Sounds of Silence

So I'm literally laying here in bed... the lights are off, I've just finished watching a couple of episodes of Top Gear... I have fallen in love again...

the show is funny and about cars... what more could a girl want... don't bring me the shopping channel I want a show about cars and the possibility of going fast mixed in with british humour... I'm good to go....

I'm still not well and yet I'm feeling alright... little frustrated that I can't get to sleep but enh what else is new...

I lay and wonder about things at night... tonight it's the case of wondering about how my presentation is going to go tomorrow at my meeting... is it going to be a bust... are they going to hate it and wonder what I've been doing for all this time... or will I dazzle them with my creativity of being able to make words flip about and look cool with my computer knowledge that is shit compared to my friends and yet seem like sheer genius next to these people...

I'm too distracted... I'm distracted by Reno in less then a month... I'm distracted by thoughts of waning interests... thoughts of Friday's ritual... of how I'm going to deal with the Redhead on Saturday when I see her for the first time in months and months... I'm distracted by Michigan... and I'm distracted by this sudden obsession I have with the Man...

It's been odd lately... it seems like I'm having to vy for his attentions and I dislike it... he's been distracted with his own thing... his own thing being some girls on imvu... I've been getting angry at the amount of time he spends there... and yet if he wasn't there he'd be reading a book or watching a movie or playing a video game... is it the chatting or is it the who he is chatting with... most of the people he chats with now are people I know and have chatted with before... I can't seem to find anything to talk to them about for hours and yet... he does... they just don't interest me that much... I realized it was an issue when the boychild and I were sitting and watching a movie the other night and I was becoming increasingly angry because the Man instead of wanting to watch with us turned on his laptop and opted to spend that time on imvu instead...

We ended up having a talk about it because I also realized I was being a bit overwhelmed by the stuff I had committed to and felt as though I was doing everything...

Mind you, he had spent the last week catering to me due to illness and cleaning the house ontop of all of that... but with the non-prof stuff, the Lions stuff and the students I just felt as though I was drowning and needed some help...

I had this project that was due... a ritual to write...a temple to clean and rearrange...plus people on my case to "get off my ass and get out of the house once in awhile"... also I know that my gardens need to be weeded and turned over so I can get the soil I need to plant my gardens...

So I did what any girl would do in my situation... I broke down and started to cry... not as a way to get him to help me... it was more of a release so that I could deal with being overwhelmed and actually ask for help... yes unfortunately it gets to that breaking point before I'll actually ask for help... for anything.

And there's other aspects of my life that I have no control over that I need to just let go and shrug and say... oh well...

I was worried about Big Daddy a little because of what he had told me a couple of weeks ago... found out tonight that everything is pretty much fine there didn't realize I was so worried about him until I let out a huge sigh of relief...and did a small happy dance of joy.

VA I told I needed a friend because of stuff going on in my life... and instead of being there the same amount and being a friend and a support has limited time to nearly nil and have rarely spoken to him... guess I learned my lesson in that one...

Roo... I really don't know what's going to happen or what is happening with my Roo-bee-roo, except that I still see him for a few minutes each day in Puggy... other then that since he's left there's only been a small few times of having a conversation with him. Unfortunately, for matters outside of my control I don't think we're sustainable. I hate to say that but I do know that hopefully we'll still be able to talk and play around and have fun on Puggy. Since Winter's Edge is nearly dead for us now. I hope I'm wrong but only time will tell. And I think if it were up to those outside of the two of us, we wouldn't even be friends.

Michigan has been fun. However, we started off with the notion of 'nothing'll happen' because of his own way of thinking, and so it's been really nice being able to talk with him and just get the small peek into his life. Afterall I'm an avid people watcher and sometimes the only way to observe is online... and even then it still interests me. So we shall see what happens there.

The students have their first Beltane ritual all together coming up on friday and I hope that all goes well. The Man has taken over the writing of the ritual which he hasn't done in a long time and I can't wait to see how it goes...

Other then that I'm still recovering from being sick for the past week... whatever it was or is it's still hanging onto my sinuses which is quite the annoyance if I do say so...

I had a Passion Party the other day.. omg was that ever funny... two straight single women, two married gay women, a bi-sexual and a straight man... it was definitely funny and interesting and damn near died laughing a few times... spent double what I had budgeted *oof - wince* but hey... we'll be ok :) and we'll have orgasms.

*sigh* I suppose I should shut it down for the night and try to get some shut eye... though I need to visit the loo before I go to sleep it would seem...