Enh...

Yesterday was the day after a heavy rain storm, I don't mind spring, but I'm always so sad in the spring... it's so rainy... I could never live out in BC... anyway...
Yesterday it was hot... I don't remember how hot... but... it was hot and the ground was still mushy and wet and there was still lots of puddles everywhere when I decided to Keenan to school.
Well on our way there all I could think of was wow it smells so much better out here today... the rain washed all kinds of winter smells away... and with it came the smell of fresh wet dirt... now before anyone starts saying "ew" think about it for a moment... after a big rain you ever go outside and just smell the air... so then of course on the way home I couldn't get the song Oklahoma out of my head... listened to two hours of music before I finally got rid of it... *shit* .... *sighs* it's back...

However the one thing the rain storm did not wash away was my own form of winter blahs... the sun was out and it was shining and actually feeling warm after months of not one ounce of warmth from it... the ground was refreshed and watered and happy... and I felt like I wanted to cry.

Still do...

I don't know why exactly... I'm in a great mood when Raistlans home and up and talking and feeling well... Keenan is the sweetest sometimes...ok... most times... and he makes me laugh... he's so considerate...

I've turned into a hermit... I've only been out lately to take the kidlet to school... I can't even muster the motivation to go to the bank... you'd think a cheque sitting her on my desk would encourage me to go... but... nope... I just shrug it off and "get too it later"

I've been withdrawing.... I barely know what's going on with my friends anymore... I must seem the worst person in the world to be friends with right now...

My life is being sucked out of me by way of my ass and it's all my chairs fault...
and if you believe that then I have a piece of swamp land in Arizona to sell you....

my life is about to become uber busy... Lions, Soccer, T-Ball, Swimming, school, guitar lessons, and birthdays...

Lions has been total shite lately... I won't go into details... but it looks as tho I'll be changing clubs... assholes.

I can't get any sleep... I go to bed and stare at the ceiling for hours...
I've barely been eating enough... just because it gets to that point where the sight of food sickens me... as if I put that piece of food in my mouth I'll vomit...
I don't even want to make dinner that's how much of a turn off food is for me right now...
Squasha you remember the last time this happened...? *sigh* yeah...

Every time I start feeling like this I start doing the whole I want to go home thing... problem is no where feels like home... not really... and that whole fucked up cliche... "home is where the heart is" fuck that... if that's the case then my heart has packed it's bags and taken a train to "IDon'tKnowWheresville"

I sit here listening to love songs... trying to feel something... and I've got nothing...
love? Fuck Love! *chuckles* love ya Dane...
Numb...

maybe it's this computer...
*eyes it suspiciously*
Yeah I definitely think it's this computer...
evil evil evil
silver little box that sits on my desk
you suck me in, thinking your the best
you suck me in and seduce me all day
until my ass is so numb

ya know it's no wonder...

unplugging... you're right unplugging is a good thing...
I think I might just follow your lead...
and unplug... hell no one would even notice anyway...

" Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain
And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet
When the wind comes right behind the rain. "

*pulls plug*