Hi I'm A Fucking Idiot, And You Are?

I feel so farkin' embarrassed it's just fucking retarded...*facepalms*

So last night I was having some issues with my heart... no big surprise...can't go two weeks without some sort of doozy I guess... I'd had a couple of attacks throughout the night...nothing too major... went to bed about 1 or so... just after 1 my head was swimming and my heart started going nuts.... so I went downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed some ice and started to head back upstairs to the bedroom... I got to the top of the stairs and felt really dizzy and sort of sick to my stomach...so I sat down on the top of the stairs... that with the ice didn't seem to be helping so I sort of just slumped so I was laying at the top of the stairs...
the cat came and laid with me... I sort of snickered and told her that I wasn't staying there long...

apparently I was staying there longer then anticipated...when Big Daddy came home he found me passed out at the top of the stairs freezing since I was only in a house coat... that and the A/C is positioned in such a way so that it blows straight up the stairs...

when I finally started to feel better and less like an ice cube... I wanted to crawl under a rock...still kind of do...especially after this morning...

I had been in the midst of a dream of sorts talking to some people when all of a sudden in the dream I couldn't swallow and I couldn't breathe or talk... I woke up choking and unable to breathe... what a way to wake up in the morning...

I don't know if I woke up because I was dreaming I was choking or if I was dreaming that I was choking because I really was in my sleep... all I know is that was fucking embarrassing as well...

*le sigh* why couldn't I just be normal sometimes...

I swear Big Daddy's going to be so glad when I'm gone... he'll actually be able to get a good nights sleep again... :(

My Head Hurts Too Much For A Weird Witty Title

Can.Not believe that I've been gone for a week already... that's some crazy whacked out shiznit yo...

Big Daddy works during the week so not much to say about that time... I mainly played the computer, watched movies, talked to the Man and Boychild on skype...and even talked to the drunken ex the one... that was fun and fantastic... but the weirdest situation was talking to my Mum via skype... weeeeeeeird....

My days have been running together and with the weird hours I'm keeping while here I can't remember what we did on Thursday or Friday... lol

Friday morning we were woken up by  a door bell with some not so good news so the day sort of followed suit...thankfully though we talked and were able to get passed the weirdness and the awkwardness that was creeping up...played Scott Pilgrim vs. The World video game which just made me want to watch the movie...so we did that too... Big Daddy hadn't seen it before... he laughed... thinks that means he liked it :)

Yesterday we went out for breakfast when it was most people's dinners...then went over to the Sierra Summerfest (I think that's what it was called...) watched some Monster Trucks... (they were indoors.... weird...) and after a while of that left to see the Roller Derby girls... it's like Burlesque (due to the fashion and clothing worn) meets Rollerskating (since they're going around ON rollerskates on the track) meets Hockey (due to all the 'checking' and spills and whatnot...) It to me was awesome good fun... favourite conversation of the evening... Me- 'Aren't you glad I wanted to see scantily clad women beating the crap out of each other while on roller skates?'... Him- 'Best girlfriend ever.' *grins* I told him he could get that put on a plaque for me... lol

After watching the derby we decided to go watch a movie... I think it was a pretty fair trade off... he got scantily clad women on roller skates (yeah so what if it was my idea)...and I got to see Jason Momoa as Conan...mmmm .... Oh Hello there nearly naked sexy man who is really violent...!
I can't help it... sexy men + violence = Me feeling frisky... lol

We came home and I watched Whip It as Big Daddy played his new video game... Deus Ex: Human Revolution... which he picked up on Friday and waited til yesterday to play... sometimes he is not a normal geek boy... :) Figured I wouldn't see him most of the weekend after seeing him pick it up... So I totally didn't mind if he played it for a little while...

I like it when I get chosen over a video game... :)

We were up until nearly 6 am...which as I've been sitting here it's gone from being 10 am to 11 am... yeah... phone rang...startled me right out of sleep... instant headache and heart attack at the same time... it was lovely...so figured since I couldn't get back to sleep right away and didn't want to be tossing and turning and keeping him up I'd come in the office with my laptop to see how my family is doing...since it seems Hurricane Irene will sort of be side swiping them... just my luck...none of them are online... >.>

So writing seemed the next best thing to due... I'm hoping it will help my head and make me tired enough to go back to sleep for a few hours... Big Daddy doesn't want to be up until after 3... *hrm...* not sure if I can actually sleep that long...

