I Will Remember You....Violently Happy

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Im so tired but I cant sleep
Standin on the edge of something much too deep
Its funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we cant be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Im so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesnt let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

Since I met you
This small town hasn't got room
For my big feelings
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
But you're not here
Violently happy
Come calm me down
Before I get into trouble
I tiptoe down to the shore
Stand by the ocean
Make it roar at me
And I roar back
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
But you're not here
Violently happy
Overemotional
Violently happy
I'll get into trouble
Real soon
If you don't get here
Baby
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
I'm aiming too high
Violently happy
It will get me into trouble
Violently happy
I'm driving my car
Too fast
With ecstatic music on
Violently happy
I'm getting too drunk
Violently happy
I'm daring people
To jump off roofs with me
Only you
Can calm me down
I'm aiming too high
Soothe me

Happy Belated Birthday To Me :D

So I had an interesting question put to me yesterday morning by Raistlan...

See I've been very sick the past few days... started Wednesday... so by Friday I was sitting in bed stuffed up with a headache having troubles breathing with a runny nose ears plugged up and a sore throat and cramps just to top things off...

Raistlan looks at me and says 'Happy Birthday Hunny' I turned to look at him which made me a little dizzy and said 'not exactly how I wanted to be spending my birthday but thanks'
he smiled and said 'so if you could do anything you wanted for your birthday what would it be?' I thought for a moment and said 'is money an object or no?'

*laughs*

I didn't really answer the question then.. but I think I figured out an answer for it... lol

I would have all my friends come here... not to my apartment... but to my town... I would fly the ones in who live faraway... we'd rent a luxury jet and fly to wherever it was September 22nd first... which is probably Austrailia... we would fly from time zone to time zone celebrating the whole time... stopping to eat in whatever country we want... maybe in Italy for some pizza... go to Switzerland for some chocolate... go to china for some chinese food... we'd have to land an hour later and grab some munchies... maybe fly to Ireland for a Guiness... land in Quebec for some poutine... you get the picture... fly from time zone to time zone making the party last as long as possible... that would be cool...

What did I do...
laid in bed drugged up... went for dinner with my sister at the restaurant I used to work at... came home and sat in my chair....
laid in bed went to the drugstore... went to the library... went down to my mom's for dinner... came home and am now writing out this post...
tomorrow I've declared it to be Star Wars day... we borrowed episodes 4,5 & 6 from mom and borrowed episodes 1, 2 & 3 from the library... we're getting up early and the four of us are spending all day in bed (mine) and we're watching all 6 of them while snacking on popcorn and eating meals...
the two monkeys are excited... they haven't seen all of them... most but not all...

So if ya don't see me on line tomorrow now you'll know why ;) *laughs*

So... I leave you with a question.. that I would love you to answer in my comment section...

If money was no object what would you love to do for your birthday?

Why Do You Stay Up So Late At Night?

people have asked me that exact question on more than one occasion...

I've always been a night owl but there were times in the recent past that I down right refused to go to bed... for fear of waking up in the middle of one of my episodes and being scared and not able to breathe and having my heart racing...
it would scare me so bad that I would wait until I was so exhausted I would literally fall into bed so that I couldn't lie there in bed thinking and worrying about the episode that may or may not come in the middle of the night...

I've had my surgery... I should be ok now... right?

I've had my surgery but.. I'm not 100% like they said I would be... I'm not without any episodes like they said I would be... I still get them... not nearly as bed... but I still get them... I still get chest pains.. pressure... constricting... all of that is still there... the loss of the ability to breathe normally when all of this is happening... it's all still there...

Am I scared to go to sleep still, for fear of waking up and having an episode?

no... I'm not... I've not woken up like that since I had the surgery...

I've not yet had my two week post surgery check up.... not because I didn't want it... it was scheduled for Sept 5th but since the van wasn't ready I was still in Ohio and didn't make it... which do the math for me because I'm still not sure how Sept 5th is two weeks after July 19th... but anyway so I called when I got home and got it rescheduled... my two week post op check up is now Oct 17th... I know.. still not understanding their two weeks... but hey I wouldn't mind two of their weeks for my next vacation ;)

*sigh* back to the post...

So no I've not been having large episodes that wake me up in terror and scared as hell...

however it's changed now... there have been on several occasions where I have been asleep and dreamt that I went to my check up with my cardiologist and she told me that she wanted me to go back to Toronto and have it done again...

now even if that was the reality of the situation... I wouldn't do it... I would rather live like this then do that again...

but in the dream I don't have the option to decide... they send me up there and do it whether I say yes or no... and I relive the entire thing again and again in these dreams....

and to some of you I might sound like a chicken or a wuss or what the fuck ever... but I'm telling you... I never want to have that feeling ever again... I would rather die of a heart attack then go back and have that done to me again....

again not that that's going to happen... but for the last few weeks its happened most everynight when I go to bed...

so again why do I stay up so late at night?

well besides preferring the night time... I don't want to have to deal with that in my dreams, in my head or in my reality ever again...

wow... a post about something real... sorry y'all but it's all Jamie's fault he started it...

