Whirlwind...

Well...Hello 2015...

Is it really January again already...??

It's felt like the year flew by...even though this past week feels like it just slithered by slower then molasses in a polar vortex...

Segue...so apparently there's another polar vortex coming... but climate change isn't happening right...?

But enough about the weather...

I'm stressed.

I hate being stressed...it affects my eating... my sleeping...my health...my libido...

The Man wants to move. I do and I don't want to move... I just wish that this particular house was in better shape so that the bills would be lower and the house more liveable. And because they haven't done anything about maintaining the house while we've been living here the last 7 years I know that it won't change, that would be the reason that I do want to move.

I just really fucking hate packing, giving notice, trying to find a new place, and starting this all over again. I dislike changing landlords, not because I like this set, but because I hate having to get used to new people governing over the place I live.
I've had so many different landlords and only one or two of them have been understanding and bearable. Understanding in the aspect of letting me possibly change paint colours in the house, and being able to put up pictures without worry of them hounding me that there's 'holes' in the walls. Bearable as in not showing up on the 1st of the month at 8am knocking on my door, but then again not making me have to call you on the 6th of the month saying 'um hello? are you going to come pick this up or what?'

The Man keeps talking about buying a house...um...what? - we have no money saved... we live cheque to cheque to cheque... barely making ends meet as it is... how the fuck does he even figure that we would ever be able to purchase a house...?!

And where the hell are we going to get the money to cover moving costs...??

I also don't want to have to think about this shit in the middle of winter.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... I hate money. It's the one thing that makes me depressed the quickest.

I had been trying to decide if I wanted to stay in derby with my league or going with another league.. It looks like I won't be able to continue derby with any league. It makes my heart sad, I love skating but haven't been able to pay my dues for last month, purchase the required insurance and now it's nearly time to start paying dues again for the month of January... and I just don't have the 110$ to cover all of that.

Had to come up with a deposit for the Boychilds end of the year school trip on top of all the stuff for Christmas...very little warning...that was 50$... and they want another 50$ for a payment for January as well... so there goes my dues.

The Man applied for a job the other day. I'm hoping that he gets it. During the summer when I was working on the farm it was nice to be able to have a tiny bit of a money at all times. Just before the Holidays DD and I went to one of the sex shops in town and I'm seriously considering giving them a copy of my CV... seriously is there any other job more fitting for me... I would get to tell people to fuck themselves, how to do it and what to do with it...

The holidays were ok...started off great which I posted about in the last post...then went a tiny bit sideways last week...

Sugarbear went up north to visit his family from the 23rd to the 28th... he had been talking about possibly coming home for the evening of the 29th... I found out while he was up  there that he wasn't feeling well which made me feel bad because I likely gave him the cold that I was dealing with before Christmas...
So he sent me a text telling me that he had some not so great news which was he was asked to head to work for the 29th and the 30th...(he was supposed to have from the 23rd to the 5th off) so he let me know that he wouldn't be home until the afternoon of the 30th... (we were having people over to the house on the 31st for new years eve)... So he got home and we went out shopping for stuff for the next evening...went to see DD while he was at work for supper...and then went home...where he fell asleep on the couch...lol - I don't blame him he wasn't feeling well. Went to bed and woke up the next day...had to go out and pick up a few last minute things we didn't grab the night before... and then the chopping started... New Years Eve Fondue was had again...(this time at Sugarbears house), we had Pinky, Femme, DD, Pegleg, The Man, Boychild and of course the two of us at the house.

Like always, I worried about not having enough food...

Don't think I needed to worry... (had all of that and then of course the others brought some as well)

So when we got back to the house we made a late lunch and then I got to chopping and he got to napping...lol
It didn't bother me...again he still wasn't feeling well and we knew we'd be up late...normal for me...not so normal for him.

He ended up waking up and helping me out with cutting up stuff for the fondue after he napped anyway so it was all good.
Which was good...was able to sneak in one last romp before ringing in the new year...lol

So then we spent the evening fondue-ing and chatting and watching the Niagara Falls party on TV, rang in the new year and then headed downstairs to play some pool and horse around all drunk like...

took some drunken blurry pictures on the couch while the others played some pool...

The next "morning" (which was really like 2 or 3 in the afternoon) we got up and got dressed and headed down to Fort Erie to my aunts where The Man, Boychild, Sugarbear and I were going to play games and visit with my Aunt, Uncle, niece, mum, sis and Manchild...oh yeah gang was all there and they had all been messaging me most of the later morning asking where the hell I was... See I told them I'd likely be there just after noon...oops

We got there at 4.

While there after a few hours I got a text from Sugarbear (who was sitting two chairs from me) that his mum was back in the hospital...

So after a bit longer we ended up saying our goodbyes and headed back to the house. Where I asked about his mum...he fell asleep...after a couple of ours we went to bed...

The next morning...woken up by a text from my landlady asking about coming to get the rent...I thought the Man was home but apparently he was off with Ni-Kill ad TBone... so I was getting dressed to walk home so I could get a cheque together for the landlords.
SB woke up and ended up driving me over...I swear I think we were both still half asleep.

It wasn't long after that...that shit got real. He made the decision that he needed to go back to Sudbury so that with help of his family he could get his mother into a better hospital because she just wasn't getting the proper level of care that she required in the one she was at.

At first I asked him if he wanted me to go with him when I could see how frustrated he seemed to be and he didn't really say no or yes at that point about me joining him, just made some sort of mention that he may have to be there the whole weekend and then go straight to work in Barrie. Which sort of made me grin inside because after a year he hasn't seen just how resourceful I can be and me getting from Barrie to home was the least of the problems. I had that on lock before I even asked if he wanted me to go with him. I didn't press it though mainly because I thought he just didn't want me to go but didn't want to say no for fear of hurting my feelings or some such. As the day went on a bit more I didn't say too much because he was trying to ascertain the extent of the situation where his mum was concerned and dealing with stuff with his sister. He got more frustrated and then he got emotional... I wasn't expecting that...all I could do was hug him and tell him that I love him in the hopes that it helped a bit. After some dinner/really late lunch... I hugged on him again and told him I wanted to go with him. By this time I had a bag packed and already had plans in place to get home again from Barrie, and since the house was still a mess from NYE there had even been a suggestion of someone coming to clean it while we were gone.

He nodded. He nodded when I said I wanted to go with him and I wasn't sure if that was a nod of 'yes come with me' or if that was a nod of acknowledgement like 'yes I hear that you have offered that'.

I tidied up a bit of garbage and in the meantime he was getting all of his laundry done (that he had thought he still had a couple more days to do), and had been texting some more with his sister.

I didn't even realize that he had said anything to his sister about whether or not it would be ok if I came up with him until he suddenly tossed his phone onto the coffee table and said 'well it seems my sister doesn't think it's a good idea if you come with me...she pretty much said does she really want to be up here in the middle of all this shit...' I just nodded and said 'for you? yes'...

