Thursday, December 25, 2014

Death, Prison, Dates, Babies and Derby

I'm not even sure where to start this blog post...I'm so far behind in news and thoughts and ramblings...

Not even sure how far back I need to go to try to catch up either...or if I should start with the good news or the bad...

My step father passed away at the beginning of November...the first day of it actually. He was the third of the groups of deaths that have happened in the latter half of the year. Cancer ate away his insides and he just couldn't fight it any more.

The next day Krammit gave birth to her beautiful was a bit scary for a minute or two...but everyone came out of it and  Jack and Wyatt are beautiful and two of the best babies ever.

After Al's funeral I found out that Biff my favourite Lion ever had passed away, there was no service for him... just the knowledge that in March when I go to the convention I won't get to see him...I won't get my annual picture of me sitting on his lap and having him give me advice on dirty old men.

I went to go visit Krammit and all her boys for nearly a week and it was such a great reprieve from life...I had started to get so depressed and just snuggling and loving the babies and seeing my Krammit for 5 days was just awesome.

Went to the roller derby end of the season party with both Sugarbear and The Man... There aren't words to describe how much I love that I can go out with the both of them and not have to answer to many questions.

At this point I'm not too sure about continuing on with roller derby. I've not been able to pay my dues for December, still need to come up with money for my annual insurance and money for my January dues... may need to sell a kidney to continue.

December brought on the stress of having to deal with my landlords and their thoughts that some how their lack of upkeep of the property is some how our fault. They came back a second day in a row with a paper saying that they'll be raising the rent as of March first...The Man sort of gave our notice...let's see if the landlord takes him seriously...they only thing I've heard from them is that she sent me a text asking me for a measurement for the back door...
So we'll see on the first if we are actually going to give our notice. I think it's time.
I don't want to move. I hate moving...I've moved a lot.
If they're not going to take care of the place and we have to pay more in rent then...what else can I really do... *le sigh*

It hasn't been all bad...?

I did get sick last week...and this past weekend was awesome and horrible all at the same time...
Last Tuesday I seemed to wake up with something horrible living in my head and throat...Wednesday was a bit touch and go as to whether or not I might have had to go to the hospital...thankfully my body decided to take pity on me and just make me feel like hell. My heart didn't go batty thankfully.

This Monday (the 22nd) was the one year mark for Sugarbear and I...went by really fast it seems. He made Saturday awesome. He brought me home a beautiful bouquet of flowers on Friday, which made me blush since before I saw them I was joking about him being spoiled. We went out for breakfast on Saturday (I was and am still, feeling a bit crappy, but I was told he was taking me out for dinner so I was determined to feel well). We went to the Keg in the Falls, had a good view, and a really yummy meal. I have to say that this visit was much better then our last one (which was our first we were so much more comfortable with each other now and so it was just a really good time. After supper we went to Timmies and grabbed a hot chocolate and a tea, then drove down through the festival of lights and through Dufferin Island. Then headed home where I forced him to sit through the Nightmare before Christmas (because hello...everyone should see that movie... Best Christmas movie and Best Hallowe'en movie...) I then got him to open up his presents... we then went on to celebrate Christmas downstairs...

Sunday I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck... Sugarbear was a sweetheart (as he almost always is) he ran me a bath and then made me some brunch and just let me lay around most of the afternoon...which made me feel bad since he was running about cleaning up and such. We ended up going to the bakery but I think that was about it.

A bit of a back story for a moment... My friend Codex who was a diabetic and having some renal issues failed to report on the 17th for his dialysis, nurses at the hospital were concerned and made a call for a welfare check. Where he was found unresponsive in his apartment and rushed to the hospital. The found after a ct scan that no neurological activity was happening. They (his mother and sister) then started calling friends and family from out of town to come and say their goodbyes to him.
He wasn't even 30 fucking years old.

On Sunday at 6pm I got a text from Codex's mother that he was gone now. On the Winter Solstice, his favourite night of the year. The night the light starts to come back. The night that the dark times is officially over...

I'm so tired of death. After this dark time...too many people have slipped through the veil.

