Don't Forget me. I begged. I'll remember. You said.

I have anxiety just like anyone else does....mine to me is pretty serious because to me it makes me feel like I can't function properly...

I feel small and insignificant, I'm insecure about myself and whether or not I will be forgotten.

I know I've written about it before...but it just hit me again the other night like a ton of bricks...it kept me from sleeping properly, I was waking during every hour at least once...almost as if to check to see if I was still there...

I've been known to make up weird or unusual question just to ask people just to see if they'll respond as if checking to see if to them I still exist or if they have chosen to forget me.

I stay quiet during conversations because I find myself halfway through telling a story and then realizing that those I'm talking to probably don't even care about what I'm saying.

It's been no secret throughout my blog that I have self worth issues at times.

But it was just the other night when the anxiety hit me really hard due to (what I would deem) a drastic personality change....not only do I have the insecurity about being forgotten but that I also don't deal well with change at all.

I'll make a good facade and smile and nod and try to go with the flow but the one insecurity just leads to another. Change will somehow lead to my being forgotten by those I care about.

I try to make sure I tell those that I care about how I feel about them and even their accomplishments, and I try to tell them honestly how I feel about their troubles if they decide to share them with me.

Deep down inside I don't think that distance makes the heart grow fonder, I think it makes it a lot easier to forget.

I've started to withdraw again. It started the other night and I felt myself slowly backing away. As if my backing away will help others just get on with their lives without another thought my way.

I think it's almost time for me to give up. To just let go.

Just see who I become when I stop holding onto everyone so tightly.

I'm so scared that I'm just going to find myself alone.

I don't know what to do.