is it that I cannot get laid when I want and by whom it is I want?

Half the time I feel like I have to convince, persuade, or talk someone into having sex with me. My expectations too views too narrow... my libido just so high?

For a year I was getting laid nearly 6 to 8 times per weekend..and oh my god that was the best much fun...and was so satisfying...
Now I'm getting laid on average about once a week. I'm really sexually frustrated half the time and most likely bugging the fuck out of my favourite boy with the requests for sex... the others have gone... mother issues... one lives with his mother and son (and a gf - but she's not in the house) and another just had to move his mother into his house...

Don't understand what the problem is... a woman who is apparently awesome and amazing in the sack wants to suck and fuck your cock on a regular basis with no relationship strings is this a bad thing?

Maybe I'm too demanding.

Other than my extremely high libido I think I'm fairly low maintenance... I definitely don't spend $200 a week on fucking salon visits...lmao

and on that note...

I want some ice cream.