My Week In Review

I TOOK A SHOWER!!

ok more on that later...but first...

I'm going to rewind it a bit back to Tuesday...or as I like to call it...the day in Hell...

I had to go to the ortho clinic at the hospital to get the cast off and get my 'stitches' out...I put stitches in quotes because well...the doc told me that I would be getting my stitches out on that day but lo and behold...the nurse (bitch) cut the cast off and ta-da! I didn't have stitches...I had staples.

before I went to the clinic

I say 'bitch' about the nurse because...I was getting my staples taken out and I was telling her that it hurt real bad and she kept telling me to relax and to not tense up...as she is pulling small metal bits out of my skin that really fucking hurts I'm supposed to just sit back and drink a mai tai or some shit...

the lovely incision site and my staples

all of a sudden I was completely covered in a sheen of sweat, felt light headed, and the world was starting to fall away...I mumbled that I suddenly didn't feel good...The Man told her I wasn't feeling good...she says 'oh yeah she's going into shock' and continues taking out the stitches and puts the bandage on it and says 'ok hon you're done' as if I'm supposed to jump down off the table and walk out...I was pale and dizzy...I shook my head and asked for water...she goes and grabs it for me as the world continues spinning...I take a sip of water and shake my head again...I told her I needed to lay down...and just laid down taking deep breaths and tried to relax and not focus on the pain in my leg...

the new brace (that is shit) as I wait for The Man to get the car

As I was leaving it felt like I had just run a marathon...I was so tired and drained....

When I got home I couldn't take the pain any longer and just broke down and cried....and cried...and then I couldn't take it anymore and got The Man to adjust my brace in case there was any issues and that's why it hurt...and omg...you can adjust the bottom of it...all he did was undo the velcro piece at the bottom and I just started sobbing...

the brace had been done up way to tight by Nurse Ratchet...and I left it for awhile thinking she knew what she was doing...she didn't...

so as all the blood rushed back to the incision site it hurt like nothing I had felt before...and couldn't contain it so I cried out and just started sobbing...I felt so bad for The Man because he didn't know what to do...and all my crying brought tears to his eyes...

(Boys are dragon slayers...when Girls have problems, Boys want to slay them...when they have nothing to 'slay' they just don't know what to do...it's kinda cute)

He took such good care of me.

I ended up breaking down and taking some pain killers (T3's) and all they did was make me nauseous...so my awesome derby wife (Burton) found this out and was a sweetheart and brought me some gravol...

so I was pairing the gravol with the T3's and finally was able to get to sleep...it was a medicated sleep...but at least it was sleep...

Wednesday...not as bad...

I've been really uncomfortable...and in pain now and then but mostly just in a lot of discomfort in regards to my leg...

Yesterday was the first day that The Man and I took the bandage off to clean the incision site ...

cleaning day Friday

We weren't sure whether or not to take the steri-strips off (still seen in pic) so I sent a quick text to Parker (your friendly neighbourhood nurse) and asked about the steri-strips...I was surprised when I got a text back from her that said 'omw' bit stunned that she was coming over to check it out...she said she'd be here in about ten minutes...The Man had (before she got here) cleaned the incision site with saline and (as per Parkers orders) put some polysporin on it..he got some awesome triple antibiotics vitamin enriched heal fast formula polysporin...so Parker got here and said she was on her way into the city to go on a date so I had good timing...lol

She checked out the site said it was looking good but that I should keep the steri-strips on for another day or two.

They're there because when nurse Ratchet took the staples out that area wasn't healed together as much as the rest of it

I have to say that I'm so thankful that Kimi-Kazzi asked her MiL about the air cast that she had used when she fractured her ankle...it is so much more comfortable then the one we had to buy that the doc told us to get...

air cast without the boot part - little bubble is for pumping it full of air

 It's nice to just put it on for awhile when the hard plastic brace that I got according to doc's orders gets way to uncomfortable.

which it did...this morning.

I took a real actual shower for the first time today since the break occurred 3 weeks ago...it was really tiring...