;)

TheStar.com - TV's Bounty Hunter arrested

TheStar.com - TV's Bounty Hunter arrested

c'mon now... what was he thinking?
he yells at people all the time for doing exactly what he was doing...

Good Luck Dog!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday

I've neglected half nekkid thursday for awhile.... I apologize and here ya go...



As for a quick update if you're still reading past this point... *laughs*

Raistlan got the mouse with no problems or incidents...

however I spent an hour on the phone with the sympatico guy named Glen (holla atcha) trying to figure out why my modem said everything was fine... yet I couldn't get connected to any site... after an hour of bonding and joking and what not... we did a system restore... not a huge deal right considering we just reformatted on Tuesday... yeah well let's just say that from Wednesday at 2am to yesterday at 10pm when all the funky stuff started happening... I downloaded and installed a lot... lemme say it again... A LOT of stuff... oh well... back to square two ;)

oh and something strange happened to me today...
as I was walking home from dropping my son off at school this afternoon... a guy pushes a shopping cart full of beer bottles and cans (so ya know he's a real winner) says too me...
'have you always walked like that?'
"huh??"
'have you always walked like that?'
"I'm sorry dude, walked like what?"
'walked with the sway to your hips that tells a man that you just love being fucked'
"yeah I have and yeah I do but not like you would ever have the chance of finding out"

as I crossed the street and walked the other way....

dude wtf??
first off... wtf?
secondly... really seriously...wtf??

did he think that was a pick up line or what?
and...
man... do I really walk like that?

Mooooooooooooooooooooouse!

So I said I wouldn't post until I had something to actually post about... well in the computer world where this is kept only those who love their computers as I love mine would appreciate my problems over here... especially those who when their computer has a virus takes it into a shop to get it fixed because they don't know enough to do it themselves...

So yesterday I'm working away on fuck all on my computer and I notice that my mouse is acting a little funny... first thought.. crap hope I don't have some weird ass virus... update virus scanner... all up to date... run a scan on the computer... nothing... says it's as healthy as can be.

Mouse gets worse... only way to describe it is it was acting posessed. Like someone was holding down the left button and making circles and lines back and forth across my screen, of course opening anything that it happened to come across. Frustrating to say the least.

So I try restarting the computer... you know all the tech-y stuff you're supposed to do when microsoft starts messin with your head...

ends up that my computer no longer was recognizing my mouse... great...

So I complain to Raistlan and he gives me his usual answer when I tell him that the computer is acting like a narf... reformat... the word that makes me whine like a new born kitten... I hate that word... only because it takes so long for me to get everything set back up again...

of course by this time the mouse is dead...
*dramatic pause* It's Dead Jim!
*look of shock* are you sure Bones, can't you do something?!
*scowl* Damnit Captain I'm a Doctor not a Computer Engineer!!

*SIGH*

ok so I agree to the reformat I knew it was about time for one anyway...
So we get home and he moves all the stuff that I want to save and starts the process...
I being a good girl stayed out of the way or else I would have bombarded him with so many annoying questionshe woulda yelled at me... questions I already knew the answer too... cause see it's not that I don't know how to do the reformat... it's that I don't have the patience to deal with it...

So I go into the bedroom far away from the computer and I let Raistlan 'Bones The Computer Doctor' do his thing...
I fell asleep...
I woke up a couple of times... but pretty much my head was so hurty that I just went to sleep...
woke up at midnight to Raistlan telling me 'nope the mouse is dead'
I went pale the world around me started to spin and I think I started to black out...

first thing I did... I downloaded and installed Firefox... oh yeah you know it ;)

so then I go to google and type in 'windows keyboard shortcuts' .... oh yeah... I mean c'mon didn't you see that coming? :P

so all last night nothing but keyboard shortcuts and key commands... was feeling pretty good about myself after downloading and installing... yahoo, skype, my cams drivers, firefox and learning how to go from screen to screen and minimize and maximize and tab thru windows... see it seems like nothing to all you mouse users... but I dare you.. nay I challenge you to unplug your mouse and reset up your computers manually with no clicky clicky :P

So today I get a call from Raistlan he says "I picked up a cheap 8 dollar mouse to get us by til pay day when we can get a good one"
"Yay!!"