Twice now I've been with Sugarbear when I've gotten the news of someone passing. I was eating breakfast with him when I found out about Al...and he was making supper when I found out about Codex.

I stayed at Sugarbears house Monday, Tuesday and then came home on Wednesday... I still wasn't feeling well. But I was also using it as a hidey hole...I didn't want to leave...I didn't want to deal with the world (I still really don't want to). I love that Sugarbear let's me use his place as a sanctuary away from the bright noisy world... He's up North with his family celebrating the holiday...

Tomorrow...err...Today... I'll be heading to Mum's to go do the Christmas thing. I was talking to her on the phone earlier and couldn't stop myself from breaking down... Yesterday I just wanted to get into my car and drive to go see my mum...The Man had the car...and I didn't know what I would say when I got there...

I have these moments where I think about how Barium doesn't have her father tomorrow... Oakie doesn't have Judy this Christmas... my Mum won't have Al to snuggle with tomorrow... We won't be watching Codex's cat for him while he goes to visit his mum... Biff won't be able to see what Santa brought for his grandkids... and my beautiful beautiful friend Moon won't get to see her only child open her gifts when the sun comes up... and I just well up and start to cry.

I just want to curl up in Sugarbears big comfy bed and shut the doors...

Earlier tonight was just awful... I was trying to be in a good mood and was laughing and joking about with the Boychild...apparently The Man was annoyed and we were entertained by annoying him he stormed off.
Boychild tried so very hard to cheer me up afterwards...he is such a sweet kid...he shouldn't have to deal with my depression. Standing hugging his mum in the middle of the living room while she cries because she's angry at the world and annoyed with his fathers behaviour, and frustrated that everything just seems like it's going to shit.

And we've been trying to figure out how we can get up North (5 hr drive) on the 28th for Codex's memorial service. The Man and I both really want to go... Frankly I don't like the thought of travelling for 5 hours, saying good bye to a friend and then travelling another 5 hours home again.

Was hard to not think of DrunkenMonkey today and wonder how he's doing. It was his birthday. He just turned prison.  I have talked to his mum this week to see how he is, to see how she is, and to see if I would be able to mail him a letter.
I know what he did is wrong on so very many levels, but somewhere deep inside me I can't just turn my back on him. I know some people think I'm crazy and think I should just wash my hands of him and be done with it.

So what's coming up...?

Going to make dinner on Saturday for my dad his gf, and our friends The Farmer and Femme, as well as my 4. Not the biggest crowd I've cooked for but still a good size.

Sugarbear and I (and The Man) are having a bit of a gathering for New Years Eve... the Boychild will be there, it'll really be the first time he's really kind of hung out with Sugarbear. We're going to fondue it up with The Farmer and Femme. Hoping that Nickle will be there, maybe Pinky (miss him).
I've invited some others... starting to think that Leethal and Punisher aren't really interested with maintaining a friendship with us any more. I hardly hear from them, and seems when I do text it's not really ever a good time. Invited them to come out on NYE but I think they're sort of waiting to see if something better comes along. At least...that's how it feels. Who knows.
Been a year and I know she still seems to get amazed and weirded out about the whole situation of the three of

Beyond that... I have no idea.

I'm hoping for at least month off from going to funerals or having someone I know passing away...that would be lovely.

In good news...

I found a Target gift card on my desk that has fifty bucks on it.
I'm still not smoking.
I'm still enjoying my knitting.
My kids are healthy.
I love The Man and Sugarbear... and I'm fairly certain they both love me.

Good Night.

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 09, 2014

Poly Related Terms...

Posting this here mainly so I can reference them again...just learned a few more from this list that was shared with me...

