I Notice...

Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly running to catch up...

I was reminded in a conversation last night with a friend of mine why it was that I don't really trust people who tell me that they love me and that they are my friend...

It generally gets to a point where those who are my friends go off and find people who they'd rather hang out with... and I start to get left by the wayside...I get it...

season...reason...lifetime...

sometimes the reason comes and goes and there's nothing I can do to hang onto them...they just slowly fade away...

some fade more slowly some not so much...

what's worse is knowing that they're fading away and watching them have fun with others...or still seeing them but feel them pull away from me with each time we get together...

I used to think I was being paranoid...but when it's happened that way so many times I can't help but see the signs now...

what's worse is when the other persons involved don't even realize that it's happening...all of a sudden one day they'll say 'oh hey we haven't hung out in a long time' ... or ... 'we should totally get together because we haven't in a long time'

they've been so busy that they don't notice...but what they don't know is that I noticed...I don't have many people in my life and when they start fading away... I notice.


I don't blame them...I'm not a very exciting person.