Anyway... more to come later (like some pics from the bout)... think I'm going to try to nap again...

Gloria Steinem, I Am Not.

Call me a detriment to the womens lib and all that jazz but I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoy when a man shows his appreciation and affection with displays of affection... public or otherwise...

and the reason why I'm likely a detriment to the lib movement is that I'm ok with a bum pinch, a slap on the bum, an arm around the shoulder or hand resting on my back.. walking up behind me to kiss my neck or just to hug me around the waist... all these are little ways of saying I love you without really ever having to say it out loud...

other ones that are nice once in a while is hair brushing, impromptu foot rubs, hugs for no reasons and of course the best ones are the kisses that leave ya weak in the knees...

I'm not sure why men seem to stop those sorts of things for/to us after a certain amount of time... but it always seems to fall away in the course of a relationship...

and I'm sure there is a flip side to that and that women have stopped doing things that men like... I'm not on that side of the story...

but what has happened to displays of affection? they seem to get tossed aside at times...

I'm sort of glad that I got thinking on this after reading a write up on Fetlife that one of the kinksters there wrote..

I'm finding the site to be quite interesting... especially the thoughts and opinions of others on there about certain things...


displays of affection = happy loved ones = yay!

I'm Batman.

I've come to the conclusion that even if the Man and I didn't last together until one of us dies and then some... he would have to remain one of my best friends in the world... I'm not sure what I would do without him or my Krammit...

I can talk to the both of them about anything and they won't judge me... they'll give me their opinions, their advice... and aren't hurt if I still decide to do things my way... lol
they love me and all my flaws and still think I'm funny ;)

another conclusion I've come to is that... my unclothed naked body does not sexually stimulate anyone...nor does it when partially clothed... hard truths that's what I'm all about...

that's all I have today...

oh wait that's not all... apparently taking two baclofen at the same time, falling asleep and then waking up an  hour or so later... will leave me loopy...

and lead me to think when I'm wearing an over-sized blue bathrobe with a hood on it (worn up on my head) that I will think I'm Batman :D

I'm not sure Big Daddy realizes what kind of a dork I really am... oh well... little more then a week for him to truly find out... if only I would loosen up a bit more...

more to come later I suppose

Falcon Punch!

my url for the time being should be raenotathome.blogspot.com.... since well you know.. I'm not at home...

my tummy is doing the 'what the fuck did you just eat?' dance and I'm not really enjoying it overly... *sighs*

I didn't really feel like cooking so I threw a pizza in the oven and some bourbon chicken in the nuker... tumtum is not enjoying the yumminess of the frozen food supper...



I woke up today really not in a good frame of mind today... really put a damper on the tiny amount of time that I got to spend with Big Daddy before he went off to work... which made me even more sad...
then there was some BS with Avon that I tried to deal with via The Man... *sigh* nope going to have to find another way to go about fixing the order that just came in with half of it missing... piss me off.
Fuck around with my shit...that's fine... but not my customers... it makes me look like a douche... and I dislike looking like a douche...

So then to really add to the weirdness of the day... I get a message from the Man on FB that my Mother will be calling me... *blinks* um...what?

So we got my Mum set up on my sisters Skype and when I say we I mean my sister showed her how to use it...

Ends up that the 'important' (because that's the only thing the Man knew it was about) thing that she wanted to talk to me about was the Manchild.
So now that I would like to smack both the Manchild and his Father... but can't because I'm almost 3000 miles away... I talked to Mum a bit more and told her my decision on the matter we were discussing... which I'm sorry but I was totally weirded out by taking to my Mum while at Big Daddy's house... she's not exactly keen on the fact that I'm with the two of them to begin with...

I've also been really kind of down because it seems that my being here is really screwing with Big Daddy's sleep... he's been real tired the last couple of days and well I don't want him to be... I'm starting to think maybe it wasn't a good idea for me to come and stay here while he had to work... *sigh* I dunno... I just hope that he doesn't think that it was a terrible idea even if he isn't getting enough sleep...

Is it weird that I don't want to consider my time spent with Big Daddy as a 'vacation'?
I dunno... something about that just doesn't seem right to me... just because I'm left the house where I primarily live with the Man and the boys for two weeks doesn't really mean I'm on a vacation... does it?
I'm confused ... I don't like the term but at the same time what else would it be? *shrugs*

Just one of many things rolling around in my brain right now... I have many others... I spoke with the Man last night about some of my concerns and he was really cool about listening... how often can you say that your husband listened to you while you exposed some worries you have in regards to a lover you have?? yeah I know right...

