You'll Never See What You've Done To Me, You Can Take Back Your Memories, They're No Good To Me...

So it was a hard decision to come to but we have decided that Christmas for the kids is much more important then pills... So I haven't told my doctor as of yet that I won't be taking any pills this month but I will be going about the blood tests to see if it's just because of the pills that my insides were working correctly the last 3 months... it was like a balancing act... on one hand a hundred dollars for some pills for me... or a hundred dollars towards christmas... we decided that christmas was more important even if it does make the two of us a little sad...

I was very close to saying I quit a couple of days ago... as I lay in pain in bed listening to the man sleeping beside me... and all I wanted to do was cry... again I felt disappointment and felt like a disappointment... which of course isn't good for the self esteem... but I know that the man isn't disappointed in me in any sort of way... he's made sure to make me realize that every step of the way... but I can't help but still feel it initially when it first happens...

I've been having a wonderful time with the kids the past couple of weeks... they both really seem to be enjoying movie night and game day... which both are pretty self explanatory...

However, it hasn't all been rainbows and sunshine... been having a bit of a trying time with the manchild.... he seems to think that at 11 he tells us what he's doing and that we have to just be ok with that... *chuckles* He's learning the hard way that you don't push mom and dad around like that... he just got off of a 2 week grounding for going behind our backs and reactivating an MSN acct that I had deactivated on Thanksgiving... I told him that this girl he had been talking to and professing his undying love for... was bad news and since he's never actually met her... she's not his girlfriend, never mind the fact that his father and I both told him that he's 11! he doesn't have a gf... nor will he until he's 16... seem harsh? too bad... I know what both his father and I were doing before we were 16 and the manchild will not be doing that... so come to find out that after he got off his grounding he went over to his friends house and readded this girl to his facebook after I had deleted her... oh boy... that was a mistake... I've now blocked her from his facebook and he is of course now grounded again.

So yeah not all sunshine and rainbows... but then again ya can't get the rainbows without a bit of rain...

in other news I worked my ass off today unpacking more boxes... yeah I know it's taking me forever but hey that's how it works when you're the head of the household, not feeling well and decorating for xmas... on top of all sorts of meetings...

the man and I have been spending all sorts of quality time together and it's been fantastic... I find myself getting bored with being on the computer and listening to music and we end up meeting up in the bedroom to watch a show or lay there and talk or play the "When We..." game... you know like 'When we win the lotto this is what we'll do and where we'll go...' but more often then not when we meet up it's just to be together and enjoy each other... I didn't realize just how much I had been missing that...

what's also interesting is that... the boychild has been talking an awful lot about the more christian of subjects... I told his father the other night that it just might be possible that as pagan as we are we might be raising a christian... oughta be interesting if it continues that way... at least if he'd like to learn more about that religion I'm well versed with the scripture... at least I've read the entire bible... both versions... I of course prefer the old testament but enh to each their own I say... So anyway if he wishes to presue it further I'll be able to help him out with that... just because I don't believe that a man named Jesus Christ ever existed doesn't mean that others don't... the most basic thing I've ever wanted to instill in the children is tolerance... to not judge others especially those who are different or believe differently... I wish everyone would teach their children that... but then again... I'm a bit naive that way I guess...

hmmm not much else to say I guess... Happy Turkey Day to all the Americans who read this still... hope you had a good one with lots of family interaction...