So Much To Say...

I'm not even sure where exactly I should start this point...

Went to a Lioness Meeting where they dress up as Witches.
I won most original costume...wore my own clothes...lol

It's been just over a week since my last post... (wow that sort of took on a Catholic confession for a moment...)

Forgive me Padre it's been 9 days since my last confession... lol

In all seriousness... a lot has happened... or at least it seems a lot has happened.

I'm feeling really frazzled. I've never been one for being alone as most people who know me know... during the day when the Boychild is here and awake...not so bad.

When here while he's in school or after he's gone to bed... I want to be anywhere then here... well.. that's not entirely true I suppose... let's be honest... there is somewhere else I would much rather be...

Though I guess I should zip backward so that I don't get out of order in my own head.

Last Tuesday... last Tuesday was October 8th. It had been one full year since I had seen Bing. No biggie right? Riiiiight.

First time in four years that I haven't seen him. One full year of wondering how he's doing... One full year of wondering if he might still care about how I am... One full year of worrying about triggers of panic and anxiety attacks... One full year of hating how I had to say good bye to him... One full year of hiding all my feelings all the time... One full year... and I didn't fall apart... It didn't kill me... So that means I'm stronger now... right?

No matter. C'est la vie. He's doing well. It does surprise some people that I talk to that I still keep in touch with him.

So needless to say last Tuesday was most definitely not a good day for me. Enough said.

I planned on doing up a Thanksgiving dinner for those of us that come and hang out for game night on Fridays. Krammit (and her son), Nickle and Rob (their eldest), The Man and I (both our kids), Leethal and her hubby (Penalizer), Pinky, Tai and Burton was flying back home for the weekend.

So went out and got all the grub and started prepping it... found out the Penalizer wouldn't be coming he got a cook gig as a monster at a local haunted house thing and was doing that the night of. So down to 13 people...cool beans... I could do that. Then figure he'd be coming over after he was down scaring, so kept him in the count after all, just in case he was hungry.

Actually kind of made it easier. Then Thursday morning the Man and I are awoken by a phone call from his mother...she had found his step father in bed that morning, stone cold and dead. Not a nice thing to wake up to. So Thursday while I was prepping some of the food for the next night the Man spent the day trying to figure out how he could get up north (the buses only run on Sunday and Wednesdays). Ended up finding out that his father's step daughter and her husband were heading up north for the weekend...leaving on Friday after work. Of course...

So down to 12 (13ish) people for dinner. Not a problem.

Friday rolls around and I'm cooking and peeling and mashing... Had to go drop off the Man at a local car dealership so he could head up north. Picked up Burton from her hair appointment, packed up the car with the kids and the food and head to Nickle and Rob's...

To find 3 extra people there... O.o

Um.

Nearly lost it but...didn't.

Never did specifically say 'please make sure that no one else comes'... and it was regular game night... I just already always freak out that I might have made enough food when I'm feeding groups of people. I was upset at my sweet potatoes.. but meh.

The other couple that were there were really gracious about the food and enjoyed it. No idea if Rob's eldest's girlfriend had any an whether or not she enjoyed it.

Everyone else said that they enjoyed it. That made me glad.

Saturday I got up and realized that I had a shoe situation... which was... I have no good shoes that fit. I have my favourites... my mary janes... but I realized last year while in Reno that they didn't fit anymore :(
So I ran out to Wally's World and managed to score 3 pairs of shoes for 30$...which after finding 21$ in an old purse means I actually paid 9$ for 3 pairs of new shoes...
Always a bad idea though to wear brand new shoes to a wedding... so I'm glad that one of the 3 pair are a pair of flats that fit into my purse. I lasted until we got to the table for dinner...which is when I switched my shoes...lol
Right..! So Saturday I went to a wedding with Burton... The Nerd was flying off to Barcelona for another convention so I got to be his fill in for the evening. I was really nervous...I've only met the bride and groom once or twice in passing mainly. No idea who was going to be there.

Couple of sexy bitches heading to some sweet nuptials.

Burton's family was very welcoming and the awkwardness I felt didn't last very long at all. Though her one sister-in-law... wow...very touchy feely type of person... that threw me a bit at first.

Watched the nuptials, drank some, ate some, danced some... I enjoyed myself.

I can't help but wonder how long I'll have an underlying sadness to everything when I'm enjoying myself...?

Sunday... Thanksgiving again... Manchild had to work... the Man was gone... so it was Mum, Sis, Boychild and I...smallest dinner we've had in years... but was still nice...

Until I jokingly said to Mum that if/when the Man and I ever get married I was going to invite Burton's Dutch family because they're awesome... instead of asking me how they are or what makes them awesome... she turns around and says... When you get married you have to become monogamous you know... *shakes head* to which I responded with... no I don't...who says?

Don't get how or why it's any of anyone elses business whether or not Ryan and I are monogamous or not... It's not like I flaunt it in anyone's face.
For the most part those I'm getting naked with or for is a complete secret... mainly because they're married.

*snickers* but... shh!  ;)

Awesome new Hoodie...

Dashie Hoodie!!

Monday... I picked up Manchild Sunday night as I was heading home and he stayed again which was nice... I picked Burton up at her parents house and we made the trek across the border... funny... on the bridge I pick up my phone to prevent roaming charges and she picks hers up to turn it on...
Anyway...went to see PirateAnnie and PirateBobby...had a light lunch and chatted...picked up my awesome new hoodie and then I took Burton to the airport...

I couldn't go in... I really wanted to so that I could see her to the security line and give her a wave... but I just couldn't. As soon as I saw the airport my chest started tightening and my heart started racing... and I just had to breathe through it... I hugged her and waved bye to her from the parking garage instead... much like I did to Roo :(
I felt bad...
I made it to Fort Erie before I had to pull over and just let the shakes over take me and let me cry... it was like as soon as I was back on safe ground my body just wouldn't let me hold off any longer... didn't get the dry heaves but nearly felt I was going to... just thinking about it now my palms get clammy and my heart starts again...

I got home...made some dinner for the boys... then had to drive Manchild back to his dads...

I want the Man to come home. :(