But I think you could save my life...

I'm such a dreamer... sometimes when I hear certain songs I can picture in my head a certain someone singing that song to me and meaning every word of it...

stupid eh... *sighs*

It's not the only thing that I day dream about that's stupid... I've day dreamed about having another baby... you'd think I'd know better by now... nearly 4 years of trying passed and every so often it comes up again and I just don't think I can survive the heart break of having another miscarriage...

It's one thing to be with someone when they die... or even see someone die... it's a totally different experience to feel a human being die inside you. The pain of it... the feeling of sudden stillness within yourself when something had been moving before. The feeling of despair that there's nothing you could do to stop it. The feeling of loneliness when it's all over.

After the act is actually over there's these feelings left over... where you want closure... you want hugs and kisses... you want strong arms wrapped around you and a soft voice next to your ear telling you that everything will be ok... but then theres another part of you that wants to just hide into your shell and tell the rest of the world to fuck off. Me... I prefer the mix of the two... being holed up with one person and having the closeness without any talking and us telling the rest of the world to fuck off.

I'm especially a fan of withdrawing into myself but I like to be coaxed out every now and then to feel that when I'm gone I'm missed.

But then again I'm also the fan of finding the bottoms of bottles from the inside and just drowning myself and running away for awhile.

It's harded nowadays to get away from it all...and now that I'm older it seems I want to run further...

I've heard it all... look toward the future... keep your chin up...this too shall pass...stay positive...it happens for a reason... but I think the best was 'that sucks'...

I just want someone at times to wrap me up in their arms, kiss my head and say "I hate this happened, it makes me sad, I love you" and stay that way for hours.

I know... day dreamer...

Dear Big Daddy,

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,

Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,

'Coz I got time while she got freedom,

'Coz when a heart breaks no it don't break even

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving

And when a heart breaks no it don't break even.

Just don't give up I'm workin it out

Please don't give in, I won't let you down

It messed me up, need a second to breathe

Just keep coming around...

Yeah, it's plain to see that you're beautiful

And there's nothing wrong with you

It's me, I'm a freak but thanks for lovin' me

Cause you're doing it perfectly

But I think you could save my life.

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof top

Write it on the sky line

What we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be is

Impossible

Sometimes songs just say it better then I could.

I love you, I need you more then ever now.