I know technically we all do at some point in our lives...obviously. I just sometimes do it more then others.
The first memory I have of crying as a child...where if I sit here and think back. I was really young and I found out that if anything should ever happen to my parents that my sister and I would be raised by our godparents...but then it dawned on me that we had different godparents...so therefore if something ever happened to my parents my sister and I wouldn't be together any more...
(I think I was around 6 or so when I was trying to work this out in my brain.)
It was after we had been sent to bed and I was laying there in bed and I had realized (if I was correct) that if my parents died, I would not only lose them and they wouldn't be alive any more but I would have also lost my sister and I would be all by myself living at my grandparents house.
I started to cry. I started to cry so hard that my mum came in to find out why I was crying. When she came in she asked me why I was crying and all I could manage to say was "I don't want you to die." She of course thought that was the oddest thing for me to say and told me she wasn't going to die and to go to sleep.
To me that shows just a sneak peek of how it is my brain works...oddly.
I think it was around that time that I didn't want people to leave and forget about me.
It's blossomed into a strange issue of mine.
People move away, people die, people fade away...
I was forgotten a lot as a child by my parents... that was a contributing factor as well.
I remember one night at my dance lessons (One night a week I had 3 classes in one night. So was at the school from 5pm until about 9pm). My mum would drop me off after school and then pick me back up afterwards. I was still sitting out front after all the classes had been let out. It wasn't until the last teacher was heading to her car that I realized just how late my mum was. My stomach was upset and I was on the verge of tears when the teacher asked if I wanted to go back upstairs with her and try to call my mum. I was standing up to go with her when suddenly my mum came flying into the parking lot. Her first words when I got into the car was 'I totally forgot you were here.'
I just nodded and had to keep looking out the window because I had started to cry.
I've tried really hard to not forget people. I've also tried to remind myself that no matter what I do some people will forget about me and that it's ok.
(but back to the crying)
I cry when I think about how I feel about people. Whenever I try to put into words how someone has touched me or how they've made me feel or even how I feel about them.
I tell my friends when I'm proud of them, when I'm disappointed, and I love them... I try to make sure to tell people how I feel about them because...well...life's too short.
I've never regretted telling anyone how I feel or how they make me feel. I think I've made people feel uncomfortable with telling them maybe how in depth it is I feel.
I stay quiet because I tend to be intense...
I want to know everything...constantly wanting to learn more about people...I want to know what makes them tick...what makes them think the way they do...How everything affects them...How does everything make them feel... Why is their favourite song their favourite...How do they pick their favourite sports team... what's their favourite meal... how did they feel when their heart broke for the first time... is sex a deep connection that tingles every nerve ending throughout their body too... does staring into the eyes of your lover make you feel more connected to them as you cum... does the smell of your cum with theirs turn you on... do they look in the mirror and look how they think they look...
I want to know everything...about everyone...
I want to know if when someone runs their fingers across your skin, does it feel like a thousand little caresses...does it make your breath catch...does it send a almost numbing sensation to your brain...does the feel of their bare skin make you bite your bottom lip and lean into their touch...
Does the sun make you smile just looking up into it and closing your eyes and feeling the warmth of it... does the smell of your favourite flower make you smile and make your muscles relax...does the sound of your lovers laugh make you feel at home...does an unkind word from someone slip into your brain and bang around in your head getting louder and louder until that's all you hear when you see that person...
Is life as intense to everyone else?
Laugh or Cry. (or both)
Intense Orgasm...could bring on one or the other,,,only once has it done both.
strange rambling random train of thought....
No comments:
Post a Comment