24 days...

had a not so nice dream this morning before getting up...


The Man had taken me to the airport and as I was sitting there I realized I wasn't wearing what I had wanted to for my flight...then it dawned on me that all I had with me was my purse and I looked around as I realized that I didn't have any of my luggage and not only did I not have it that I also didn't remember packing...

So I quickly went to the counter and asked if I could be switched to a later flight (which by this time I had already sent a text to Big Daddy saying I was at the airport)...and ran back to the car...which was weird because instead of the Man running back out to the car with me it was Burton...she jumped into the passengers seat as I jumped into the drivers seat...then I drove like my ass was on fire (would have impressed gamers everywhere)

Got back to the house and suddenly Burton wasn't with me nor was The Man....I threw together my bags as fast as I could got changed into the comfy outfit for flying...and raced back out the door...into snow...?

All of a sudden dream flipped and I was in the car with Big Daddy and we were driving down a road in the middle of no where...he was holding my hand as he drove...and as I looked around he gave me a small smirk and said 'you'll be ok'...

Then I woke up.

it was really odd...but sort of funny at the same time...it would be so unlike me to not pack, not be ready...
I look forward to going to Reno...

I dunno maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me to not get too focused on the one thing and to just continue doing what else I would normally be doing...

can't just focus on my 'lady parts' I need to also remember that I need to get the kids ready for school next week, going to have a BBQ at Krammits, getting ready for Reno, and of course mundane shit like...laundry...


sometimes I just need to be reminded to breathe...

and not cry.

Pyramid Lake 2010

Um...What?!

Wow. Um.
Shit got Real Today.

I'm not going to rehash it out here...even though I tend to share everything here on my blog...

Suffice it to say that something I never thought was ever going to happen...happened this morning...and made me want to fucking scream...was so pissed off... wanted to scream and beat the fuck out of someone... but instead I didn't get all reactionary...I realized what was going on...made a very adult decision and now am going to have a lot to do before I go away next month...

the timing was horrible...the happenstance was horrible...and I'll have to face more horrible before it's over...

*sigh*

went about the rest of my day... and what a long day it was...

went to an orientation thing for the Boychilds new school...then a tour of the college campus...then to the safety village...then lunch...then a bus ride to the new school...where we toured the school again...then picked up his new laptop and his uniform and all his school supplies...

then came home...picked up my swimsuit and the dog...then headed down to mum's for her annual BBQ where I just relaxed enjoyed myself...stopped worrying...had a nice dinner...

think the Zuulie-Bear enjoyed his time at grandma's house...he went swimming in the pool twice...ran around the pool many many times jumping over the diving board looking ever so much like a horse each time he did...

he came home fell fast asleep on the floor...not bad for a pup who started out his day in his crate for a few hours...

and now... I'm just taking a moment to breathe...and sort out how fucked up my next couple of weeks will be...

Back On Your Skates?

That seems to be the question of the year for me at the moment...

Ever since I broke my ankle at the beginning of June people have been asking me how long will it be until I'm back on my skates...

I appreciate the concern and even the excitement to skate with me again...makes me feel good...

But as I've been healing up and going to practices to watch and still learn as best as I can from watching...it's been getting worse...

It's nice to have people smile and point out that I no longer have the cane or crutches...but they really don't know how much it sucks so bad to be sidelined...

It's bad enough to be sitting there week after week and practice after practice and watching...to be asked every time they see me 'how's the ankle? how much longer until you can get back on your skates?' just makes me want to cry...

I really want to be skating.

I know...baby steps...

But it's worse now that I can walk...I just want to tie my skates on and get out there...don't worry...I won't.

I know logically that I have to strengthen my leg and ankle back up and I don't plan on strapping a skate on until I can jog on a treadmill...but it tugs at my heartstrings just sitting there watching.

I had to leave the league practice early tonight because it just sucked so bad.

I can't help but feel so left behind...everyone is doing so well...and I can't believe that I'm going to tie my skates back on and be right back where I was before.

I'm going to have to start all over again...sometimes I just find myself sitting here wondering if I should at all.

Besides the political bullshit in the league...adding the frustration of me not being at a level I'd like to be at...is it worth it?

Weigh In #5

Have to admit I'm not quite as happy about this weigh in, but I keep telling myself that there will be ups and downs...especially now that I'm just getting back to being mobile again...so this one is going to be a down because I went up...lol

Ankles - R 8.5 (same) L 9 (-0.5)
Calves - R 15 (same) L 14.5 (-0.25)
Thighs - R 24 (+1) L 23 (+1.5)
Wrists - R 6.25 (same) L 6.25 (same)
Forearms - R 10.5 (same) L 10.25 (same)
Biceps - R 12.75 (same) L 13.5 (+0.5)

Hips - 42.75 (-0.25)
Belly - 41 (same)
Waist - 35 (+0.25)
Underbust - 34 (-0.25)
Overbust - 40 (-0.5)
Neck - 14.5 (+0.5)

Weight 180lbs (+3lbs)

So that's that.

Met up with my personal trainer yesterday and have been given a bunch of exercises for here at home in regards to my ankle. She has a background in nursing so I'm happy about that. She's also suggested that I do lots of pool exercise, maybe even join in on an aquafit type program.

She was a bit surprised that I'm already walking around but says that's really good to be getting right back up on my feet and not really babying my ankle too much. I told her there was no way I had wanted to just lay around and end up gaining more weight. Not when I've been doing so well to get rid of it...and I really liked feeling 'unfat'...but I've been dipping too close to the 'I'm feeling fat' days...

Also asked if I could go back to my yoga here at home and she thought it was a good idea but to do the easier poses first and not to be all gung-ho about things like the tree pose just yet.
Gotta get the muscles and strength back in my ankle first.

I'm impatient. Walking into the gym I just wanted to get going on the machines and not have to do the really basic...point your toe...now stop...now point your toe...and stop. blah.
However I already know way to well that if I don't do the baby steps 1- I'll end up hurting myself 2- Big Daddy will take a round out of me and 3- The Man will not be pleased if I push too far.

So... Aquafit and toe pointing it is for now with a bit of light yoga thrown in to make me feel better. Oh! and I'm able to use the recumbent bike so maybe after the boys head up north on Sunday I'll do that each day.

Anyway...post more later.