It's me again...

Dreadlocks...

Yes that's right I said dreadlocks... I've decided that I'm going to stop wanting to do it and just do it... so... this summer I'll be getting my dreadlocks.

I know how odd am I to suddenly after months of nothing I come back and not with an update but more of an announcement...

updates... well there's too many to actually list them... so I'll go over the high lights...
had no net... it sucked...
got net back... not so much suckage anymore...

What I really have on my mind at the moment is... I've made a new friend... is it weird to be 30 yrs old and really excited about new friends... if it is oh well... I'm so used to the Bug coming home and telling me about his friends and seeing how excited he is when he makes a new friend and wants to tell me everything... all the info he's recon'd about the kid...

that's how I feel...

I'm at that point where I want to share all the cool things we have in common and how we can talk for hours and how we're so a like in so many ways it's really odd... *laughs*
It's been quite the uplifting feeling... especially with all the shit and tension I have with some of the friends that I do have on line at the moment... it's nice to start over with someone that doesn't have any idea about any of the shit that's gone on with any of the others... and it's even better that he doesn't know any of the other people that I talk too... so it really is a new start...
Not that I'm going to completely drop the friends that I have... I've not done that... not my style... it's just turned into a strange strained rapport... and I don't feel myself...

I got some news from a friend of mine that I should be uber happy about... but I'm not. I'm not hating the news... it's just the eventual change that comes with it well... I'm not sure if it'll be a good one. The last thing I want is for him to be hurt again... but... enh... we'll see. Let's just say I'm preparing for the worsts that could come...

I hate losing friends... just because I may not talk to them anymore doesn't mean that I don't wonder about them and how they are and hope that they're happy... I dislike having to push friends away as well... the disconnection hurts... but when you wake up and find that they are a negative influence, or a back stabber or any other of many things that they can be.... you realize that they need to be exorcised from your life or they're going to take you down... you remember all the good memories you had with them and wonder if they out weigh the bad...

it's a thin line you walk with friends... people don't realize how just one off handed comment could seriously hurt another... maybe something is said in jest but feels like a knife to the other person... we don't get rid of them if it happens once or twice in a blue moon... because we realize that they didn't mean it how you took it... it's the 'friends' we have that are constantly making you wonder why you're friends with them that need to be pushed away... if every time you have a conversation with someone they hurt your feelings and you keep pushing it off that they didn't mean... maybe...just maybe... they do mean it and you need to walk away...

it's not too often in life when you talk to someone and connect so completely with them... usually there's the times of testing the waters and the nervousness and the uncertainty... it's always a rare find when you meet someone and just totally fall into a comfort zone with them...

so yeah... no net sucked... but... it wasn't the worst thing in the world...