Needless to say... sister won out on that one since neither of us really had money for a hotel room (especially not after throwing a nye party) and he was going to be staying at her house.

I asked him if he had wanted me to go and he said yes...after realizing that I just meant had he wanted me to go...and not that I meant to defy his sister some how and take me with anyway...I just wanted to know if he wanted me with him. Oh English language...

I wasn't mad per se... I was disappointed and a bit sad. I wasn't going there to stick my nose in family business...I was going so that when he needed a hand to hold or a hug or a small smile and a quiet 'I love you' - I'd be there.

I told The Man that it felt like the universe was throwing a test at me that I wasn't allowed to take. His response was of course that I passed the test because I stepped up, wanted to go, and packed a bag. He said that was the test if there even was one at all. Which I felt a little confused by at first because of course I wanted to go...of course I packed a bag...who wouldn't??
Even if I didn't love him...I would want to be there for him. It just seemed a foreign concept to me that someone wouldn't offer...

So he left... at 6:30 in the evening... and I sat on the couch and cried. I knew he would text me when he got there before going to bed. He knows I worry. But I didn't want to just sit there for 5 hours on the couch...crying and worrying and watching the clock... I knew The Man was at TBone's house playing games.

I dislike asking for help...I dislike appearing to be weak or vulnerable...I dislike people truly seeing my anxiety issues...I dislike feeling useless...

I was surprised by my next action...

While sitting there with tears running down my face I sent DD a text...I told him Sugarbear was gone back up north and I was sitting on the couch crying. DD was there in approximately 30 mins. Followed by Pinky who had sent me a text message asking me if everything was ok.

DD was sick and stayed with me for a couple of hours...just talking and shooting the shit. He let me vent on him and let my anxiety out.  Then Pinky stayed with me until 4 am... we talked and watched a movie and played a couple of games and pretty much stayed until we were both exhausted.

I went downstairs to go to bed after he had left and still ended up reading until after 6am...

Of course I worry about Sugarbears' mama...and of course I understand family comes first...and of course I understand his sister not necessarily wanting me there in the midst of all of it...and of course I took care of things at home and cleaned up the house...and of course I sent messages asking for updates about his mum as well as of him and how he was doing...

But I'm not a saint...I am one of the most selfish people I know... there was a tiny part of me...ok well no part of me is tiny...but there was a part of me that wanted to look up to  the sky and yell.. Really?! Seriously?! We were suppose to get a week together... We were suppose to cuddle up on the couch from Friday to Sunday and not care about what happened in the outside world... He was supposed to be able to relax and get better on the second half of his vacation... not drive from Sudbury to Angus to St Catharines to Fort Erie to St Catharines to Sudbury to Manatoulin Island to Sudbury to Angus and then back home again...in one week...while sick and worried about his mother for half of that.

Oh yeah... I totally had a 'teenage, foot stomping the ground, yelling at the sky, crying out about how life isn't fair' moment...I held it all inside but man did I visualize the fuck out of that moment...

I just feel like we got robbed of time that we had been looking forward to that was just going to be ours...well I suppose I shouldn't say we...I know I was looking forward to it...I hope that he was...

I have been waiting with bated breath all week that he was going to say that he's coming home this weekend...I haven't wanted to ask (again)... (I asked on Monday but as he patiently pointed out on the phone while tiredly driving to Barrie...bit early to say...)
Broke down and finally asked last night because he hadn't said anything about it... I didn't realize how much it had been bothering me until he told me that yes he was coming home...I let out a huge breath and felt like a weight had been lifted...it was a bit odd... I didn't realize I had been that anxious about it.

It wouldn't have surprised me in the least if he had headed back up north for the weekend to check in on his mum again...and I wouldn't have faulted him for it...would have asked if I could go with this time...and found a way to Barrie...

I just know he's had a rough week and I just want to hug him and hold him and snuggle him and tell him how I think he's a good man and I love him. Hide away with him for at least a day just being all relaxed and cozy.

And then...

The DrunkenMonkey. I spoke to his mother on the phone. well wait... lemme back track...
I finally broke down and sent his mum a message and let her know that I wanted to send him a letter but I knew that I needed his inmate number so that I could make sure that he gets it (when I finally figure out what I'm going to write). She was really happy to hear from me, she did remember me...which was amazing to me since I had only met her once and that was over ten years ago now.

When she visited him on the 28th she had let him know that I contacted her and asked about sending him a letter (so much for the element of surprise) and asked him if he was ok with that. He apparently was very happy to hear that I wanted to write him and said that yes of course that she could give me his inmate number. So she let me know that it was ok but there are strict rules about not sharing that number over social media so I had to call her. Called and spoke to her for about 45mins and found out how he's doing and how she's doing and also found out that he could get out in 5 years providing he has had model behaviour and that he goes to classes and therapy and such. So for now he's in there until 2023.

The two of them seem to believe that him sending letters from a prison in the states to an address in Canada won't be an issue. However, his mum has offered that if there is any issues that I could send them to her and she'll send them to him, without reading them of course and vice versa.

So now I just need to figure out exactly what it is I want to say to him. I've wanted to reach out to him since last year when he first went in...but...I still don't know exactly what it is I want to say to him.

And then...

Bing...

I am so proud of you right now. Keep it up. Do it for you, not for anyone else.

Aaaaaand...

Burton...
Get your god damn fucking passport renewed and get your fucking ass home I miss your face.

Everything else will have to wait. I have been writing/typing way to long and should likely go to bed since again it's after 4am and I will likely see this side of 6am...a-fucking-gain.

Happy Fucking New Year 2015

Death, Prison, Dates, Babies and Derby

I'm not even sure where to start this blog post...I'm so far behind in news and thoughts and ramblings...

Not even sure how far back I need to go to try to catch up either...or if I should start with the good news or the bad...

My step father passed away at the beginning of November...the first day of it actually. He was the third of the groups of deaths that have happened in the latter half of the year. Cancer ate away his insides and he just couldn't fight it any more.

The next day Krammit gave birth to her beautiful twins...it was a bit scary for a minute or two...but everyone came out of it and  Jack and Wyatt are beautiful and two of the best babies ever.

After Al's funeral I found out that Biff my favourite Lion ever had passed away, there was no service for him... just the knowledge that in March when I go to the convention I won't get to see him...I won't get my annual picture of me sitting on his lap and having him give me advice on dirty old men.

I went to go visit Krammit and all her boys for nearly a week and it was such a great reprieve from life...I had started to get so depressed and just snuggling and loving the babies and seeing my Krammit for 5 days was just awesome.

