Angry letters, new babies, strange happenings, future trips...

Angry letters... I found out that my father decided to write my sister a stupid message a facebook... I knew that she wouldn't respond to him, though if she told my mother about it it was likely that I would hear all their suppositions about why he would send her a message. It made me angry. And since I am such a reactionary person I typed him up a message and sent it off to him.

Most would likely wonder why I bothered, even I wondered why I bothered, but it was a case of all sorts of little shit had just been piling up until finally I just got mad and let it out. I suppose the fact that he sent a message to my sister was the last straw.

So he sent me a message letting me know that he was going to call me. He called. I didn't answer. I chose to make him leave me a message instead.

Instead of saying 'oh hey sorry you feel that way' ... no instead the jackass says "I figured if I called you could yell at me on the phone, I know it's not as good as doing it in person but it has to be better then via email, I'll call ya back.' - I mean wtf? srsly?

It was this time last year that I was packing a bag for a flight and the other thing I was doing was rescuing a kitten from crying in our back yard. A year later that kitten is bigger then the two other cats we already have (who are turning three soon) ... well now Ohanzee isn't the baby anymore (age wise he is but I'm not splitting hairs)
A few days ago I got a message from Okie asking if I could help her find a home for a ferret... I couldn't say no The Man and I have both wanted one for so long. So on Monday Okie and her wife brought him over to the house. His name is Mos. I'll have to post some pictures of him. He's already 4 yrs old but his a really gentle guy. I've already enjoyed some cuddle times with him.

There are those out there that would suggestion that I'm compensating and to them I say "Yeah? so fucking what?"

Strange happenings... sitting here at 2:20 am with the Man both of us in the living room ... whene suddenly a plaque in our kitchen falls to the floor with a loud bang... we both thought wtf? out loud....
about 15 mins later the Man gets up to make himself a mug of tea...he starts to pour the hot water into the mug and the side of the glass explodes out from the side of the mug, the man gets boiling water on his foot and after the initial shock of it...the Man realized that the water that landed on his foot hadn't burned him...the kettle had just clicked off saying it was done boiling...and when he went to put the piece back in the mug to see if there was any other tiny shards we should look for the piece didn't fit in there any more...it was bigger then the hole in the mug... and it's not like it was a cold mug or anything, he had just finished making tea in it a half hour before hand... it was a bit eerie...
After getting a really strange feeling I sent Big Daddy a text to make sure he was ok...thankfully he answered me...
So after all that the Man stepped into the shower... as he stepped into the shower the Boychild was opening the door to come into the living room... he was crying as he had just had a bad dream... when I asked what was wrong his answer was 'Dad died...' every time he's said that it's always made my stomach drop a bit. Obviously his dad didn't die he's in the shower. So he told me about his dream... Dad was going to the store because it was an emergency and if he didn't we wouldn't have any food to eat that night and on his way to the store he tripped... apparently 'people' came to the door to tell us he had died.
I say 'Every time he says that' because this is not the first time he's dreamed about his father dying... it's a bit creepy...

Future trips....*looks at the time* meh I'll talk about them another post...

Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it

hot and cold should be temperatures for weather... or even taps in the kitchen for water...

hot and cold should not be how people are toward each other.

there are those that I'm cold toward for very specific reasons... but generally I range from warm (most people) to hot (very few people)...

I dislike when I have someone who runs the entire spectrum with me... it leaves me feeling dizzy... and wondering what's wrong with me... and in my life there's two people like that with me... not sure for how much longer though...

so it's been about a week of checking my glucose levels from what the strip thing says Low is from 1.9 to 2.8 Normal is from 6.0 to 8.2 and High is from 17.2 to 23.8

It seems I'm in limbo... generally I'm in the 4's like I just took it again and it was 4.4 ... which apparently is neither Low or Normal... usually when checking after I've eaten it's about 5.9 to 6 which at least would be Normal...

I'm going to have talk to the doc again about whether or not it's possible that mine is lower then other peoples normally... or maybe it is my insulin is wonky... which is what the gyno thought was the reason I couldn't get pregnant for so long...

So mother's day just passed... I wasn't feeling it when I woke up...then again it's likely a day that makes any woman who's had a miscarriage pause and think about that a little bit... I have my two boys and everyone tells me that I should be happy with them... and I am. totally. I love my boys.
That morning I did question that a bit when I have the 14 year old calling the 10 year old a faggot... and the 10 year old trying to fight him because of it.
Before getting into the van with my sister and mother, I threatened them with death if they continued to be assholes to each other. *shakes head*
So we went to the Manchild's ball hockey game...He's doing better as a goalie but they lost 3 to 1.
After that we went to the Bulk Barn, I needed to pick up a few things. I stood in line so that I could ask the cashier to check my gift card so I could see what was left on it. In front of me in line was a lady with this 6 to 8 month old baby girl, she was just so cute. So I stood there talking to her while the lady was checking out, getting big smiles out of her and a couple of giggles. When she left the cashier helped me and then I walked around the store getting the stuff I needed. I felt very sad. I got really teary while getting my stuff and cashing out. I checked my blood sugar level in the van on the way over to  a plaza my sister had wanted to go to. It was at a 3. Seems we were going over to the plaza so that my sister could buy a couple of pizza's to tie us all over until dinner.
So we all drove down to Niagara on the Lake, then up the river to Niagara Falls and then back to the house. I told my mum she should quit the job she has and hates now and become a tour guide in Niagara Falls, she'd be really good at it. My grandmother (her mum) did it for over 20 years, she was awesome at it too.
Anyway... went back to Mum's and had some love grilled chops and salad... all in all it was a nice relaxing day on a nice sunny day... and to top off this sundae of a day the cherry was getting a text from Big Daddy wishing me a happy mother's day and telling me he loves and misses me... got a little verklempt then too...

