Weigh In #14

I'm not really getting any better...

I need to stop snacking on shit I'm not supposed to be eating and snack more on stuff I can eat...like trail mix instead of pretzel goldfish... I'd like to whine and say I can't help it...but I really truly can... I just need to go back and find the willpower I had before... and seriously the motivation I had before was I wanted to hear someone say 'wow you look great...I'm really proud of you'... I don't have that person any more... it was Bing... when I started losing weight over a year ago now I had it set in my mind that I wanted him to pick me up from the airport with a 'who the fuck are you and where did the fatty go that was here the year before' ...I sort of got that...paraphrased but still...

But unless something major happens...that won't be happening again any time soon...so it's almost like my brain is saying fuckit.... I'm sure that was all the wrong reasons for losing weight but that's what I did...and it worked...now I just get all down on myself because since I was in Reno last I've gained 10lbs back... and it really pisses me off and makes me sad...and sure I could try to console myself by saying well a lot of that could be muscle but really... I've looked at myself naked in a mirror... it's not muscle at all...

Well...anyway... here's my weigh in for the beginning of June... *sigh*

Ankles L 8.5 (-0.75) R 8 (-0.25)
Calves L 15 (+0.75) R 15 (+0.75)
Thighs L 22.5 (+1) R 22.5 (+1)
Wrists L 6.25 (same) R 6.25 (-0.25)
Forearms L 10.25 (+0.5) R 10.25 (+0.5)
Biceps L 13 (+1.25) R 13 (+1.25)

(it's like everything's trying to even itself out)

Hips 42.5 (+1)
Belly 41.25 (+0.75)
Waist 32.5 (-0.5)
Underbust 34.5 (+1.25)
Overbust 41  (+1.25)
Neck 13.75 (same)

Weight 180.7 (+1.2lbs)
BMI 33.47 (+0.45)

So not going to sit here and bitch and moan... going to take the set back as my own fault because that's what it is...it's my own fault when I reach across the table and snatch up some of the goldfish to eat...it's my own fault when I dish out the rice or quinoa or potato during dinner when I know I shouldn't be eating it... it's my own fault when I say 'yeah sure a couple won't hurt'...

What I need to do is remember the feeling of disappointment in myself that I get at the beginning of each month when I do my weigh in, in those moments of weakness.

And from now on I need to take snacks I can eat to game night and stop eating the other stuff.