Went to the roller derby end of the season party with both Sugarbear and The Man... There aren't words to describe how much I love that I can go out with the both of them and not have to answer to many questions.

At this point I'm not too sure about continuing on with roller derby. I've not been able to pay my dues for December, still need to come up with money for my annual insurance and money for my January dues... may need to sell a kidney to continue.

December brought on the stress of having to deal with my landlords and their thoughts that some how their lack of upkeep of the property is some how our fault. They came back a second day in a row with a paper saying that they'll be raising the rent as of March first...The Man sort of gave our notice...let's see if the landlord takes him seriously...they only thing I've heard from them is that she sent me a text asking me for a measurement for the back door...
So we'll see on the first if we are actually going to give our notice. I think it's time.
I don't want to move. I hate moving...I've moved a lot...like...a lot.
If they're not going to take care of the place and we have to pay more in rent then...what else can I really do... *le sigh*

It hasn't been all bad...?

I did get sick last week...and this past weekend was awesome and horrible all at the same time...
Last Tuesday I seemed to wake up with something horrible living in my head and throat...Wednesday was a bit touch and go as to whether or not I might have had to go to the hospital...thankfully my body decided to take pity on me and just make me feel like hell. My heart didn't go batty thankfully.

This Monday (the 22nd) was the one year mark for Sugarbear and I...went by really fast it seems. He made Saturday awesome. He brought me home a beautiful bouquet of flowers on Friday, which made me blush since before I saw them I was joking about him being spoiled. We went out for breakfast on Saturday (I was and am still, feeling a bit crappy, but I was told he was taking me out for dinner so I was determined to feel well). We went to the Keg in the Falls, had a good view, and a really yummy meal. I have to say that this visit was much better then our last one (which was our first date...lol) we were so much more comfortable with each other now and so it was just a really good time. After supper we went to Timmies and grabbed a hot chocolate and a tea, then drove down through the festival of lights and through Dufferin Island. Then headed home where I forced him to sit through the Nightmare before Christmas (because hello...everyone should see that movie... Best Christmas movie and Best Hallowe'en movie...) I then got him to open up his presents... we then went on to celebrate Christmas downstairs...

Sunday I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck... Sugarbear was a sweetheart (as he almost always is) he ran me a bath and then made me some brunch and just let me lay around most of the afternoon...which made me feel bad since he was running about cleaning up and such. We ended up going to the bakery but I think that was about it.

A bit of a back story for a moment... My friend Codex who was a diabetic and having some renal issues failed to report on the 17th for his dialysis, nurses at the hospital were concerned and made a call for a welfare check. Where he was found unresponsive in his apartment and rushed to the hospital. The found after a ct scan that no neurological activity was happening. They (his mother and sister) then started calling friends and family from out of town to come and say their goodbyes to him.
He wasn't even 30 fucking years old.

On Sunday at 6pm I got a text from Codex's mother that he was gone now. On the Winter Solstice, his favourite night of the year. The night the light starts to come back. The night that the dark times is officially over...

I'm so tired of death. After this dark time...too many people have slipped through the veil.

Twice now I've been with Sugarbear when I've gotten the news of someone passing. I was eating breakfast with him when I found out about Al...and he was making supper when I found out about Codex.

I stayed at Sugarbears house Monday, Tuesday and then came home on Wednesday... I still wasn't feeling well. But I was also using it as a hidey hole...I didn't want to leave...I didn't want to deal with the world (I still really don't want to). I love that Sugarbear let's me use his place as a sanctuary away from the bright noisy world... He's up North with his family celebrating the holiday...

Tomorrow...err...Today... I'll be heading to Mum's to go do the Christmas thing. I was talking to her on the phone earlier and couldn't stop myself from breaking down... Yesterday I just wanted to get into my car and drive to go see my mum...The Man had the car...and I didn't know what I would say when I got there...

I have these moments where I think about how Barium doesn't have her father tomorrow... Oakie doesn't have Judy this Christmas... my Mum won't have Al to snuggle with tomorrow... We won't be watching Codex's cat for him while he goes to visit his mum... Biff won't be able to see what Santa brought for his grandkids... and my beautiful beautiful friend Moon won't get to see her only child open her gifts when the sun comes up... and I just well up and start to cry.

I just want to curl up in Sugarbears big comfy bed and shut the doors...

Earlier tonight was just awful... I was trying to be in a good mood and was laughing and joking about with the Boychild...apparently The Man was annoyed and we were entertained by annoying him further...so he stormed off.
Boychild tried so very hard to cheer me up afterwards...he is such a sweet kid...he shouldn't have to deal with my depression. Standing hugging his mum in the middle of the living room while she cries because she's angry at the world and annoyed with his fathers behaviour, and frustrated that everything just seems like it's going to shit.

And we've been trying to figure out how we can get up North (5 hr drive) on the 28th for Codex's memorial service. The Man and I both really want to go... Frankly I don't like the thought of travelling for 5 hours, saying good bye to a friend and then travelling another 5 hours home again.

Was hard to not think of DrunkenMonkey today and wonder how he's doing. It was his birthday. He just turned 35...in prison.  I have talked to his mum this week to see how he is, to see how she is, and to see if I would be able to mail him a letter.
I know what he did is wrong on so very many levels, but somewhere deep inside me I can't just turn my back on him. I know some people think I'm crazy and think I should just wash my hands of him and be done with it.

So what's coming up...?

Going to make dinner on Saturday for my dad his gf, and our friends The Farmer and Femme, as well as my 4. Not the biggest crowd I've cooked for but still a good size.

Sugarbear and I (and The Man) are having a bit of a gathering for New Years Eve... the Boychild will be there, it'll really be the first time he's really kind of hung out with Sugarbear. We're going to fondue it up with The Farmer and Femme. Hoping that Nickle will be there, maybe Pinky (miss him).
I've invited some others... starting to think that Leethal and Punisher aren't really interested with maintaining a friendship with us any more. I hardly hear from them, and seems when I do text it's not really ever a good time. Invited them to come out on NYE but I think they're sort of waiting to see if something better comes along. At least...that's how it feels. Who knows.
Been a year and I know she still seems to get amazed and weirded out about the whole situation of the three of us...lol

Beyond that... I have no idea.

I'm hoping for at least month off from going to funerals or having someone I know passing away...that would be lovely.

In good news...

I found a Target gift card on my desk that has fifty bucks on it.
I'm still not smoking.
I'm still enjoying my knitting.
My kids are healthy.
I love The Man and Sugarbear... and I'm fairly certain they both love me.

Good Night.

Merry Christmas.

Loved or Lucky...?

Either way I'm feeling like both.

Today (Sunday) hasn't been the day I thought it was going to be.

Figured I'd wake up...maybe we'd have some breakfast...I'd chip away at some concrete blocks while Sugarbear worked on some electrical hookups.  (Reno that's happening in the basement). And then drag Sugarbear to the parade that the Boychild was in.

