Death, Prison, Dates, Babies and Derby

I'm not even sure where to start this blog post...I'm so far behind in news and thoughts and ramblings...

Not even sure how far back I need to go to try to catch up either...or if I should start with the good news or the bad...

My step father passed away at the beginning of November...the first day of it actually. He was the third of the groups of deaths that have happened in the latter half of the year. Cancer ate away his insides and he just couldn't fight it any more.

The next day Krammit gave birth to her beautiful twins...it was a bit scary for a minute or two...but everyone came out of it and  Jack and Wyatt are beautiful and two of the best babies ever.

After Al's funeral I found out that Biff my favourite Lion ever had passed away, there was no service for him... just the knowledge that in March when I go to the convention I won't get to see him...I won't get my annual picture of me sitting on his lap and having him give me advice on dirty old men.

I went to go visit Krammit and all her boys for nearly a week and it was such a great reprieve from life...I had started to get so depressed and just snuggling and loving the babies and seeing my Krammit for 5 days was just awesome.

Went to the roller derby end of the season party with both Sugarbear and The Man... There aren't words to describe how much I love that I can go out with the both of them and not have to answer to many questions.

At this point I'm not too sure about continuing on with roller derby. I've not been able to pay my dues for December, still need to come up with money for my annual insurance and money for my January dues... may need to sell a kidney to continue.

December brought on the stress of having to deal with my landlords and their thoughts that some how their lack of upkeep of the property is some how our fault. They came back a second day in a row with a paper saying that they'll be raising the rent as of March first...The Man sort of gave our notice...let's see if the landlord takes him seriously...they only thing I've heard from them is that she sent me a text asking me for a measurement for the back door...
So we'll see on the first if we are actually going to give our notice. I think it's time.
I don't want to move. I hate moving...I've moved a lot...like...a lot.
If they're not going to take care of the place and we have to pay more in rent then...what else can I really do... *le sigh*

It hasn't been all bad...?

I did get sick last week...and this past weekend was awesome and horrible all at the same time...
Last Tuesday I seemed to wake up with something horrible living in my head and throat...Wednesday was a bit touch and go as to whether or not I might have had to go to the hospital...thankfully my body decided to take pity on me and just make me feel like hell. My heart didn't go batty thankfully.

This Monday (the 22nd) was the one year mark for Sugarbear and I...went by really fast it seems. He made Saturday awesome. He brought me home a beautiful bouquet of flowers on Friday, which made me blush since before I saw them I was joking about him being spoiled. We went out for breakfast on Saturday (I was and am still, feeling a bit crappy, but I was told he was taking me out for dinner so I was determined to feel well). We went to the Keg in the Falls, had a good view, and a really yummy meal. I have to say that this visit was much better then our last one (which was our first date...lol) we were so much more comfortable with each other now and so it was just a really good time. After supper we went to Timmies and grabbed a hot chocolate and a tea, then drove down through the festival of lights and through Dufferin Island. Then headed home where I forced him to sit through the Nightmare before Christmas (because hello...everyone should see that movie... Best Christmas movie and Best Hallowe'en movie...) I then got him to open up his presents... we then went on to celebrate Christmas downstairs...

Sunday I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck... Sugarbear was a sweetheart (as he almost always is) he ran me a bath and then made me some brunch and just let me lay around most of the afternoon...which made me feel bad since he was running about cleaning up and such. We ended up going to the bakery but I think that was about it.

A bit of a back story for a moment... My friend Codex who was a diabetic and having some renal issues failed to report on the 17th for his dialysis, nurses at the hospital were concerned and made a call for a welfare check. Where he was found unresponsive in his apartment and rushed to the hospital. The found after a ct scan that no neurological activity was happening. They (his mother and sister) then started calling friends and family from out of town to come and say their goodbyes to him.
He wasn't even 30 fucking years old.

On Sunday at 6pm I got a text from Codex's mother that he was gone now. On the Winter Solstice, his favourite night of the year. The night the light starts to come back. The night that the dark times is officially over...

