Wondering where I am... Lost without you

So I was writing ritual last night and I got stuck in thought for a moment at two lines... and it's as though they've been haunting me for the last 12 hours... even got me out of bed this morning before 9am...

Without her Lord, the Goddess is barren.

Without his Lady, the God has no life.

My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead...

After much research She just seemed to fit me all to well... I got this VeVe last Tuesday and have had some interesting dreams and experiences since... Now researching Shango (Chango) to see about getting his VeVe on my left foot... though I feel a great draw toward Papa Legba, so since I am not 100% decided on which I continue researching, journeying and meditating on which is me.

Oshun (Oxum)

In Yoruban mythology, Oshun is an Orisha (spirit goddess) of love,

intimacy, beauty, wealth and diplomacy. According to the Yoruba elders,

Oshun is the "unseen mother present at every gathering", because she

represents the cosmological forces of water, moisture, and attraction.

Therefore, she is omnipresent and omnipotent.

Oshun is the force of harmony - harmony seen as beauty, felt as love, and

experienced as ecstasy. According to the ancients, she was the only female

Irunmole amongst the 401 sent from the spirit realm to create the world. As

such, she is revered as "YeYe" - the sweet mother of us all. When the male

Irunmole attempted to subjugate Oshun due to her femaleness, she removed

her divine energy (aché) from the project of creation and all subsequent

efforts were in vain. Only after the male Irunmole begged Oshun for

forgiveness could the creation of the world continue. However, creation

would not commence until Oshun had given birth to a son. This son became

Elegba, the great conduit of aché in the Universe and also the eternal and

infernal trickster.

Oshun is known as Yalode- the mother of things outside the home,

due to her business expertise. She is also known as Laketi, “She Who has

Ears”, because of how quickly and effectively she answers prayers. When she

possesses her followers she dances, flirts and then weeps- because no one can

love her enough and the world is not as beautiful as she knows it could be.

Oshun is beneficent and generous, and very kind. However, she does

have a terrible temper, though it is difficult to anger her. She is married to

Changó, god of fire, thunder, and power, and is his favorite wife because of

her excellent cooking skills. Oshun rules the ‘sweet’ waters- rivers, brooks,

and streams. Her preferred offerings are honey, copper jewelry, or coins in

multiples of five. She is most often associated with St. Cecilia, and in Lukumi,

she is Our Lady of La Caridad del Cobre, the protectress of Cuba. Her colors are

yellow and gold.

In Vodoun, Oshun is known as Erzulie. Erzulie’s colors are shades

of pink. While Erzulie and Oshun are very much alike, Erzulie has a vengeful,

ruthless nature when angered. Her aspect Erzulie Dantor is a fierce protector

of women and children, an avenger of domestic violence, and a patron loa of

lesbians.

Yemayá (Yemoja, Iemanja)

Yemayá is the Mother of the Seven Seas, the Creation Goddess, and

Santeria Orisha of fertility and motherhood. She offers protection to women.

She is likened to the patron saints Lady of Regla, and Mary, Star of the Sea.

Often depicted as a mermaid, she is associated with the moon, ocean, and

female mysteries. She rules the subconscious and creative endeavors. As such,

she is the governess of the household and of matters pertaining to women

including childbirth, conception, childhood safety, love, and healing.

Extremely compassionate and merciful, Yemayá rules the dreamtime,

oversees the Moon, deep secrets, ancient wisdom, salt water, sea shells, and

the collective unconscious.

According to legend, Yemayá originated in Egypt as the Goddess

Isis. It is thought by some that the Nubian slaves who returned to different

parts of Africa may have brought Isis with them under the new name of

Yemayá. Myth has it that Yemayá gave birth to the 14 Yoruban Goddesses

and Gods. When her uterine waters broke, it caused a great flood creating the

oceans. The first human man and woman were borne from her womb.