Was awoken with some makings of the lovings...and then Sugarbear says that we have to go to the mall to pick up a jersey for his nephew. I was a bit thrown but threw out the reno plans and was like alright...
Got up ran a brush through my hair and away we went.
So we get to the mall...btw for those who are new...I hate the mall in Nov and Dec...so I have my we're on a mission mode on and start weaving through Sears to get to Sportchek...most obvious place to pick up a TML jersey.
So just outside of Sears in front of Santa's lil setup that's when Sugarbear decides to tell me that we're not actually there for the jersey and that we're actually there so that he can buy me a winter coat as his Christmas present to me...

I didn't know what to say... I was speechless and suddenly didn't know what to do... we hit a few stores...ok...maybe several... I really didn't know what to do...as it dawns on me... I've never had a brand new off the shelf out of a department store winter coat before... I've always gotten hand me downs or have just picked something up from goodwill or value village or something...

I was verklempt and didn't know what to say...and for a while couldn't say anything without tears starting...and I didn't want to cry in front of him.

To some people it's just a coat...but...to me...it's mine...
Sounds weird right?
I can't explain it. This coat has never been someone elses...it's just mine.

Even after going to the parade with Sugarbear and The Man... I still couldn't say Thank You...for fear that I would start crying.

As it was...Sugarbear and I went to bed...and laying in the dark I was finally able to say it...because then he couldn't see the tears at how truly grateful I am.

It was just so thoughtful and generous of him.

Even now I'm getting all teary again thinking of how much he makes my heart swell.
He's a good man and I'm so very glad to be with him.

Now I'm really fucking stuck on what to get him for Christmas... >.<

Three Months and Three Days.

Wow...the 17th eh...

I didn't really realize it had been that long since my last post. Well I mean I suppose I sort of did since I kept saying to myself throughout the month 'I really should sit down and blog'...

Some of the video games rec'd for Christmas

I've been hitting the escapism pretty hard...tv shows, movies, books, video games...If I'm not using the PS3 to play one of my games then I'm at my desk playing games on my new phone while watching a movie or tv show or I'm in bed reading a book...The nook truly is getting a run...I've used it everyday/night since before it was technically given to me...I've read 13 novels and at least 16 short stories/novellas  since early October...yeah where's the English teachers reading competitions now...now I'd actually be willing to participate...

I suppose at some point I should say 'oh merry christmas and happy new year' but frankly...don't give a shit...

Yes. Colouring Books. 

Even now while I'm sitting here typing this I keep getting distracted by my email, my facebook my phone... I think part of the problem has become that blogging isn't as cathartic as it used to be for me...I can't say all the things I'd like to say in my posts anymore...I feel as though I have to keep some stuff to myself now for fear that it might upset someone... not sure why...not sure why I'm even concerning myself with that...but... *shrugs*

That's the feeling I've been getting...so it's not like I'm not posting because I have nothing to say or nothing to talk about...I guess I just get this feeling like I can't talk as freely as I'd like too...sort of defeats the purpose of journalling for therapeutic reasons doesn't it...

So I suppose I'll just talk about the shallow stuffs for now and see if I can't get back into the swing of it and trusting my blog again...

Some Board Games that we Rec'd unsure about the Twister...

I suppose I should have been doing my weigh in today since it is not only the beginning of a month but also the beginning of the new year...however...I've been such an asshole over the holiday season...such an asshole....and also I have my period and there's no way between being an asshole AND having my period that I'm doing my measurements...so I'll wait until the period part moves on and only the asshole part is left...so I'm sure I'll get to that in the next couple of days....and likely when the boys have gone back to school...not saying I look horribly fat or anything like that...I just have noticed that I haven't been as flat as I had been getting...damn holidays...damn hot chocolate and hot apple ciders being so tasty...That's not the only things that did me in over the holiday but...not going to waste the time to list them all...

So...going back...

My MIL is my Kitchen Fairy at Xmas time.

Christmas was good...went to Krammit's and had dinner with her and the kids, got together with my Dad and his girlfriend (whom I finally got to meet), went to Mum's on Christmas Eve....(that was weird and awkward), went back to Mum's Christmas morning (apparently whatever was 'wrong' worked itself out) The Man and the Boychild and I, all went out for Chinese dinner on Christmas day then we went to go see The Hobbit...Boxing Day ended up a shopping day after all...and yeah then The Man's mom came down to visit last night and took us out for dinner...

It was a good Christmas for us in a geeky sense... got some cool games both tabletop wise as well as console wise...got some cool new gadgets...new 2 TB HDD, The Man and I got new cellphones (as did the Boychild as well), new HDD for the PS3 (which The Man is having a bitch of a time trying to back up so that we all don't get upset about losing our games - he's very determined been at it for nearly a week)...

Kids at Krammits

new sock monkey slippers

I got some cool stuff as well...some monkeys to add to my growing collection, some new stuff for my skates,  new colouring books (yeah I know that sounds weird...I take my therapy where I can get it), new skull candy earbuds, some new clothes since most of mine don't fit, a new Rainbow Dash little figurine...what I find interesting is the fact that the stuff we got ourselves after christmas is what I get the most excited about...even though people asked before the holiday 'what do you want'... I gave them all the same answer...and didn't get that...

I get really tired when my family asks 'What do you want for Christmas?' and when I actually give them an answer (which is within reason...) still don't get it. I understand not getting me a new phone, or buying me a new hard drive, or an e-reader or even a video game because for the most part...those are the expensive things. I told everyone this year that all I wanted for Christmas was gift certificates to The Freshmeat Shoppe (derby store) not one of the 5 people I said that to got me one. Wouldn't have even cared if it was a 10$ GC because then it at least would tell me that an effort was made to truly get me something I actually wanted. *shrugs*

Me looking impressed in my new hat

I'm sure that someone would or possibly will come along and smack a #firstworldproblems label on my forehead...but really...it's not that I'm not thankful for the stuff I received and made sure to thank all of them...but don't ask me what I want if you have no intention of listening to the answer

that goes for all aspects of my life and not just in the gift giving arena... don't ask if you really aren't going to listen or care

I have to say the best person for that is Bing... he just doesn't ask...lol ~ let's me know what's what right there, it's rather refreshing in ways....instead of people asking and pretending to care and listen...he follows the mandate of just don't ask...

But anyway...

I asked Burton before Christmas... Is it odd that two of my exes are sending me Christmas gifts?
She said 'Yeah Kinda'

DrunkenMonkey sent me a gift...which was unexpected as he had never sent/given me anything for the last 10 years...lol
It was a cute masked and caped monkey from ThinkGeek...man I love that website... it seems appropriate a gift since it was he that seemed to keep swooping in when I needed someone to talk to while I was in Reno...