I'm not going to put them here... I haven't finished sorting them out in my own brain and I don't know if I ever will to tell you the truth...

It seems I missed an earthquake and some tornado warnings while I've been here and I've only been here for 4 days...yikes...

I'm Sure You Would Have Been Perfect Court Rumour Fuel.

I've had the song Moves Like Jagger stuck in my head for 2 days now... listened to it on repeat all the way home on the bus today...

I Feel Very Squee.

A week ago today I was sitting around a camp fire listening to others sing songs from a song book very badly... lol everything from Your So Vain to Love The Way You Lie to Bohemian Rhapsody... all in good fun of course...

I've been so busy this week that I've not had a chance to sit down and write about the womens retreat... so I figured since I'm awaiting my laptop to finish installing updates before I can pack it I would sit and talk about the weekend a bit... especially since I'm getting on a plane tomorrow to head for another adventure in the wild west... hmm... was Nevada considered the wild west back in the day? I'm assuming so... so assume that I'm right...

The retreat was lovely... drove 6 hrs with Burton up north... stopped in at the Man's mother's house for lunch (a lunch of which put my dinner of a granola bar to shame!) I figured by saying we'd stop in for lunch we'd get some sandwiches and maybe a salad... she made 2 lasagnas, a big salad, some buttered bread, two kinds of dessert and then brought out watermelon in case we were still hungry... *blinkblink* wtf??

we got to camp and immediately found an acquaintance of ours (whom of course quickly became a good friend over the weekend) we camped with her and her two friends... those three were a riot...
came out from under my turtle shell and was actually sociable...saying hi and stopping to talk to people when out walking the campgrounds (which btw was fucking gorgeous!!)

I'm not going to get right down into graphic detail about the weekend... at least not in this post... but it was a really good weekend... I thoroughly enjoyed riding up with Burton... it's really nice to be in the company of others who do not feel it necessary to talk just for the sake of filling the silence in a vehicle... not just that... we had music going :D no but seriously I had a really good time with Burton... and I'm glad neither of us was too clingy on the other so that we could meet others and feel alright with that... :)

Was real tired on the ride home but didn't really notice much while listening to the music and talking... stopped in at the Man's mom's house again before really starting the journey home on Sunday... he made us supper gave us hugs and sent us on our way...

I think one of the things I enjoyed the most during the weekend was the hour of silence we did on Saturday after lunch... it was a lovely change... especially being out in the middle of the campground no where near cars or roads... and with there only being about 50 women there... it was nice..

I went to bed on Sunday night all by myself which wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't for the fact that I had just seen the Man earlier that day...and had been missing him, and him having been gone all week up north... made me very happy when he and the boys came home the next day...

I've spent this past week getting ready for my flight tomorrow and being very squee at the fact that I get to go spend two weeks with Big Daddy... it's been a lot of inner squee since I know that the Boychild and the Man are going to miss me very much... but... I'll have my laptop and my skype will be on so that I may log on and wish them a good night... much better then just using the phone when they're away...lol

So I got up today knowing that we (the Man and I) had to go out and pick up a few things before I leave tomorrow... so we get ready to go and then I go to get my wallet and it's not where I normally put it... we search the house high and low until finally I give up in a fit of frustration... the Man decides that even though it's unlikely he'll call the bus terminal to see if maybe I forgot it on the bus we were on yesterday when we went to the library... sure as shit my wallet was at the terminal... someone found it on the bus and turned it in... I was completely gobsmacked at the fact that I forgot it on the bus... so we go down to the terminal and get my wallet.. not only is all my id still in it but so is the wee bit of money I had in it... I was mainly worried about my licence and my bank card as those are the two major things I need in the next two days.... I was so happy! I got on the bus to go to the mall and asked it if it had a nice little adventure without me...
Got my medicalert bracelet today... should say... finally replaced... cost me more to get 3 effin letters engraved on it then it did for the bracelet itself... told the Man that I'm glad I didn't go with the words Heart Condition and opted for SVT instead...85¢ per letter... so now I'm all chillin like a villian...

So all now that's left to do is to take my shower... and go to bed... my bags are packed and I'm ready to go...my bags are waiting outside the door... *giggles* nah I won't sing...

So I'll up date some more while I'm in Reno... I'm sure I"ll get a few minutes here or there to plop down some words...