So Raistlan is coming home and we see him walking down the street, Keenan runs out to meet him at the door, then comes running back in with a box behind his back.
I picked a hand... he hands me the little box with a mouse on it.
I open up the box and pull this mangled mess of cardboard out of it and look in the box...
nothing there but a piece of paper...
I look in the mess of cardboard... no mouse...
I chuckle...
Raistlan walks into the livingroom... here's the conversation..
Me- "very funny now where's the mouse?"
Him - confused look
Me - uh oh look
Him - "what do you mean where's the mouse? it's in the box"
Me- "uh... no it's not.. you mean you didn't take it out and put it in your pocket as a joke"
Him - sits down in the chair looking muddled "no"
Me - "hmm so you paid 8 bucks for an empty box"
He picks up box and starts looking inside it....sits back down in the chair a bit dejected
I pull out the reciept and dial the number for the store...

it's 5:46pm and it's closed... apparently they close at 5pm... *sigh*
I (using no mouse) look up the number for the head office (happens to be in Quebec)
I talked to Nick.... who said that if he (Raistlan) has any problems getting a mouse to call head office... "alright Nick I'll quote you on that"

So...
no mouse again ;)

and I've now also set up my music and been mushing and downloaded a couple of other things and installed them as well...

BAH!
who needs a mouse? ;)

well ok I still do because there is some stuff you just can't do without one ;)

However on a good note... Raistlan found a mouse he likes and it'll be on sale til the end of the month... :D yay!

Blah Blah Blickety Blah

If you could have the ability to affect other peoples lives would you want it?

think about it before answering right away...

have you ever looked at someone you know and thought "if only they'd do this...." now imagine if you could make the this happen...

this blog post will be a bunch of random thoughts that only some or maybe none will understand and thats ok... I write here for me not you... :D well except when I share my stories ;)

When was the last time you drove just to drive... it's so hard to do nowadays I know... but it's fun...

Have ya been to any good dead ends lately...

No matter what has been said or done there is always the chance for a fresh start... if you want one bad enough. If you're willing to work for it.

When you think you have it rough and can't go on any farther, walk around in a downtown major city and look down the alleys.

Forgiveness is easier to give than it is to ask for.

I started this blog entry last night/morning and I sat back down just now to type some more in it before I posted it... and I've come up with nothing... nothing witty or charismatic or anything earth shattering...

If I keep waiting til the last possible minute to walk Keenan to school then I'll probably lose a lot of weight running him to school...lol

blah blah blickety blah...

my minds a jumble my thoughts aren't coming out right and I'm very tired... I think I'll just refrain from posting til I actually have something to say...

How Many Have You Been Too?

create your own visited states map

thought this was cute and that I would share :D
Hopefully they'll come out with a Canadian one too so that I can see how many of the provinces I've been in as well...

btw..
I'm home now ... got in last night at about 11 pm... hellish trip... was held up in... Ohio... again... damn van... anyway.. maybe post more later...

I'm Moving To South Georgia!!

I figured I should post something so y'all don't think that I died while on vacation...
this post won't be complete or even the full version... might take weeks before I can do that... *laughing*

So today was the day that I was to be home so that tomorrow I could get together with my family and get my kids back and have dinner with my mom and sister... and get all the kids stuff situated for the first day of school... on tuesday...

HOWEVER....

I'm still in Georgia... yep you read that right... *chuckles* I'm still in Georgia...

Raistlan and i have decided that we love south Georgia so much that we're not coming home. He's gonna find a job here and once we get settled I'll fly back home and pick up the kids and bring them down here. Since he's an American citizen already we'll just get married to make it easier for me to get a spousal visa so that I can get a job as well...

See now that would be cool... *laughing*
But no that's not the way things are going.

Friday night we left our house and drove to Detroit once in Detroit we found the I75 south and just started driving.
I pulled over at about 4:30am to get some sleep at a rest stop in Ohio just a few miles outside of Dayton. Our goal on the first night was to try and make it all the way thru Ohio. Didn't make it because I was just too tired and he ws asleep.

So we got a couple of hours of sleep and woke up at 7:30 am.
went to the bathroom and got all ready to go and Raistlan starts the van and puts it into reverse and puts his foot on the gas to back out of the spot and nothing happens.
So long part of the story short (read that as not getting into it right now... but will blog it later)

We end up in Dayton Ohio in a Sunoco parking lot with a bleeding minivan and waiting for a couple of hours for a friend from Columbus to come and get us.

We get a tow and a ride to Columbus and are there for a couple of days while we find out that the van is having transmission issues.

We decide after finding out if it's ok with our friends, to leave the van to get fixed in Ohio and rent a car with th monies we have left and continue our way down to Georgia to our original destination.
Niiiiiice freaking car.... (more about rental guy and stuff from here as well... fast forward...again will post later)

So we drove down to Georgia (post about the parking lot scenario later)

We figured we'd only get a day and a half to visit.. a lot shorter than the 7 days we were going to be here... so the day we were going to be leaving (Friday Night) I get a call from my friend in Ohio letting me know that the garage there thats working on the van had to order a part and the van wouldn't get fixed until Tuesday...
So now you see why I'm still in Georgia...
(I swear I'll post more and explain some of the stuff that I didn't and elaborate more about other stuff)

So if you have felt bad for me and wish to contribute financially to the help "Rae and Raistlan have enough gas money to get home" fund feel free to donate :D

*laughing*
post more later...