NYE Fondue. Great Idea. Shall keep doing it.

And I think this is where I'm going to leave off for now as I'm about to venture down avenues I'd really rather avoid at the moment...

Oh and just as a quick aside...I love...Love LOVE British television...just sayin.

Not So Bah Humbug...?

Me decorating black tree with silver and blue ornaments

So those who know me well or even just those that pay attention to these ramblings of mine should know that this time of the year generally isn't a good one...

New Black Tree lit up

New Black Tree

With the whole Dark Times...and the winter blahs...and the dislike of Christmas...it all sort of starts to add up and take it's toll on me...and frankly I was worried because of ontop of the usual stuff, is also the fact that I'm dealing with not really having Bing even as a friend anymore...

However... I've been pleasantly surprised by the fact that...it hasn't been as bad as usual...I've managed to send out Christmas cards this year...I've actually gotten some Christmas shopping done for the boys...and been having some good times with some friends...
Now that's not to say I don't have any bad days... I obviously do...but...They've been easier to handle this year...

Green Tree decorated

Green Tree lit up

Heck the kids even talked me into not just putting up one tree...but two...*shakes head*

I ended up purchasing a new Christmas tree this year...a black one that already had lights attached to it...and was just going to put that one up...but after I got that one set up the boys asked about setting up our regular green one as well...*shrugs*

Why not we have the room...so me...the one who never has christmas spirit put two trees up in the same room...lol

Look At Me! I Can Stop!

Last Thursday I went to watch derby practice for a little bit and attend a quick meeting the league was having...after the meeting they announced that this practice was a 'fun skate' and there would hot chocolate and cookies to be shared... Burton asked if I could go home and get my skates so that I too could skate 'funly' around the hall...I could...so I ran home...changed ad got to skate with the league for the first time since I broke my ankle in June...I couldn't stop smiling...it was so awesome to skate with them again... and it was also so awesome the warm reception, encouragement and support that I got from everyone...

I need to stop chewing my mouth guard.

Some would slow down, skate with me and ask me how I was doing or how it felt or just tell me they were happy to see me on my skates again... some would zip past swat my backside and tell me I was looking good...

I was so happy that I wanted to skate for hours...I didn't...but I managed an hour and a half...lol

Burton, Nickle and I all went over to Buffalo the next night and went to a big (relatively speaking) pagan gathering celebrating the solstice...while there I got some henna done on my arm...and danced through the ache I had in my ankle...tried to make Nickle laugh as much as I could since she's having a bit of a rough go at it right now...Invented a new dance while there...possibly a few.... 'I'm a tree....I'm a bush...I'm showing my bush...I'm humping zee bush...I'm a gorilla...' yep all that altogether...awesome dance...
The DRD were there so of course a fun time was had by all.

Today...after paste was all gone

I bought a henna cone so that I could sort of touch up part of my design and maybe do another design another time...but while trying to use it yesterday the seam broke open and it gushed out the side and end of the cone...so I contacted the woman I bought it from and explained what had happened mainly just to give her a heads up...she told me she appreciated the feedback and wanted to send me a replacement...and also thinks she knows what may have happened...mainly that the cones had been sitting under a lamp nearly all night so the henna paste may have gotten too thin from the heat and also that may have affected the seam...

Spiral Dance 2012

So she's asked for my shipping address so that she can send me out a new one right away...very nice of her I may say. :)

We had been talking about how she does Henna parties...I know there's parties for everything nowadays...but totally thinking of doing one...just need to find some people that would be interested in getting together for a night of hanging out, who have 20 bucks and want to get some henna...lol

Most of my friends have 'real tattoos' so dunno if they'd want to...Hell last night while talking to DrunkenMonkey he was all...dude just get a real one...I'm like...dude that takes money and I have commitment issues as it is...lol




Ooooh! I'm also a very happy girl because I finally got to the LCBO (liquor store) and bought a bottle of Mead...and saw some Kraken while there...batted my lashes at the Man...and came home with a bottle of each...ALSO while there I spotted that it now carries the Honey Jack Daniels...OMG...yup...next purchase will be that...and then a bottle of Lucid....(expensive shite I tell you what...) but have always wanted to try it...Yeah apparently my wishlist at the liquor store is longer then my Amazon wishlist...lol

Kraken came with baby bottle of Tequila!

People...How Dare They Be Important...

I'm up rather early today...

So much so that no one else is awake yet...I'm sure one of the boys are but they just haven't come down yet because they know that today is the day that is going to prove that the rest of the weekend was awesome...it's cleaning day...

It's funny last night I said to them that we've had fun all weekend and so that should tell them what tomorrow (meaning today) is going to be...The Manchild looked up before I said anything else and said..."I'm only doing my room" really quickly...
I shook my head slowly as I laughed..."No we need to clean the living room so that we can move some furniture around a bit so that we can put up the Christmas tree..."

I have one of those 'lived in houses'...that's what I like to call it....lol
But truly...it's a mess...full of clutter...piles of laundry that go undone...projects started that now lay on a table half done...*shrugs*

For the most part I don't particularly care...There's better things I do with my time then cleaning...I would like to be more motivated to clean...to want to do laundry...to tidy up and make everything 'look nice'...

But really when it comes right down to it I'm lazy...and I'd rather do stuff that's a lot more fun...

Lately...it's been more lazy then fun as I haven't really been able to truly feel like I'm having fun...until...

Yesterday I had some fun...as well as Friday night...

I felt a lot better.

On Friday the Manchild decided that he didn't want to go to his Dad's...said it was going to be too boring there...so...after taking the Boychild to his swimming lessons the three of us, the Man and the Boychild and myself, all went shopping for snacks...that in itself can be a big ordeal at times...we came home with nachos, nacho cheese, pork rinds, brandy beans, mint rosebuds, regular rosebuds, peanut butter type rosebuds, pringles, soya nuts, pistachios, popcorn (made here) and I feel like I'm forgetting something...but anyway...

we can be some pretty serious snackers...lol

When we got back we finished watching the movie Wrath of the Titans...then the kids noticed DrunkenMonkey was online playing Black Ops 2 and challenged him to a couple of games...so got on skype with him...and all of us, except the Man (he just enjoyed watching), took turns playing with DrunkenMonkey...

The Manchild took such pleasure in beating the crap out of him...and the Boychild loves killing him and then walking over to his body and then making his character crouch up and down while calling over to him on skype 'tea bag, tea bag, tea bag...' lol
DrunkenMonkey saw it the one time...and was all 'Duuuude!' so since then Boychild does it with relish...

I ended that night well into the earlier morning playing rock band...realizing that Krammit still has our guitar I had to use the mic...felt good about myself as I kept getting in the 90's for my percentages with the songs I was singing...