The Ever Elusive Past Time...

I would really truly seriously love to know what a 'good night of sleep' feels like...

ok so I've been sick since last Monday and sleeping while sick is a precious commodity but still... I can only blame it on the Man's snoring for so long...the last two nights where it's been me by myself... albeit I was stuffed up and some what congested...but still... tossing and turning until after the sun comes up is getting to be really tiresome...

I was here at my desk watching some TV and catching up on some news and playing games until almost 1 am... not that odd of a time to go to bed... so off I go I lock up the house and go to the bathroom and slip into my lovely big bed...

after 45 mins of just laying there I pick up a book... I put it down a couples of times when it feels like I'm about to fall asleep... and then I'm wide awake again... *le sigh*

it's now... 8:05 am and I've still not slept yet... hell I'm contemplating breakfast at the moment... but I know that by noon I'll be yawning my face off, I'll have a major headache and I'll need to lay down... which of course just continues the whole vicious circle of not being able to fall asleep at night...

I've done a few of the methods for trying to go to sleep... to no avail.. of course or I wouldn't be sitting here bitching about the fact that I can't get to sleep...

I have a bunch of stuff that I need to get done around the house... Okie is coming over to get the key to the house and get the run down on where the animals food is so that while I'm away over the weekend she can come and check on them and feed them...and I need to pack up some of my stuff for the weekend...

So I don't really have a bunch of free time during the day to just lay around and sleep...

Although I do have to say that lately when I do actually get some sleep I've been having dreams about my upcoming trip to Nevada... *squee*

Frosted Mini Wheats... ok there. decided. laters...

Cough Squee Cough Blow Nose

Here I sit on a Sunday...

I still feel like I've been hit by a mack truck or two... but I'm better now then I was earlier I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital... not only was my heart racing but my blood sugar shot way up... (way up for me that is)... I was dizzy, I felt nauseous, every time I laid down to sleep my whole body started vibrating... last time I felt like that was in '09 and that time I did end up in the hospital for a few hours...

When I was feeling out of it I decided to check my blood sugar level...and it was 8.8 which is actually the higher part of the normal zone... however... my normal levels have been between 3.7 to 5.7... so at least I knew part of the issue though I didn't know what had caused it to shoot up like that because I'd only had some toast... so after trying a last desperate measure (which worked...if you really want to know what worked I might just tell ya)  I sat for a few minutes and took a few deep breaths and when The Man came in and asked if I still wanted to go to the hospital and I explained that I think I felt alright and that I wanted to get up and have a short shower and have a little bit to eat...

I got up and checked my blood sugar level again and this time it was at 5.4... it dropped from the 8.8 in about an hour...I checked again after (2 hrs) having some spaghetti (without any sauce) and it was back up to 7.7 again... I went through a period of a couple of hours where I felt really tired...

It's been a crazy day... it makes me happy that the Man and the Boys haven't left for up north yet... they were supposed to leave on Saturday... and then again they were supposed to leave today... if The Man's mother calls again in the morning to say she's not coming I'm just going to take the Manchild back to his dads...and they all just won't be going up this year...

On the flip side to the craziness of today was the sadness from last night... I mentioned in a previous post that Moe (our ferret) had been really sick... last night the strong little guy passed away... he tried so hard as did we... I realized that he was going to pass away when we could no longer to eat drink or take any sort of meds on Friday... I held him up to the last few moments when he started to seize non-stop... I'm really going to miss the little guy he was fun and so very lovable...
I strongly suspect that though we were told he was in good health that he wasn't...

so again... really kind of glad that the Man and boys didn't leave yet...

I'm really tired of wiping and blowing my nose...

5 days until Red Spiral...Squee!*coughcough*
13 days Reno... Squee! *blowingofnose and cough*

I will feel better by Wednesday!!

I Am The Master of My Own Sac...

You know when you're looking forward to something and all are excited... something generally happens to remind you that yes shit does happen...

I'm sick.
Moe's sick.

*le sigh*

and of course because I'm pushin myself to stay up and take care of and watch over him I'm not getting enough sleep... :(

the Man and the boys are leaving on Saturday for a week... I hope that I'm at least better by then...

*something that makes me smile* 16 days until Reno and 8 days until Red Spiral....

must.get.better.

Quote of the Day... "I hope I never become delirious, the kids won't know that I'm delirious..." the Man interjects with "Because you always act like you're delirious...."