"People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I fake them all, and I fake them very well, that's my burden, I guess." ~ Dexter

I got very excited when I saw that Dexter was back on television with it's new season... there's not too many tv shows that I would say that I connect with... I watch tv and connect with a show in generally a purely 'this is on so I'll watch it because I find it less annoying then other shows that might be on television at the time' sort of way...

truthfully I've never actually watched Dexter on the television or with anyone else... whenever I've watched it...I've been in my bedroom with my laptop...

For anyone who hasn't seen the show or know what it's about... Dexter Morgan is a blood spatter and stain analyst for the Miami Homicide division of the police... he has a couple of kids had a lovely wife named Rita, has a sister who is a police detective and is the run of the mill nice guy... except for one thing... he's a serial killer.

Now to say that you can connect with a serial killer is putting yourself out there to say that you could also be a serial killer... no not exactly and I know that some people aren't going to understand even after I try to explain how it is that I connect to the character in the show... that's ok... they won't get it because they're not that sort of person... and that's ok

It's not the serial killer part of him that I connect with... it's the person who is trying to learn what it's like to be normal or at least appear to be normal that I connect with...

we all have our inner self who we might not like or we might not think is normal... it's that underlying fear that someone is going to find out what we truly are or how we truly think and that it's going to come out...

there was a line from Criminal Minds where they're talking to a killer and he says 'I see a guy walking down the street and envision what it would be like busting his head in, that's normal to me, that you don't is strange'

I just can't even begin to think of putting it better then that... it's only been in the past few years that I've found out in small conversations that there is someone else in my blood family that has the same sort of morbid thoughts that I do.

I think one of the reasons I like connecting with new people and finding out more about them, besides my morbid curiosity about the way people think, is because I get to try out my normalcy on others... and then slowly peel away the normalcy to see just how much of my true self I can reveal to them before they'll get too weirded out to talk to me anymore. I like to push to see how much of themselves they'll reveal before they get to that uncomfortable spot where they don't want to share... then that's when I really want them too... they feel uncomfortable about talking about it and yet seem so comfortable with me that they will talk about it... there hasn't yet been anyone who reveals something to me where I haven't seen it coming or it was nothing compared to what I have tucked away...

There's only one person that's pushed me past my own comfort point and made me share part of my inner self with... they backed away... they're still around and I still talk to them but no where near like we talked before. Neither of us are pushing or pulling anymore and I figure it will just be a matter of time before he pulls away completely.

I wonder if a show like Dexter is so popular because of how it makes people think about their own psyche or if it's popular because of the fact that there are so many people out there that just want to see blood and violence... or both.

I think that it makes us realize that no matter how much we might reach out for others and want to maybe have them near us... we're always alone in our own minds and deep down inside that frightens us all.