They always were afraid schto ja rodinu prodal a po pravde ja byl prosto malenkij medvedik sel na velosipedik i vsjo nahuj proebal...

With my students we get into some pretty emotional talks... the last couple of weeks have been a bit hard on them unfortunately... hitting them with stress and then a week on dealing with emotions... followed with a week of 'relaxation' and having the conversation of what is it really that is relaxing and what is it that is just a sleep inducer or depressant... So this past week they've had meditations they've had to do that are supposed to help them reach a state of relaxation using the art of silence.. which of course is lost nowadays... silence is often drowned out by music, companionship, television and even just the hum of electricity in the house seems to overwhelm silence...

Now it's obviously very hard to get your hands on a sensory deprivation chamber at the corner store... though silence can be achieved even laying in your bed with your ears plugged up with cotton... sometimes you just need to lay there in silence to really get to know yourself better... or to really examine and come to possible solutions with stuff that is stressing you out... sometimes just blocking out that noise will help you get some decent sleep...

So in the hustle and bustle of the busy day nowadays when are we supposed to find this time to plug up our ears, or lay in our bath tubs with our ears under water for more then the 5 minutes it would take to bathe... my answer to that... make time.

Are you so busy going out all the time with friends? too busy playing online games? too busy on the computer fucking around?

I was always taught... you want to do something and you say you're too busy... then make time...

your friend needs your help? do they really need 6 hours of your time or would 4 suffice...?

I always think that's the biggest cop out 'I'm too busy'

The same with all the excuses that people come up with... there was this or that or whatever that needed to be done... did they really?

My one English teacher (that I loved dearly ~ he kept me from having a nervous breakdown in grade 11) had us do an exercise once where he handed out a timetable for an entire week... blocking out all 168 hours in the week... he had us colour in all the times that we had school. the time it took to get to and from school, and then told us to fill in the rest of the week with the 'extra' stuff we did... between extra school stuff (all the clubs I was in), my dancing, karate and other stuff I had going on... I had stuff over lapping... doing homework at the dance studio because of having to be there for 3 classes in one night but having an hour long gap between classes... I had only enough time to sleep... and even that was poor due to insomnia... I found that the only time I had to myself to rest and relax was the middle of the night...even then I would listen to music, read a book or watch tv... usually until my body couldn't take it anymore and I'd pass out... when he saw my schedule I thought he was going to faint... there was some nights because of whatever club or group I was in at the high school, I wouldn't get home until nearly 9pm some nights... he shook his had at me and told me that if I didn't do something about it I'd end up with health issues... (ok so he was right... thx Mr Werner)

I haven't gotten any better over the years... between teaching once a week, Lions once a week, DCN once a month (for meetings, sometimes more often for other things), Women's Circle, trying to raise my boys, dealing with issues that arise from school, making time for my outside family... I don't have a whole lot of down time... I'm always keeping busy... I'm now trying to get back into meditating when I can find a few minutes... passing the computer instead of immediately sitting down at it...

It's not that I believe in the whole idle hands cliche, but I find if I sit around too much I just get bored... taking on two more students and trying to catch them up to the others on odd days has started to get to me as well... because of course they're busy people as well... but I still sit and think... gah when are they going to get finished what I've given them...

I dunno I guess it was just ingrained in me when I was younger... my parents were busy people... their own business, chamber of commerce, rotary, lions, karate... they were always heading to a meeting of some sort... I mean isn't that how it's supposed to be?

I look at the boychild's face as I head out for one meeting or another and wonder some days... or see how he reacts when I tell him I don't have a meeting that night and he cheers... but I don't know what I would do if I didn't do the stuff I do... I always try to make sure that nothing complicates my weekends, unless it's something I can bring my family too as well...

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm rambling... well only sort of... I mean you're reading a blog with 'ramblings' in the title so really... *shrugs*

I've come down with a fever and am sick again... I was thinking back and really this is the first time since last fall where I was headaches, sinus pain, sore throat, coughing so bad I might pull something... sick. It was back in September end of August when I felt like this before... I'm scared.

Really legitimately scared... mostly that I'll end up in the hospital... last time I did.

I've warned the Man that I've taken the meds that might have me waking up in the middle of the night for an ice pack or two... just seems so unfair that I would do that to him... and I hate it.

But I hate feeling like this. Unfortunately, when I get sick like this because of the lack of drugs I can take it generally lasts a couple of weeks... I don't have time for that. I'm too busy ;)

Nothing like doing it the old fashioned way... with warm tea and bourbon... booyah. If that doesn't work and I'm still coughing then I'll have to break out my special supply of cough syrup.

Anyway... I guess I should go and get into my nice warm bed and see if I can get rid of these chills and fever...

I can't wait Big Daddy... one month. *squees weakly*