Yesterday morning I woke up... and asked the Man if he wanted to Hamilton for my extended family's Christmas party...I originally had RSVP'd that we wouldn't be going,,,mainly because my Mum and my Sister weren't going and because the Manchild was supposed to be at his dad's...

I don't know why it hit me while laying in bed yesterday morning that we should go or that I suddenly wanted to go...so we took the kids out for a nice breakfast at the diner...which it always makes me happy when four of us can go out for a yummy breakfast for under $35...but anyway...we all went out for breakfast I grabbed a couple packs of Christmas cards and came home filled them all out to take with me (including some extras in case I forgot a couple of people)...we got changed and headed out with a couple of stops to Hamilton...

I was a bit nervous truthfully...because up until this trip I had never spent any time with any of these family members without either my mum or my sister being there almost like a buffer...

So I showed up and was intrigued that I had only told 3 people that we weren't coming...and yet...nearly all the actual family members looked surprised as they got there and said 'Hey! I didn't think you were coming?!" as they hugged me...I explained that our other plans fell through and decided at last minute to come up...

If it was a small gathering I probably wouldn't have sprung it on them...but this is a big part of one section of my family...the matriarch is Ruth....and she had Harriet, Heather, Roland, Jack and Glen (twins), Bobby, and Scott... Ruth is my mum's Aunt and her kids are all my mum's cousins...

So a lot of them are my mum's age and younger...and of course they have some kids...and some of them come...they're around my age and a bit younger...and of course...now my generation has kids...so needless to say it's a fairly huge gathering when the majority of us are there...

It was so nice to just get lost in the sea of people who I knew I was safe with...no one there was going to hurt me in any way...and it was a nice place to let my guard down a bit...talked with the older cousins and asked how they've been and had them ask about us...had the comments of how I'm looking great...if I'm lucky I get to see this particular bunch of family once maybe twice a year...

it sucks but at the same time... at least when I see them and they ask 'what's new?' they're asking because they want to know, because sure some of them are on my FB but...they're actually interested...
and only those who are interested actually ask...I have to admit there are one or two people that come to these gatherings who never say a word to me...and...I'm ok with that... lol

I'm always of the mindset that no one remembers me...because I'm easily forgotten...
(this isn't just something that happens when in relationships...it's pretty much an ongoing thing through my entire life)

So it was nice that being there, pretty much by myself and having people that I haven't seen all year asking about specifics in my life... *shrugs*

I think it will continue to surprise me....which is ok...I find it nice.

I felt happy...came home and was sharing a smoke with The Man...I told him I was happy that we went...and it wasn't a lie...there were moments of happiness while there...

You see my family gets together and the guitars come out and the singing ensues...when I was the Manchilds age we would go for xmas at Ruth's house (now it's in a hall due to the size of our family) and we would eat at a huge table down in the basement (biggest room that would hold us in the house) we'd all eat together and after the dishes got cleared away the guitars would come out and the singing would start...

Not Christmas Carols...lol - far from it.... House of the Raising Sun, Proud Mary, Hotel California, Bobby McGee... Classic Rock tunes... that's what my family sings when it gets together...some newer songs get added as the kids of the kids and their kids come up through the years...last night Taylor Swift's song Never Getting Back Together made it to the list...none of the older guys knew the song to sing or to play it on the guitar...and really only two of the girls were willing to sing it...one was about the Boychild's age...around 11 or so...and the other was one of the girls from my generation singing with the younger one to help her confidence of singing in front of the family...as the song went on I couldn't help but join in...so there we were the three of us singing the song in front of the whole family...
It's always so laid back and easy...

Best way to describe it... Easy.

Ties to others are important...even if it's on rare occasions...it's necessary to have those ties to people who love and care about you...

Break On Through To The Other Side...

I keep flipping through my tabs and stop for a moment longer on this one thinking that I should probably take the time to type something up... though I've been told that my posts are too long... and the last few days I've wanted to say a whole lot...

Yesterday was a year since I had seen my grandma... she passed away almost a month later... I had gone to church with her with some other family members and then we all went to lunch together... so pretty much the last time I saw my grandma was giving her a hug in the parking lot of the Red Lobster... I miss her.

All of my natural Grandparents have passed away now. I still have my Grandma, who was married to my Mom's father.

Christmas... yeah generally...I would talk about it and give an update about everything... but I've talked to Big Daddy about it, and the Man... so really... I'm done bitching about Christmas and really just want it to be over.

Next week I have to put up with the Man's mother... if she makes it down... she has the tendency to not come when she initially tells us... however... the Man has agreed to go back with her up north for a couple of weeks...

And then I get to go to a family gathering and be all cheery with people I see twice a year.

Somewhere in there is New Years Eve... which instead of going to the Falls to watch an awesome Canadian based concert, I'll likely have to stay home and try to see about watching it at home. I suppose I'll be warmer that way.

We're all alive and survived the holiday thus far...

the end.

oh wait...

watched TRON this morning... went and watched TRON Legacy in 3D... fucking loved it... good day!

and now...

the end.

"You think brushing your teeth is foreplay" ~ Marge Simpson

I am one of those crazies that believes that the cure for things like AIDS and Cancer have been found but they keep getting swept under the rug... for either financial reasons which is what a lot of the crazies will say but I'm one of those other crazies where I actually believe that it's for another reason as well which isn't all financial but also... wait for it... population control.

The virus that is human beings is spreading at such a dramatic rate that there needs to be some sort of population control, n'est pas?

just a thought I suppose...

So I started this blog post earlier today and then had to hem some pants for the Boychild... which I never did get to finish hemming... and then when we got home I started sewing on some of his badges... and now I don't quite remember the tangent I had rolling around my head ... but whatever it was has disappeared again...

Sometimes it's frustrating when life interrupts my tangents... other times it's a fantastic distraction for my brain...

So here I sit wondering what the heck I'm going to finish up this blog with that might be a bit more provoking then ... oh hey they can't fix the PS3 but hey at least we still have our Wii, N64, GameCube, Xbox and so forth... lol

And yet what is something I put on my xmas list... ?  DSi XL

oh yeah... I've explained the ridiculousness of christmas lists in the past when it comes to my family... So this year when Mum asked for my christmas list I put the most ridiculous list together for myself and the Man....

Things like... a car that's drivable, a house, DSi XL, new TV, world peace, cheese (any kind except Swiss - the Man doesn't like it), new computers, new wardrobe... etc.

I think she's getting the hint that I don't like making christmas lists...

You'd think that those who are friends and family and know you should know what you'd like... and really it is supposed to be about the thought right?

and now I'm tired and going to bed... the Simpsons just came on and the remote is across the room and I can feel my energy and IQ being sapped...

I'm Fighting Hard To Hold My Own I Just Can't Make It All Alone ... Beggin, Beggin You... Put Your Lovin Hand Out Darling

Winter is not a time to be trying to look sexy...

