Have you ever tried to 'Rage Sleep'?

I went to bed annoyed last night...simple reason...I asked a simple yes or no question and got no response...I don't mean...'like omg you didn't answer me within 5 minutes..'.I'm not one of those people but holy fuck a simple yes or no within the next oh I don't know three fucking hours isn't too much to fucking ask...at least I didn't think it was...but wtf ever...

So went to bed annoyed-ish...

Laid in bed reading...had just turned off the nook and put it down...got all comfortable and was just about asleep (or just asleep...) when the brain goes..wtf is that the phone?

Eyes fly open in realization...as I try to crawl over The Man...without stepping on the dog in the blackness that is our room...I glance at the clock while nakedly trying to open the door and notice that it's 4:07am...run nakedly to the living room (phone still ringing) pick it up... and hear dial tone...

Now I do have to say that while all this is happening the Manchild isn't home...it's the weekend...therefore he's at his father's so my first thought is omg he's in trouble...then next thought is omg The Man's mother is calling because something is wrong with his step father....then omg it's my mother there's something just wrong...and then somewhere in the stupid ridiculously hindered (because I've been told I'm not allowed to use the word retarded ever) part of my brain some little teeny fucking tiny retarded (fuck you, using it anyway) thought bubble is born that says..hey maybe it's Bing... REALLY?? Srsly?!  fuck you brain!

So after hanging up and realizing that it was none of those people I check the voice mail...nope nada...oh and the call display had said Private Number...so it's not like I could call it back and say 'hey wtf it's 4am?!'

Go back to the bedroom grab the housecoat drop the phone off in case whatever big emergency that was calls back...grab a smoke and go outside to calm the eff down out on the cold porch where I'm now berating my brain for being so stupid...

Come back in...tiptoe back around the mammoth sleeping dog and crawl over the naked sleeping man...get back under the covers curling up to said naked man...and start to drift peacefully back to sleep...where apparently this time the cat has decided to give me a big 'fuck you...how dare you run around the house naked at 4am...I want to go upstairs...' by sitting outside of our bedroom door and yowling while trying to open the door to go upstairs with his nails...(rinse and repeat that a couple of times)

Yell at the cat...big sigh...try to go back to sleep...just about asleep when cat then decides...well maybe it was just the yowling that was bothering her and goes back to trying to open the front door to go upstairs...

Curse out cat in languages I'm not even sure I know...roll over to my other side to try to snuggle in to go to sleep...suddenly I feel like the ceiling is about to cave in on my head because now it's 8am and the Boychild...apparently waited too long before slipping out of his warm bed to go to the bathroom...and has now thrown himself from his bed and done some sort of acrobatic rolling maneuver with a spring landing over my head (upstairs) to get to their bathroom where he then has flung himself onto the toilet and when finished flushed it the loudest it has ever possibly been flushed...then does some sort of cirque du soliel spring, jump, leaping thing to get down the stairs and through the door to our part of the house so that he may claim 'mine!' to my computer in the living room to get his minecraft fix...

I blink, sigh...roll over and try to go back to sleep...muttering something about chaining him to his bed tonight...

Sleep finally starting to peacefully come over me (it's now taking a bit longer each time)...

Then comes the most disgusting sound a dog can make...and no I'm not actually talking about farting...dog owners should understand this one... the sound that comes from a dog when they're chewing on something or themselves with vigor... not so bad from a little dog....from 100 lb dog with a big mouth and no sense of being quiet...

Obviously something was literally biting his ass today...

Yell at Zuulie to stop biting...start to fall asleep again...yell at him to stop scratching....start to fall back to sleep...yell at him to stop biting....start to... well you get the picture...

Off goes the alarm clock...now it's 9:30am...Man mumbles about what time it is because he just got up turned it off and fell back into bed...
Yeah I got that hon thanks.

Mom's yelling so that must mean she's awake..."Mum...you have two new messages on your cell..." as Boychild walks in carrying my cell...sigh... 'thanks kid...make sure you're dressed and have had breakfast Auntie will be here within the next hour...' tell kid to take dog and put him in his crate...he hears 'let dog out...' and then proceeds to allow him to run about the living room and up and down the hall outside the bedroom

Alarm goes off again...Man gets it...falls back into bed where I'm now trying to forcibly make myself get some semblance of sleep...man tries to curl up sort of throwing an arm over me...to which I respond with 'please don't touch me'...as I squinch together my eyes real tight in the hopes of maybe getting some sleep which I know at this point is hopeless

Man gets up...goes to take dog out for his morning walk...comes back in tells Boychild that Auntie is indeed now here...

Boychild comes in to hug and kiss me before he leaves...I hear The Man outside talking to my sister and the dog going a bit nutso...heave a heavy sigh and realize...I am not getting anymore fucking sleep...

so everything has become stupid this and fucking that...because my vocabulary when sleep deprived and angry...not as impressive...

example...to The Man "Could you get me a fucking bottle of water and one of those stupid antibiotics?"

yep...highly intelligent this morning...

oh and somewhere in there I sent a text or two to my sister and to the Major...ay yi yi

The day had better get better... all these things separate are fine on their own...but when they all happen in the same fucking 5 hour period of time...fuck you world...you're lucky I don't own a gun...