Pain Fucking Sucks.

I am working on a "I broke my ankle post" it's just going to be long...so in case you didn't know... I broke my left ankle... at least I think it's my ankle...it might actually be my leg... I was told I broke the outside bone on my leg just above my ankle... so *shrug*

Anyway... since I've been home and on crutches it's been not so great...I've stumbled and fallen three times... the first two weren't so bad...kept myself from landing on my foot in any way...mostly landed on my fat ass instead so only thing that really hurt was my pride...

Tonight however...different story... I had gotten up to turn on the ceiling fan light...and decided that since I was up I would make a trip to the bathroom...now if you've ever had kids you know that they tend to think they can just leave their clothes anywhere...so I stopped outside of the bathroom to scold the Boychild about leaving his t-shirt in the bathroom on the floor ... so as he was passing by me to get his shirt I somehow lost my balance and out of natural habit I tried to right myself by stepping down with my left foot...
I of course cried out and made sure to reassure the Boychild that it wasn't his fault in any way...

I then went into the bathroom and cried...and cried...then hobbled off to the bedroom...propped my leg up on the pillows I use at night and cried some more...the Man came in to see what was up...he didn't realize that I ended up putting my weight down on my left foot...

As I laid there I just seemed to get more and more down... I mean really when it comes right down to it...I'm an idiot.

So now my leg/ankle hurts like it did when the freezing wore off after my surgery...

I've taken a couple of T3's because I just couldn't stand the stabbing pains I was getting.

So while down (still a bit but it's starting to wane) all I wanted was comforting...The Man was good about giving me a kiss and hug and asking what he could get me to make me feel better...and of course tell me he loves me... in that moment I wanted a Big Daddy hug as well... pain is icky... hugs make it feel better...

I sent him a text 'Quick, tell me you love me' ... I laid there just staring at the ceiling with tears running down my face as my phone goes off with a message that I so needed at that moment...(even if prompted slightly) 'I love you.' I couldn't help but smile... yes he was at work...yes he was likely busy... but at that moment he gave me what I needed...

So at this moment.. yeah the throbbing pain in my leg is making me sad...frustrated...and feeling idiotic...

I can't do anything for myself except wipe my ass...

People say 'yeah but it was your foot, why can't you do anything?' - um...I cannot hold anything as long as I'm trying to stand, or walk...so yeah I could stand at a stove and cook dinner as long as I was just standing there...but moving to the fridge to the counter to the stove...nope not possible...I can chop up veggies and stuff like that as long as I'm sitting on the couch...

Tomorrow (looks at clock...today) is going to prove to be difficult as The Man has volunteered his time at the school for their carnival... he won't be here to get me drinks, bring me my food, take the dog outside, get me my pills...I asked him if he'd be taking breaks to come home and do that stuff or if he was just going to leave us from 9 am til 5:30 pm...

we'll see...

Thank you Big Daddy... Thank you The Man... I love you both so much... just...thank you.