I'm so tired of death. After this dark time...too many people have slipped through the veil.

Twice now I've been with Sugarbear when I've gotten the news of someone passing. I was eating breakfast with him when I found out about Al...and he was making supper when I found out about Codex.

I stayed at Sugarbears house Monday, Tuesday and then came home on Wednesday... I still wasn't feeling well. But I was also using it as a hidey hole...I didn't want to leave...I didn't want to deal with the world (I still really don't want to). I love that Sugarbear let's me use his place as a sanctuary away from the bright noisy world... He's up North with his family celebrating the holiday...

Tomorrow...err...Today... I'll be heading to Mum's to go do the Christmas thing. I was talking to her on the phone earlier and couldn't stop myself from breaking down... Yesterday I just wanted to get into my car and drive to go see my mum...The Man had the car...and I didn't know what I would say when I got there...

I have these moments where I think about how Barium doesn't have her father tomorrow... Oakie doesn't have Judy this Christmas... my Mum won't have Al to snuggle with tomorrow... We won't be watching Codex's cat for him while he goes to visit his mum... Biff won't be able to see what Santa brought for his grandkids... and my beautiful beautiful friend Moon won't get to see her only child open her gifts when the sun comes up... and I just well up and start to cry.

I just want to curl up in Sugarbears big comfy bed and shut the doors...

Earlier tonight was just awful... I was trying to be in a good mood and was laughing and joking about with the Boychild...apparently The Man was annoyed and we were entertained by annoying him further...so he stormed off.
Boychild tried so very hard to cheer me up afterwards...he is such a sweet kid...he shouldn't have to deal with my depression. Standing hugging his mum in the middle of the living room while she cries because she's angry at the world and annoyed with his fathers behaviour, and frustrated that everything just seems like it's going to shit.

And we've been trying to figure out how we can get up North (5 hr drive) on the 28th for Codex's memorial service. The Man and I both really want to go... Frankly I don't like the thought of travelling for 5 hours, saying good bye to a friend and then travelling another 5 hours home again.

Was hard to not think of DrunkenMonkey today and wonder how he's doing. It was his birthday. He just turned 35...in prison.  I have talked to his mum this week to see how he is, to see how she is, and to see if I would be able to mail him a letter.
I know what he did is wrong on so very many levels, but somewhere deep inside me I can't just turn my back on him. I know some people think I'm crazy and think I should just wash my hands of him and be done with it.

So what's coming up...?

Going to make dinner on Saturday for my dad his gf, and our friends The Farmer and Femme, as well as my 4. Not the biggest crowd I've cooked for but still a good size.

Sugarbear and I (and The Man) are having a bit of a gathering for New Years Eve... the Boychild will be there, it'll really be the first time he's really kind of hung out with Sugarbear. We're going to fondue it up with The Farmer and Femme. Hoping that Nickle will be there, maybe Pinky (miss him).
I've invited some others... starting to think that Leethal and Punisher aren't really interested with maintaining a friendship with us any more. I hardly hear from them, and seems when I do text it's not really ever a good time. Invited them to come out on NYE but I think they're sort of waiting to see if something better comes along. At least...that's how it feels. Who knows.
Been a year and I know she still seems to get amazed and weirded out about the whole situation of the three of us...lol

Beyond that... I have no idea.

I'm hoping for at least month off from going to funerals or having someone I know passing away...that would be lovely.

In good news...

I found a Target gift card on my desk that has fifty bucks on it.
I'm still not smoking.
I'm still enjoying my knitting.
My kids are healthy.
I love The Man and Sugarbear... and I'm fairly certain they both love me.

Good Night.

Merry Christmas.

Loved or Lucky...?

Either way I'm feeling like both.

Today (Sunday) hasn't been the day I thought it was going to be.

Figured I'd wake up...maybe we'd have some breakfast...I'd chip away at some concrete blocks while Sugarbear worked on some electrical hookups.  (Reno that's happening in the basement). And then drag Sugarbear to the parade that the Boychild was in.