Bright-eyed Novice [BeN] n : a person who has just discovered Polyamory. Handle at your own risk as they tend to date as if eating at a buffet, they are still unaware of the amount of energy and work they will need to make their relationships work and have not yet refined their communication skills. [example of phrase BeN would say? "I love more than one person and I don't care who knows it !"]
Closed Marriage : Marriages where their is no outer emotional relating or sexuality
Closed Group Marriage : A group of individuals who describe themselves as married but may or may not be all primaries and who are closed to outside sexual relationships 2: A marriage in which fidelity is not equated with monogamy
Closed Relationship n : An agreement among the members not to get sexually and/or romantically involved with anyone outside the relationship
Commitment n 1 : to pledge or promise to do something 2 : dedication to a long-term course of action 3 : engagement 4 : involvement 5 : to put into charge or trust 6 : ENTRUST 7 : to carry into action 8 : PERPETRATE 9 : TRANSFER, CONSIGN; committal n; commit vb; committed vb; committing vb
Commune n 1 : a community 2 : interchange of thoughts and feelings 3 : converse; communal adj 1 : to be owned or shared by a community 2 : public
Community n, pl -ties 1 : a body of people living in the same place under the same laws; also : a natural population of plants and animals that interact ecologically and live in one place (as a pond) 2 : society at large 3 : joint ownership 4 : SIMILARITY, LIKENESS
Compersion n : the feeling of taking joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another, the term was coined by the Keristan Commune in San Francisco which practiced Polyfidelity, Kerista disbanded in the early 1990's
Condom Commitment n : an agreement to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free intercourse to a closed group which has previously been screened for sexually transmitted diseases. syn. safe sex circle
Condom Compact n : is collection of rules and responsibilities to help members involved in open multiple partner relationships protect themselves against STD, the Condom Compact was written by Oberon and Morning Glory Zell
Conscious Courtship n : dedication is in seeing that commitment and emotional or bonding are developed and based on values and goal alignment as well as initial and on-going attraction
Cooperative n or adj 1 : willing to work with others 2 : of or relating to an association formed to enable its members 3: a cooperative association
Courting n or vb : The process by which people explore how it feels to form or join in a committed relationship. syn. dating
Cowboy n : A male person who believes that alternative relationships are unstable, and consciously or unconsciously tries to pull one of the partners off into a monogamous relationship with them. Refers to "cutting a filly out of the herd". Cowgirl : A female cowboy
Eclectic Relationship n : Relationship that have heterosexual and homosexual members in them , relationship that consisting of diverse elements
Eromance n : romantic sexual love
Eros n : refers to sexual intimacy, sexual love, sexual drive or libido
Expanded Family n : a relationship in which three or more partners consciously chose each other as family, partners may or may not live together, there is the potential for all family members to be sexual with each other if they mutually chose to do so but this is not a requirement for family membership, syn intentional family
Family n, pl -lies 1 : a group of individuals living under one roof and under one head : HOUSEHOLD 2 : a group of persons of common ancestry : CLAN3 : a group of things having common characteristics; esp : a group of related plants or animals ranking in biological classification above a genus and below an order 4 : a social unit usu. consisting of one or two parents and their children
Fidelity n, pl -ties 1 : the quality or state of being faithful 2 : ACCURACY syn allegiance, loyalty, devotion, fealty
Friends With Benefits abbr. - [FWB] n : a casual relationship used to describe the physical and emotional relationship between unmarried people who engage in uncommitted sex acts. The intent is generally to relieve sexual frustrations through an alternative to masturbation, and is not intended as a romantic relationship. All parties are free to date and engage in sex acts with other people. This type of a relationship effectively gives the people involved an outlet for their sexual urges without the potential stress and time-demands of a committed relationship. The people may elect to become "Friends With Benefits" because they are not willing to commit to a full-fledged relationship for whatever reason
Grex n : a synergistic group of highly interdependent individuals whose functioning is enhanced by their association
Group Marriage n : a marriage involving more than two people
Group Partner n : a person of group marriage or relationship
Group Relationship n : a committed, loving relationship involving multiple partners
Hinge n or adj: Refers to Vee's, or similar dynamics in a more complex relationship, the "person in the middle", more bonded to each end than they are to each other, is sometimes called the hinge. Without the hinge, the others people often go their separate ways.
Hippie Hefner n : a male that is a charming mid-life hippie who attempts to create [though may already have done so] a flock of buxom women
Hot Bi Babe [HBB] n : mythical creature [female] that some couples search for as for the Holy Grail.
Husband n : a male partner in a marriage or committed relationship
In search of Hot Bi Babe [ISO HBB] n : a couple that is only looking for the elusive HBB. Won't talk to anyone else. Not interested in anything else.
