You'll never be able to fully fathom just how right you make my world.

It should scare you about as much as it scares me to know that you have so much control.

...

Happy Memorial Day weekend ... US peeps...

I am capable of really anything

Big hands, I know you're the one.

I know why they're called red eyes... but they should be called the sleeper flights... I swear every one's asleep right now...

Let me go back a bit and explain why it is I would be on a red eye flight...I was leaving Reno... I'm gonna go backward... I didn't want to go... he didn't want me to go... comments were made we giggled at... and yet... there I found myself at the Reno Tahoe Airport with a delay due to high winds in Denver... where I was going to catch a connection to Charlotte... So they started madly rearranging peoples connections and trying to help them out to get flights out of Denver or around Denver...

Well I was one of the ones that was told that we would be there in time for our connections. So I didn't worry, until in mid flight and found out that there were four of us on the flight that might not make our 4pm connection...

I missed it... Denver airport is long... the B concourse runs from B15 to B90 something... We got dropped off at B88... my next flight was boarding at B15... yeah I ran my butt off, getting there before the two that took one of the airservice cart things... and nope had just missed it, it was taxiing and taking off...

So... I'm currently on a red eye (12:59pm) flight to Charlotte where I'm listed as being on the 11:15am flight for sure, but I'm on a stand by for the 9:24am flight... in the hopes that I could maybe still be home in time to catch a nap before my mother is expecting me to drive the 45 minute drive to go get my sister from the Hamilton International Airport....

I'm not writing this up as a complaint... it's just another part of my adventures... :) I'm sure my mother was having a cow when the Man told her I was stuck in Denver for 9 hours by myself... I'm not sure what's up with my mom but as she's gotten older she's lost her sense of adventure... she needs someone else to go to Hamilton airport.... it's like sheesh... people don't want to drive let alone fly...oh well...

I still have an hour to kill on this flight before I get to find out which flight I'm on from NC to NY... this flight is jammed pack... and lucky me... at least I got an aisle seat but this poor guy and I are sandwiching this big fat guy... not comfy at all...

My journey started in Buffalo, naturally. It's where all good adventures should start...

So now I'm back home... It's Thursday night... should probably be in bed at the moment and yet here I sit hoping for a message and watching Daybreakers....

Here goes...

After taking my sister to the airport, I raced back home, then went ahead and ran the Womens Circle, then headed down to Fort Erie until heading out to the airport at 5:30ish am...

Got my tickets all sorted and headed into security... where I got patted down because of my bracelets that have become permanent fixtures on my wrists... found out I wasn't a terrorist and sent me on my way to stand around at my gate... my heart was a wreck as I was standing there waiting...

I get so excited when it comes to flying... I can't even begin to describe the euphoria I feel when up in a plane, looking out over the clouds...

First plane of the whole trip... sat on the aisle next to a Canadian couple that was heading to Philly for the play offs...

Second plane, oy...sat next to two other women flying by themselves who found out that they had a bit in common as they were talking skin care and putting on anti-wrinkle masks after I awoke from a small nap... landed in San Francisco and made it to my gate to wait for my next flight...

I wished so badly that I had a camera at that moment as I looked up at the sun shining brightly in the sky and as some thin wispy clouds passed by the sun it created a huge rainbow ring around it... it was beautiful... and at that moment it dawned on me... I'm in California... that sounds really kinda dumb ass but when I was a little girl there were specific places I wanted to go... California was one of them... and I didn't really think I'd ever get too... I must have looked like a crazy sitting there looking out the window and smiling away at the sun...

So on my itinerary it said that it was going to take just over an hour to get from San Fran to Reno... I was happily surprised when the pilot said that we'd most likely be there in 27 minutes... I giggled happily.. thankfully I was sitting by myself for that trip thankfully... I was so excited I couldn't stop fidgeting the entire last plane ride... I didn't care that there was turbulence or it was a bit of a rough landing... all I knew was that in that airport was someone I hadn't seen in more months then I cared to count...

Walking from the gate past the security spot and there he was standing there... I nearly cried... I had to look at the posters as I walked down the hall or I would have started with the tears... I was just so happy to see him again.

I walked right into his arms and hugged him so hard... my breathing jagged as I tried to keep from giggling and crying at once...

We headed out... was in love with the landscape looking out the window as we drove out to the store and then to check in at the hotel...

Now there is some I'm obviously not going to share and pretty much everything at the hotel is it... :D

We had some good food, some good times, moments that I'll remember until I'm too old... and I had so much fun... too much at some moments... I didn't want to leave... then again I never do when I'm with him... watching him walk away in September I thought was the hardest thing... but it's been trumped by having to walk away from him...

He took me to some of the other hotel/casinos on the strip... I got some pics of those... we went and had ice cream, watched as he got a hair cut, went and talked cars at the performance parts store, marveled at the scenery as he drove to Pyramid Lake, fell in love with the silence and the waters at the Lake... had visions in the car, felt a sense of familiarity on the reserve, loving every moment we spent together, whether deep in conversation or just sitting there quietly...

We made a trip out to the Pyramid Lake Paiute Reservation... the landscape... beautiful... the lake... breath taking... awe inspiring... I loved being there... I loved standing there next to him while there... it was absolutely perfect... peaceful... serene... *sighs wistfully*

Had to leave... the lake... the hotel... Reno... him...

Comments made about not wanting to leave... about making the flights delayed... about wishing to stay...

Too bad we didn't start those early then sitting outside of security... because it wasn't until I got patted down again and made it to the gate that I found out that my flight was grounded and wasn't allowed to take off for another hour...

Found out there were high winds in Denver and that they were delaying flights in and out of Denver... so... they started helping people who had connections to try to find their way around so that they got to where they were going...