Was awoken with some makings of the lovings...and then Sugarbear says that we have to go to the mall to pick up a jersey for his nephew. I was a bit thrown but threw out the reno plans and was like alright...
Got up ran a brush through my hair and away we went.
So we get to the mall...btw for those who are new...I hate the mall in Nov and Dec...so I have my we're on a mission mode on and start weaving through Sears to get to Sportchek...most obvious place to pick up a TML jersey.
So just outside of Sears in front of Santa's lil setup that's when Sugarbear decides to tell me that we're not actually there for the jersey and that we're actually there so that he can buy me a winter coat as his Christmas present to me...

I didn't know what to say... I was speechless and suddenly didn't know what to do... we hit a few stores...ok...maybe several... I really didn't know what to do...as it dawns on me... I've never had a brand new off the shelf out of a department store winter coat before... I've always gotten hand me downs or have just picked something up from goodwill or value village or something...

I was verklempt and didn't know what to say...and for a while couldn't say anything without tears starting...and I didn't want to cry in front of him.

To some people it's just a coat...but...to me...it's mine...
Sounds weird right?
I can't explain it. This coat has never been someone elses...it's just mine.

Even after going to the parade with Sugarbear and The Man... I still couldn't say Thank You...for fear that I would start crying.

As it was...Sugarbear and I went to bed...and laying in the dark I was finally able to say it...because then he couldn't see the tears at how truly grateful I am.

It was just so thoughtful and generous of him.

Even now I'm getting all teary again thinking of how much he makes my heart swell.
He's a good man and I'm so very glad to be with him.

Now I'm really fucking stuck on what to get him for Christmas... >.<

Not So Bah Humbug...?

Me decorating black tree with silver and blue ornaments

So those who know me well or even just those that pay attention to these ramblings of mine should know that this time of the year generally isn't a good one...

New Black Tree lit up

New Black Tree

With the whole Dark Times...and the winter blahs...and the dislike of Christmas...it all sort of starts to add up and take it's toll on me...and frankly I was worried because of ontop of the usual stuff, is also the fact that I'm dealing with not really having Bing even as a friend anymore...

However... I've been pleasantly surprised by the fact that...it hasn't been as bad as usual...I've managed to send out Christmas cards this year...I've actually gotten some Christmas shopping done for the boys...and been having some good times with some friends...
Now that's not to say I don't have any bad days... I obviously do...but...They've been easier to handle this year...

Green Tree decorated

Green Tree lit up

Heck the kids even talked me into not just putting up one tree...but two...*shakes head*

I ended up purchasing a new Christmas tree this year...a black one that already had lights attached to it...and was just going to put that one up...but after I got that one set up the boys asked about setting up our regular green one as well...*shrugs*

Why not we have the room...so me...the one who never has christmas spirit put two trees up in the same room...lol

Look At Me! I Can Stop!

Last Thursday I went to watch derby practice for a little bit and attend a quick meeting the league was having...after the meeting they announced that this practice was a 'fun skate' and there would hot chocolate and cookies to be shared... Burton asked if I could go home and get my skates so that I too could skate 'funly' around the hall...I could...so I ran home...changed ad got to skate with the league for the first time since I broke my ankle in June...I couldn't stop smiling...it was so awesome to skate with them again... and it was also so awesome the warm reception, encouragement and support that I got from everyone...

I need to stop chewing my mouth guard.

Some would slow down, skate with me and ask me how I was doing or how it felt or just tell me they were happy to see me on my skates again... some would zip past swat my backside and tell me I was looking good...

I was so happy that I wanted to skate for hours...I didn't...but I managed an hour and a half...lol

Burton, Nickle and I all went over to Buffalo the next night and went to a big (relatively speaking) pagan gathering celebrating the solstice...while there I got some henna done on my arm...and danced through the ache I had in my ankle...tried to make Nickle laugh as much as I could since she's having a bit of a rough go at it right now...Invented a new dance while there...possibly a few.... 'I'm a tree....I'm a bush...I'm showing my bush...I'm humping zee bush...I'm a gorilla...' yep all that altogether...awesome dance...
The DRD were there so of course a fun time was had by all.

