Have You Had Your Knuckle Sandwich?

When I was younger, a teen in high school, I had come home really late one night with a friend of mine who was sleeping over. I don't to this day remember where Bobbi and I had been that night only that we had been late for dinner and that I hadn't called. When we got home my Mom was really bitchy and instead of putting up with her bitching at me (us) about not calling and being late I started bitching at her right back. I o course was sent to my room and Bobbi was told to go ahead and get some supper from the kitchen.

I was bitching at my mother all the way to my room and was going on and on about how life was unfair and all that sort of teenage angsty shit.

I had forgotten that my dad was on the midnight shift and so I didn't remember that he was in bed at the time that I was doing all of this until suddenly he bust through my door.He back handed me in the mouth before I could even figure out he was in my room let alone smacking me. The blow sent me stumbling back onto my bed where I brought up both my legs and started kicking him. He smacked me it the face a few more times before he finally left my room again.

That night I left. I went out the window. The only problem was that my byfriend at the time lived across town in Fort Erie, where I was in Crystal beach. I only had one sort of friend at the time that lived close enough to me that I could get there before anyone would realize I was gone. Jordan's house. Though I hadn't talked to him in awhile.

I got to his place and talked to him. He lived with his grandmother at the time. They gave me a place to sleep. I ended up in his room while he slept out on the couch. I promised his grandmother, who didn't want any trouble, that I wouldn't be staying and that yes I would be going to school the next day. I didn't have any intention of going.

It was in the middle of the night and everyone was asleep. When I awoke to the sound of my mother's car. I crawled out of the bedroom I woke up Jordan and told him what was going on. He woke up his gran, and pleaded with her not to let them in and to tell them that I wasn't here.

She didn't and she did. She stood there arguing with my mother and my sister telling them that I wasn't there and that they hadn't seen me. I laid there in that bed thanking her profusely for sticking up for me and not letting them in. It was after all almost 3 in the morning.

He thanked his gran and she just muttered something about how I'd better be gone in the morning.

I was we made it look like I was going to school, but we snuck into one of the abandoned buildings nearby where we could see the road. We planned on hiding out there until the local transit was about to come by so that I could catch it down to Fort Erie.

I saw my mothers car go by a couple of times and was thankful for the hideout.

Five minutes before the bus was to come by I ran down the street because Jordan needed to get back to the house and I needed to get to the bus stop.

It was like a scene from some after school special, just as the bus was pulling up, so did my mother and father. He was out of that car swearing and shaking a fist at me while I was trying to wave down the bus to stop. It didn't.

So I started running from my father, finally I heard my mother scream at him... I'm not exactly sure how it happened after that. Somehow my mom convinced me to get in the car and told my father to walk home. It really wasn't that far. I went straight into my room and shut the door, my mother told me to get ready for school. I told her that my father had broken one of my teeth when he decided to back hand me in the face.

Thus ends that story... So I was having this odd dream this morning that helped me figure out why it is that for three weeks I could get up no problem at 7 am and now suddenly I'm dragging my ass out of bed, much later than that. I'll get to that after.

So this dream sort of mirrored the above story. I had gotten up and got the boys all ready for school and sent them on their way. Came back to bed and went to sleep. My sister came in and she commented about how the daylight savings time always screws with her clock and I was saying something about how it seemed to put me back on track again. I went to sleep. Then awoke to my mother bringing in a bag of cheerleading uniforms (likely because of the movie I watched before bed) and instead of just setting them down on the floor she threw the bag of them on me and started bitching about my still being in bed and how I was never going to get up and workout and lose any weight if I'm constantly sleeping in. So I got bitchy at this and started kicking my legs around causing all the clean uniforms to scatter all over the floor while yelling and bitching "Yeah here ya go here I'm working out how the fuck do you like that? do you think I'm losing weight now ma?!"

And like a blast from my past my dad busts open the door and moves around the side of the bed and has this look on his face that says 'yeah you know what comes next' to which I surprised even myself with saying 'Yeah I do'. I got up out of my bed an adult now, not some scared teenager and I cold clocked my father with a right hook. The look of surprise on his face and my mother's, who was at the door, especially as I came around with a left next. Then stepped up and kneed him right in the stomach. "Yeah, I'm not little anymore and you're no where near as scary." I said as I pushed him out the door into my mother, and then proceeded to throw all the uniforms out the door. Get this, I then got back into bed and went back to sleep.

