Enh...

Yesterday was the day after a heavy rain storm, I don't mind spring, but I'm always so sad in the spring... it's so rainy... I could never live out in BC... anyway...
Yesterday it was hot... I don't remember how hot... but... it was hot and the ground was still mushy and wet and there was still lots of puddles everywhere when I decided to Keenan to school.
Well on our way there all I could think of was wow it smells so much better out here today... the rain washed all kinds of winter smells away... and with it came the smell of fresh wet dirt... now before anyone starts saying "ew" think about it for a moment... after a big rain you ever go outside and just smell the air... so then of course on the way home I couldn't get the song Oklahoma out of my head... listened to two hours of music before I finally got rid of it... *shit* .... *sighs* it's back...

However the one thing the rain storm did not wash away was my own form of winter blahs... the sun was out and it was shining and actually feeling warm after months of not one ounce of warmth from it... the ground was refreshed and watered and happy... and I felt like I wanted to cry.

Still do...

I don't know why exactly... I'm in a great mood when Raistlans home and up and talking and feeling well... Keenan is the sweetest sometimes...ok... most times... and he makes me laugh... he's so considerate...

I've turned into a hermit... I've only been out lately to take the kidlet to school... I can't even muster the motivation to go to the bank... you'd think a cheque sitting her on my desk would encourage me to go... but... nope... I just shrug it off and "get too it later"

I've been withdrawing.... I barely know what's going on with my friends anymore... I must seem the worst person in the world to be friends with right now...

My life is being sucked out of me by way of my ass and it's all my chairs fault...
and if you believe that then I have a piece of swamp land in Arizona to sell you....

my life is about to become uber busy... Lions, Soccer, T-Ball, Swimming, school, guitar lessons, and birthdays...

Lions has been total shite lately... I won't go into details... but it looks as tho I'll be changing clubs... assholes.

I can't get any sleep... I go to bed and stare at the ceiling for hours...
I've barely been eating enough... just because it gets to that point where the sight of food sickens me... as if I put that piece of food in my mouth I'll vomit...
I don't even want to make dinner that's how much of a turn off food is for me right now...
Squasha you remember the last time this happened...? *sigh* yeah...

Every time I start feeling like this I start doing the whole I want to go home thing... problem is no where feels like home... not really... and that whole fucked up cliche... "home is where the heart is" fuck that... if that's the case then my heart has packed it's bags and taken a train to "IDon'tKnowWheresville"

I sit here listening to love songs... trying to feel something... and I've got nothing...
love? Fuck Love! *chuckles* love ya Dane...
Numb...

maybe it's this computer...
*eyes it suspiciously*
Yeah I definitely think it's this computer...
evil evil evil
silver little box that sits on my desk
you suck me in, thinking your the best
you suck me in and seduce me all day
until my ass is so numb

ya know it's no wonder...

unplugging... you're right unplugging is a good thing...
I think I might just follow your lead...
and unplug... hell no one would even notice anyway...

" Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain
And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet
When the wind comes right behind the rain. "

*pulls plug*

Blogs and Change

So I thought about shutting down and deleting my blogs today...

it seems like I never have much to say anymore what I do say doesn't seem to mean much of anything...

just drivel pretty much... there's enough blogs out there that are just drivel... or just people giving little updates on their lives... what makes mine so special...

Really it's not done much for me... cause me problems with my in laws, with my family, even some of my friends...

I guess just back in the day when I started this blog almost 3 years ago... I had something to say... or I thought I needed to say something... I used to update this thing a few times a day when I first started it... now I'm lucky (or not) if I sit down to update it a few times a month...

when it comes right down to it I guess it comes to the question of "Who Cares?"

I mean really... I know that journals and diaries and such are usually personal... and I've mentioned it before but...
It's not really that personal unless it's anonymous... right?

If it's done anonymously then people wouldn't know it was you and you could talk about whoever and whatever you won't, like you used to be able to do when ya kept that little locked diary under your pillow...

But since the people who read it know who you are you feel like you need to entertain them rather than say what's on your mind...

So is it really a journal a place for your thoughts and feelings or is it a place to write about the comings and goings of your family to keep your friends up to date...

I've had many blogs... some still kicking around... I had a blog that I told Raistlan he wasn't allowed to go to... and he being the great that he is wouldn't go to it...
I deleted it today... didn't save the logs didn't reread the entries... just deleted it... they were about another man...
not fair to him to ask him not to read it... so I deleted it and with it any feelings attached to it that may have still been there...

I have another journal... it's a deadjournal... took it out of my blogroll... and as soon as I figure out how... I'm gonna kill that one too...

things are changing... I'm changing...

I did decide so for now, not to kill this one...


For now...

Song Of The Week - Yes I Am - Melissa Etheridge

In these days and these hours of fury
When the darkness and answers are thin
Lovers come and check out in a hurry
Shallow and hollow again
Come lay your body beside me
To dream to sleep with the lamb
To the question your eyes seem to send

Am I your passion your promise your end
I say I am
Yes I am
Your passion your promise your end
Yes I am

Barring divine intervention
There is nothing between you and i
And if I carelessly forgot to mention
Your body your power can sanctify
Come feed your hunger your thirst
Lay it down the beast will die
You can question my heart once again

Am I your passion your promise your end
I say I am
Yes I am
Your passion your promise your end
Yes I am

I will stand firm in the tempest
I will ride destinys trail
To believe when the truth comes up empty
To hold and respect without fail
Come and be one in the motion
A desire they cannot comprehend
Never to question again
For I am your passion your promise your end
Oh yes I am

Happy Steak and BJ Day...

So I was gonna unplug for the day....

as you can see that didn't happen... partly because I work on the computer... and because of the rain... I was going to take the lil drunken monkeys out today... but it's raining... very appropriate for the mood I'm in today... gray and overcast day... gray and overcast mood...

Like ancient bruises
I'm awake and feel the ache
But I wish I'd see a field below
I wish I'd see a field below

I wish I'd see your face below
I wish I'd hear you whispering low
But you don't live downtown no more
And everything must come and go

So for my overcast mood, I've logged into every messenger service I have and am visible to see if there's anyone who wants to chat... maybe help keep me busy today...

come into my world
I've got to show show show you
come into my bed
I've got to know know know you

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
but I wake up in fear
you will never be my, you will never be my fool
will never be my fool

Regina's keeping me company on my wmp...

I must go on standing
You can't break that which isn't yours
I, oh, must go on standing
I'm not my own, it's not my choice

Be afraid of the lame
They'll inherit your legs
Be afraid of the old
They'll inherit your souls
Be afraid of the cold
They'll inherit your blood
Apres moi, le deluge
After me comes the flood

I should probably get up and clean up the apartment for a bit... yeah I know yuck it up...

Don't tell your mother that you are afraid
Don't tell your lover that your heart might break
Don't tell your gods that you no longer believe
Because as soon as you say it out loud they will leave you
And you will miss them oh so bad
And you will wait for their return
And you will wish they were your own
But gods that have left you will never grace your home

*sighs* it's only 9:30 in the morning and I already wanna call it quits on today and go back to bed until tomorrow comes a long...

You don't know what love is till you see her standing there
A web of skin and nails and hair
And bones and bones
And thoughts rush in and
Arch your head, you think you are alive
But you are dead, you keep
On driving in your car asleep...

So I'm supposed to be working... either cleaning or actually working... I just can't seem to get motivated...

And I have walked these streets so long
There ain't nothing right, there ain't nothing wrong
But the little wet tears on my baby's shoulder
The little wet tears on my baby's shoulder

Lady lights a cigarette, puffs away, no regret
Takes a look around, no regrets, no regrets
Stretches out like branches of a poplar tree
She says, i'm free
Sings so soft as if she'll break, says
I can sing this song so blue
That you will cry in spite of you
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder

So as the title says... It's Steak and BJ Day... so if you go out there and slaughter a cow and guys go ahead and eat it while someone takes your meat ;) or ladies... go on out and find a cock to gobble on and then eat up a nice juicy steak... :)
Yes this is a mans holiday... however ladies you got your chocolate and romance last month... so... give it up ;)

I have to get out of here...

laterz

The Crazy Bird Lady

Well life has gotten interesting...

We have acquired more birds... yes you heard right ... more birds...
two pairs (yes 4) of cockatiels and with them came two babies...
so the 4 new ones are Doe and Rae (not named after me) and Zorro and Elena... they had the names when they got here - Doe and Rae (or Ray) brought with them two babies whom aren't named... yet...
the 4 new ones will be our breeding pairs and every few weeks we'll get new babies and after a few weeks of taking care of them they'll be old enough to sell either privately or to pet stores.

So been tag teaming it with Doe and Rae for feeding the babies, who still kinda look like naked chickens and sound like evil little pterodactyls - but in the next two weeks they have all kinds of feathers, find their voices and be for sale :)

Life Here

So I am a complete lazy ass...
I keep coming over to my blog and staring at it... thinking about hmmm do I put up another story about Dog Guides or should I make an actual post and let everyone know that I've not just turned into a commercial for the Dog Guides... no ... I really haven't it's just that they've always been so close to my heart and I know how much help they need right now... so if you do decide to help me out I would appreciate it, and it's a tax write off for you no matter where ya live you'd get sent a receipt.
But anyway... no commercial today... just me... sitting in my scrubs... hair up... sockless... morose... and headachey...

So I'm all connected to facebook.. almost as heavily as I'm connected to myspace...

You know for being so connected I'm starting to feel very disconnected... from what I dunno... maybe just disconnected from myself...

Raistlan and I have decided to go completely crazy together... we've got 3 birds right now... my gay lovebirds that everyone's already heard about, our new addition is a green cheeked conure named Dayle... but if that's not crazy enough, tomorrow we have a couple more coming and bringing babies with them... we already know that we're crazy so... yeah no need to tell us how crazy we are... because we've also said that we would take in another and give him a good home...

so yeah...

I'm going to be starting a course in the next couple of weeks... the professional animal care specialist program... good timing on that one eh... *chuckles*

I'm still doing the data entry job from home... and Raistlan has gone back to work and is truly enjoying his campaign... too bad he's still getting migraines... flickering computer screens and florescent lights tend to do that to a person.

Spring break starts today after schools out... oy vey... I understand that the teachers need a break from all the rugrats... but sheesh do they really need to send them home... lol

So I really have nothing earth shattering to talk about... then again when do I ever...
I'm in love... I have a home and a job... kids that I love and that love me... and friends who truly care about how I am... not too much drama going on over here...
and not the greatest writer so no witty stories about anything going on...

Ya know it's times like this that I wonder why I still blog... when there's not really anything exciting going on in my life...

Just makes me realize how boring I am... *laughs*

Anyway... I'm finished...