Oh And They Fumble At The Gate...

Raistlan and I get up this morning... well around noonish for me... my mom has called to say that she's on her way... Raistlan has to take her to a park so that she can catch her ride... he brings the van back here and starts hurrying me so that we can get on the road before the possibility of hitting traffic in Toronto...

I hate being rushed... so I had been making some cd's so that I could listen to them at the hospital with my mp3 cd player... we gathered clothes to go to Nana's and we're ready to go... Raistlan still rushing me so that we could go, has his coat on... finally I'm done with the two cd's I burned... turned off the computer made sure all animals had a couple days worth of food... grabbed the keys...

and...

the phone rings...

it's a Toronto number... thought ok... maybe it was a friend of mine... grab the phone much to the dismay of Raistlan who's ready to go...

he watches... as my chin starts to quiver... and my eyes start to well up with tears... listening to me go... oh... ok... hmm... watches me throw down the keys on the floor... walk back in where the computer is... watches as I say mhmm and ok a couple more times... and how I hang up the phone... and just start bawling...

it was the receptionist from my cardiologists office in Toronto... she was asked to contact me and let me know that I had been bumped off the surgery schedule for tomorrow... not so bad right... figured...ok so they'll reschedule me for next week or tomorrow or a couple of days from now...

nope... the next available time to get me back into surgery is in July... FUCKING JULY!!!!!

I went thru such a rollercoaster of emotions today its not funny... yes this actually happened... so I start calling around... family who was going to come up to Toronto and texting friends and family about the call I got... so that not everyone I saw is going to ask how it went...

people seemed to have mixed emotions.. the ones closest to me... told me that they felt bad cause they knew how much I had been wanting to hurry up and get this over and done with... some didn't quite know what to say... but I gotta tell ya... the reaction that takes the cake... is the one who laughed when they heard the news... so glad you were amused by that... I'm so happy to keep you entertained... I won't go on the tangent I wanted too...

anyway...

So yes everyone I am not in Toronto preparing to get my heart zapped... instead... I'm saying 'Ta Hell With It!'

I'm sick of sitting around waiting for this shit to happen and be done... I'm going to go back to working out... I'm going to go out without fear... I'm going eat drink whatever I want... welcome home caffeine... and every single fucking time I have the littlest of attacks... I'm going to the hospital... I didn't do it before... not because I didn't want to inconvience the hospital... because I didn't want to be inconvienced by them... having to sit around and wait...

Fuck them.. and Fuck this... I'm taking my life back.