I have a tiny shower stall in the bathroom...so it was difficult...The Man stood right outside the shower...with the shower door open...in case I lost my balance...yanno since I was showering while standing on one leg...
my right leg was like a rock...ended up shaking under the strain of standing there like that for so long...

still haven't shaved my legs...but at least I was able to get rid of the jungle in my pits...lol

if you've never broken anything...let alone anything in your leg...you never know how tiring everything suddenly becomes...

The Man was lifting me out of the shower, and all I could do was sigh because all I wanted was a nap...

I had gone from bed to the bathroom to have a shower...and all I wanted to do was lay down and go back to sleep...

that's it for my update...

Ayup...No Rest For The Wicked

so here I lay...
been laying here in bed for two hours now...trying to get comfortable (ha) and trying to go to sleep...
I have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon in four and a half hours...

I really don't know what to expect that's for damn sure... I've had 'wiggle room' in my cast for a bit over a week now...and been moving my foot around inside it...

I hate the feeling of having a foreign object under my skin...it feels so unnatural...it's hard to describe...except to say it feels wrong...

I'm really starting to think I won't be getting any sleep before my appointment...just what I need...cramps, wrong feeling implements in my leg and no sleep...I'll end up being a bear...

not to mention that the damn crutches and constant sitting/laying as left me with knots in my back and shoulders...

complaining done

hopefully next week when I'm less grouchy, less bloated and less bitchy I'll actually get my next weigh in done... my pants are loose again already and yet I don't feel any skinnier...

...useless

I feel...utterly useless.

To the point of being a burden.

Last night was horrible and great at the same time.

I'm trying to stay positive but with each day it just sort of gets harder to do. Last night was the very first bout of the NRG and I would have loved to have skated of course, but not even that...I couldn't help with set up, I couldn't help with tear down. I was stationed for an hour or so upstairs at the concession and felt that I was just in the way the whole time. I went downstairs after that and sat with Burton at the Kidzone...and painted a couple of kids faces....but still.

By the end of the second bout I was just so tired and in so much pain that I could barely smile at the girls who were playing.

I got photos and videos but even those didn't turn out very good at all.

There was a ceremony for one of our girls who right now is battling breast cancer, she's an awesome woman and such a symbol of strength. At the beginning of the night all the girls lined up to give her flowers. I wasn't included in that even though I was sitting three seats away from her. I also wasn't included in any photos that were taken at the end of the night of the league.

I felt very not included in nearly everything last night.

I'm starting to wonder if maybe my accidental breaking of my leg was a sign that I shouldn't really be involved with the derby.

By my calculations I'll likely not even be able to get out on my skates again until after I'm back from my trip to Reno. I'll have missed literally the entire first season.

One of the girls said she knows how I feel because she had to take a season off because she was pregnant.

I just... I dunno...I'm really sad.

and I feel like such a fucking wanker for breaking my fucking leg before even having played one game...

I've tried to not complain too much to any one about how I'm feeling... it helps a bit when Big Daddy tells me that it'll be ok...because at least he as some experience with fucked up ankles.... but even his reassurances wear off after awhile and it's not really his job to make sure that I stay up beat...

I know that The Man isn't really holding it against me but it's hard for me to not feel bad when he starts off a sentence with 'With me having to do everything around here now...' which is usually followed up with a 'I'm not complaining I'm just saying'

I went to the bout last night...I was at the arena from 4pm until 10pm...and I was so tired and so sore... that I couldn't get up this morning to take the Manchild and myself to Niagara Falls for this thing that my sister was putting on... as a matter of fact I didn't wake up and get out of bed until well after 3 nearly 4 this afternoon...

I feel so useless.

All Because I Wanted A Drink Of Water...

So I was off my skates for a couple of weeks because I tweaked my knee...
On Tuesday I went with a group of girls to Hamilton to the skatepad...and on Wednesday I went with a couple of girls over the river to the Rainbow Rink... I was feeling really good...there was still a twinge now and then in my knee but I felt ready to go back to practice on Friday...

I didn't go down for the knee falls on Friday but managed everything else...and I decided to refrain from scrimmaging because I didn't want to go down hard on my knee and possibly fuck it up more.So there I was sitting there with Anya watching the scrimmages and then when she decided to get up and join in I moved over a bit. I sat watching and then looked over at the boards to my water and wanted a drink.
So I started to get up and didn't really realize until halfway standing that my left foot was fast asleep. It all happened in that one moment...my going oh fuck...cause my foot was asleep at the same time that it started to buckle...and then as I started to go down my next thought was for my knee and how I didn't want to land on it...

so snap went my foot under me and I onto my foot...

