Life is full of them.
This I have actually learned over the years...I never kid myself into thinking that happiness is something to strive for...it's something you find in the smallest of moments...it's those small moments when I find myself smiling for no reason at all...
Today...there's been a couple of times that's happened...but mainly today has been a really low day...
now that I've been up and about and getting mobile again I'm realizing my limitations and for me it's frustrating...I've always been one of those people who believes that you can do anything...and when I can't do something I keep trying...it takes a lot before I become defeated...however...what's the most frustrating is the inability to do something I could do before...
I didn't realize just how much I danced around the house...whether I was bopping around 'like a muppet' (as I've been described as before)...or doing little ballet dances across the living room...I was always dancing either to the music in my head or to the music I'd be listening to...
I've wanted to cry because I haven't been able to dance...it was highlighted even more when I went to the bar and Burton was dancing around and all I could think was even if I wanted to dance I couldn't...then saw a commercial for So You Think You Can Dance...and just got sad...
I realize that it's going to take a long time to heal...and not to rush it...(believe me I've been getting that from everyone - Mom doesn't even want me walking on it yet...Big Daddy keeps asking me if I'm rushing it...)
I realize that I'm also hormonal today because of my 'courses'...lol (love using that word...)
I went swimming the other day for the first time this summer... and as wonderful as it was...I was really feeling it the next day...every time it hurts in the late afternoon/early evening I wonder if it's because I stressed it too much that day or because I'm building up the muscles and they're just reminding...I get a bit nervous...
I push myself but I let my pain guide me...so if it doesn't hurt I go just a bit further...I don't want to baby it and prolong the weak muscles...I want to be mobile.
I want to walk.
I WANT TO WALK GODDAMMIT!!!
*sigh*
Good Night
Monday, July 23, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
X-rays, Derby and Carcassonne...Oh My!
YAY!
So went to the Ortho Clinic on Tuesday and the doc says I'm ok to start putting a little bit of weight on my left foot. He said to start with like 10% of my weight and slowly over the next three weeks until I see him again at the clinic.
Still using my crutches of course to help steady me as I start walking again...my leg feels weird...almost like my left leg is too long to stand properly on both feet...very odd...
I also picked up my x-rays from the hospital so that I could check out my hardware...
I also don't have to wear the air cast to bed anymore...that makes me happy...that thing is really uncomfortable...can shower without plastic bags being involved...so hopefully that means I can now go swimming...will be a great way to get some of my leg muscles back in working order....
right now it feels like braille where all the staples are... I hate to look at the incision site... I think it's ugly...
and it's so tender...sensitive...blah...
Anyway...doing well and healing nicely...physically.
In other news...next derby bout is this coming Saturday...gonna go and help out and watch...
then Monday have to drive out to the Winery and help out for the showing of Derby Baby...a project that I backed back in May...after all the viewings of the movie are finished (all over the world) I'll be getting a copy of it...
the Boychild, the Man and myself pulled out our Carcassonne game the other night and we taught the Boychild how to play it...he really enjoyed it...I did as well... :) we'll have to play it more often...
So went to the Ortho Clinic on Tuesday and the doc says I'm ok to start putting a little bit of weight on my left foot. He said to start with like 10% of my weight and slowly over the next three weeks until I see him again at the clinic.
Still using my crutches of course to help steady me as I start walking again...my leg feels weird...almost like my left leg is too long to stand properly on both feet...very odd...
I also picked up my x-rays from the hospital so that I could check out my hardware...
 |
| July 10th 2012 |
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| July 11th 2012 |
and it's so tender...sensitive...blah...
Anyway...doing well and healing nicely...physically.
In other news...next derby bout is this coming Saturday...gonna go and help out and watch...
then Monday have to drive out to the Winery and help out for the showing of Derby Baby...a project that I backed back in May...after all the viewings of the movie are finished (all over the world) I'll be getting a copy of it...
the Boychild, the Man and myself pulled out our Carcassonne game the other night and we taught the Boychild how to play it...he really enjoyed it...I did as well... :) we'll have to play it more often...
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| Carcassonne! |
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Weigh In #4
I'm a little late on my weigh in for the month of June...but I'm forgiven because I haven't been vertical much...lol
I've been laying here day in and day out feeling like I've been getting fat because I haven't really had any physical activity while on the crutches.
Ankles - R 8.5 (-0.25) L 9.25 (+0.5) (broken)
Calves - R 15 (no change) L 14.75 (-0.75)
Thighs - R 23 (-1) L 21.5 (-3)
Wrists - R 6.25 L 6.25
Forearm - R 10.5 (+1) L 10.25 (+1.25)
Biceps - R 12.75 (+0.75) L 13 (+1)
Hips - 43 (-1)
Belly - 41 (-0.5)
Waist - 34.25 (-0.25)
Underbust - 34.25 (-0.75)
Overbust - 40.5 (-0.5)
Neck - 14 (-0.75)
Weight - 177lbs (-17lbs)
I took my weight on my wii like I always do even though it was a bit difficult because of doing it on one leg....I mainly used my crutches to steady myself during the whole process...however it may have affected my actual weight a little...
I will try to not hold it against myself when I do get back on both legs if my weight does go up a little bit.