Today...after paste was all gone

I bought a henna cone so that I could sort of touch up part of my design and maybe do another design another time...but while trying to use it yesterday the seam broke open and it gushed out the side and end of the cone...so I contacted the woman I bought it from and explained what had happened mainly just to give her a heads up...she told me she appreciated the feedback and wanted to send me a replacement...and also thinks she knows what may have happened...mainly that the cones had been sitting under a lamp nearly all night so the henna paste may have gotten too thin from the heat and also that may have affected the seam...

Spiral Dance 2012

So she's asked for my shipping address so that she can send me out a new one right away...very nice of her I may say. :)

We had been talking about how she does Henna parties...I know there's parties for everything nowadays...but totally thinking of doing one...just need to find some people that would be interested in getting together for a night of hanging out, who have 20 bucks and want to get some henna...lol

Most of my friends have 'real tattoos' so dunno if they'd want to...Hell last night while talking to DrunkenMonkey he was all...dude just get a real one...I'm like...dude that takes money and I have commitment issues as it is...lol




Ooooh! I'm also a very happy girl because I finally got to the LCBO (liquor store) and bought a bottle of Mead...and saw some Kraken while there...batted my lashes at the Man...and came home with a bottle of each...ALSO while there I spotted that it now carries the Honey Jack Daniels...OMG...yup...next purchase will be that...and then a bottle of Lucid....(expensive shite I tell you what...) but have always wanted to try it...Yeah apparently my wishlist at the liquor store is longer then my Amazon wishlist...lol

Kraken came with baby bottle of Tequila!

If You're Not A Friggin 'Tard You Will Prevail... Your Disguise Is Slipping... Everything You Ever...

Well now that that's settled... let's try this again.

It's been at least a months since I've really posted anything here.

After years and years of the hating on zombies I decided to try another zombie movie. I really do hate the lil fuckers, and hate how loved they are by people. They're not cool, or anything to me. so last night while doing some other stuff here at my desk I watched Zombieland. Not overly impressed though there were some funny lines and such... it was a good movie if you take out all the zombies ;)

I've taken a 'chill the fuck out' pill... before I end up causing a bunch of shit to happen that wasn't actually going to happen but my paranoia causes me to make it happen... *laughs* yeah figure that one out.

I've gotten to the point where I don't care about christmas, since I know I won't be getting what it is I want. I've got some presents for the kids but I'm not freaking out because I wasn't able to get them a lot. I've made some goodies and put them in some tins for some others. Other then that I've decided to make the effort to not get so upset about presents for all those I'd like to get presents for. Hell most of the xmas cards I would have killed myself to get out, haven't been done. There's only two things left I need to do, that's to send out two packages which I really wanted to do before the actual holiday... again though can't afford it so. *shrugs* I guess they get their presents late.

As for the rest... I just need to finish up the rituals that will be done, go to the xmas concert for the boychild tomorrow, get a couple more classes done, clean the house and ..... ok so I do have a few things left to do...

I have all the time in the world. *smiles*

I really do... I make the time for the stuff that needs to be done.. or the stuff that I want to get done. I make the time, always have. I grew up in a household where if you wanted to do something you found the time to do it. I found time to be in karate, dancing, cheerleading, AV club, Environmental Awareness club, Fashion Show, Healthy Lifestyles club, UN Debate, Badminton, Volleyball, Basketball, have a steady beau, keep up with all my friends and I did it all while drunk and high...

So yeah... I make time.

Sometimes a lil girl just needs her Daddy. (yep out of the blue and just for one of you)

Though I should probably send my father a message and see if he'll be in the area in the next bit and if so invite him and his wife to dinner. *shrugs*

Think if anyone gives me money for christmas I'm gonna use it for a tattoo. Right across my face. *laughs*

Oh yeah... other news...

