Look What I Can Do....

I have some great news...

I'm going back to school... it's been discussed for the last couple of months... I found a financial backer :D

so I'm all registered for the first course of my program... It's a Psychology course... which I'll be taking a bunch of them... so that I can become a counsellor of sorts... it will take me longer doing it one course at a time... but if thats what it takes... I start on May 1st... I'll be in class Mon and Wed's 6:30pm to 9:30pm.... surprised that I start before my surgery... yeah me too... but I'm sick of putting my life on hold because of this... that and I like to think that I'm not going to die... so yeah...

also by me starting school... I won't be attending anymore meetings on monday :D
tee hee hee

Escapism...

es·cap·ism (-skpzm)
n.

The tendency to escape from daily reality or routine by indulging in daydreaming, fantasy, or entertainment.

Everyone does it... Escape that is... everyone needs that break from reality... whether its thru online gaming, board games, puzzles, tv, music, drugs, alcohol... anything to escape for even just the briefest moment...

to get away from the boss, the wife, the husband, the kids... or worse... problems... money problems, marital problems, abusive problems, health problems...

you go to that place that you know is yours and yours alone... and you try to be by yourself or just try to tune out life...

I have news for you... no matter how much you try to escape... your life always comes back... yep thats a certainty... your life will not go away no matter how much you try to push it to the side... it will come back full force and smack you right in the head...
what do you use for your escape?

I've tried all kinds of ways to escape... books, tv, online chat, games...

I'm finding that you shouldn't spend your time trying to escape from your life... you should meet your life head on as it comes flying your way and deal with everything you can deal with and ask for help with anything you can't deal with by yourself...

I've tried to keep my mind busy so that I won't think about some of the important things... I've put off doing stuff that I have to do... who at the age of 27 really seriously wants to make up a last will and testament?

tonight I cried... I turned off the tv in my room and rolled over to go to sleep and all of a sudden found myself crying... I was crying because... I have a tendancy to play out scenarios about stuff in my head... ya know like a big meeting is coming up with the boss and in my head I try to run every possible scenario in my head... I did that... strike that... I started to do that while trying to go to sleep... and thats when I found myself crying... I was playing out the scenarios in my head of next month... laying/sitting in a hospital room in Toronto all day long... waiting for them to come get me and take me for the procedure... I pictured the people that I hope will be at the hospital during the wait and the procedure... I started picturing every scenario of what could happen during the procedure... and who'd they tell first if anything went wrong...
I'm hoping that my three favourite men in the whole world will be there... which is funny they are all in different parts of the world right now... lol
I pictured talking to my mom on the phone just before they took me down for the surgery...
I even went thru the freak out scenario where I get so scared that I have to be sedated before they take me...

now some may say doing that is weird or unnecessary... however... I've done it all my life and I'm not likely to stop now... and if one more person tells me to not worry that its nothing I think I may scream... lol unless its happened to you and you've gone thru it... it's still not nothing to me...

I've been contemplating sending out a mass email to my friends whom I haven't told yet... who don't read my blog... lol heaven forbid there are actually people out there who don't read this...lol

Anyway back to what I was saying about escaping and escapism...

Should it really be called an escape, when in actuality it's just a break? you never really escape your life and whats going on in it, you just kind of get a small reprieve...

Stop running from it and trying to escape it.... Turn around let it crash into you and embrace it...

as for me... I'll keep running the scenarios and continue flip flopping from excited to anxious to scared until May 17th...

Until then I'm being fairly selfish, self absorbed and centred on my family... so if it seems like I lack interest in your problems and the flaws in your life plan.... thats because right now... I Am.

I'm not out to change the entire world, just my own.

WOW! Only A Month To Go!

ok so it's one month today until I'm going to be up in Toronto laying in a hospital bed...

I'm not sure if I should be excited or scared...

I'm so used to being like this... it's going to be odd to feel better... to feel well hell I dunno how it's going to feel... I'll keep you posted on how it feels...

For those who don't know... I was misdiagnosed almost 9 years ago... they told me I was having panic attacks meanwhile I was actually having what they now call 'cardiac events'... I have SVT (Supraventricular Tachycardia) and they're gonna fix that next month...

"Sometimes I need some time... on my own
Sometimes I need some time... all alone
Everybody needs some time... on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone"

Cheese Grommit!

My baby turned 5 years old on Friday... wow how time flies...

had a very small birthday party for him on sunday...

I've found that he shares a like for something that I do as well... Wallace & Grommit
a friend of mine introduced me to them a few years ago... when I saw the game cube game of them I HAD to have it, when I saw that a movie was coming out I had too go see it... Keenan has loved them as well... so Grandma for his birthday bought him the 2 dvd set of Wallace & Grommit... three shorts from a few years ago on one dvd... the movie on the other... we're both tickled pink!!

not much else happening...

got a phone call last night that Gambit has come down with the chicken pox... so I've kept Keenan home today just incase... and informed his school that he was exposed to them and to let all the other parents know since he was at school yesterday... now he's sad because he won't be able to go to his swimming lessons...
He's drowning his sorrows by watching W & G ... lol

I've been feeling like ass... hence why I haven't been around lately... I can't wait til May gets here...

On a good note I sent out a fax to the business community in the area asking about possibly sponsorships or donations for the concert coming up in June... so far have had a good response... makes me feel good... just hope that some of them can really step up and sponsor us some monies...*keeping fingers crossed*

What A DAy For A Day Dream...

Robbing an extremely broke Paul to pay a Peter is becoming tiresome...
anyone who calls me on a regular basis might have to wait a bit for our next phone conversation... *sigh*
I hate this infamous two step that I've been doing...
the Ketchup game as we lovingly refer to it... is becoming overrated...

On a brighter note Keenan went to his first swimming lesson last night... I believe his remark to my mother on the phone when he came home last night was, and I quote 'swimming lessons are awesome'
whew... being around this much water I'm thankful that he's liking it... I think all kids need swimming lessons...
He was scared all week that he wasn't going to like it, kept telling everyone that he was scared of the water... it also helped that when we got there we found out that one of his little guy friends from school was in his class...so that made him happy... it also made him Happy to find out that James and him were the only two boys and that they have 4 little girls in their class...

And for all those people sitting there reading this and saying... how can she complain about not having money for her phone bill and then turn around and talk about swimming lessons... not that I have to answer to you people who are that judgemental... however... his granfather paid for the swimming lessons... so there :P now you wouldn't happen to have about 500 bucks I could have would ya :P I'd ask if I could borrow it... however... yeah... then I'd just have to steal from Paul to pay you...

Anyway, not much else... Keenans birthday is on Friday... my baby'll be 5 already... *cries*
I'll keep ya up to date as to whether or not he's even gonna get a party, at this rate its not looking good...

What I've been Doing...

Hopefully this'll work, click on the image above and you can see what I've been working my ass off for...