As long as I'm living, My Baby you'll be.

So I get this wild hair up my ass last night...well more like yesterday during the day that I want a change...there's a lot of things I can't change without approval inside the house but there is something's I can...

well yesterday I decided I didn't like the layout of the living room any longer and wanted to rearrange the furniture... if you've been in my living room you'll know that sure it's a fair sized space but that it's sort of split into three parts...

More like a office/dining room/living room... so when it comes to moving and rearranging furniture it turns very much into a jenga game... or a really large spatial puzzle... which I do love a good spatial problem... so anyway... it's a big project to take on when I say I'm rearranging furniture...

Got the boys involved but did a lot of the pushing and pulling of furniture myself, it's almost like exercise :P In rearranging the furniture the living room also gets a good cleaning. In amongst this clean up I found a Robert Munsch book that I used to read to the boys, The Boychild found a copy that the library was giving away and it got shuffled around the living room to different spots, so when I picked up did the 'oh hey...lookit this' and both boys turned smiled and said at the same time 'hey read it'... After looking at them for a moment with strange look I sat down in the middle of the mess of the living room and started to read it... the book is Love You Forever...

("I made that up after my wife and I had two babies born dead. The song was my song to my dead babies. For a long time I had it in my head and I couldn’t even sing it because every time I tried to sing it I cried. It was very strange having a song in my head that I couldn’t sing." ~Robert Munsch)

The Man came home from his trip to the store as I was finishing up and smiled. The Manchild and Boychild, had both said 'that's my favourite book' ... I told them when they got older I'd get them each their own copy so that when they have kids they could read it to their kids...

I used to cry a little when I would read it to them... because I'm a sap but also because the main point that's driven home is written on every other page when the mum scoops up the boy and rocks him (at all stages of his life) and sings to him "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, My baby you'll be" and at the end of the story the mum gets so old and sick that she can't sing it so he, now a grown man, scoops up his mum and sings "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, My Mommy you'll be"... and I suppose when they were younger I was just hoping that my boys would grow up to be that caring.

It's hit me hard over the years when I've had miscarriages and just been unable to conceive. I think the worst has been the miscarriages though, to know that there was a chance and it was lost. It was heart breaking.

My poor boys have certainly had to pay the price, I end up loving and hugging them even more.

So anyway... yeah right now I'm sitting in bed as I type this up because I don't feel like going back to work quite yet on the living room... oh yeah did I fail to mention... worked on it til midnight and it's still not all together yet. But I do like how it's coming along...I just don't want to be moving furniture around... not yet.

I wanna go back to sleep... in bed at 5am up at 9am... yeah I think I'm gonna take a nap.