I'd sing love songs to ya the best I can, get ya naked and hit it like a CAVE MAN!

Now I know why women were locked away for seven days whenever they got their periods or were thought to be possessed by evil spirits...

For the last few days if I haven't been crying my face off I've been bitchy, jealous, crampy, depressed  or all of the above at once...

First thing I should do is when I first start feeling like any of those I should step away from my cellphone and my computer...

The slightest comment about me tonight made me cry and break down...

I think that when I go back to see the doctor again on Tuesday I'm going to ask him about this birth control that he has me on... it seems everything gets worse when the hormonal change happens each month, I can almost pinpoint which day it's going to happen now... the migraines, the huge change in demeanor, the crying... fuck you'd think I was pregnant which makes me draw the conclusion that maybe it's the birth control...

it's not like I have a void of emotions but an abundance of them... like some of the ones I have are so huge that I don't know how to control them properly... it's hard to explain... save for... if I don't get them out some how that I feel like I might explode... and unfortunately when I do I explode on those around me or those I love...

like if it's not one extreme it's the other... and it could go back and forth between the two at a moments notice during the day...

I'm sure there'll be those who think I should be on anti-depressants for my moods but... I tired that once..

I had post-partum depression really bad with both kids (which they don't tell you could last up to a year or more afterward...nice eh?) I got oon them after the Boychild... and sure they stabilized me and kept me at a medium level... the problem was there were no more highs and no more lows at all... an orgasm to me was as exciting as buying groceries... I couldn't handle walking around in a haze... and I felt fuzzy headed all the time...

they just weren't for me because I was aware of the negative difference I was feeling...

I used to joke that sex was a natural anti-depressant... which I suppose could explain my promiscuous ways for so long... and what a helluva antidepressant it was... lol

I can't do that now. Not even so much that I can't, it's not like any one is physically stopping me from going out and getting some whenever I want to (besides the fact that I have some standards)... It's more of an I don't want to do that now...

There's three men that I've slept with this past year.. (checks calendar... ok yeah I can still say that)... and really those three would be the only ones that I would really want to have sex with on any form of regular basis... even if they are all irregular as it is... which makes me really sad on occasion but i try not to dwell... because if I do then I get teary eyed (over one of them) and that just wouldn't be good...

meh... anyway... it's late... I should stop rambling and just go to bed...