If Your Love Is Real

Three days spent staring at your photograph
Read your letter made me laugh
But theres a shadow on the path
till I know
If your love is real

cause its not as if a lot was said
Falling in and falling out of bed
But now the worlds turned on its head
till I know
If your love is real

Spent a long time now persuading myself
That I don't need no one
Nobody else
That Id felt all there was to feel

I'm in a daydream now I'm out to lunch
And should it come down to the crunch
Im wide open for that sucker punch
till I know
If your love is real
till I know
If your love is real

Spent a long time now persuading myself
That I don't need no one
Nobody else
That Id felt all there was to feel

I know if I should live one hundred years
Id never see another face like yours
On stranger seas or brighter shores
cause I know
That my love is real
-David Gray

If I'm Only Dreaming, Then Why'm I Screaming

A few years ago my friend and her mom and I all went to go see a psychic (go ahead and groan) his name was Lenny, nice guy. So we waited in the car while we each went upstairs one at a time.
He did his readings out of a small upstairs apartment and he prefers when reading family members to keep them separated during the reading, so since we're all like family to each other we did it that way.

So her mom went first, and then my friend went, and then I went up last. He looked tired when I came upstairs, I understand how that goes when you're doing readings for people.

I enjoyed my reading, yes of course he told me things I already knew, but I didn't tell him anything. Save the nickname I use as my name. He came back with my full first name.

I had almost completely forgotten about the reading. Until the other day when I was in the shower. I love my shower, I just love being able to for all intents and purposes trance out in the shower and just make my mind blank it's just the best part of the cleansing process. but anyway...
At the time I was seeing this guy, sort of. And of course I wanted to ask him about this guy and see what was going to happen with us.

Lenny told me he was a flash in the pan, never gonna work out. Which I was already starting to feel like it was going that way. So he went on to tell me that the relationship I'm in won't be my last, there's much love but it too eventually won't be what we're looking for. Then he talked of the next one. Can't give too much away there. I shrugged at the time because the initial (name) that he gave didn't make sense to me I didn't have any friends with that initial that I could ever see that happening with. Now... why would this hit me in the shower almost 4 years after it happened.

*chuckles*
you know...

I don't know... :)

And History Books Forgot About Us

When I give people tidbits of advice or answer questions brought to me about child rearing sometimes I say things that other people don't agree with, or something that may sound odd to try.

It's not because I believe I'm a perfect parent, as a matter of fact it's quite the opposite, it's things I've learned over the years in my 10 years of being a parent, my 5 years of school, and my numerous years babysitting friends and family's children since I was of an age that they would trust me with them.

It hurts when I suggest something and get the retort of "well you just know everything don't you since you're such a perfect parent..." and yes retort, not compliment.

Nobody wants to be questioned on their parenting, but do you know why?

Because they already question themselves everyday on their own abilities, about the decisions they make as a parent.

*****

there was more to this post, but right now I'm just finding this huge black sucking void in myself is too hard to get past too write more.