So right now there's about a foot of snow on the ground, it's been cold and I've been having to walk the kid to school...

I roll out of bed... put on a pair of lounging pants, socks (up and over the cuff of the pants), shirt (preferably long sleeved), another pair of heavier pants (jeans, polar fleece or my paint ball pants), another shirt, out to the door I go after putting that on... then on go the boots (from the boys section at the department store - kids have better boots) that go up past my ankles (and therefore force me to march rather then walk), hoodie zipped up, monkey toque, hood on hoodie goes up now, scarf (which most times will get pulled up over chin, mouth and nose, coat (puffy adidas coat, with broken zipper and is about 12 years old - yes I have others), black leather gloves and immediately step outside so that I don't have an episode from being over heated....

So yeah if I was actually trying to get picked up by someone they'd have to peel back all the outer layers to see if I'm even female.. *laughs* then I can't help but wonder how was it I used to leave the house as a teenager with my coat in my hand while wearing a tshirt and a pair of jeans, with some sneakers...

So... it's the new year...

usually the first post of the new year is where people would sum up the year and go on about either how long or how short the year has been...

This year... yeah same thing... :P

I have no idea what happened until May... Yep was just boring I suppose... actually it was before that... yeah Big Daddy came into my life in January but it was in April that he totally stole my heart... then he did it again in August... En su bolsillo...

February my eldest baby (the manchild) had his coming of age ritual...

After a year of fertility stuffs we decide to stop going to see the doctor about... if it happens it happens... The Man and I celebrated 11 years together... we had some upsets within the pagan community... I started teaching again... as of last week I have 3 students... I've taken over High Priestess duties to a local circle of pagans... I've found out who my real friends our and have kept them close... Big Daddy came to visit me and meet the fam, I was over the moon, the kids like him, boychild more I think because he spent more time with him. The Man likes him as well *smiles* and well we know how I feel about him. Broke my heart that he had to leave again, but he promised he'd be back. I believe him. ... unfortunately there was some other heartaches throughout the year... none worth mentioning... good things... the Womens Circle has been going for nearly a year now... Lions have made it so I can continue to be one... DCN... still on the board and still running the euchre tournament... got fired from the Mush...

isn't the motto or slogan of the New Year ~ Out with the Old and In with the New ~ ?

Apparently for this new year it's Out with the old and in with the old...

There's not really many who have been following my blog since it's inception way back in like 2004 or 2003 or whenever it was... (shit I'll have to check on that...) but there might still be one or two that have... anyway...

Some might remember nightvision/drunkenmonkey being spoken about... like how he had ripped out my heart and did a Mexican hat dance on it and then left the Man and friends to pick up the pieces and try to convince me that I am worth something... right got that image in your head now? ok... so... I spoke to him the other day.

Most people know how laid back The Man is ... he wasn't the other night... nor last night. Something's really gotta be bad for him to say something to me about it... because we know he generally lets me get away with doing whatever it is that I want... and he spoils me in all sorts of way. Last night, he came out of the bedroom and found out I was talking to drunkenmonkey... and gave me one of his stern looks and let me know just how much he hates that idea and I know it's because he's worried ... with good reason. I've already questioned him (not The Man) on the shit that went down like 5 years ago... we've talked a bit each time about what happened, not so that I can try to get with him or him with I... that door was pushed closed a long fucking time ago... and though the door was closed I never got the closure... I was left with being insecure with whether or not I was worth anything... he said things to me that didn't just hurt me but scarred me and fucked me up... big time.

So most... like The Man and Swift... wants to know wtf I'm doing talking to him. I've been told I'm too forgiving... and maybe that's right... but. I needed my questions answered. I've no intention of ever giving that man anything that he could ever hurt me with.

And while on the subject of Swift... had a bit of a convo with him the other day... I'm a big pack rat... and I realized that some shit just shouldn't be kept... and especially kept on my computer anymore...

I've limited my time on the mush to just one alt and that's one that most just don't rp with. So we'll see how it goes... all the others are in the freezer so I can't even pop on to just see what's going on.

So yeah... not sure if there's anything else right now... gotta say I don't that's too bad for only having 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Think I might take a nap before having to tidy up a bunch of stuff before class tonight. Hmmm maybe I'll nap on the couch, then the cats can curl up with me. (they haven't been allowed in the bedroom or upstairs)

Oh yeah... was gonna go back to take another Spanish course... :( no go... couple reasons... too much (sorta - $112 + course materials of $20) I mean could have swung it but... classes fall on Tuesdays (class nights)... and it would take two buses to get there... All doable but... I can't really justify spending a hundred and thirty bucks (+ bus fare each week) on myself... I know that with the girls I can change the day for classes and it wouldn't be a great upset... but it's the spending that much on something for myself...

I dunno maybe it's the new year or something but I usually end up getting the itch to pick up a course or two around this time of the year... still slowly working on my degree... very slowly... like at a crawl slow... and then I have this thing where I'd like to expand on my little tiny bit of French and Spanish... *shrugs* yeah... I'm weird I know...

I suddenly feel like painting today...

If You're Not A Friggin 'Tard You Will Prevail... Your Disguise Is Slipping... Everything You Ever...

Well now that that's settled... let's try this again.

It's been at least a months since I've really posted anything here.

After years and years of the hating on zombies I decided to try another zombie movie. I really do hate the lil fuckers, and hate how loved they are by people. They're not cool, or anything to me. so last night while doing some other stuff here at my desk I watched Zombieland. Not overly impressed though there were some funny lines and such... it was a good movie if you take out all the zombies ;)

I've taken a 'chill the fuck out' pill... before I end up causing a bunch of shit to happen that wasn't actually going to happen but my paranoia causes me to make it happen... *laughs* yeah figure that one out.

I've gotten to the point where I don't care about christmas, since I know I won't be getting what it is I want. I've got some presents for the kids but I'm not freaking out because I wasn't able to get them a lot. I've made some goodies and put them in some tins for some others. Other then that I've decided to make the effort to not get so upset about presents for all those I'd like to get presents for. Hell most of the xmas cards I would have killed myself to get out, haven't been done. There's only two things left I need to do, that's to send out two packages which I really wanted to do before the actual holiday... again though can't afford it so. *shrugs* I guess they get their presents late.

As for the rest... I just need to finish up the rituals that will be done, go to the xmas concert for the boychild tomorrow, get a couple more classes done, clean the house and ..... ok so I do have a few things left to do...

I have all the time in the world. *smiles*

I really do... I make the time for the stuff that needs to be done.. or the stuff that I want to get done. I make the time, always have. I grew up in a household where if you wanted to do something you found the time to do it. I found time to be in karate, dancing, cheerleading, AV club, Environmental Awareness club, Fashion Show, Healthy Lifestyles club, UN Debate, Badminton, Volleyball, Basketball, have a steady beau, keep up with all my friends and I did it all while drunk and high...

