This past Sunday one of the coolest derby girls husband passed away. It was very sudden as it was a heart attack at home in front of the kids and the wife (from what I've been told).
I don't remember how old she is... likely around my or the Man's age, or somewhere in between... but... he was only 38...only a year old then the Man is...
He was a gun enthusiast, being owner of a gun range and of a supply store with his wife, while I believe she also had a full time job...three kids...2 (the little ones) his, whom he adored dearly...
It's just a sad tale and one that hits close to home...
When someone you know and like passes away not only is it hard and sad but it also makes you stop and contemplate you're own mortality...and in my case the mortality of all the people I love...and I start thinking about their lifestyles and could they be healthier or...etc.
The people that I deem important to me and that I have a love for...they are very special to me and therefore get treated as such by me... either messages that just say hey I was thinking about you...small gifts...phone calls...or just someone I trust enough with my own shit sometimes... that circle over the years has been growing smaller and smaller... and I'm down to only a small handful of people that I care about...
So yeah when it comes to death... I wish I could protect those people from it's affects...
I dislike the ceremony and solemness behind memorials, funerals, viewings, wakes and so forth...
I'm going to a viewing/wake this evening....and to the funeral/'celebration of life' tomorrow...
I used to just shrug and say fuck it and not go... but then I realized that it's important to the person/people who are left to know that they have some support there that they can turn to if needed...and I would hope that when I go that people even those who can't stand funerals will be there for the Man (since I'll go first) and for my kids...just to say hey we loved your mom too and we hope you're doing alright...
One thing his passing has done is make me hug the Man lots...and decide that yep we need to get our asses in gear and do the adult thing ... get some life insurance and start planning/paying for our arrangements...
As I stood in the Y today I looked down through a window into the gym where the toddlers were playing with some of the volunteers and just wished I could be that little again...just so I could give this life another go...I've really fucked this one up.
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