I am no longer a staff member on the mush... and as much as I thought that would pain me in some way. It really doesn't, I'm a bit bummed but all in all I think I was ready for the end of it all. I was sick of the hypocrisy from the guy who owned the place. I was tired of complaints from players because others weren't doing their job. I was upset at all the double standards in place there.

I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I'll be keeping my characters there so that I can rp. I'm starting to doubt it. There's other players that have left because of crap between other players, and then there's those who have a problem with stuff that's being done staff-wise and yet won't say anything. Then there's players who are inconsiderate and rude, oh and of course those that are liars. Not even mentioning the drama inducing idiots. And really even just doing some rp there are things pointing me to the 'quit' door.

I dunno.. is the attachment I have for my characters strong enough to keep me from quitting. I really would hate to lose them after all the work and time I put into them. I've already had one leave (read that as, commit suicide... no possible way for her to come back again).

Bah... have to go finish typing up tomorrow's rit... and Thursday's class notes... and Monday's rit... and finish making the peanut butter balls... tidy up a bit for tonight's class... get a date to set the euchre tournament for the meeting tonight... and even through all of that I still make time to think about you and miss you... ;)

Happy Yuletide Season (in case I don't get back here until the new year)

The Headache After The Sugary Orgy That Is The Holiday Season...

So tonight my insomnia has flared it's ugly little head ... So I thought I'd sit down and jot down a note or to on this thing we call Blog...

Yule went well for us here... it was the first family yule rit we've had in a very long time... the boy child was here with us... for Yule the tradition with us is... for yule presents they must be home made... since it was last minute that we ended up doing one here I just told the other two to make something for one other person... the man made one for the boychild, the boychild made one for the man and I made one for the man the boychild and the manchild (who wasn't here)... it went well... as we went through the ritual I explained things to the boychild... makes for an awkward ritual but teaches him how and why we do what we do... So the man made a small fire truck out of wood (it was a crafting kit I had upstairs), the boychild made a picture out of construction paper and glue for the man... and I decorated each one of them a rock making each sparkle with glittery paints and their names on them... I explained what we did and so forth to the manchild when he got here from his fathers house.

Christmas... went off without a hitch... I made and served dinner for 9... my mom's household came, including Otis and my Grandma from Bancroft and my Aunt from Hamilton... it was great. I have to tell you it's a big compliment when you're grandmother looks across the table at you and says "Mmm your stuffing is better then mine!" *grins* I think that was the best christmas present... Of course we got all sorts of gifts and of course the children got spoiled rotten... the boychild looked at me christmas morning with his eyebrows arched in surprise and says "I thought this was going to be a small christmas!" I just chuckled and shrugged "I did too!" everyone was thankful for what they got and I didn't once here from the kids a pout with the words "I wanted a ... and didn't get it"
I know that when their grandma from Bancroft comes down they'll end up being spoiled again... it really is nice to space them out a bit so the kids aren't quite so overwhelmed... but I think it's high time the kids go through all their toys again and pack some away to be put in the wagon and taken to the community cares.

I've been sick again... well I shouldn't say again... I should say still.
I'm having a hard time breathing and I'm constantly stuffed up, I really think that I did some permanent damage to my lungs while in that apartment.
I'm avoiding going to the doctor as I don't want to end up in the hospital as he said I would.
It's so much harder to shake these sorts of things when you can't take decongestants or caffeine...
I'm trying not to dwell too much on being sick as I don't want it to stick around.

The kittens are growing quickly... soon they won't be mah lil bay-bees... lol
I'm thankful for the camera I got as a present... now I can capture oh so many moments to completely bore you with... well moreso on the other blog...but it'll boil over to here as well. ;)
you have been forewarned..

So are you one of these people who makes New Years Resolutions?

I'm not, by the beginning of February if you ask someone what theirs was, they'll have forgotten. Try it ;)

I do however wish and hope that everyone's upcoming year is better then the last and that everyone I know gets everything that they deserve...

