I got the forks... yay.

I have some really interesting conversations sometimes with people ... pretty thought provoking conversations at time...

I got into a conversation with one person that I ended up asking at least two others about after ward...

We had been talking about the person that i seen in the mirror versus the person we think we are... mainly physically...

I had made a few comments about how when I look in the mirror I'm a little disappointed at the person looking back at me ... only because the woman looking back is a bit fatter and a bit uglier then I tend to see in my own mind...

When I was in high school... 13 years ago... I weighed 105lbs... that was my weight when I got pregnant with the Manchild... but for most of my high school life I was about 125 to 130 lbs... which to a high school girl sounds like a lot but when I hit 11 yrs old I had a C cup bra size...

I know I'll never be either of those weights again and frankly I don't want to be... but I would like to be a bit smaller then I am so that it doesn't affect my health to badly.... I'd like to get down to the 150 to 175 lb range...

It's a personal goal... I'm not asking anyone for help or even encouragement or support because for this time this all about me... so a couple of weeks ago I decided I would ease into some extra physical activity... stretching and stuffs... nothing too strenuous for the first little while...

I want to see the person I feel in the mirror... I don't believe that I'm this great beauty or that I'm hot or sexy... but there are some days where I feel sexy or I think I'm looking good... then all I have to do is look in a full length mirror while naked and that all changes right quick...

I'd like to see that change so that after looking in the mirror at all of me that I still feel sexy.

well at least a little bit.

to go along with this whole better health for me thing I'm currently on... I realized today that I haven't been outside for even a drag of a smoke in two days... I'm sure I've been a bit bitchy but then again I'm quite sure that, that happens to be my natural state most days...

so gonna try to keep up with that... I've been on a steady decline of how much I've been smoking lately anyway and was down to like 1/2 a cigarette per day for like a couple of weeks now...

I'm finding that my appetite is a lot smaller... and for really strange things when it does pop up... like last night when I went from eating some nacho cheese... and then ate the last of the pickles... yeah strange combo that I'm still paying for today...

and for now I must find something to feed myself for supper...