So yeah... I make time.

Sometimes a lil girl just needs her Daddy. (yep out of the blue and just for one of you)

Though I should probably send my father a message and see if he'll be in the area in the next bit and if so invite him and his wife to dinner. *shrugs*

Think if anyone gives me money for christmas I'm gonna use it for a tattoo. Right across my face. *laughs*

Oh yeah... other news...

I am no longer a staff member on the mush... and as much as I thought that would pain me in some way. It really doesn't, I'm a bit bummed but all in all I think I was ready for the end of it all. I was sick of the hypocrisy from the guy who owned the place. I was tired of complaints from players because others weren't doing their job. I was upset at all the double standards in place there.

I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I'll be keeping my characters there so that I can rp. I'm starting to doubt it. There's other players that have left because of crap between other players, and then there's those who have a problem with stuff that's being done staff-wise and yet won't say anything. Then there's players who are inconsiderate and rude, oh and of course those that are liars. Not even mentioning the drama inducing idiots. And really even just doing some rp there are things pointing me to the 'quit' door.

I dunno.. is the attachment I have for my characters strong enough to keep me from quitting. I really would hate to lose them after all the work and time I put into them. I've already had one leave (read that as, commit suicide... no possible way for her to come back again).

Bah... have to go finish typing up tomorrow's rit... and Thursday's class notes... and Monday's rit... and finish making the peanut butter balls... tidy up a bit for tonight's class... get a date to set the euchre tournament for the meeting tonight... and even through all of that I still make time to think about you and miss you... ;)

Happy Yuletide Season (in case I don't get back here until the new year)

Happy Holidays to all of those I love very much!

As Posted On Facebook...

Well I do believe it has become official I hate this time of the year...

Since I've had my kids and have wanted to give them everything they want and need at christmas - I've grown to hate the holiday.

I've really tried to instill in my kids that it's not all about presents that it's about getting together with family and having a good time, since I am not a christian I will not fill their heads with bull about it being some dead guys birthday.

No matter how much I've tried to teach them that it's about the thought of giving to others especially those who are less fortunate. They still want all the toys and gadgets and I see how sad they get when they don't get them. Not that I want to spoil them and get them all the latest games and gadgets and top brand everything. However, I would like to get them at least one of the games and such that they ask for.

Yeah this is me whining a bit mostly about how peer pressure on the kids (that they don't even realize is there) sometimes makes us as parents who can't get all the latest stuff look just a little bit smaller in the eyes of our kids.

Why do we let a holiday do that too us?

This is one of the most stressful times of year and most of the time it's us stressing ourselves out over whether or not someone will like the gift we got them, or will the christmas dinner turn out alright or will uncle bobby still be mad at aunt suzy, should we invite them to come different days or will my kids be mad because they didn't get from Santa what they asked for... because Mom and Dad Santa can't afford the gifts.

We stress ourselves out during the holidays - why do we let it happen?

I hate Christmas.



So there you have it my deep dark secret - I hate Christmas.

(I'll be back after Christmas has left - talk to you then)

Io, Saturnalia

When it comes to festivals, parties, and downright debauchery, no one beats the folks of ancient Rome. Around the time of the winter solstice each year, they celebrated the festival of Saturnalia. As the name implies, this was a holiday in honor of the agricultural god, Saturn. This week-long party typically began around December 17th, so that it would end right around the day of the solstice.

Fertility rituals were performed at the temple of Saturn, including sacrifices. In addition to the large public rites, many private citizens held ceremonies honoring Saturn in their homes.

One of the highlights of Saturnalia was the switching of traditional roles, particularly between a master and his slave. Everyone got to wear the red pileus, or freedman's hat, and slaves were free to be as impertinent as they wished to their owners. However, despite the appearance of a reversal of social order, there were actually some fairly strict boundaries. A master might serve his slaves dinner, but the slaves were the ones who prepared it -- this kept Roman society in order, but still allowed everyone to have a good time.

Businesses and court proceedings closed up for the entire celebration, and food and drink were everywhere to be had. Elaborate feasts and banquets were held, and it wasn’t unusual to exchange small gifts at these parties. A typical Saturnalia gift might be something like a writing tablet or tool, cups and spoons, clothing items, or food. Citizens decked their halls with boughs of greenery, and even hung small tin ornaments on bushes and trees. Bands of naked revelers often roamed the streets, singing and carousing - a sort of naughty precursor to today's Christmas caroling tradition.

The traditional greeting at a Saturnalia celebration is, "Io, Saturnalia!", with the "Io" being pronounced as "Yo." So next time someone wishes you a happy holiday, feel free to respond with "Io, Saturnalia!" After all, if you lived in Roman times, Saturn was the reason for the season!

Shoes? Fuck Shoes! HA!

So here I sit, taking a break from the work that I need to get done by tuesday... we still have more relatives to see and more presents to exchange... you know that whole 12 days of christmas stuff ;)

I'll be running away to see my dad's new place next weekend... and at some point we're hoping that Raistlan's mother will take a trekk down here. It's unfortunate that she lives 6 hours away, the kids miss seeing her.

this weekend however, staying in... not going anywhere... well except tomorrow afternoon with Sis, we're going out for a few... but yeah this year we'll be ringing in the New Year with the kids asleep in their beds and me working... *chuckles* Gee-Ha!! which from what I've been told is just Yee-Ha... but with a G.. :)

Santa was good to us all... even to me who plays Santa in this house... Santa knows who he is and I've thanked him profusely over and over again...
Santa hooked the kids up with art supplies and toys and games and video games... they're a happy bunch... there was only one video game they wanted that they couldn't have... because Santa didn't have the 50 bucks to shell out for one game *laughs*

there's not much to say really... the list of stuff is enormous that we got...
I got some more monkeys for my collection, 3 pairs of slippers (apparently everyone thought I needed slippers) , couple of shirts, socks, bunch of movies and a bunch of smiles from my boys ;)
All of them, the two boy cats smiled at me for their lil catnip mice, my two kids (boys) smiled at me for the presents and for being the greatest mom in existence, and the two boy birdies smiled at me for their little birdie burrito (filled with bird seed) and then my big boy (Raistlan) smiled at me....well for other things ;)

I must say tho that my secret Santa (secret because I'm not telling you) sent me a Blue (my favourite colour) Nintendo DS... after three years of asking at every birthday and christmas and mothers day... THANK YOU!!
I love it... and have already had to recharge it *laughs* (I picked it up on Thursday)

*sighs* well I do believe that I've procrastinated long enough...

I hope everyone has a great weekend if I don't get to say Happy New Year to ya before then *hugs*