Our Two New Babies...

Well it's time to make the announcement....

We have two new babies and they've arrived safe and sound and are here at home now... My christmas present to the man this year was going to be a new kitten... and in my time of shopping around to find the perfect little kitten for him I found two... After much consideration and trying to figure which of the two kitties I would get for him I finally asked which one he would want if he could have one... unfortunately it was not the same one that I had picked for him... I wanted the little black short haired one... he of course wanted the little grey fluff ball... So being the great compromisers that we are... We Got Both... So I'm proud to introduce you all to our new babies...

Sitting on daddy's shoulder is Imhotep (aka Fluffy Face)

Chewing on the ribbon on Mommy's pants Onyx (aka Nyx aka Onny)

I'm sure you'll here more about them as time goes on... Onyx was a christmas present to me from the man and Imhotep was a present from me to the man... at least that's what we've told the kids... *chuckles*

You'll Never See What You've Done To Me, You Can Take Back Your Memories, They're No Good To Me...

So it was a hard decision to come to but we have decided that Christmas for the kids is much more important then pills... So I haven't told my doctor as of yet that I won't be taking any pills this month but I will be going about the blood tests to see if it's just because of the pills that my insides were working correctly the last 3 months... it was like a balancing act... on one hand a hundred dollars for some pills for me... or a hundred dollars towards christmas... we decided that christmas was more important even if it does make the two of us a little sad...

I was very close to saying I quit a couple of days ago... as I lay in pain in bed listening to the man sleeping beside me... and all I wanted to do was cry... again I felt disappointment and felt like a disappointment... which of course isn't good for the self esteem... but I know that the man isn't disappointed in me in any sort of way... he's made sure to make me realize that every step of the way... but I can't help but still feel it initially when it first happens...

I've been having a wonderful time with the kids the past couple of weeks... they both really seem to be enjoying movie night and game day... which both are pretty self explanatory...

However, it hasn't all been rainbows and sunshine... been having a bit of a trying time with the manchild.... he seems to think that at 11 he tells us what he's doing and that we have to just be ok with that... *chuckles* He's learning the hard way that you don't push mom and dad around like that... he just got off of a 2 week grounding for going behind our backs and reactivating an MSN acct that I had deactivated on Thanksgiving... I told him that this girl he had been talking to and professing his undying love for... was bad news and since he's never actually met her... she's not his girlfriend, never mind the fact that his father and I both told him that he's 11! he doesn't have a gf... nor will he until he's 16... seem harsh? too bad... I know what both his father and I were doing before we were 16 and the manchild will not be doing that... so come to find out that after he got off his grounding he went over to his friends house and readded this girl to his facebook after I had deleted her... oh boy... that was a mistake... I've now blocked her from his facebook and he is of course now grounded again.

So yeah not all sunshine and rainbows... but then again ya can't get the rainbows without a bit of rain...

in other news I worked my ass off today unpacking more boxes... yeah I know it's taking me forever but hey that's how it works when you're the head of the household, not feeling well and decorating for xmas... on top of all sorts of meetings...

the man and I have been spending all sorts of quality time together and it's been fantastic... I find myself getting bored with being on the computer and listening to music and we end up meeting up in the bedroom to watch a show or lay there and talk or play the "When We..." game... you know like 'When we win the lotto this is what we'll do and where we'll go...' but more often then not when we meet up it's just to be together and enjoy each other... I didn't realize just how much I had been missing that...

what's also interesting is that... the boychild has been talking an awful lot about the more christian of subjects... I told his father the other night that it just might be possible that as pagan as we are we might be raising a christian... oughta be interesting if it continues that way... at least if he'd like to learn more about that religion I'm well versed with the scripture... at least I've read the entire bible... both versions... I of course prefer the old testament but enh to each their own I say... So anyway if he wishes to presue it further I'll be able to help him out with that... just because I don't believe that a man named Jesus Christ ever existed doesn't mean that others don't... the most basic thing I've ever wanted to instill in the children is tolerance... to not judge others especially those who are different or believe differently... I wish everyone would teach their children that... but then again... I'm a bit naive that way I guess...

hmmm not much else to say I guess... Happy Turkey Day to all the Americans who read this still... hope you had a good one with lots of family interaction...