Yemayá goes by a number of different names including Queen of

Witches, Mother of Fishes, The Constantly Changing Woman, The Ocean

Mother, Mother of Dreams and Secrets, Mother of Pearl, and Yemayá-

Olokun (powerful dream aspect). Yemayá’s counterpart in Vodoun is called

Lasiren, the mermaid. She is related to Mamiwata (Mamma Water), the

African water-spirit. Lasiren’s symbols are a mirror and comb.

There is a common legend about Yemayá choosing her own

students; occasionally someone will disappear, sometimes for seven years, and

return with tales of having learned the ways of magick and healing in her

undersea dwelling. Her offerings are often doves, but never fish, as these are

considered her children.

"I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road"

Could You Take My Picture... Cuz I Won't Remember

I don't retain visuals very well... if I didn't have pictures I wouldn't be able to remember what I've seen...

I could describe it using other senses... like if I was to describe the beach that I grew up at I know that the sand was always hot on my feet in the summer but when I would walk along the water line of the lake it would always be so nice and cool that it would make me smile... I could describe the pungent odour of the seaweed and dead fish that would wash up on the shore and rot there...

I could describe to you how I would close my eyes and look up at the sun and smile at the warmth upon my skin and the glowing red behind my eyelids... or even the smell of the fresh water and the cool breeze off the lake... or the cool water upon my skin and the shock that diving in off of the pier would give me... how it felt though for that moment my heart had stopped and my lungs collapsed... how bursting back up above the water line and inhaling deeply afterward would make me feel alive like nothing else...

in detail I could go on about how I always loved swimming under the water because the silence was near deafening and yet I couldn't get enough of it... how the love I have for that beach is what makes me want to live on an ocean or lakefront piece of property for the rest of my life and how I miss it...

However...

I can't really describe the the details of how it all looked... it's fuzzy... like if I try to picture it, it's like trying to watch a tv channel that's scrambled... I'm just not a very visual person...
it's generally why I have a camera in my hand... why I take so many pictures of things that people would quirk a brow at and wonder why that was so important... why I take pictures of my friends and my loved ones... I don't want to forget what they look like... I want to be able to recall the green flecks in their eyes and how they sparkle when the light touches them... how their smile makes me smile... I can't see that in my mind... I have to look at the pictures...

I instead remember in great detail how things made me feel... the emotion attached to it... the smells.. the tastes... but moreso how things feel to me and how they made me feel... I remember that sand on my feet... the feel of the cold water...I remember that stuff... which I think is sometimes worse...

Not remembering exactly how the smile was and how it made the dimple in their cheek... but remembering instead how it made my feel inside when that smile was just for me... when I was the only one that would get to see that smile...

Sure I can remember in great detail what someone was wearing when we first met... but not because I 'picture' it in my minds eye but because I remember the texture of the shirt beneath my hands when I hugged them or the roughness of the dark denim jeans when I would touch their knee in conversation...

Pictures are important to me... without them I forget where I've been and how beautiful it was... I forget what shade of hazel your eyes are... or how dark or light your hair was... I forget the brilliant colours in the curtains or how purple the chairs are...

Visuals fade for me... I have a feeling that's why I always thought as a small child I was going to go blind... I learned to adapt in our house by age 6 should I go blind the next day... I would walk around with my eyes shut or as I got older I would blindfold myself and find my way around the house... I love my vision and I hope never to lose it... but I don't think I'll ever be able to train my brain to remember pictures... and this makes me sad...

It probably seems like a really silly thing to be sad about but it does... when you don't get to see someone or something often enough and they fade from your visual memory you'll understand why it is that I get sad about such a silly thing... and why I take so many pictures.

H.I.S.

New Game... Beta Testing... Wee Fun...

Figure I should something else to do to occupy my time...

H.I.S

Dwyvach on the Allied team...

Relay For Life

The things I'll apparently do for my country... and for people I love(d)... and for those in need...

I will apparently push myself to the point of not being able to walk...

I participated in the Relay for Life Cancer Walk on Friday night... it's an event that goes from 7pm until 7am... and you have a team of people that takes turns going around the track for the 12 hours... after having raised money for the Cancer Society...

I can't walk now without wincing in pain ... but I'm already thinking that I'd like to get together a team for next year...