I knew something was wrong as soon as I felt/heard the pop.

I asked one of the girls nearby to get Titan (she's an emt) she came over and was talking to me about what happened and everything...as soon as I took off my helmet she suggested that I lay down...apparently I had gone as white as a sheet and looked woozy... She kept me from passing out twice...all the girls were real helpful...three off skate girls went to go pick up The Man so that he could drive me (in our car, which I had at practice) to prompt care...

When The Man showed up, as soon as I saw him I wanted to start crying...I saved it...it took a few minutes for he and another guy to get me out to the car...and it just seemed like it took everything I had to get to the car...
So went to prompt care instead of the hospital because we knew the wait would be less and that I'd still be able to get x-rayed there...

so got wheeled around...didn't really cry until I went in to get xrays...finally said to the woman...could you please stop touching my foot...tell me where you need it and I'll put it in that position as tears were running down my cheeks...

after the xrays went to the casting room where I figured I'd get a splint and cast and be sent on my way...while waiting for the doc to come in a lady came in, just bringing supplies into the room...then she came in again...I exhaled and said 'gah...everytime you  come in I think it's the doc coming in' and chuckled...

she apologized and laughed as she said she had to come in two more times...she did...then the doc came in...

he informed me that the doc over at the General wants me in there with my xrays in the next 45 minutes...because he'll decide then if he's going to get me in for surgery tonight or the next day...it was like cold water...I was like.. 'um..surgery?'

so they splint and wrapped up my leg from toes to knee gave me my paperwork and wheeled me out to the car where The Man drove me over to the General Hospital and I got all signed in...then they wheeled me down to that cast room where I laid there...waiting...

Alex (some ortho med student) came down and talked to me...asking me all the same questions that everyone else had already asked...poked my ankle a few times...and then said he was going to get the doc...they had just finished up a surgery but had heard about me while they were in surgery and he had only quickly looked at my xrays...

In comes the doc with the med student...and proceeds to poke my ankle...and ask the med student every question the student had just asked me...doc took a good look at my ankle then at me and said he was going to double check the xray...came back a few minutes later and nodded...while saying that he doesn't feel comfortable leaving it where it's at to splint and cast it...it's off just enough from the break that he wants to go in and put a plate in with a couple screws...

Got hooked up to an IV where I was given morphine for the first time while at the hospital...holy shit.
had to go through blood tests, another set of xrays (for my chest)...at this point I was waiting for the porter to take me back to the casting room so this woman walks up and says 'all done?' as she starts to wheel me back...where I scrunched up my face pointed at her and said...'wait a sec? aren't you the lady that was walking in and out of the casting room over at Prompt Care?' she winked and said 'good eye..yep I am' of course I then asked her if she was stalking me...then the waiting came...for a bed...I sent The Man home at 2am...got pushed out into the hall (on my gurney) at about 3am...at 4am I was looking for more meds...night nurse gave me more morphine...and by that time was calling for the porter and complaining that I had been waiting for a couple of hours now to be taken up to my room...

I felt bad...because really if I wasn't laying on a bed in the hall I'd just be laying on a bed in a room so wasn't much of a difference to me...*shrugs* what it came down to though is that there was only one porter on at that time of the day and she'd been running her ass off all night...

Next day I woke up though in a haze of morphine...they weren't giving me anything to eat or drink because I was definitely on the schedule for surgery...and from what I remember I was having an Open End Reduction Surgery on my left fibula just above my ankle...click the link if you're interested in seeing what happens...it's animated not an actual surgery...
I was still pretty 'high' on morphine when they took me to surgery...so I didn't end up freaking out too much...though when they strapped me down with my arms spread out I did get in a joke about being Jesus before slipping into the black void...when I came to I immediately started asking where The Man and Big Daddy were (that confused them a bit since they knew there was only one person in the waiting room and that it was The Man)...started asking for them both and saying I wanted them...then I realized and guess just started asking for The Man...one of the nurses finally explained that I had to wait another 30 minutes before I could see him...and then asked how long we'd been married...I smirked and said that'd we've been together 14 years...she seemed surprised that I was so adamant about wanting him with me...

