It Is Possible...

One of the things that I've sort of prided myself on is the fact that if I love someone I love them unconditionally...

Most people don't believe that...and I was finally put to the real test as to whether or not I truly do love without conditions...

I've had a lot of hurtful things done to me and still end up having love in my heart for those that have done those wrongs to me...

However... the big test came in January when I found out that my ex was up on charges (almost 40 of them to be more specific - 27 counts of sexual abuse of a child, single counts each of continual sexual abuse of a child, sexual exploitation of a child, and providing alcohol to an under age person, five counts of sexual solicitation of a child, and two counts each of endangering the welfare of a child and unlawfully administering drugs.)

The response from everyone was understandably 
negative...hateful...disappointment...anger...disgust...shock...

I was stunned... and confused... and first thought that there must be some sort of mistake... I wanted to talk to him and find out what happened...

I would still like to talk to him at some point... I don't want to say the hateful things to him that other people do... I want him to know that I disagree with what he did... that I hope he's finding help... and that I will still be his friend.

I'm disappointed in him, shocked by what he did, and sad that he has ruined the rest of his life, but...there is still love in my heart for him.

It's taken quite a bit of processing for me to realize that yes I'm angry at him, but that I do not hate him.

I feel like I should hate him... but I can't force that... I do not condone what he did.

He's helped me too much to turn my back on him completely.

Got Distracted...

I'm happy.

Yep when have I ever started a post with those three words.

And though I'm happy I've tried really hard to keep it to myself a a couple of close friends... I shouldn't be ashamed of being in a happy place right now... however... it seems like when I'm down, sad or depressed everyone else is happy... and though they may not be down and depressed I do know that most of my friends aren't exactly happy in their current situations... I don't want it to seem like I'm flaunting anything.

I've been so happy and just going with the flow of stuff that I forgot to take my measurements for April...now that it's half way through the month... I've sort of said 'fuck it'.

I got to talk to Burton last night via Skype for nearly 3 hours...she's gotten caught up with some of my favourite (and clean) SugarBear stories... she claims that he isn't real...and that some of the stories are fucking adorable...lol

Kind of wish I had the money to go with her to NYC when she goes to catch the Neil Patrick Harris show on Broadway.

Sent Roo, Squasha, and Bing the dates for the upcoming bouts this season for derby. Roo wants to come up...has to check money and time. Squasha just gave me a thumbs up...mainly because from  Switzerland to Canada...for a derby bout...yeah that's quite the trip... I don't pretend to be that important to anybody...lol However, I figured just in case he was planning a trip back this way in the summer...what's the harm of giving him the dates.
Biggest surprise came from Bing... sent him the dates... and really he was the catalyst for this whole adventure of derby I have been on... so I thought what the heck...figuring that his response would be 'not gonna happen' ... imagine my surprise when that wasn't the answer but instead got a 'I'll see what I can do'...
Would like to have him come and see me...
Would love to have Burton come to a game and bench coach the team, I know the girls would love to see her...and of course I would love to have my wifey at my game.


to be continued...