Burn or Save

Some days I want to watch the world burn...

Some days I want to save the world...

Yep extremes.

I'm sitting here crying and angry at the country I live in.
Today I don't want to save the world...but I would like to save my country... I just wish I knew how...

The Northern Food Crisis should NOT be happening.

Bless this woman...I want to be able to do something too... I just don't know what I could possibly do.

When it Rains it Pours...

I was so happy that Sugarbear was coming home today...

I sent him my normal Good Morning message when I was headed to bed at twenty after five this morning ... and got a message back at 6ish telling me that his mum had a bad night and that he may not be home...

A bit later I saw that he was in Muskoka and asking for prayers for his family... and when I sent him a message asking what was happening... I got a phone call back from him, the hospital suggested that it would be a good time for them to gather the family... he was on the highway and he would call me when he got to Sudbury...

After hanging up the phone I just cried... and cried... and The Man came in and around the tears I tried to explain to him what was happening...

Suddenly plans are being put into place... and an offer to get me up there came in...

I messaged SB back and told him that I had a way to get up to Sudbury, and asked him 'did you want me to come up?'...

Awkward...phone rang while I was sitting on the can...

I was thanked for the offer, told that he loved that I wanted to be there with him and for him, but that there would be lots of people there and lots on his plate and that I should just stay where I am for now...
Again said he'd call me when he got to Sudbury...
I told him I love him...

Then proceeded to pace around my house feeling absolutely fucking useless.

DD came over to discuss arrangements for getting me to Sudbury... I told him about the second call back...

While he was here we realized that my cell had been turned off... I was able to receive calls but that was it.

Well fuck... I guess phone companies get upset when you owe them money...
*see last nights comment about how much I love money*

I was upset by the thought of him not coming home...
Depressed by the thought of his mother being so ill of health and unable to be able to do anything for her or him... (trials and tribulations of being an empathic healer)
Angered by the thought of him possibly not being able to get a hold of me to let me know what's happening or if he just needs to vent or talk...

DD left with the comment to keep him updated as well and if I ended up needing/wanting/having permission to go up to let him know...


The other thing I was going to write about yesterday that I forgot to because of all the hubbub and it being so late at night...
I signed up for more online courses again... my first one started yesterday...and I just can't seem to get excited to do it right now...
The one that started yesterday... Introduction to Pharmacy...
so...yay?

*sighs and cries a little*

I want my Sugarbear to be happy and his mum to be healthy...
I want my wife to be here so I can get big hugs that last minutes and hours...
I want The Man to not have to put up with me pacing around the house upset and feeling useless...
I lurves them all.

I think I should have gotten more then an hour and a half of sleep.

Bloody Hell...

I fucking hate money.

Yeah it's me again complaining about money...

Just got the forms in the mail saying "Hi this is your friendly neighbourhood overlords...err...government... it's time for you to renew your plates and your licence...aaaaaand if you act now (before Sept 1st) you'll get it at  this rate rather then the ass raping rate it'll be after that date...kthxbi!"

So here I sit at the moment trying to figure out how I can come up with $239 before September 1st...and still go to Red Spiral in August...and be able to feed everyone in the household...and still pay for derby...

*sighs*

We seriously need to get the fuck out of this house... these bills are eating us alive...no one's bills are as high as mine...no ones. Just looks like we're never getting out...mainly...because of money. *sigh*

And it's not just the bills... it's the wet stinky unusable basement...the mice that keep coming back every year because of the whole in the foundation... strange moth type bugs that don't ever seem to go away no matter how many times I clean the cupboards...not to mention the uncontrollable yard...

fuck life man... fuck it right in it's face...

Looks like I'm seriously fucked at the moment.

but hey...look!...it's me from happier days...
Oh ComicCon...I miss you.