My mom and dad haven't been together for over 10 years now. I think that's the part that  surprised me the most out of the whole thing, I was wondering what my dad was doing in the same house as my mother. I'm not sure why I didn't wonder why it was that my sister or mother were in my house.

I wasn't able to get to sleep until after 4am. Which even then  I had my alarm set for 10 am so that still would have been 6 hours sleep so I should have been able to get up. I have a feeling that it's because of the Man that I'm not getting a good night sleep. Between his snoring and his sleep apnea (which he isn't wearing his machine for any longer), I'm not able to fall asleep until I'm just too exhausted to stay awake.

I was able to go to bed at 2am and get up at 7:30 am in order to get the Boychild to school while he was gone to his mothers, and after taking the kid to school I would come home, work out and still stay up the rest of the day. That changed to being unable to do that...as soon as he got home.
The only nights that I was able to do that were the nights I took sleeping pills. I don't want to spend the rest of my life taking sleeping pills just to get a good nights rest.

Something's gonna have to change.

Everyone's Best Friend...

and now that I've said it out loud I will blog about it...

 I've come to the conclusion that babies are not likely to be coming true in my future...

and every time I start to feel bad about that I end up looking up puppies and dogs...

it's not a far stretch to tell ya the truth..

a lot of things about babies and puppies are the same... so the leap from one to the other isn't that far fetched.  

So I had been thinking I'd like to save up and get myself a puppy and that way it gives me lots of time to think about it.
Some of my favourites are Newfoundlanders (aka Newfs)
There's a lot of things I love about the Newfs... gentle even though they're giants, loyal almost to a fault, and real strong, and would be hardy for this clime of course.

We were watching TV last night and the Boychild says 'What's a Great Dane?'
'A dog, a rather large dog' Showed him about how tall they get at the shoulders with my hand.
'Holy I could ride it like a small horse' was the response I got from my answer.

I told him that I'd like to get a Newf then I got thinking about it while I was making supper for all of us. There's a bunch of different breeds that I like and wouldn't mind having. A Newf (obviously), a Dane wouldn't be too bad, the Man wants an Irish Wolfhound, there's a few that I like the look of that I can never remember the names of as well.

As I stirred dinner, I looked out to the Man in the living room and said 'You know, we were really spoiled'
(here's where all the pics come in)
He of course looked a little confused because how was he supposed to know I was still thinking about dogs while making dinner.

I chuckled and continued 'with Buck, we were really spoiled.'

Now Buck (aka Stinken) wasn't actually our dog, per se. We were taking care of him for Squasha when he first moved to England back in '03. I'm sure I'll get corrected because I can't remember exactly how old Buck was. Most of the time he acted like a puppy still so it was hard to remember that he was an older dog.

He was one of the best, well natured dogs I've ever had the pleasure of taking care of.

Considering at the time when we first got  him we had a Jack Russell, and five cats you'd think it was a mad house. Well actually it was a mad house... but anyway. The Jack Russell ended up going to live with my sister and turned into a major suck.

Anyway... So since Buck was such a great dog, I'm a little nervous now (for a long while now) about getting any other dog.

I know that may sound silly, but seriously he was just that well behaved.

I remember this time that my landlord at the time came by with another guy to do something at the house. It was only myself and the Boychild (who was 2 at the time) at home. (besides Buck and the 5 cats)
I didn't really like my landlord very much he kind of gave me the creeps, he wasn't very personable and was sort of stand offish so I never really got a good vibe from him.

 I always loved when people would come to the door Buck had such a deep voice and would bark real low making him sound really really mean.

So I let the landlord in and sat down in a chair and just let him do whatever it was he needed to do. But I had to keep a hold on Buck's collar as it seemed he wanted to go see the landlord. I dunno if he didn't like him either or what but anyway.

As I sat in the living room with Buck the landlord came in to talk to me about something to do with the floor. As the landlord got closer, Buck's ears went down and a low throaty growl came from him, that stopped the landlord dead in his tracks and he suddenly became very nervous.

I had to chuckle because even though he was growling at him, his tail was thumping against the floor as if happy that he was going to get pet or something.

Needless to say the landlord didn't stick around for very long. From that day on I never felt nervous about men coming to the house while the Man was at work. I had Stinken to protect me and the Boychild.

Generally he was very quiet, and gentle. He'd give a bark or two if someone came over but didn't jump on them. Just a nice cold nose to the crotch usually. lol

So yeah...