Inclusive Relationship n : a relationship in which all partners agree to include more lovers into their relationship
Intentional Family n : a relationship in which three or more partners consciously chose each other as family, partners may or may not live together, there is the potential for all family members to be sexual with each other if they mutually chose to do so but this is not a requirement for family membership, syn expanded family
Intimate n, vb or adj 1 : an intimate friend, associate, or confidant 2 : INTRINSIC; also : INNERMOST 3 : marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity 4 : marked by a warm friendship 5 : suggesting informal warmth or privacy 6 : of a very personal or private nature-mated; -mating 7 : ANNOUNCE, NOTIFY 8 : to communicate indirectly : HINT; intimation n; intimacy n; intimately adv
Intimate Network n : individuals who desire friendship and perhaps sex with their lover's and other friend's, forming a web of varying connections within a social circle
Intimate Partner n : a gender-free, hetrosexual free term that define a person that another person is involved with their is a presumption of a romantic or sexual connection
Intimate Relationship n : a gender-free, hetrosexual free relationship term that assumes romantic or sexual connection
Jealousy n or adj 1 : the opposite of compersion 2 : negative, angry feelings that a group or an individual can prevoke in another group or individual 3 : demanding complete devotion 4 : suspicious of a rival or of one believed to enjoy an advantage 5 : VIGILANT; jealously; jealous adj
Line Marriage n : a term from the works of Robert A. Heinlein, science fiction writer, meaning a marriage that from time to time adds younger members, eventually establishing an equilibrium population, spouses dying off at the same rate as new ones are added, this is a different form of familial immortality than the traditional one of successive generations of children
Lovestyle n : the design or structure of a sexualove relationship, like the term lifestyle, it implies a conscious choice. syn. Relationship Orientation
Mixed Relationships n 1 : relationships that have heterosexual and homosexual members 2 : relationships that have people from different races and cultures
Monogamy n 1 : the practice of marrying only once 2 : being married to only one person at a time 3 : a marriage in which tow partners agree not to have sex or erotic love with anyone else 4 : a lovestye for two players; monogamist n; monogamous adj
Multipartner Relationship n : any nonmonogamous Relationship
Multiple adj 1 : more than one; also : MANY 2 : VARIOUS
Multiple Partner n : more than one partner
Multiple Relationship n : more than one relationship
New Normal n or adj : searching for normality and balance after establishing a new relationship within a group relationship. Establishing a new relationship within an existing multipartnered relationship brings changes to the emotionally established order of the group relationship. Finding the "NEW NORMAL" is what the shared group members strive for to improve the relationship and bring the group back into balance after adding a new member.
New Paradigm Relating n : a philosophy of relationship which emphasizes using the relationship to consciously enhance the psychological and spiritual development of the partners, New Paradigm Relating is characterized by responding authentically in the present moment, honoring individual autonomy, equality, total honesty and self responsibility.
New Relationship Energy n or adj: energy that flows between partners in a "new" relationship, the excitement and discovery that occurs during this time as opposed to old relationship energy that is part of a more settled, stable, comfortable time in the relationship
Nonmonogamy n : a relationship which allows for more that one sexual relationship at a time
Not-so-hot Bi Babe [NSHBB] n : unfortunately non-mythical annoying rookie who "Just doesn't get it" and would be more happier swinging.
Odd-One-Out Syndrome n or adj: an intimate situation where one person feels left out, usually because there is an odd number or members
Old Greaser n : a male who, at least once an hour, tries to have sex with anything female, regardless of appropriateness.
Old Paradigm Relating n or adj : a philosophy of relationship which emphasizes well defined rules, extensive agreements, ironclad conditions and the importance of the group over the individual, usually involves a hierarchical power structure.
One True Way Polyamorist n : Often times the Bright-eyed Novice [See Bright-eyed Novice] will morph into The One True Way Polyamorist after several months. This person has read everything they can find and will tell you exactly how Polyamory works, and what you must do. They will tell you that you are immoral or dishonorable if you disagree with them.
Open Marriage n : Includes one primary spouse bond and other secondary or tertiary lover's depending on availability and circumstance.
Open Group Marriage n 1: A group of individuals who describe themselves as married, but may or may not be all primaries and who are open to outside sexual relationships
Open Relationship n : an agreement among the members in which the partners decide that they can have sexual relations outside of the relationship. Partner have agreed that they can have sexual relations independently of each other
Partner n 1 : Short for life partner(s). Gender-free, heterosexual assumption free term for someone with whom one is romantically involved with 2: SPOUSE or SPICE 3: ASSOCIATE(S), COLLEAGUE(S) 4: two or more persons who dance together 5 : one who plays on the same team with another 6: one of two or more persons contractually associated as joint principals in a venture--partnership n
Plural Marriage n : a name often applied to Mormon-style polygyny, all the wives may live together or each may have her own home
