Fear Is Not The End Of This!

So....

I have so much to say... all sorts of things I would love to have spew forth... so I could tell 'somebody'... but.. no.

Yeah I know that's why I started this blog in the first place was to spew all my shit... good and bad...

this is of the good variety... it makes me very squee...

I always feel a bit out of sorts when I'm really happy about something and then hear something that upsets me... I feel torn about whether I should be happy or whether I should be upset... especially when it's coming from the same person...

This past weekend was a great weekend for me... I got away a bit... concert... movies... picnic...

All in different cities but... it was good... it was a weekend of friends... some of which I was absolutely tickled pink to see...

What I noticed about myself this weekend was that depending on who I'm with depends on how I'm acting... I mean I'm myself but in just very different ways...

I guess we all do it see how the others are around us and act accordingly... I couldn't do on Saturday what I was doing on Sunday... may have totally weirded out the person I was with on Saturday...

if I was like I was on Friday with the people on Sunday they woulda wondered what happened and what was wrong with me...

as a person who finds people facsinating I like to sit back and analyze shit like that...

I started to wonder who all it was that got to see the real me I am when I'm just me... unguarded... no shit... no filters... None that I was with this past weekend has... except the man.

The man has seen into all the dark corners of my mind and still loves me... but I can't really afford for anyone else to get that close... not until I know they won't jump to conclusions or flip out...