World's Worst Mum...And how are you?

I broke my heart near the end of last year...I say I did it because it really was my own fault...I was under the impression then someone felt for me as I did them and that nothing would ever stop us from being together in some fashion even if it was as friends...I was wrong.

So I've been trying to mend myself for the last while...thought I was doing really well too...

That was until my son came along and decided that the best way to deal with people who love him is through cruelty.

I know that as teens go they no longer seem to be human because they are self centred and arrogant and think they know everything....I know...because I was one.

But never was I downright cruel with my parents.

I have tried to teach him during our time together that all actions have consequences (sometimes a lesson I'm still learning) some are good and some are bad...generally depending on the action.

He knows and seems to understand the concept itself...I think that when it comes to it happening to him it's like he's forgotten it all over again...or that it also applies to him...so when he's given consequences he lashes out because now he's not getting his own way as he thinks he should...

When he moved in here we told him he had to follow the rules....be home on time...get your grades up...be respectful of the other people you live with... he had agreed to them...said he could do that, even said that he needed structured rules in his life...

Apparently he didn't really believe that...the first time he came home late I gave a warning, reminding him of the rules...he tried to pass the blame...I just shrugged and reminded him.

The next time he came home I had already gone up and taken his laptop and told him he wasn't able to play the PS3 for the rest of the night and provided that all went well for the rest of the night then he would get them back the next day. He flipped the fuck out...posted shit to his facebook (because apparently that's how children lash out now....might as well make it completely public and one sided)

***Ok mom come febuary 21st on my 16th birthday my ass is gone you don't have to be a dumb bitch, cuz i was late by 20 min for a good reason and you take my shit away and mock me like a 5 year old? I never should have left my father, hes the one i always looked up to for everything, you walked out of my life shortly after i was born and my father took responsability, my father is my true family, hoestly i wish i never fucked up, i miss him everyday, but instead now i have to look at you, only with disappointment i gave you the chance to take on the roll you failed to be my whole life, i should have listened to dad, and this hasn't even been the only time i've regreted coming here. I miss the old days when it was only me and my father living together only us two life was perfect, and i thank him for that time he gave me but it saddens me that we cant have quality time together anymore but it's alright he has responabilities now, he has to work and look after my beautiful brother and sister, i wish i wasnt such an asshole to my bro and sis because now i relize how much i miss them and how much they mean to me. Brother*, Sister*, BrotherG*, Dad.. I love you guys with all my heart and i'm sorry for not being the best son, or brother but i love you guys with all my heart, really and truley..***

So upon reading that I went upstairs and asked him if he had something he wanted to say to me...which apparently he was to cowardly to call me a dumb bitch to my face...probably smart move on his part...

Instead of ever owning up to the fact and taking responsibility for not following the rules of the house...he starts throwing shit at me about relationships and accusing me of all sorts of things...like stepping out on The Man...which of course is untrue...telling me I'm a horrible parent because I have an eleven year old son who now knows that I've been with other people other then his father... (um yep he knows...he knew that already because of conversations I've had with the Boychild)...

So while I'm upstairs getting accused of being all sorts of hateful, The Man who dislikes...nah downright hates when people are disrespectful (especially to me) changes the network password so the Manchild can no longer get onto the web...

Needless to say the next week wasn't pleasant at home and no one really talked to each other...there was a lot of tension going around...Boychild wasn't happy, seeming listless and lethargic...the Man and I ended up arguing about shit and snapping more at each other...I was depressed...

I seem to have developed some localized anxiety as well it's sort of what I touched on in another post...I'm having anxiety attacks of a sort...something will trigger it and I try very hard to not let any of the reactions I have to it show...sometimes not so easy with the shakes....shortness of breath...and I blink back the crying as much as possible...there's other stuff that happens as well but really it's not really that interesting...

So anyway...the Manchild has decided that he doesn't want to live here in a house with rules that he's expected to follow...so he's back at his dad's where they told him if he was going back there that he was to get a job, never be late, to always go to school and not fail any subjects....I don't know...if you ask me those sound like rules to me...*shrugs*

Both his father and I have told him there will not be any more jumping back and forth between houses.

After sitting down and talking it over with Boychild and the Man...it's unfortunate but...we were all happier as a family unit when the Manchild wasn't living here full time...

July 2010 Sleepy  at the Chinese Restaurant after Hedley Concert