Poly n or adj 1 : many or several 2 : Short for Polyamorous 3: The relationship orientation of people who love and want to be intimate with more than one person at a time 4: A relationship that is non-monogamous relationship 5: A person that is either in or at least interested in a multipartnered relationship and family
Polyactivist n : a person interested in taking action intended to counteract the political, social and religious enforcement of monogamy; Polyactivists help promote greater awareness of Polyamory as a legitimate relationship choice; polyactivism n
Polyamorous n 1 : practicing polyamory 2 : of or characterized by polyamory
Polyamory n : is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. Polyamory is an umbrella term which integrates traditional multipartner relationship terms with more evolved egalitarian terms. Polyamory embraces sexual equality and all sexual orientations towards an expanded circle of spousal intimacy and love. Polyamory is from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves" or Polyamory
Polyandrous n 1 : practicing polyandry 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polyandry
Polyandry n 1 : the state or practice of having two or more husbands at the same time 2 : the mating of one female animal with more that one male; polyandric adj; polyandrist n
PolyChildhood n 1 : the state of being a child in a multiple partnered relationship
2 : from infancy to puberty 3 : an early stage or development within a multiple partnered relationship
PolyChild n -ren pl 1 : a girl or boy in the period before puberty from a polyamrous marriage or relationship 2 : an infant; baby of polyamorous union
Polyerocist n : a person who practices or prefers sex with multiple partners
Polyeros n : a lifestyle or relationship in which sexual partners agree that they may take additional sexual partners
PolyFamily n 1 : all the people living in or sharing life experences in the same home or household 2 : a social unit consisting of multiple adult models 3 : when polychildren are present the term includes others adults, besides blood or birth parents, who are responsibly involved with the polychild or polychildren, most adult take an active role in polychild rearing 4 : a group of people related by common commune, tribe, clan, lineage, ancestry, relatives, commitment or marriage 5 : a sharing of living expenses and property
PolyFriend n 1 : a person whom one knows well and is fond of polyamorous people 2 : intimate associate or close acquaintance of a person of an polyamorous orientation
Polyfriendly n 1 : an ally of people of a polyamorous orientation 2 : amicable 3 : supporting, helping or favorable 4 : showing friendly feelings polyamorous people or unions 5 : ready to be a friends to polyamorous people or unions
Polyfi Fundamentalist n : Closely related to the One True Way Polyamorist [See One True Way Polyamorist], differing only in the fact that they believe polyfidelity is paramount to all of the other Poly-style relationships. Will politely tell you how immoral you are if you are not Polyfidelitous. Though, some will vehemently call you a swinger or wannabe if you argue with them.
Polyfidelitous adj 1 : practicing polyfidelity 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polyfidelity
Polyfidelity n : a group in which all partners are primary to all other partners and sexual fidelity is to the group; shared intent of a lifelong run together. More primary partners can be added with everyone's consent. The term was coined by the Kerista commune
Polygamous adj 1 : practicing polygamy 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polygamy
Polygamy n : the practice of having more than one wife or husband at one time; polygamist n; polygamous adj
Polygynous adj 1 : practicing polygyny 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polygyny
Polygyny n 1 : the state or practice of having two or more wives at the same time 2 : the mating of a male animal with more than one female
PolyLove n 1 : strong affection or attraction to more than one person 2 : the strong belief that human beings are capable of having love and affection for more than one person at a time 3 : warm attachment and joyful feeling in presence of your beloveds 4 : attraction based on sexual desire multiple partners 5 : intimate fantasies and dreams about multiple partners 6 : beloved people 7 : unselfish loyalty, benevolence and concern for others 8 : to feel a passion, devotion, or tenderness for multiple partners or loveones 9 : to take pleasure in being with many
PolyLover n : a person of polyamorous orientation with whom you have an intimate relationship
PolyMarriage n 1 : the state of being committed in multiple partnered relationship 2 : a multiple partnered relationship where commitment ritual was performed 3 : any close or intimate multi partnered union of duration
PolyPartner n : a person of polyamorous orientation that you are intimately involved
PolyRelationship n : a multiple partnered polyamorous relationship
Poly Mantra n or v: communicate, communicate, communicate and then communicate some more
Primary adj 1: first in order of time or development 2 : PREPARATORY 3: of first rank or importance 4 : FUNDAMENTAL 5 : not derived from or dependent on something else
Primary Partner n : a person of polyamorous orientation that is intimately involved in your life on day to day basis, the person provide emotional and economic support, there is mutual sharing of resources, goal and life paths
Primary Relationship n 1 : the closest relationship type, the person(s) given the most time, energy and priority in a person's life; includes high level of intimacy, attraction and commitment as demonstrated by marriage-level bonding (such as shared life paths, goals, parenting, economics, housing, important values, ongoing emotional support, etc.), typically includes a desire for a shared lifelong future together
Quad n : A multiple partnered relationship with four members
Relationship n : the state of being related or interrelated
Relationship Orientation n 1: The perference for sexual relationships or lovestyles which are monogamous, nonmonogamous, intimate network, Polyfidelitous, etc. 2: The design or structure of a sexualove relationship. Like the term lifestyle, it implies a conscious choice. syn. Lovestyle
Remarriage n : the state of being or getting married again
Safe Sex n : ideal 100% safe sexual activity and especially sexual intercourse in which various measures (as the use of latex condoms) are taken to avoid diseases (as AIDS and other STD's) which are transmitted by sexual contact
Safer Sex n : reality, not 100% safe, sexual activity and sexual intercourse where various measures are taken such as the use of latex condoms and barriers to avoid sexually transmaitted disease also taking into account that no such measure is 100% safe or foolproof
Safe Sex Circle n : an agreement to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free intercourse to a closed group which has previously been screened for sexually transmitted diseases; syn. Condom Commitment n
Secondary Partner n : a person of polyamorous orientation that is intimately involved in your life but usually not daily, the person provide emotional support may or may not provide economic support, there may be some sharing of resources, goal and life paths but they are few as compared to primary partners
Secondary Relationship n : a close relationship type, by definition it is given less in terms of time, energy and priority in a person's life than any primary relationship, includes aspects of primary relating, such as sexuality and emotional support but usually involves fewer ongoing commitments as evidenced by fewer shared values, plans or finanical/legal involvements, may include a desire for a long term future together
Serial Monogamy n : a succession of monogamous partners over time, overlapping sexuality only in the transition from the current monogamous partner to next
Sex Negative adj : a person with the belief that sexuality in general dirty or distasteful to including their own sexuality
Sex Positive adj : a person who is comfortable with own sexuality and sexuality in general
Skeezer n : a male, closely related to the Old Greaser [See Old Greaser]. His 'open' relationship policy generally means he just likes to have intercourse with anything that moves.
Spice n : Plural of spouse
Spouse n : a persons husband or wife
Swing Club n 1 : a meeting place where recreational sexual activity take place 2 : an organization that support, encourage and promotes recreational sexual activities
Swinger n : a person who is sophisticated, ultra-fashionable, active , uninhibited in the pursuit of pleasure or sex
Swinging vb : Recreational sexual activity, also called "sport sex" where partner's or participant's agree to have casual sex with each other's. There is usually no emotional involvement. A form of monogamy in which usually two primary partners agree to have casual sex with other couples or singles
Synergy n : the state of a system in which the whole is greater taht the sum of its parts : similar harmony as expressed musically : synergism n : interaction of discrete agencies (as industrial firms), agents (as drugs), or conditions such that the total effect is greater than the sum of the individual effects synergist n; synergistic adj; synergistically adv
Trantra n : 1 Hindu or Buddhist scriptures dealing with techiques and rituals including meditative and sexual prictices 2 :TOUCH 3 : Yoga spiritual discipline 4 : SENSATION 5 : FEEL
Tertiary n or adj 1 : of third rank, importance, or value 2 cap : of, relating to, or being the earlier period of the Cenozoic era 3 : occurring in or being the third stage
Tertiary Partner n : a person of polyamorous orientation that is intimately involved in your life erratically, the person provides limited emotional support, usually does not provide economic support, sharing of resources, goal and life paths
Tertiary Relationship n or adj : a relationship which may include emotional support or sexuality on a one-time or highly erratic schedule, attention or energy is given in bursts but the relationship is not a consistent part of a persons life
Tolerance n 1 : the act or practice of tolerating; esp : sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from one's own 2 : the allowable deviation from a standard (as of size) 3 : the body's ability to become less responsive over time to something tolerant adj tolerantly adv
Traditional Monogamy n : only one partner who is a lifelong mate; primary intimacy and sexual fidelity only with this partner : also see monogamy
Triad n 1: any three person lovestyle. 2: three people involved in some way; most often used in a committed sense; in some cases involving ceremonies of commitment 3 : a union or group of three usu. closely related persons or things
Triangle n 1: (or equilateral triangle) relationship where three people are each involved with both of the others, sometimes also called a triad 2 : a plane figure that has three sides and three angles : a polygon having three sides 3 : something shaped like a triangle; triangular adj; triangularly adv
Trisexual n : a sexual orientation of a person who prefers to have sex with two or more partners simultaneously
Vee n : three people, where the structure puts one person at the bottom, or hinge" of the vee, also called the pivot point; in a vee, the arm partners are not as commonly close to each other as each is to the pivot
Zee n :Slang shape of four people in a poly relationship where two are sexual and two are not yet all four live in the same house