I don't know if I would really want to get another dog even though I'd really like one.

Out of all the dogs I've ever had (taken care of) he was the best.

I would feel bad for any other dog we got because they would be constantly compared to him and well as you can tell there really is no comparing him to any others.

November 15th 2005 - I Read The News Today... Oh Boy...

I was going through an old blog I had on dead journal and found this... Many people used to ask me what happened when I would have a cardiac episode with my SVT... I wrote this in response to try to tell what happens. This still happens to me even after my heart 'procedure'.


Laying still on the bed, eyes closed... trying not to move, not wanting to give away the fact that she was awake... the alarm had gone off a couple of times already... he had reached over her hit the snooze a couple of times and quickly got back under the covers...
she didn't want to get up the bed was nice and warm and she was extremely comfortable...
then it happened...
the weird wave of uneasiness washed over her frm head to foot... trailing down her arms to her fingertips... little waves of electric blah... down to her toes... the sound dulled in her ears, she felt a numbness at the back of her head... her throat started to tighten... 
without opening her eyes she spoke towards him... "Raistlan, could you please go get me an icepack and a tea towel?"
he jumped out of bed without even answering... ran out to the kitchen, snatched the icepack out of the freezer... and grabbed a tea towel... she tried very hard to concentrate... she couldn't her uneasiness caused her brain to feel fuzzy...

she sat up and couldn't breathe very well... she needed to think... but think about what? she thought she should concentrate on what was hapening... but what exactly is happening... she couldn't focus... she couldn't concentrate... she had a heaviness on her chest... she couldn't breathe... and her heart... her heart.... her heart was beating so fast she couldn't count that fast... she could feel it in her throat... in her wrists... in her chest... the constant thumping... the beating that was so violent that she could feel it all the way to her toes... at times it felt her brain was thumping to the same time... 

the thumping is so loud and so violent... after even just a couple minutes she feels like she's going insane... she tries thedifferent techniques they told her too... but to no avail...

she asks him to start the shower... a cold one... she tells the littlest one to get dressed... she points the clothes out for him.. she still can't focus... and can barely stand on her own... he comes back... she stumbles and staggers into the bathroom... she sits on the toilet... starts the techniques again that they told her to do...

all of a sudden she feels her stomach drop... her throat tighten real tight... a pain in her chest... a pop happens in her chest... she exhales loud and hard... she had been holding her breath... she asks him to turn off the shower... leaning against the sink... she looks into the mirror... her eyes looked sunk in... her skin was pale... she felt sweat on her brow and in her hair... 

she asked him to take her pulse... he searched for a spot where he could feel it... 

see at the end of one of them... her pulse disappears for awhile... he found it... it went back to 80-ish... she felt light headed... she felt exhausted... she felt like she had just ran a marathon... she needed to lie down... she crawled into the little ones bed and tried to relax...

for the rest of the day she was tired and she couldn't think straight...

Blast From The Past...

Every morning I wake up and generally my first thought goes to Big Daddy... been that way for well over a year now...

So colour it weird that when I woke up today he wasn't my first thought but another man was... Robert Jensen my old dance teacher.

I had a strange dream that I've already sort of written about elsewhere...

Robert was only in his 20's when I was in dancing, I was at the academy for 10 years, I was never one of the best dancers, I didn't really stand out of the crowd... but there was a sort of kinship that I felt with him...

I was in karate and dancing at the same time when I was younger... I've always loved music... loved movies...

before or after class if there was a few minutes we would talk about the latter two a bit... one year in the fall when we went back to class he had told me all excitedly that he had started taking karate... so we suddenly had that in common...

that was also the year that he used the theme to enter the dragon the bruce lee story's as our dance for the recital and we wore karate uniforms...

Over the years I've thought of him off and on and wondered what happened to him and whether or not he was alright.

A year before I finished at the academy he told us that he had to leave the academy, he was going to help his family's business. I cried and had to leave the room because I knew that would be the last time I saw him. And it was.

It was a very movie moment, I sat in the car passenger seat and was watching the front door of the academy through the side view mirror. I watched him come out of the building, get into his car and leave.

That was the last time I saw him.

So we know how kitty like I am at times... so I looked him up. Just on the net to see if I could see what he was up too. He's still a dance teacher and that makes me really happy, I know how much dancing made him happy.

