Monday, May 19, 2008

Some Day You're The Dog, Other Days You're The Hydrant...

Me - I've been depressed for months, been trying to work my way out of the funk that seems to keep grabbing me. Hell I found an inchworm deep and profound this morning, enough to make mention of it in a blog post, and you know I was upset when I found that he wasn't there any longer on my flowers when I got back up this afternoon.

The mush has been great for my escapism complex allowing me to be whomever I choose, I rarely talk to my friends because they couldn't possibly understand any thing I'm going through because god forbid if they might happen to be in pain. I've become so numb that I swear I lash out on purpose just to see if their hurt will make me feel something.

I refuse to complain about what's going on in my life because how dare I believe that I'm something more then a
minuscule ant on this pimple on the planet, that's started it's self destruct sequence and nobody seems to even notice that. And people wonder why I suddenly don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere.

So... my pokes at being over dramatic are my coping mechanism for dealing with my ultimately shitty hand at this point. Because if I don't keep searching for that silver lining I'm liable to blow my head off shotgun of some sort and leave it all here for the rest of you to figure out.

(I wouldn't really but there are some days where ya just want to sleep for days)

Them - I know you've been depressed. Months? Years. And I read the blog post. Thought it was a good one. As for the rest of it - you're the only person that keeps you from communicating with others, and there are people out here that will listen.

...It's not like you've really opened up in the past few weeks for me to be of any help to you. I've offered and you just don't want to talk to me about you anymore.


Me - I was just talking to you, but all you did with that response was slap my hand and tell me to go talk to someone else


And here I thought I was opening up... maybe not full flood gates... but it was a start...

Guess I'll just keep to myself then.

1 comment:

Anna said...

Awww hon, I'm sorry you've been going through a hard time. You know you've always got me to talk to, I'm a pretty good listener...and I'm not that hard to find ;).

*hugs*