Thursday, December 04, 2014

Cynical Romantic

I'm not sure if I'm like other women.

I'm fairly anti-marriage...yet I'll still sometimes fantasize about a wedding...

I'm sarcastic and cynical when it comes to love...yet I like romantic gestures...

I like getting flowers once in awhile just as a 'I was thinking of you' type token...but not big expensive bouquets that would seem too extravagant...perhaps a lollipop...or something small even...

But then that big gesture of a big date (once in a blue moon) a dinner at a fancy restaurant followed by hours of just making

Ok so that might seem strange...but I'm big on the making out thing...just something about touching and caressing while a whole lot of kissing is happening...that exploration and wonder of how far can I go...will they say they like this...

I suppose that's why new relationships and or weekend flings can be fun at times.

Sometimes you just get into a groove and forget about stuff like that... what making out for the first time was like... or it's just known that this will be happening tonight...leaves some of the wonderment out of it.

Suppose that's why people will try out new things in the bedroom... or why some people hold back on telling someone about their kinks or fetishes or favourite things...for fear that the person they're with will think them a freak...and therefore wait a long long time before feeling comfortable enough to tell them...if they ever tell them.

There's really only one person I really divulged that information to... He knew my kinks and never found them taboo or to 'weird'... he never judged me or made me feel bad about any of them...

I'm not sure if I'll have that this time... I'm fairly certain there would be a level of judgement there that would make me feel embarrassed or ashamed for having said anything.

I'm a kinky cynic who loves romance and passion...

Not sure if I'll ever find that...