You got a fast car... I want a ticket to anywhere... Maybe we make a deal

As most people who know me know about me... I love to travel... I got bit by the travel bug when I was younger...

I comment to a friend of mine who only lives about 45 minutes from me that I find it funny that she says we live so far apart... it's nothing for me to drive 45 minutes... heck that's only a handful of songs... when you boil it down... but it's just she's gotten no attention span for being in a car for more then 10 minutes (her words not mine)... lol

if I had the means of transport I'd likely never be home we'd be every where.

but anyway... people who don't like driving weird me out... I just don't get it I suppose... so yeah back to what I was saying...

When I was 10 my grandma died on my Dad's side of the family... and in the summer that I was 11, my family was having supper with my grandfather and he was telling us about how he would be traveling to B.C in June, me being a kid piped up and said 'Oh can I come too?' not thinking anything of it... found out a few days later that my parents were ok with that idea, they talked it over with my grandfather and sure enough a couple of days after the last day of school I was off and traveling with him in his little white car that I named Kirby.

We travelled through the northern states... there were things we learned about each other on that trip... the first thing was... we didn't really know each other at all... but as the trip went on we talked and I learned about his family and what it was like for him growing up and being in the military. He learned that I am not a morning person and that I would stay silent just staring out the window as the scenery passed by, and it wasn't until after noon that I would really talk much.

It felt like we drove forever but I'm sure it was only a week... with him being the only driver in the car we would stop each night and we would sleep in the car or in a hotel room... I didn't even really care where we were going I just loved the fact that I got to see 'the world' (to me then)... he showed me sights that he showed his kids when they would travel... I saw how flat Montana is... and how you could see where it was raining miles and miles away while the sun shines down on you... yeah I thought that was weird...

I kept a journal (who'da thunk it eh?) while on my trip of being in the car... grandpa would try really hard to miss bumps and such if he noticed that I was writing... he was such a sweetie... I don't remember a whole lot now 20 yrs later of what we really talked about, I remember a lot of silence... and I was ok with that...

I met my great grandmother on that trip and her room mate... that always makes me smile when I think about that... they kept going on and on about the length of my eye lashes and how much I looked like Margo... yeah that was a crazy great aunt of mine who killed herself... I was mortified at the time that I would remind them of a crazy woman who killed herself... now... yeah I can see how it would fit... I also very briefly met my other great grandmother she didn't want visitors... crazy old bat... so we moved on through and started back through Canada... we worked it out with my aunt (one of my mom's sisters) that I could stay the summer there. So gramps was going to drive to Regina SK and drop me off there... but we stopped to visit a couple of my dad's sisters in Alberta... now up to this point it was just me, grandpa and the radio playing songs that were from like the 40's cause he would only listen to tapes... so in Alberta we were witness to the two aunts getting into a fist fight in the back of my uncles pharmacy... we rolled our eyes and sighed... we were picking up the youngest one and she was going back to Ontario with grandpa after he dropped me off in Saskatchewan... I was not impressed I now had to sit in the back and didn't really get to talk much... however... grandpa made sure that before we left that he and I went to the West Edmonton Mall... it was awesome... I looked around and took it all in but didn't want to really do any of the rides or any shopping... yeah I'm weird... people take me places and I just want to take pictures and look around... like some sort of strange observer...

Anyway... so on we went in silence.. my aunt gabbing my grandpa's ears off and me quiet and staring out the back windows of the car...

We got to Regina... and no one was home... I didn't think anything of it... I told grandpa I'd be fine until my aunt got home and my aunt convinced him I would be fine... and so they left me... the back door was open so we didn't think they'd be gone very long...

So... darkness fell... and ... *chuckles* it got later and later and no one was coming home... so I called home to my mom... she was not a happy camper to say the least... so was freaking out... I on the other hand was fine... nice quiet house... so needless to say my mom got a hold of her uncle who lived in Regina to come and get me so that I could stay with him until she could figure out what happened to my aunt...

Uncle Nick came to get me... he seemed a crotchety old man... but he figured some young girl would be real scared... so he knocked and loudly announced who he was and why he was there and that he wanted me to call my mom before he came into the house... crotchety but a gentleman... the only thing I remember about my great uncle Nick is that he had three fingers missing... and I found it intriguing how he smoked like that... and his house smelled really bad like old people...