I'm Open, You're Closed, Where I Follow, You'll Go...

Yes it is true... I'm completely insane... but seriously how many of you didn't realize that already... *laughs*

I'm so excited about the upcoming holiday ... you know the one that's a month away... that I had my mom bring over my decorations and we put up our tree today... and I think our banister leading upstairs has more lights on it then our tree does... *laughs*

I've gotten to the point where I know that we haven't got the money to buy the one present the entire family wanted... but... I'm ok with that... I know that we won't completely all waste away if we don't have it... I know the kids will be a bit sad and disappointed... but they have been forewarned that we just don't have any money for christmas this year... it'll be a different tune on the actual morning of but... at least I've tried to warn them...

So I'll have to get some pics of the really loud banister and of the tree...

I think Jasper (the parrot) was a bit curious as to how and why I was building a tree next to his cage this morning as I sang to him and put up the artificial tree while the kids played upstairs... They eventually made their way downstairs so that they could put all the decorations on and the man put the lovely lady upon the top of the tree... then we made our way down to the dollar store bought some tinsel and a few small gifts and made our way home where we taught the kids to play euchre for game night...
After they went off to bed I put the tinsel on the tree ... and now I'm enjoying a hot cup of cocoa while I looking at my lovely lit up tree and chatting with my man...

and now...

back to Mouse Hunt!!

Happy Holidays to all of those I love very much!

As Posted On Facebook...

Well I do believe it has become official I hate this time of the year...

Since I've had my kids and have wanted to give them everything they want and need at christmas - I've grown to hate the holiday.

I've really tried to instill in my kids that it's not all about presents that it's about getting together with family and having a good time, since I am not a christian I will not fill their heads with bull about it being some dead guys birthday.

No matter how much I've tried to teach them that it's about the thought of giving to others especially those who are less fortunate. They still want all the toys and gadgets and I see how sad they get when they don't get them. Not that I want to spoil them and get them all the latest games and gadgets and top brand everything. However, I would like to get them at least one of the games and such that they ask for.

Yeah this is me whining a bit mostly about how peer pressure on the kids (that they don't even realize is there) sometimes makes us as parents who can't get all the latest stuff look just a little bit smaller in the eyes of our kids.

Why do we let a holiday do that too us?

This is one of the most stressful times of year and most of the time it's us stressing ourselves out over whether or not someone will like the gift we got them, or will the christmas dinner turn out alright or will uncle bobby still be mad at aunt suzy, should we invite them to come different days or will my kids be mad because they didn't get from Santa what they asked for... because Mom and Dad Santa can't afford the gifts.

We stress ourselves out during the holidays - why do we let it happen?

I hate Christmas.



So there you have it my deep dark secret - I hate Christmas.

(I'll be back after Christmas has left - talk to you then)

Io, Saturnalia

When it comes to festivals, parties, and downright debauchery, no one beats the folks of ancient Rome. Around the time of the winter solstice each year, they celebrated the festival of Saturnalia. As the name implies, this was a holiday in honor of the agricultural god, Saturn. This week-long party typically began around December 17th, so that it would end right around the day of the solstice.

Fertility rituals were performed at the temple of Saturn, including sacrifices. In addition to the large public rites, many private citizens held ceremonies honoring Saturn in their homes.

One of the highlights of Saturnalia was the switching of traditional roles, particularly between a master and his slave. Everyone got to wear the red pileus, or freedman's hat, and slaves were free to be as impertinent as they wished to their owners. However, despite the appearance of a reversal of social order, there were actually some fairly strict boundaries. A master might serve his slaves dinner, but the slaves were the ones who prepared it -- this kept Roman society in order, but still allowed everyone to have a good time.

