I'm Lying In Bed Just Like Brian Wilson Did....

ok so I'm letting you kow that I can almost gurantee that I won't be on much for the next couple of weeks...

training begins tomorrow... brigt and early at 8 am...

to quote a friend of mine of how I feel about that... "BLARG!"
I am NOT a morning person... to say the least...

the other reason you won't be seeing me too much.... we just bought a new toy today... *evil grin*

get yer minds out of the gutter... nothing sexual...

we bought a Nintendo Gamecube and 5 games to go with it... Raistlan's xmas present to the family... woo hoo...
Now before anybody starts the whole "which system is better argument: Gamecube, Xbox or PS2" shut the fuck up... LOL.... we looked into this... and we feel the best system for our entire family is the NGC.... because it has games geared to the kids... and us... so stick and break it off :P LOL
Anyway... got my own game tonight... woo hoo ... Wallace and Gromit... gawd I love wallace and gromit... their bloody hilarious...

on a more depressing note... last night while eating dinner I had another "attack" it was bad... (I dislike calling them anxiety or panic attacks...because thats not what they feel like) anyway normally I can stop them before they get too bad.... not this time... it hit me out of the middle of no where...
I slapped Raistlan on his knee and couple of times and gasped out "freezer" while trying to breathe....it took a second to click in what I needed... he shot out into the kitchen fetched me a bag of frozen corn and sat down next to me... Gambit was in the other room so I didn't scare him.... the bag of corn wasn't doing what it was supposed to... I felt tightening in my chest... couldn't breathe... and my heart was racing... Raistlan put his hand on my chest and looked real worried... I couldn't take the sound... I had him turn off the tv (we had been watching) the sound of my heart it my ears was enough to drive me insane... it felt as if my heart was going to explode thru my chest and race around the floor it was going so fast... I was overheating... so I grunted out "move table" and got up and went out the door to the hallway outside the door.... and sat there in the cold with my bag of frozen corn... waiting... hoping... and waiting some more for the familiar popping sensation in my chest... Raistlan came out looking kind of worried... he was trying to say something to me but it was like he was speaking a different language.... I just sat there glazed out and staring into space softly repeating over and over "poppoppoppoppoppoppop".... all of a sudden everything in my body stopped... I held my breath and the pop came ... it hurt like hell... everything went deadly silent in my ears... I felt like I was about to gag... then everything went back to normal... or should I say semi-normal... I've never run a marathon... but god damn if after shit like that happens if I don't feel like I have run one...
after an "attack" I'm tired physically for about two days... while my body tries to figure out wtf happened.... and so here I sit very physically tired... which is good... maybe I'll get some sleep... lol

I don't write this in here for pity or for sympathy I write it so that I have a record for what day it happened... incase they come back in full force again... then I can go back and write down the dates for the doctor... so please don't try to give me medical advice about it or anything like that... thanks ;)

anyway so other than that how was everyone's new year eve's... what did ya do... I got all dressed up nice and fancy and went to a nice new years eve party...