The next day my aunt, uncle and two cousins came back from camping and found out what was going on and came to pick me up from uncle Nicks place... to me this was all quite the adventure.. apparently to the adults this would have been some sort of nightmare...

So there I was at my aunt's house with my cousin who was a year or two younger then me and the other one was 9 or so years younger then me...

My cousin and I had so much fun hanging out that summer... I got into a bunch of trouble and went through a couple of things I'd rather forget but... nonetheless had a good time while I was there.

So fast forward 20 years... to today... well actually yesterday... in and amidst all the crap that happened yesterday... I got a phone call from my cousin... he's in town until Sunday... so he'll be at my mom's house for dinner on Saturday... and we're both excited to be able to get a chance to hang out again even if for only the evening... I'm really kinda stoked... I don't get out west like ever... and he's rarely out here... so... there will be fun times to be had...

Gave me a warm fuzzy when we were hanging up last night and he's like '...love ya Cuz, I'll talk to ya probably tomorrow' :)

I'll never be the same...if we ever meet again

Ever since I can remember I've written... whether it be thoughts, feelings, stories... I would get so consumed with the need that I would have to stop and just let it all out...

So needless to say I have a lot of notebooks laying around the house... I just came across one in my books that is 'Ancient' it's from that time before the Man... for those who don't know... I've been with the Man for 12 years...

So yeah, I came across this notebook and found a few passages written in it from what feels like a gazillion years ago... I've decided to share one of the passages from it...

If I think about it (my past) and I look at it from a guy's point of view, I'm used goods with two and a half fucktons of baggage.

People who don't know or understand or care about me, don't know what a fun ride they're missing.

If People Only Knew!

The way I cry for my babies, the way I scream at my rapists, the way I cry while listening to a really sad song, the way I feel like a part of me dies each time I cry, If only they knew; that I may be dying of cancer, that sometimes I secretly wish I were dead or never born, that when I'm angry I can kill, If they knew; all the people that I've hurt on purpose, or how I hurt myself on purpose, or how I used to be addicted to drugs and alcohol, or about how I had my innocence raped out of me by a drunk, how I had my dignity and pride raped away from me.
If they knew how I got brutally beaten for almost two years of my life, or how I've been repeatedly told all my life I wasn't good enough to eat shit - by the opposite sex. Or if they knew how the only thing I strive and long for is to be held by the man I truly love, or how I weep while thinking - yes just thinking.

Or if they knew how I wish I could just be me without someone asking me what's wrong.
If only they knew - Who I am?

How I love animals and music, or how I love babies and the colour blue, or that I love cuddling with people I love, and baggy jogging pants with fuzzy slippers, or how I love funny movies that make me cry and flowers.

Instead people know the girl that smokes too much, dyes her hair, drinks too much, belches in public, loves sex or the girl that threatens (out of fear), the girl that wears and loves silver jewelery and always wants more, a girl who is well endowed and flaunts it.
But they never see me.

All I want is someone who understand when I want to left alone, or need a hug or when I'm needing someone to talk to and don't know how to ask, or when I'm needing some loving.
However it seems I want too much...
So nobody will ever know - me.

...listening to my own singing...

I come to you every night by way of your window...you don't seem to see me...do you feel me I wonder as I stand in the darkness of your room...do you feel my presence as I stand next to your bed and gaze at you while you sleep...do you feel me as I try ever so hard to feel the warmth of your skin as I brush my hand down your cheek...do you notice when I sit next to you and watch your body move ever so slightly up and down as you breathe...do you feel me next to you when I lay down and ret my head on your chest...how I wish I was able to actually feel your warm touch....how I wish I could smell your soft musky scent...how I wish I could stay and have you see me when you open you eyes...do you know that I've been there next to you...do you know how long I stay and just watch you while you sleep...how peaceful you look...how content you look while dreaming the dreams that I hope are about us...I wish I was able to get in your dreams and let you know that I have been there...I wish there was some way to let you know that I had been there...do you know how much I long to actually feel your soft warm skin pressing up against mine...it kills me to come and not be able to feel you...but its much worse when I don't come to see you...my heart aches to be with you...my body cries out for the touch of yours...my soul shudders with the anticipation of seeing you again...I have to keep from dying inside everyday because I'm not apart of your reality as of yet...I watch you as you sleep and wish I could be there next to you...I wish I could let you know that I have been there...I wish you could feel me there with you always.