So far I've made two summer dresses and have the plans of making two more... and get this...the next two I plan on making will be a pink one and a yellow one...

I've decided that I won't let summer bother me this year... we'll see how that goes.

Here's to trying to embrace the season I dislike more than winter...

I've realized that the passage of time has been quick when I look over at the 'kitten' Ohanzee and realize that he's one already... lots has happened in that year... the year has gone by so quickly... the other boys (Onyx and Imhotep) will be three at Christmas... it makes me think of other things that have happened in the last couple years as well... but won't bore myself with recounting them here... Big Daddy.

Oh I forgot to tell you what I got for Mother's day... I got two cook books...and the one I'm loving to just sit here and read is Cheap. Fast. Good!  it's got some awesome quick and cheap recipes in it...I also got Mario Batali's Italian Grill...probably won't use it as much but I do like Mario Batali :D I also got a new hat I'll have to post a pic of me wearing it at some point. Then again I should post pics of me in the sun dresses too... just to prove I've got them... lol

Some don't believe that I wear dresses... which is funny...when at home I'm generally in a dress.

Ooo and talking about going out (who was? shrugs) I'm going out with the Man and the Boychild to see Thor tonight :)
mmm after seeing Fast Five though I might be disappointed... lol

oh and just an FYI cracker jacks at age 30*mumble* not nearly as good as cracker jacks at age 10... #justsayin

and yes that's a hashtag in my blog post...because that's how I roll (not pronouncing the L's)

I'm sure there's other things I could ramble on and on about but...I need to finish the straps on my dress...might wear it to the movies tonight.

Love you Big Daddy!
Live it up in Hong Kong Squasha!!
Slow Down Iblis ;) (walking that fast hurts) :P

can't even think of a title for this one...

Ok UPDATE!! lol

Been interesting week...

Went to visit a friend on Tuesday before going to my doctors appointment...

All tests came back good... apparently everything was good... still getting a glucose meter and the test strips so that I can keep track of my sugar levels... The Man picked one up today for him... he let me try it... it came back as a 4 when he first did it for me... and an 8 or something the second time after dinner...

I spoke to the doctor about the bouts of depression I get during the week of my menstrual cycle (omg yes I said  it!!) and he explained two ways that I could possibly prevent the depression brought on by the dropping hormone levels. Seems I can either take the pill everyday for three months straight and then off for the week and then on for three months again... OR I could take the pill normally and then instead of taking the 7 placebo pills only take 3 before I go back to the regular pills again. I think I'm going to try the second option and see how it goes.

Then went to the movies to see Fast Five ... OMFG!! I had girl wood so hard through that whole movie!!  I wanted to be laid out across the hood of a 1970 Dodge Charger while someone revved the engine while I get taken... omg I loved the movie... sexy men...fast cars....explosions...gun fights... At one point in the movie Vin and Dwayne are standing toe to toe... I turned to the Man and whispered "I want to be in the middle of that sandwich" lol

after that... not much has happened...

been texting with Big Daddy
The Man had his birthday...gave him his birthday present this morning *waggles her brows*

and it seems I've been getting into my summer schedule niche... you know where I'm up until 4 am and in bed until 3pm... that way when summer comes at me full blast I can sleep through the heat... lol

and since it's now going on 4am... I'm off to bed.

I'd sing love songs to ya the best I can, get ya naked and hit it like a CAVE MAN!

Now I know why women were locked away for seven days whenever they got their periods or were thought to be possessed by evil spirits...

For the last few days if I haven't been crying my face off I've been bitchy, jealous, crampy, depressed  or all of the above at once...

First thing I should do is when I first start feeling like any of those I should step away from my cellphone and my computer...

The slightest comment about me tonight made me cry and break down...

I think that when I go back to see the doctor again on Tuesday I'm going to ask him about this birth control that he has me on... it seems everything gets worse when the hormonal change happens each month, I can almost pinpoint which day it's going to happen now... the migraines, the huge change in demeanor, the crying... fuck you'd think I was pregnant which makes me draw the conclusion that maybe it's the birth control...

it's not like I have a void of emotions but an abundance of them... like some of the ones I have are so huge that I don't know how to control them properly... it's hard to explain... save for... if I don't get them out some how that I feel like I might explode... and unfortunately when I do I explode on those around me or those I love...

like if it's not one extreme it's the other... and it could go back and forth between the two at a moments notice during the day...

I'm sure there'll be those who think I should be on anti-depressants for my moods but... I tired that once..

I had post-partum depression really bad with both kids (which they don't tell you could last up to a year or more afterward...nice eh?) I got oon them after the Boychild... and sure they stabilized me and kept me at a medium level... the problem was there were no more highs and no more lows at all... an orgasm to me was as exciting as buying groceries... I couldn't handle walking around in a haze... and I felt fuzzy headed all the time...

they just weren't for me because I was aware of the negative difference I was feeling...

I used to joke that sex was a natural anti-depressant... which I suppose could explain my promiscuous ways for so long... and what a helluva antidepressant it was... lol

I can't do that now. Not even so much that I can't, it's not like any one is physically stopping me from going out and getting some whenever I want to (besides the fact that I have some standards)... It's more of an I don't want to do that now...

There's three men that I've slept with this past year.. (checks calendar... ok yeah I can still say that)... and really those three would be the only ones that I would really want to have sex with on any form of regular basis... even if they are all irregular as it is... which makes me really sad on occasion but i try not to dwell... because if I do then I get teary eyed (over one of them) and that just wouldn't be good...

meh... anyway... it's late... I should stop rambling and just go to bed...