Those of us who didn't get called up were told that they were confident that we'd make our connections because we were boarding the plane now... So we got in the plane and were up in the air as of 1:13pm... it wasn't until we were in the air did we find out that it was most likely that we (the 6 of us that needed too) would miss our Charlotte NC connection from Denver... they told us we'd really have to hoof it to get to the gate... we landed at gate B88 and needed to get to gate B15... if you've never been to Denver airport I encourage you to look up the map of the airport and take a look at the B concourse... needless to say I didn't make it... I talked to the agent at the desk and she put me onto the red eye to NC...

Which of course is where this actually started... I was put on the standby list for the flight out of 9:24am... and given a ticket for the 11:15am out of Charlotte... I didn't make the standby... it was filled... so had to go from the B concourse (gate B11) to E concourse (gate E12) to get one of the commuter jets from Charlotte to Buffalo... I landed at about 10 to 1pm in Buffalo... I was happy to be almost home but so so so sad at the same time... everything here seemed louder... harsher...

I made it through the entire weekend without ever really wanting a cigarette... I got back here and couldn't have one fast enough... I'm going to quit... I can't really afford to do it anymore and I don't really enjoy it...

I did learn that I need to stop stating the obvious... I need to be less weird... I need to stop asking so many questions... and I apparently need to learn that just because I worry doesn't mean that I'll find out something to ease my worry...

I Love You Big Daddy... thank you for the very best weekend...

Let me go on, like a blister in the sun Let me go on, Big Hands I know you're the one

So badly want to write a big long mushy email to Big Daddy...

Showing great restraint but also paying for it a bit as well...

Obviously am home from my long weekend in Reno... huge post coming about it...

Just had to whine about wanting to gush at BD...

Hope your procedure goes well... I'll back off a bit until you actually let me know.

much <3 to you

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay... Awake when I'm asleep

You thought I was joking when I came out of the bathroom logged in to tell you in front of your online friends that I was displeased with what just happened... you laughed it off... you made it seem like it was no big deal... well it was.

I may fall asleep afterward and that might seem like a bad thing, but I fall asleep right after because I'm at a place where I'm content and comfortable, and it usually only happens while you're still around...

To come out of the bathroom to find you on the couch and latched onto your new addiction instead of coming back to bed with me... just reaffirmed what I was already thinking when you said you weren't tired...

IMVU is not the whole world... I was on it as a way to just do nothing with my brain for the night... you were on it when I woke up, you were on it after you came home from the store and while we watched a movie, you were on it straight until we went to bed... and then... afterwards you went out there and sat down and logged on it again rather then coming to cuddle or even just lay in bed with me...

tell me how does that feel... is this pay back for my insomniac episodes where I wouldn't come to bed because I would get frustrated and angry and toss and turn because no matter what I couldn't fall asleep?

And how about you... Mr. get me all set up and then 'ok go have fun I'm going to be over here with someone else'... can't even seem to work up enough oomph to log into WE so that we can rp but you can push me aside so that you can go rp on Spin Dizzy... knowing that I had no idea who anyone was or even what a lot of the commands there are... literally just tossed me in with a pack of wolves... sure I probably could have just logged out and not gone back but I was curious I just didn't realize I would have to meet like 15 others all by myself knowing nothing about the game...

Or how about you... you log in and you tell me all about the gold digging sluts who find you on plenty of fish and how they insult you... and I talk to about how crappy that is... and then totally avoid me for two days... only to find out that yeah you got my messages but you would rather play WoW, then talk to me for a couple of minutes when I need an ear...

What about you... Mr in the fucking country can't even be bothered to pick up a telephone and say 'Hey, I'm here family is great, won't be able to see ya but wanted to say hi' ... and then you wonder why I'm a little bit cold when you finally send me a message a few months later...

And you... I tell you that I really am just going to need a friend and that maybe 'persuing' me could you know take a back burner, since we're so much a like that maybe just maybe I could use someone unbiased to be an ear for me so that I can sort a few things out... you say 'yeah sure Rae no problem I can do that' and then fucking disappear... right yeah... not impressed with you either...

And to the three out of the four of you... you better fucking shape up and get your acts in gear or you're all going to be in for a big surprise... I'm not wasting my time week after week to see the three of you fiddle fucking fart around and not take this shit seriously... I have as you can tell, way more on my plate that could use my attention...

Riiight... and you two... oh yes, you two... fuck off, leave me alone. You don't read my blog and I really don't think I'd care at this point if you did, I'm sick of you two acting like small children who had their ball taken away, you're not the end all and be all, you are not the almighty and all powerful you think you are... get over yourselves and grow the fuck up already, you're older then me for christ's sake...

Can you tell it's been a great week... all I can say is this last week has made me want nothing more then to take this trip next week... omg I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to this trip to Reno... only down point is it's only the weekend... but fuck that I'll take what I can get right now...

I miss you...

So I'm sitting here in the temple with my laptop...

I seem to be spending a lot of my time in here as of lately... I find it a lot easier to do stuff for the students if in here... generally this is where I teach lessons each week so when coming up with the next few lessons and doing up the tests for them it comes a lot faster too me... only problem is there is no way to tell time in here... except for on my laptop and I have it so that my task bar hides... it's only a 10" screen so real estate is scarce...

That really wasn't what I was going to tell you about but apparently I needed to say something about it... hmm...

So I still have this horrible cough that has been keeping me awake at night... I'm not too happy about that... I know that generally when I get sick it could potentially last for weeks and months... so I've been trying really hard the last couple of weeks to get rid of whatever this is that is hanging around my chest...

enh my attention is waning I'm going to have to come back to this a bit later on...