Childhood Memories Brought Back Anew

I've introduced my son to the joys that can be had with a Whoopi Cushion.
He got it for a birthday present from my cousin and until I took it out of the bag and blew it up showing him what the classic rubber balloon could do he thought it was dumb.
As you can see, he doesn't think that anymore.

3 Years Ago Today...

Originally posted June 17th 2004 (ok so not exactly to the day but you get the idea)

"Look for that girl with the broken smile and ask her if she'll stay awhile and she will be loved..."

Thats it I'm fuckin outta here...I swear to god... West Nile has strted popping up already... next will be Mad Cow again...followed closely in third place by SARS... *sigh*

I fucking hate it here.. I don't want to be here... I want to go home...

Shadow and I had this conversation in Tim Hortons yesterday... he said he doesn't feel like the Niagara Region is home anymore...I said I haven't felt at home anywhere here in a long long long time... they say home is where your heart is but.... well I won't get into that... let's just say neither one of us feels at home anymore... I dunno if it's with each other or just in general...

Most everyone doesn't know this yet but Shadow hopefully will be getting some information from work soon as to a possible transfer to the Phillipines (sp) I'm hoping that he can get it... as much as I would miss Canada...I need to get the fuck outta here...

"My porch light is on and I've unlocked my door, my eyes are red and my throat is sore, I've checked my mail and watched my phone, and I wonder when you're coming home and while I count my regrets I'm gonna smoke 100 cigarettes"

Fuck there ain't nothing like a good harmonica solo by Mr Chill...early in the morning when you've had no sleep, too many cigarettes and a pain in your heart... Gordy could sing to me all day and I'd have no problems with that...everyone needs a lil bit o' Big Sugar...

Shadow is finished his smoking fast... I knew he wouldn't be a quitter..LMAO

"and while I'm counting my regrets I'm gonna smoke 100 cigarettes, before I see the rising sun I believe I smoked 101"

Last night was fun...thanks to all who were there...LOL... flirtin and teasin is always best done in groups...LOL

"Dear Mr Fantasy play us a tune something to make us all happy, do anything to take us out of this gloom, sing a song play guitar make it snappy"

You should've never asked me to look into my cam that night....you weren't ready for it...LMAO...do me a favour rack your brain and remember your tarot reading... ;)

"Brothers and Sisters are ya ready??"

Gotta love secret messages that are out in the open...aren't they annoying...???

"baby's tired all the time, swear ya gonna lose me, girl ya gonna lose yer mind"

BTW did I happen to mention that this will be extremely fragmented?? LMAO

my thoughts are so all over the place...I need a nice big butterfly net to catch all my thoughts and then shove them all back into my head thru my head... my body feels like jello...yet my muscles are stiff and sore... my head feels groggy...yet the thoughts are so clear when they fly by...

"so I want to say thank you, cause it makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder, makes me that much wiser, thanks for making me fighter, made me learn a little bit faster, makes my skin a little bit thicker, makes me that much smarter, thanks for making me a fighter"

I need to thicken up my skin...metaphorically of course...

"thought I would forget but I remember"

Yes lots of music this morning... I need it to keep my head straight...sometimes it feels like if I don't have music I would hear too many conversations in my head that would drive me bonkers...yeah yeah yeah I know I'm already bonkers...but at least I'm fit enough to walk among the public...sometimes the thoughts and voices are so overpowering that I can't think straight...and can't concentrate...

"I think we're alone in the universe tonight"

I need to put together a bulletin for Monday's meeting...got to install the microsoft office software first...then get the info...then fill the ink cartridge in the printer... *sigh* just seems like so much work for today...but I have such a busy weekend starting at 4pm...maybe I'll just get the bulletin ready for the first meeting in September...and just bring in caledars for everyone for Monday...I dunno...I can't think straight right now...

"Took another pill to find my way hope that you'll be there, cause this is my way out of this tonight, this is my last chance to ease the fire, this is my way out of here tonight, how about you?"

OMG went to the library...found Go Ask Alice... I would so be indebted to anyone who can get me a copy of it for myself... :D LOL
Gawd I loved that book so much as a kid...everyone was reading Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys...I was reading Go Ask Alice...nobody said I was normal...

"Hey you Mrs I don't know what the fuck yer name is I'm drawn to you somethings magnetic here"

I gotta stop now before I ramble more...I think I'll go take a shower to clear the cobwebs...

Later

(man I was long winded then - now it seems like I never have anything too say)