I did make my goal that I had set on the wii for my BMI and have set another goal for two months from now to be at the BMI of 29.98 (it wouldn't let me set up just plain 30)
it would be nice if I could reach my weight goal of 150lbs before I go to Reno in September...but I'm not going to push it...I'm quite happy with my progress thus far and I thank the universe every day that I met Dr Awesome...he has completely changed my life.
I've been laying here day in and day out feeling like I've been getting fat because I haven't really had any physical activity while on the crutches.
Ankles - R 8.5 (-0.25) L 9.25 (+0.5) (broken)
Calves - R 15 (no change) L 14.75 (-0.75)
Thighs - R 23 (-1) L 21.5 (-3)
Wrists - R 6.25 L 6.25
Forearm - R 10.5 (+1) L 10.25 (+1.25)
Biceps - R 12.75 (+0.75) L 13 (+1)
Hips - 43 (-1)
Belly - 41 (-0.5)
Waist - 34.25 (-0.25)
Underbust - 34.25 (-0.75)
Overbust - 40.5 (-0.5)
Neck - 14 (-0.75)
Weight - 177lbs (-17lbs)
I took my weight on my wii like I always do even though it was a bit difficult because of doing it on one leg....I mainly used my crutches to steady myself during the whole process...however it may have affected my actual weight a little...
I will try to not hold it against myself when I do get back on both legs if my weight does go up a little bit.
I did make my goal that I had set on the wii for my BMI and have set another goal for two months from now to be at the BMI of 29.98 (it wouldn't let me set up just plain 30)
it would be nice if I could reach my weight goal of 150lbs before I go to Reno in September...but I'm not going to push it...I'm quite happy with my progress thus far and I thank the universe every day that I met Dr Awesome...he has completely changed my life.
Friday, July 06, 2012
No More Pain. please...
with the fact being that I'm not getting out very much you'll just have to live with the fact that my posts will revolve around my foot/ankle/leg... deal with it...
I'm in pain tonight...not the sort that most would think of...it's not the 'you broke a bone dumbass'...type of pain...
the only way to describe what I'm feeling right now is this... you know when a bee or a mosquito flies past your ear and you hear/feel the buzzing sound their wings make...?
that is the constant feeling at my incision site...
now that's not the pain...that's just the queer feeling in my leg that I have to assume is my nerves trying to function after being fucked with...
the pain I'm in does deal with that same area...every so often when I move my foot...it feels like there is an angry bee trapped between my leg and the air cast and it's stinging the fuck out of me...
I have to assume that it's because my incision is healing and when I move my foot even slightly it'll tug on the skin and irritate it...however it's still painful and makes me gasp and sometimes even cry a little...
that sting...seeps into my skin...travels up my leg...to my spine where my hair will stand up then on my arm...dunno why...but it fucking hurts and I could do without it now...as it's keeping me from going to sleep...
I think I fell asleep for about 30 minutes this evening...
I'm tired of losing sleep because of twitching bee stinging type of pain...*sighs*
I just want some sleep. :(
I'm in pain tonight...not the sort that most would think of...it's not the 'you broke a bone dumbass'...type of pain...
the only way to describe what I'm feeling right now is this... you know when a bee or a mosquito flies past your ear and you hear/feel the buzzing sound their wings make...?
that is the constant feeling at my incision site...
now that's not the pain...that's just the queer feeling in my leg that I have to assume is my nerves trying to function after being fucked with...
the pain I'm in does deal with that same area...every so often when I move my foot...it feels like there is an angry bee trapped between my leg and the air cast and it's stinging the fuck out of me...
I have to assume that it's because my incision is healing and when I move my foot even slightly it'll tug on the skin and irritate it...however it's still painful and makes me gasp and sometimes even cry a little...
that sting...seeps into my skin...travels up my leg...to my spine where my hair will stand up then on my arm...dunno why...but it fucking hurts and I could do without it now...as it's keeping me from going to sleep...
I think I fell asleep for about 30 minutes this evening...
I'm tired of losing sleep because of twitching bee stinging type of pain...*sighs*
I just want some sleep. :(
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
I Will Be Walking Normally By Then.
Went about cleaning my incision site again today...
Had tot go see Dr Awesome today as well... he put my fibula and my hip back into place...my leg has been feeling a lot better today....now
Gotta go back to the Ortho clinic next week...gotta go see Dr Awesome in two weeks...
So there it is today... just before the cleaning...I'm a bit concerned about the dip in my leg but I'm hoping that's just because my muscle tissue got all fucked up there...
It's been surprising a few people about how quickly I've been healing up...
Not realizing that I have really good reasons to be healed up and walking... I know I mentioned it passing in one post...but...tickets have been purchased and I will be going to Reno in September...and god damn it I will be walking normally be then! :)
Had tot go see Dr Awesome today as well... he put my fibula and my hip back into place...my leg has been feeling a lot better today....now
Gotta go back to the Ortho clinic next week...gotta go see Dr Awesome in two weeks...
It's been surprising a few people about how quickly I've been healing up...
Not realizing that I have really good reasons to be healed up and walking... I know I mentioned it passing in one post...but...tickets have been purchased and I will be going to Reno in September...and god damn it I will be walking normally be then! :)
