I'm So Tired But I Can't Sleep, Standin' On The Edge Of Something Much Too Deep...

There's a reason why I put my all into everything I do... whether it be relationships, friendships, my non-profit work and my family... there's a reason I take risks and chances that others would shake their heads at... there's a reason why it hurts more when someone hurts me... there's a reason why I hang onto every moment with every person whether good or bad... there's a reason why sometimes it's hard to let go, hard to hold on, hard to stop... There's a reason...

The reason is because I know that every single day I know that I die a little bit inside... I live life to the fullest, take chances, have hope and believe in risks and doing now and asking for forgiveness later... every single day that I wake up I'm that much closer to the end of my life... whether its tomorrow, next week, ten years from now or maybe even 60 years from now... everyday I die just a little bit more... albeit it's a minute part but I know it's happening... the ultimate goal that we all strive toward from the moment we're born... is death. It's the grand prize at the end of it all. I won't go into after life, heaven, hell, reincarnation... none of us truly knows anything about any of those... and I don't really wish to start a debate about it...


But really do you live your life in a way that makes you feel like you've accomplished something? did you learn something new each day that you were a live? did you take the chances or risks or opportunities that presented themselves that day... that week or that month... have you lived in a way that you would be proud of if they wrote your life story after you were gone...

I've been ridiculed for taking some of the chances that I have... frowned at for risking some of the stuff that I've risked... and really cashing in on opportunities that I was faced with... but what have you done?


It doesn't even have to be on a grand scale, like jet setting to foreign countries to live among others, to have the most money, to have the best job... but taking a hold of the opportunities that rear up on a daily basis... the chances that might have a negative reaction... that vacation you've wanted to go on but have been told that you can't... what sort of chances do you take?

What do you do that makes you feel alive... not just living and going day to day... what is it that you do each and every day that makes you inhale deeply, smile broadly and look at the world and make you feel like you could conquer it, if ya wanted too...

Feeling alive everyday helps fight off the reality that you're dying each day... some days you die a little faster... with each drink... each toke... each pill... each cough... and even each time you find yourself in such a state of boredom or you feel like you're stagnating...

Does helping a customer with a hard problem make you feel alive? That first cup of hot coffee in the morning? Mid day masturbation? A hot shower? Closing a big deal? Watching cells split under a scope? Watching a child's face as they figure out the problem all on their own? Knowing a secret? Talking to a loved one? or even just petting your cat or dog?

Whatever you come up with that is your own, whatever it is that makes you feel that feeling of being alive... do it... indulge yourself in it...

Feel that alive feeling... because if you don't... you'll just wake up every day realizing that all you're doing is distracting yourself as you strive ever forward to your death...

We're all going to die sometimes, but wouldn't you like to leave a helluva story behind you... people telling it for years to come... it's not vanity, to want to be remembered.

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories