Whats Your Inner Valentine??

discover your inner candy heart @ quiz me

I Want To Be Haunted By The Ghost..

laying in bed..at 6:48am...decide hmm bob hasn't been out to play for a couple weeks...Keenans not awake...Raistlans gone to work...all is quiet in the apartment....can't even hear the cat...

I slide bob out of his lil hiding spot... get all cozy...start to really enjoy myself...

I'm just at that point...(you know which point I'm talking about)

getting all wrapped up in the moment, trying to be quiet so's not to wake up the kidlette... right at the edge... the verge... just about to bite the bottom lip....when....Meeeeeeeooooow...

WTF!!!

the fucking cat...I swear he was lying in wait til that exact moment, at the end of the bed, to yowl at me ...

scared the shit out of me... I yelled at the cat... put bob away...went back to sleep... damn cat...

what a way to start the day...

I Get So Stuck On Leaving....Hell I Think I'll Go...Cause You Don't Want Me Around Here No More...

why is it every time I try to talk to you... I feel like I'm in the way.... I feel like you are just appeasing me with a lil bit of conversation to keep me from complaining...
you always seem too busy to talk.... you always seem like you don't care about me...like you could care less about how I'm doing.... I feel like I'm the only one trying to stay friends... if you don't want... thats cool...but be big enough to let me know...
the distance makes it hard...
the lack of contact makes it hard... I'm sick and tired of feeling like I've done something wrong... like the puppy that peed on the floor... like the red headed step child....

"I'm sick and tired of being criticized, I'm sick and tired of barely getting by, I'm sick and tired of not living right, I'm sick and tired of being pushed aside, I'm sick and tired of calling folks for rides"

I know I haven't been around too much.. part of that has been work related... the other reason has been because of the lack of interest... I've had no interest in being here (online)
I have felt that the people that I once thought were my friends had turned their backs on me... I was pushed away, hurt and left out...

I may have been wrong about the actuality in that but thats how I felt... I still feel that way... but have been telling myself that it was just my imagination...

I guess I had an attack of over sensitivity... *shrug* shit happens...

guess I'll shrug it off and be on my way...

it's a major turn on when one gets the inconspicuous musical references in the titles of my blog entries....

Miss Me?

**looks in comment sections**

hmm doesn't look like it....

**goes back to knitting Raistlans scarf**

I Hate It When You Call....Which Isn't At All....

so some days I wonder why the fuck I get out of bed in the mornings...

I get up at 5:30 this morning... still feeling like crap wanting to stay home... but can't...last part of training is today... (or so I thought...) have a shower... get out to the bus stop in time to catch the bus... do the Timmy's thing get upstairs yay...at work...

Trainer comes in to tell us we're going to be doing the last part of our training today.. yay!!

we'll be doing two roleplay sessions on the phone as tests...ok two I can handle one with each trainer...one for each of the two major problems we get dealt on the phones... still understandable...
trainer leaves to start setting things up...

the time starts tickin on the clock....

trainer comes back....a bit later...we were supposed to be "practicing" and going thru our guides and shit... ya know that's not happening...

"ok so you'll be doing three calls each one with each of the trainers and one with a guy from call auditing...and then after you are done and passed you will be expected to go on the phones right away..."

WHAT??? (that never happens)

Trainer leaves for a bit... the group starts to get a lil angry and confused...

a couple breaks later and more ticks on the clock...

Trainer comes back....

"ok so you'll be doing four calls each one with each of the trainers, and two with guys from auditing...you have to go on the phones...and you have to come int to work tomorrow..."

the mob starts firing questions away and gets angrier.....

trainer leaves the room to "set things up"

the Major stands up infront of everyone and says that he and the Slacker (new character explain in a moment) know just as much as the Trainer knows and to stay calm their going to get an Exec down to explain whats going on....

Mob quiets down a bit....

(The Slacker is another supervisor that will be getting on the phones the same time we do, disappears everytime we go out onto the flor to listen to calls and always tells everyone to direct their questions via email to The Major...hence the name)

clocks still ticking....

in comes The Major, The Trainer and The Exec.... *start menacing music here*

The Exec states... four calls each... not forced onto the phones right afterwards... only coming in tomorrow if calls aren't done today... regular shifts start on Monday....

Trainer sighs a breath of relief... goes out after Exec is done... Major disappears...

11:30am Trainer takes the first person out to get started...
11:45am we start a potluck lunch....

Trainer leaves the decision of when breaks are to the Major...

Major disappears at noon not to be seen again until 4pm....
Slacker gets stressed... gives up... says just don't go wandering the building, and keep the noise level down...

spent the afternoon going out for smokes, visiting Raistlan and the TW gang, listening to music and talking about sex...

oh yeah as of 4pm only 4 people had finished ALL 4 test calls....

Did I mention I was getting paid 10 bucks an hour to do this? ;)
Yep $80 today for all that....whew...what a hard day I think I stressed my brain out big time today...
B-I-G T-I-M-E!!!!

Thanks That Was Fun....

Never Get to Stop and Open Our Eyes...

Monday @ 9:00 pm got home from the meeting.. felt a lil off went to bed...

Tuesday @ 2:30 am ran to the toilet to puke and shit my brains out...
Tuesday @ 2:40 am back in bed...
Tuesday @ 4:30 am back into the bathroom...
Tuesday @ 5:30 am told Raistlan I wasn't going to work...was back in the bathroom...
Tuesday @ 6:00 am took a Gravol and Imodium....went back to bed...
Tuesday @ 5:47 pm woke up when Raistlan got home....
Tuesday @ 11:00 pm went back to bed...

Wednesday @ 6:00 am got up for work...felt ill...couldn't see straight...
Wednesday @ 12:47 pm got test back (wrote test at 9am) got 94%...
Wednesday @ 12:50 pm wanted to go home...still felt ill
Wednesday @ 7:47 pm finally got home...
Wednesday @ 10:05 pm writing this...still feeling ill
Wednesday @ 10:15 pm going to bed...

(so yes still alive but barely)

Funny Stuff....

I check every day to see if this blog is updated... I check it constantly... I just think this guy is one of the funniest people I have never met...

I think everyone needs to read Erik's Blog.... especially if you are having a bad day....


READ IT!!! IT'S GOOD!!!

What Are You??

For many many years people have called me many names...some funny...some mean...some sweet... I finally found out what I truly am..... I am a Drunken Demon Who loves to Laugh at Beavers....

What are you?

I would love to know... so if you do it... please post it in my comment spot or on your blog ;)

Have You Seen My Nipples??

So yesterday was gorgeous out.... for a fine January day... the high for yesterday was a whooping 65 'F... I was on the smoke deck in just my shirt....they said not to expect it too last...

it didn't.... *sigh*


when I got home I checked the temp... it was 64'F... about an hour or so later I checked it again because it was gettin a lil chilly in the apartment.... it dropped to 37'F... holy shit...

I checked it when I got up this morning to see how warm I had to dress for work today... it was at 35'F... enh ok not too bad.... I get home today after freezing my nipples off... oh yeah... froze them right off.... I just have pale round globes attached to my chest...no nipples...
*moment of silence to mourn the passing of the nipples*

I check the temp now at this exact moment... 23'F!!! and dropping.... *whaaa whaaa* somebody hold me...

did I mention I will be sleeping alone this weekend... Raistlan went away for the weekend... so now I'm seriously going to be crawling into a cold bed.... *sigh*

on the up side... found out today that when training is finished next thursday... I don't have to come in on friday, saturday or sunday... wheeeeeee!!!
So I will have three days to forget everything I learned in the last two weeks... ba ha ha!!
oh yeah thats even if I go back to work on the monday... they are being uncooperative about the part time peoples hours...

Since it's just Gambit and I this weekend... I'll probably end up sitting here doing quizzes and crap like that... so watch out for blog spam ;)

I Bet Mom and Dad Are So Proud...

So I went home tonight for a few hours... yes thats right... for all the msn people reading this.. I went back to my old stomping grounds... YAHOO!! went back to my chat room with my friends who I have missed talking too dearly... and after most of them left I was left with this guy who pm's me... and I just had to post the ridiculous conversation here.. because well.. yeah I'm an evil bitch... :D


I didn't even take out his name... why...because he's a stranger and a dick head...

txsingr: hi rae
Rae: hi
txsingr: my name is michael
txsingr: how are you
Rae: I'm good... My name truly is Rae
txsingr: pretty name
Rae: thank you
txsingr: do you have a cam?
Rae: nope
txsingr: pics?
Rae: profile
txsingr: any other pics
Rae: nope
txsingr: darn, you look good
Rae: thank you
txsingr: what are you doing in BBW room?
Rae: I'm a bbw lol
txsingr: you look great
txsingr: i love BBW
Rae: well thank ya
txsingr: yw
txsingr: what are you wearing
Rae: clothes.. t-shirt...some pants...
txsingr: what else
Rae: nothing
txsingr: no panties?
Rae: no
txsingr: nice
txsingr: are your pants loose
Rae: yeah
txsingr: can you slip your hand inside?
Rae: if I wanted too
txsingr: cool
txsingr: so maybe i can help you want to
Rae: how do ya figure?
txsingr: oh i may not be able to but i will try
txsingr: what do you sleep in
Rae: nothing
txsingr: do you ever touch yourself in bed
Rae: um yeah... I normally masturbate for about a half hour before bed everynight
txsingr: cool
txsingr: do you use your fingers or toys?
Rae: both
txsingr: cool
txsingr: are you shaved?
Rae: sometimes
txsingr: have you ever had another girls mouth on your pussy
Rae: yes many times
txsingr: nice
txsingr: and do you like eating pussy
Rae: yes very much so
txsingr: do you like guys too?
Rae: sometimes
txsingr: do you ever taste yourself?
Rae: yes after each masturbating session
txsingr: nice
txsingr: i love to eat pussy
Rae: *nods* thats nice... so do I
txsingr: and i am good at it
Rae: I've never had any complaints...
txsingr: i bet
txsingr: i would love to see your mouth on a wet young tight pussy
Rae: uh.. I'm 26 and.. I'm not going for anyone younger than me...
txsingr: 25 is young
txsingr: 26 i mean
Rae: I didn't say it wasn't...
txsingr: lol
txsingr: i wish i was there
Rae: why?
txsingr: cause i would show you how good i eat pussy
Rae: nah it's ok I'm taken care of in that department... altho I do wish you were here..
txsingr: why is that?
Rae: I have some dishes that need to be done, some laundry that needs to be washed and my cat needs a bath...
txsingr: lmao
txsingr: you're funny
Rae: not joking I really do have all that stuff that needs to be done...the tub could use some new chaulking as well...
txsingr: we could do it together
Rae: nah I have a whole other list of things that I need to do
txsingr: like what
Rae: I need to vaccuum, clean the litter box, do the windows, dust...stuff like that
txsingr: so after the house is all clean can i fuck you
Rae: might have to wait until after we make dinner for my man and my two kids...but then we would have to do the dishes again...and retar the driveway
txsingr: so could i wat\h you and your man
Rae: oh yeah he doesn't mind that
txsingr: would you suck his dick
Rae: would I? I hardly ever stop doing it... hell when we started this conversation I was sucking him off...
txsingr: do you swallow?
Rae: sometimes... sometimes I have to chew it a bit first... other times I save it in a big jar
txsingr: i wanna see a pic of you with his dick in your mouth
Rae: whats it feel like to want?
txsingr: lol
Rae: it's a funny feeling is it?
txsingr: bye
Rae: leaving so soon?
txsingr: yes
Rae: how come?
txsingr: cause i am gonna j/o with someone
Rae: oh I see so you didn't actually want to talk...you were hoping that that conversation was actually turning me on?
txsingr: yes
Rae: by asking me what I was wearing and whether or not I eat pussy...?? wow... that was.. so... bad... do you normally get chicks to jerk off with you using that type of conversation to turn them on?
txsingr: yes
Rae: are you sure they're women?
txsingr: yes, have seen their pussy
Rae: wow.. and shit like that turns them on??
txsingr: evidently not all girls are as cold as you
Rae: aww I'm cold? no I'm just not some tart that is easy and wants to see a cock... I come here to chat and say hi to my friends... I have a man whom I'm happy with...and if I wanted a good fuck I would go and jump him right now... I'm not cold you're just really bad at turning a girl on.. the other women you find I wouldn't be surprised if they do shit with you out of pity.
txsingr: glad you're happy
txsingr: bye
Rae: I feel bad for you that you're not and have to find a "virtual" piece of ass from a skanky hoe online
txsingr: i am married and very happy
Rae: then whats with the skanky hoe pick ups online?
txsingr: i just enjoy cybering
Rae: wow you are one pathetic human being aren't you... I hope your wife leaves you for another woman.
txsingr: i think you are the pathetic one
Rae: I'm not the one trolling the internet looking for some cheap cam slut to wack off too, that job position is apparently already filled by you
txsingr: i find hundreds of them
txsingr: and they PM me
txsingr: so you must be a frigid bitch
Rae: and you are proud of this why?
Rae: oooh whoopee you have cam sluts knocking on your door, congrats to you what an honor your wife must be so proud of you.
txsingr: she is
txsingr: why is your profile in adult profiles
Rae: because I like to say fuck a lot. Ad I'm so sure that your wife is proud of the fact that her husband wacks off to any chick on the internet.. I'm sure she writes home to mom and dad about it all the time...

yeah he didn't wanna talk to much after the mom and dad comment... I wonder why???

Your Mother Was A Hamster and Your Father Smelled of Elderberries...

ok so it's Saturday and not Friday... So sue me... we signed no contract....

there's really not much to say about training except that we are all slowly going hysterically insane...
I mean we knew I was insane before hand... but still...

I'm locked in a room with 26 other people for 8 hours a day 5 days a week (thus far) we read modules, we look at the systems, we play bumper cars with our rolling swivelling office chairs, we make fun of the Boogereater (who blatantly picks his nose, rolls it inbetween his two fingers then either puts it in his mouth or rubs his beard with his hand...) we write emails to the people we know "on the outside" (inner office email only...blecch) we break every hour to smoke our brains out... there's four people I sit by that I talk too every day... Drummer who is his name... he drums on the desk all day, Forgetful who is late, never knows what we are doing and is constantly asking the other three of us questions that we don't know the answers too because...we're in training for the same thing he is, Worrier, she is constantly worried that she's going to fail and that she has to miss 8 days of school because of the training and about her car and and and... The Major, you'll recognize him from other posts he is my supervisor, he's in the training as well since he's going to be our sup, he types like a madman constantly....lol

The other day Drummer was drumming, The Major was typing and Forgetful was (for some ungodly reason) was flicking his monitor with his finger... (The Major sits next to Drummer, I sit on the other side of Drummer, Forgetful sits next to me and Worrier sits on the other side of him) I had only two hours of sleep... I wanted to kill them all... I smacked Forgetful and said stop it... then turned to Drummer and The Major and said... one of you two needs to stop... since The Major was doing work he said that it had to be Drummer.... I said I didn't care as long as there was only one annoying noise at a time...
So now everytime The Major stops typing Drummer starts drumming... *rolls eyes* at least thats some progress...

In the training itself... I'm learning how to help people with connection problems, getting their email set back up and learning anything else that might pop up on a cable tech support call....

All in all it's interesting stuff that I should already know because of all the problems I've had with my computer and have asked others about...

Jamie and Squig should be able to breath a sigh of relief that I won't be bothering them too much any more with crap like that...

(training crap over with for now)

I just finished watching the stupidest movie... eek! it was called Trick or Treat... it promotes that it has Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne in it.... you see both of them for five minutes each... if that. Gene Simmons plays a radio DJ (not too much of a stretch I guess) but Ozzy plays an evanglist who is against Rock Music... that was funny... he has his hair back (it looked short) a white dress shirt, black tailored vest and a black tie on... holy shit it was funny... it's supposed to be some scary movie... it definately was a B movie if I've ever seen it... the lead character was played by Marc Price... if you're thinking to yourself "hey that name sounds a lil familiar"....if you ever watched the 80's tv show, Familt Ties with Micheal J Fox in it... Marc Price played his goofy next door neighbour named 'Skippy'... I knew it was going to be bad as soon as I saw him... LOL

Last night however, I watched Troy with Raistlan and damn... now that (I thought) was a good movie... Brad Pitt could have done a better job... but I still liked it.

I hate my hours and my schedule... Raistlan works 8-4 from Tues to Sat and I work from 8-4 Mon-Fri... I don't like it... my Friday is his Thursday... My Saturday is his Friday and My Sunday is his Saturday.... so much for staying up late and having wonderfully long sessions of monkey lovings straight thru til morning on weekends... *sigh* oh well I guess theres always Bob...

Oh well not much else to say.... guess I'll post later...

Cut Down A Tree With A Herring...???

I mocked the Gods...

I wore sandals to work about two days or so ago... maybe three... hell my schedule is so backwards now that I'm not even sure what day it is.... anyway...

I wore the sandals to work.. AHA... it was monday... anyway...

They got me back... big time... apparently seeing me walking around in January in sandals and no winter coat made them very spiteful.... for since then it has been blowing... and snowing... and cold... and freezing rain... and ice is building up everywhere...

This weather has nothing to do with cold fronts or warm fronts or tsunami's or hurricanes or earthquakes or tornadoes or even the fact that its winter...

The Gods are being spiteful because I blantantly walked around for two days wearing no winter coat and a pair of leather sandals in January... it's all my fault and now I'm paying the piper...

anyway.. so yeah thats the weather.... brought to by the naked Cute But Violent Rae

Training.... blah... not going to get into it... one of these days I will sit down and write a huge blog to tell you all about my training...
I will be in training until the 20th...
so maybe tomorrow (friday) and next friday I will give you the weekly updates...
even if you don't want to hear about them...
I have a whole new cast of characters I get to fill you in on ;)
From the Major to the Boogereater... I know you are shivering with antici...............pation.

And The Award Goes Too....

ok quick thanks and lovings too.....


*drumroll*

Jamie and his beautiful wife Angie.... got the fudge.... tastes great... need more.... send quickly.... LOL
seriously tho we got it yesterday... yeah there was peanut butter in there but thats ok.. gonna feed that one to the kids... finished off the rest that was in there last night before bed... lol

and the second....

*drumroll*

Peachy and her cute lil self...

got your postcard today that is so cute... thats hun it was very sweet... love the polar bears... send letters, notes, cards, yourself... :D whenever ya want :D

honourable mention goes to Deli...
she was thanked before about her card... still love it... thanks for the phone call hun nice to see that I'm missed when I'm not around... enh... fuckit... we'll give you a drumroll to because.....

*drumroll*

Deli's Going To England.... YAY!!!!

ok so I'm kooky and I have yet to tell you about training... and I'm not going to right now either LOL

gotta go...
thanks guys it's nice to be loved from afar ;)

I'm Lying In Bed Just Like Brian Wilson Did....

ok so I'm letting you kow that I can almost gurantee that I won't be on much for the next couple of weeks...

training begins tomorrow... brigt and early at 8 am...

to quote a friend of mine of how I feel about that... "BLARG!"
I am NOT a morning person... to say the least...

the other reason you won't be seeing me too much.... we just bought a new toy today... *evil grin*

get yer minds out of the gutter... nothing sexual...

we bought a Nintendo Gamecube and 5 games to go with it... Raistlan's xmas present to the family... woo hoo...
Now before anybody starts the whole "which system is better argument: Gamecube, Xbox or PS2" shut the fuck up... LOL.... we looked into this... and we feel the best system for our entire family is the NGC.... because it has games geared to the kids... and us... so stick and break it off :P LOL
Anyway... got my own game tonight... woo hoo ... Wallace and Gromit... gawd I love wallace and gromit... their bloody hilarious...

on a more depressing note... last night while eating dinner I had another "attack" it was bad... (I dislike calling them anxiety or panic attacks...because thats not what they feel like) anyway normally I can stop them before they get too bad.... not this time... it hit me out of the middle of no where...
I slapped Raistlan on his knee and couple of times and gasped out "freezer" while trying to breathe....it took a second to click in what I needed... he shot out into the kitchen fetched me a bag of frozen corn and sat down next to me... Gambit was in the other room so I didn't scare him.... the bag of corn wasn't doing what it was supposed to... I felt tightening in my chest... couldn't breathe... and my heart was racing... Raistlan put his hand on my chest and looked real worried... I couldn't take the sound... I had him turn off the tv (we had been watching) the sound of my heart it my ears was enough to drive me insane... it felt as if my heart was going to explode thru my chest and race around the floor it was going so fast... I was overheating... so I grunted out "move table" and got up and went out the door to the hallway outside the door.... and sat there in the cold with my bag of frozen corn... waiting... hoping... and waiting some more for the familiar popping sensation in my chest... Raistlan came out looking kind of worried... he was trying to say something to me but it was like he was speaking a different language.... I just sat there glazed out and staring into space softly repeating over and over "poppoppoppoppoppoppop".... all of a sudden everything in my body stopped... I held my breath and the pop came ... it hurt like hell... everything went deadly silent in my ears... I felt like I was about to gag... then everything went back to normal... or should I say semi-normal... I've never run a marathon... but god damn if after shit like that happens if I don't feel like I have run one...
after an "attack" I'm tired physically for about two days... while my body tries to figure out wtf happened.... and so here I sit very physically tired... which is good... maybe I'll get some sleep... lol

I don't write this in here for pity or for sympathy I write it so that I have a record for what day it happened... incase they come back in full force again... then I can go back and write down the dates for the doctor... so please don't try to give me medical advice about it or anything like that... thanks ;)

anyway so other than that how was everyone's new year eve's... what did ya do... I got all dressed up nice and fancy and went to a nice new years eve party...