Businesses and court proceedings closed up for the entire celebration, and food and drink were everywhere to be had. Elaborate feasts and banquets were held, and it wasn’t unusual to exchange small gifts at these parties. A typical Saturnalia gift might be something like a writing tablet or tool, cups and spoons, clothing items, or food. Citizens decked their halls with boughs of greenery, and even hung small tin ornaments on bushes and trees. Bands of naked revelers often roamed the streets, singing and carousing - a sort of naughty precursor to today's Christmas caroling tradition.

The traditional greeting at a Saturnalia celebration is, "Io, Saturnalia!", with the "Io" being pronounced as "Yo." So next time someone wishes you a happy holiday, feel free to respond with "Io, Saturnalia!" After all, if you lived in Roman times, Saturn was the reason for the season!

History of Yule

A Festival of Light:

Many cultures have winter festivals that are in fact celebrations of light. In addition to Christmas, there's Hannukah with its brightly lit menorahs, Kwanzaa candles, and any number of other holidays. The holiday called Yule takes place on the day of the winter solstice, around December 21. On that day (or close to it), an amazing thing happens in the sky. The earth's axis tilts away from the sun in the Northern Hemisphere, and the sun reaches at its greatest distance from the equatorial plane. As a festival of the Sun, the most important part of any Yule celebration is light -- candles, bonfires, and more.

Origins of Yule:

In the Northern hemisphere, the winter solstice has been celebrated for millenia. The Norse peoples viewed it as a time for much feasting, merrymaking, and, if the Icelandic sagas are to be believed, a time of sacrifice as well. Traditional customs such as the Yule log, the decorated tree, and wassailing can all be traced back to Norse origins.

Celtic Celebrations of Winter:

The Celts of the British Isles celebrated this midwinter holiday as well. Although little is known about the specifics of what they did, many traditions persist. According to the writings of Julius Caesar, this is the time of year in which Druid priests sacrificed a white bull and gathered mistletoe in celebration.

Roman Saturnalia:

Few cultures knew how to party like the Romans. Saturnalia was a festival of general merrymaking and debauchery held around the time of the winter solstice. This week-long party was held in honor of the god Saturn, and involved sacrifices, gift-giving, special privileges for slaves, and a lot of feasting. Although this holiday was partly about giving presents, more importantly, it was to honor an agricultural god.

Welcoming the Sun Through the Ages:

Four thousand years ago, the Ancient Egyptians took the time to celebrate the daily rebirth of Horus - the god of the Sun. As their culture flourished and spread throughout Mesopotamia, other civilizations decided to get in on the sun-welcoming action. They found that things went really well... until the weather got cooler, and crops began to die. Each year, this cycle of birth, death and rebirth took place, and they began to realize that every year after a period of cold and darkness, the Sun did indeed return.

Winter festivals were also common in Greece and Rome, as well as in the British Isles. When a new religion called Christianity popped up, the new hierarchy had trouble converting the Pagans, and as such, folks didn't want to give up their old holidays. Christian churches were built on old Pagan worship sites, and Pagan symbols were incorporated into the symbolism of Christianity. Within a few centuries, the Christians had everyone worshipping a new holiday celebrated on December 25.

In some traditions of Wicca and Paganism, the Yule celebration comes from the Celtic legend of the battle between the young Oak King and the Holly King. The Oak King, representing the light of the new year, tries each year to usurp the old Holly King, who is the symbol of darkness. Re-enactment of the battle is popular in some Wiccan rituals.

Welcome Back The Sun - The ancients knew that the winter solstice was the longest night of the year -- and that meant that the sun was beginning its long journey back towards earth. It was a time of celebration, and for rejoicing in the knowledge that soon, the warm days of spring would return, and the dormant earth would come back to life.
On this one day, the sun stands still in the sky, and everyone on earth knows that change is coming.
Because this is a festival of fire and light, feel free to use lots of candles and lights, solar symbols, bright colors, or even a bonfire. Bring light back into your home and your life.