The first time it felt as though someone had reached in with their bare hands... ripped my fragile heart from my chest and made it shatter into a million pieces... I remember withering and feeling such loneliness inside I thought I was going insane... I remember thinking that there was no one else who could have possibly felt as bad as I did.... feeling as if life wasn't worth living if I was to stay alive with this gaping wound in my chest... living without my own heart...
Then as I continued on over time I felt as though I wasn't as alone,wasn't as broken as I had originally felt... that maybe with each thing that made me smile... made me laugh... made me cry a good cry... I was slowly getting pieces of my heart back...with each birth of my children I felt that I felt the warmth of unconditional love spread and manifest in me...
Since my children I have loved quite differently... I love now unconditionally... hard concept for lots of people... I love without borders of place, sex or time... I can love wholeheartedly... I just thought it natural after my kids were born... I realize that love is infinite... love is not a natural resource that can run dry... even those who have hurt me since... they still brought me back a piece of my heart...and so therefore will remain in my heart...
Each person that I have brought myself to love has broken me back a piece of my shattered heart from what feels like a million years ago... I figured by now all of the pieces were back... but it always surprises me when another one comes back... and how it comes back... or how they may not realize that what they're bringing too me is a piece of me.
My heart is fragile.... breaking it doesn't make me stronger... it makes it weaker... my heart is bad and has it's own problems... after finding out about its problems I went to have it fixed but they said it wouldn't be 100% ever again... so now I guard my heart even more... from breakage... It's those who still have a small piece to give back too me that end up getting through...
For it's those ones who have a piece to give back to me that could so easily hurt me and yet still be astonished years later if they happen to find out that I could still love them... I often picture it that when my heart shattered that first time all the pieces hit all these people and they've been slowly trickling into my life to give me the pieces back s that I may feel whole again.
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