I know that we're heading into the dark times again, it's that time of the year again. But holy shit it's sort of coming on with a vengeance this time. So many deaths, and dying going on right now that I'm feeling very empty and hollow. Like someone pulled the plug without telling me and I'm suddenly just completely drained. Being around most people is annoying me. What most people are saying is annoying me. I love Autumn, but when we head into the dark times I just want to crawl into a comfy bed and snuggle with one of my men and just say fuck it to the rest of the world.
However, Life doesn't lend itself very well to that idea, it requires me to get up out of bed and do stuff.
Sometime I would like to just stay at home (and for the most part in bed) for an entire winter. Doubt it's doable.
I judge people very harshly, I'm not sure why. I know I'm doing it and therefore can curb that somewhat but for the most part I hold people up to these ridiculously high standards. I get angry at them when they do something I wouldn't do. I don't tell them I'm angry, I just sort of mull it over and process it until I'm alright with it.
Sometimes a comment here and there will slip out, or a certain type of vernacular will be used and people will pick up on it, but I try really hard to help it nowadays.
It generally boils down to the fact that I am a selfish horrible person.
Just a statement of fact... I hate when Sugarbear is gone for two weeks...I get a bit bitchy and moody...
I also hate when The Man is gone for 2 weeks in and around the same time that Sugarbear is gone for two weeks. I seem to get extra bitchy and moody.
I have however gotten a hat and cowl set knitted in the time they were both gone. I should have been over at SB's place finishing up the inside of the house for the Hallowe'en party... but sometimes I get a bit lonely there without him.
I explained to SB a couple weeks ago the Man's and my situation a bit better, since he seemed afterward to understand it (from what he said). Not exactly sure where that leaves us.
Seems he didn't get the whole picture the first time around of trying to explain it to him, but anyway...
Few weeks ago...SB sort of took over the role of Big Daddy in my life... after it happened I found myself almost grieving the loss of Bing. I had wanted to talk with Bing about it (much to the chagrin of a few others I suspect). I didn't end up getting to talk to him about it, so decided to just leave it. I'm feeling better and SB is a new and yet fairly good Big Daddy. I have been enjoying this new addition to the non-relationship relationship (dating exclusively and only fucking each other, but not in a relationship for the better part of 9 months now...) we have going on. So yeah, again, still unsure where that leaves, besides just going with the flow.
I do need to curb my 'enthusiasm'...yeah we'll use that word for it. Green eyed monster comes out once in awhile and that's just not attractive.
anyway...
Derby... ay yi yi...where to start...actually I'll just say this. If I could afford dues and gas-wise to go elsewhere to play derby, I totally would.
Meh... I don't know what else to write about right now... I'm tired and I just want it to be Friday already.
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