So there I am laying in bed after surgery, still under the influence of morphine and sporting my monkey slipper on my good foot. Obviously still hooked up to my IV...I'm wearing black shorts under my gown and for some reason it looks like I have no tits.

So I had to stay in the hospital until Monday because the surgeon said he wanted me to talk to the physio people and they weren't in until Monday. So there I lay Sunday and most of Monday, didn't see the therapist until Monday afternoon, and as it was she walked into my room and said 'Um...were you waiting for physio, because you weren't on my schedule..' - um excuse me?

I waited until  2 in the afternoon to have a woman take me to the staircase and get me to hop up two steps and hop down two steps. I wasn't exactly impressed.
However she apparently was as she kept commenting on how strong I seemed to be.

If/when I get my xrays (I'm going to see if I can have copies) I'll have to see about posting them. And I'm liking going to freak out the surgeon by saying I want to take pictures of my stitches and leg when it comes out of this heavy-ass cast. I'm really hoping that the air cast my leg will be going into will be lighter.

I've been having muscle spasms in my legs because this one is so heavy, and because of standing on my right leg a lot.

So that's the story of that...it was late but meh...took me a week to type it.

Pain Fucking Sucks.

I am working on a "I broke my ankle post" it's just going to be long...so in case you didn't know... I broke my left ankle... at least I think it's my ankle...it might actually be my leg... I was told I broke the outside bone on my leg just above my ankle... so *shrug*

Anyway... since I've been home and on crutches it's been not so great...I've stumbled and fallen three times... the first two weren't so bad...kept myself from landing on my foot in any way...mostly landed on my fat ass instead so only thing that really hurt was my pride...

Tonight however...different story... I had gotten up to turn on the ceiling fan light...and decided that since I was up I would make a trip to the bathroom...now if you've ever had kids you know that they tend to think they can just leave their clothes anywhere...so I stopped outside of the bathroom to scold the Boychild about leaving his t-shirt in the bathroom on the floor ... so as he was passing by me to get his shirt I somehow lost my balance and out of natural habit I tried to right myself by stepping down with my left foot...
I of course cried out and made sure to reassure the Boychild that it wasn't his fault in any way...

I then went into the bathroom and cried...and cried...then hobbled off to the bedroom...propped my leg up on the pillows I use at night and cried some more...the Man came in to see what was up...he didn't realize that I ended up putting my weight down on my left foot...

As I laid there I just seemed to get more and more down... I mean really when it comes right down to it...I'm an idiot.

So now my leg/ankle hurts like it did when the freezing wore off after my surgery...

I've taken a couple of T3's because I just couldn't stand the stabbing pains I was getting.

So while down (still a bit but it's starting to wane) all I wanted was comforting...The Man was good about giving me a kiss and hug and asking what he could get me to make me feel better...and of course tell me he loves me... in that moment I wanted a Big Daddy hug as well... pain is icky... hugs make it feel better...

I sent him a text 'Quick, tell me you love me' ... I laid there just staring at the ceiling with tears running down my face as my phone goes off with a message that I so needed at that moment...(even if prompted slightly) 'I love you.' I couldn't help but smile... yes he was at work...yes he was likely busy... but at that moment he gave me what I needed...

So at this moment.. yeah the throbbing pain in my leg is making me sad...frustrated...and feeling idiotic...

I can't do anything for myself except wipe my ass...

People say 'yeah but it was your foot, why can't you do anything?' - um...I cannot hold anything as long as I'm trying to stand, or walk...so yeah I could stand at a stove and cook dinner as long as I was just standing there...but moving to the fridge to the counter to the stove...nope not possible...I can chop up veggies and stuff like that as long as I'm sitting on the couch...

Tomorrow (looks at clock...today) is going to prove to be difficult as The Man has volunteered his time at the school for their carnival... he won't be here to get me drinks, bring me my food, take the dog outside, get me my pills...I asked him if he'd be taking breaks to come home and do that stuff or if he was just going to leave us from 9 am til 5:30 pm...

we'll see...

Thank you Big Daddy... Thank you The Man... I love you both so much... just...thank you.