dare I say it but..I think I'm damn near perfect for you...

I'll post about Thanksgiving when it's over...which is later on today...

I have to sit and wonder  after a conversation that was had last night...if people ever feel like they're good enough for the ones they're with...

we all have our flaws and faults...we all have those little things we wish we could either make go away or that we could minimize so that we seem more 'normal' to the ones we care deeply for...

then I suppose there are some of us that when get called on our shit we nod and apologize bashfully as we try to remember to not do that again...

I've always tried to be a more 'take me as I am' kind of girl so that there's not a whole lot of surprises to make the other person look at me and go 'wtf that's not what I signed up for?'

One of the things...my things...my little faults...ok not so little... is that I question everything...doesn't seem so bad on the surface but I'm an inquisitive lil shit I tell you what... I question motives, feelings, the way things were said, gestures... unfortunately some of the time (a lot of it) my questions makes it seem like I'm fishing for compliments or something akin to that... when really I'm not...all I'm really doing is trying to sate a curiosity that I have....

Big Daddy once told me that I was like a cat...I think that sort of goes along with the things he listed as why...

I think by and by I'm a pretty ok person... I know I pull off the bravado sometimes of thinking I'm awesome...but I really do have my ego in check... I start wondering about myself when in a relationship to sort of make sure that I'm not being a jackwad...and if I am then I try to keep myself in check...

But what happens when someone else is being the jackwad...you're supposed to call them on their shit right? ...kind of that whole 'keep them honest' thing...? However what happens if they already know they are...?
I know I asked that question before and sort of answered it as well...

Big Daddy calls me on my shit and I appreciate it in the long run even if at the moment it will sting a bit...eventually I will nod and go 'yeah he's right...' but I sort of let him get away with most of his shit... I think it's time for the goose to keep the gander accountable as well... I've not wanted to upset him
but I think after something he said last night that he'll be needing a kick in the butt every now and then...and since I'm such an awesome girlfriend I'll be willing to give it to him...

a friend of mine (Pirate Girl) uses the phrase 'truth walking' when her soon to be PirateMan holds her accountable for things she's said or done...I kinda like it... because it's not a bad thing...

btw he's now used the term girlfriend in regards to talking to or about me twice now...and it's sort of made me smirk and get all warm and fuzzy...even though as a 30+ year old it generally feels weird to use the term anymore... lmao

if I had one wish in the world (which I already told Big Daddy about) it would be that he sees himself the way that I see and love him... I know I should wish for lots of money or something along that lines but I really just wish he could see why it is I have chosen to love him so very much. (not that I could ever choose to stop now...)

and now I have to actually get out of bed and prepare for the annual nerf war and thanksgiving dinner at mum's house...